


Missing Pieces: When Fate Has Other Plans

by musicforlifer67



Category: GOT7, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - Office, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Cheating, Comedy, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-11-13 07:01:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 167,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18026993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicforlifer67/pseuds/musicforlifer67
Summary: Soyeon and Jiahn are best friends working for the Entertainment Enquirer, an entertainment online magazine. They are forced to go to Seoul's most popular underground masquerade party after their demanding boss, Jackson, gives them no choice.With their identities hidden, dressed to impress, the two head to the club for a night to remember, not realizing that one fateful night would change their lives forever...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone!! 
> 
> My best friend and I are at it again with another story filled with angsty romance and sexy times because honestly, what's better fanfiction than that? ;) 
> 
>  
> 
> A FEW WARNINGS! 
> 
> 1\. This story has a cliche title because that's exactly what it is; cliche haha. A big hearty, helping of guilty pleasure. There's a lot of cliches throughout this entire journey, so just know we totally did that on purpose. Gotta stick to the theme, you know? ;) 
> 
> 2\. Not only is this story cliche, it's also got a lot of heavy material in it that can be triggering for a lot of people. There is mental abuse, cheating/affairs, anxiety attacks, and pregnancy issues that may cause some discomfort while reading. I will provide a detailed warning at the beginning of each chapter, but I wanted to give a heads up so that there are no surprises.
> 
> 3\. As we all know, every story needs a villian, and we chose Jinyoung to fit this role for this particular fanfiction. Just know, we do not think in any way that Jinyoung is like this in real life (in fact, Jinyoung is my best friend's bias in Got7), but he fit the bill the best out of Got7 and Monsta X, so he was the lucky winner! He's completely OOC, so just know that going in! 
> 
> Please proceed with caution and read the Author's Note on each chapter so are you are prepared. 
> 
>  
> 
> My best friend is absolutely in love with Shownu from Monsta X while my heart lies with the maknae of Got7, Yugyeom. We both realized that there just isn't a lot of good material out there with them, and we wanted to rectify this immediately, which is what triggered the creation of this monster of a story (Fun Fact: This was only supposed to be a MAXIMUM of six chapters...LOL!) 
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this, and thank you so so much for reading! 

_**Warnings!** _

_**Alcohol, Cheating, Sexual Content** _

 

** Soyoen:  **

**_November 23, 2018, 9:30pm_ **

“Yah, why did I decide to wear this?!”

Soyeon looked over at her best friend, rolling her eyes as Jiahn pulled on the hem of her dress, trying to make it longer than it was.

They were dressed nice tonight; nicer than they ever normally dressed on a Friday night. With Jiahn sporting a black bodycon dress with spaghetti straps and Soyeon wearing a silky light blue dress that cinched at the waist and hit her about mid-thigh, they were a little out of their element. Still, with a little makeup and some heels, they looked sexy and ready for the club they were currently walking towards, the vibration from the music already rumbling the ground under Soyeon’s feet.

“Jiahn, I asked you three times if you were going to be okay wearing that dress,” Soyeon sighed, watching the girl now adjust her slipping masquerade mask. “Why did you wear it?”

Jiahn looked up, failing at fixing the mask as it slipped down her face and rested around her neck, looking at Soyeon with a faux pout.

“You said I looked hot in it…” she mumbled, finally letting go of the smooth black fabric and standing up straight as the dress hugged her thighs once more.

“You do,” Soyeon giggled, rolling her eyes at her friend’s expression. “But if you thought it was too short, you should’ve worn something a bit more comfortable for you-”

“Wearing comfortable clothes to a party is the reason I watch the HBO channel with my cat while you’re on your date nights with Jinyoung,” Jiahn sighed, running a hand through her messy black hair before adjusting the mask around her face again. “I’m here to get laid.”

Soyeon smacked her hand to her forehead with a smile as Jiahn laughed loudly, watching a few people walking by giving them weird looks.

“Speaking of Jinyoung…” Jiahn’s smiled faded a bit as she looked at Soyeon, slowing down. “Does he know…?”

“That I’m here?” Soyeon felt her stomach twist at the sound of her boyfriend’s name, shaking her head and avoiding Jiahn’s eyes. “No. He’d probably be here if he knew.”

“You okay?”

Jiahn wasn’t asking because she wanted the details, and Soyeon knew that. Regardless, it pained her to know that the fighting actually happened that often that Jiahn knew so quickly. Soyeon nodded to answer her best friend, but said nothing more, and she knew Jiahn would never ask.

“So, you’re going to get laid tonight?” Soyeon wanted to change the subject, and her best friend’s earlier statement had peaked her interest. “Finally ready to get back out there?”

Jiahn made statements often about “finding a man” or “getting a well-deserved fucking” as she so gracefully put it, but she rarely acted on them. Soyeon had a feeling the girl was a little scared of trying again.

“Well after the Chang Kyun disaster…” Jiahn replied, and Soyeon watched her roll her eyes through her mask. “I figure anything’s better than that…”

The “Chang Kyun Disaster” was Jiahn getting in too deep with Chang Kyun, a man who was too sensitive for someone like her. From the outside, someone would’ve thought she was annoyed with the relationship or that Jiahn had been glad to be rid of him.

But Soyeon knew that her best friend had cried while the two of them watched “The Titanic” on repeat, and that her best friend hadn’t eaten for almost a week straight, something very unusual for her.

Jiahn blamed herself for hurting Chang Kyun and hadn’t been in a relationship since.

“You deserve it,” Soyeon told her with a gentle smile, and Jiahn smiled back, the light catching in the purple streaks of her hair.

“You do too…” she told her, eyes widening through the mask as she giggled. “Not getting laid, I mean you deserve your sex with Jinyoung, but…you know…going out and just…letting loose.”

Soyeon giggled and nodded as they approached the doors of the building, Jiahn’s words echoing in her head…

_Sex with Jinyoung…_

He was hot, gorgeous even, and knew what he was doing in the bedroom. His every move screamed confidence, and he was always sure he knew what she wanted, never asking. He dictated the steps of their sexual escapades like he took control of everything else in his life and it used to turn Soyeon on so bad she could hardly stand it.

But when the kisses were less and less and he fell asleep more often than not as soon as they were done, no longer gently stroking her hair or telling her he loved her after it was over, her heart started to hollow out.

_“I’m just tired babe…” He would tell her when she got the courage to bring it up to him. “What do you expect me to do? I work 60 hours a week…just…give me a break okay?”_

And so she had.

Again.

“Wow!” Jiahn exclaimed, pulling the double doors open, the loud music carrying into the parking lot. “This is such a cool place! Why have we never been here before?”

Sooyeon laughed, the bass too loud for her to answer as they entered the building. The place was crowded, more crowded than Soyeon had thought, and she felt her stomach flip in nervous anticipation. It had been a long time since she had gone to a party like this, especially in a club, and she felt about five years younger as she looked at everyone around her.

“Do you want to get a drink?!” Jiahn shouted over her shoulder. “Might as well, right?”

Soyeon nodded enthusiastically, and they locked pinkies as they moved through the throngs of people towards the bar.

It made her giggle really, seeing how excited Jiahn was; her best friend wasn’t much of a partier. So when everyone at their work had been assigned to go the “Masquerade Ball” they held every year at this rundown club, she had been a little worried about her best friend’s reaction. Jiahn, to her great surprise, had been excited, admitting she had always wanted to go to a masquerade party.

“Where’s Shownu?” Jiahn asked as they collapsed on two open barstools, foreheads already a bit sweaty from the near stifling heat around them.

“Shownu?” Soyeon felt her heart skip a beat at his name, cursing her brain as she busied herself with finding her ID. “I’m not sure…”

“Maybe he’s taking pictures?” Jiahn said thoughtfully, looking down and grabbing her wallet from her small purse. “I get that Jackson wanted us all to write a story from our own perspective, but what the hell is Shownu’s role? Should’ve let him stay home with his fiancé…”

Soyeon scowled at her ID as she fished it from the bottom of her bag, cringing at the word fiancé.

“What can I get you two lovely ladies tonight?”

They both turned to the handsome bartender, who was smiling at both of them.

“Soju!” They exclaimed together, both turning to laugh at one another.

“Alright, two bottles of soju,” the man chuckled as he turned his back on them to grab their drink of choice.

“Wow, holy shit,” Jiahn covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes widened. “He is hot. Did you see the arms on that guy?”

Soyeon nodded, her best friend’s excitement contagious. How could she have missed the man’s arms? He was wearing a sleeveless shirt, fabric tight on his torso, showing off his broad chest and shoulders-

“Alright,” hot-bartender was back, dropping two small bottles of soju on the countertop with a couple of clear shot glasses. “My name’s Wonho, if you need anything else, just let me know.”

He was smiling again, flicking his long hair out of his face before he moved to the next customer.

“Hmm…” Jiahn was shamelessly watching him walk away, and Sooyeon smirked. “What do you think? Did God bless me early? I mean I didn’t even have to search…”

“Jiahn!” Sooyeon poured herself a shot of Soju before twisting her best friend’s open and pouring her a shot as well. “How are you gonna get laid if he’s working? Besides, I’m pretty sure I saw a wedding ring.”

It was true; she couldn’t help but notice the simple, silver band around his ring finger on his left hand as he slapped down their drinks; either he was using it as a shield or he was truly married.

Regardless, he was a no go.

“Damn!” She turned back around violently, almost knocking over her shot glass, staring down at it. “Oh…thanks bestie!”

Soyeon smiled at her and they raised their glasses, clinking them together with a wink at one another before they were swallowing the burning hot liquid down their throats.

“I don’t understand how this party is going to be an ‘original entertainment piece’,” Jiahn said pouring her and Soyeon another shot. “We’re all just going to get drunk and talk about our different nights! What’s original about that?”

“It’s the biggest party in this town,” Soyeon replied with a shrug, already picking up her shot glass. “What else are we going to write about? Besides, I’m sure Jackson is just going to pick the juiciest one…there’s no way he’ll combine all of them like he says he will. Whoever has the most interesting and memorable night will have their story online for the whole country to read and live vicariously through; that’s the whole point of entertainment news.”

It amazed Soyeon that Jackson, a man four years younger than herself, managed to become one of the main editors of their online magazine Entertainment Enquirer, but she had to admit, the man had charisma and creativity. Ever since he had come on as editor in chief, the views had sky-rocketed, sending their tech guys into a frenzy. Whether it was because he had insisted on using his handsome face as the logo, or because the stories were actually interesting, Soyeon wasn’t sure.

Either way, it got everyone a raise and job security. So, when Jackson Wang had an idea, they just went with it.

“I wonder where Shownu is…” Soyeon said thoughtfully, the man invading her thoughts as he often did as she threw her third shot down her throat. “What could he possibly be taking pictures of…?”

“Hot chicks?” Jiahn answered with a shrug, ditching the shot glass and drinking right out of the bottle, seeming unaware that Soyeon’s question was hypothetical. “Or dancing with one…I’m sure they’re going crazy over him…”

Jiahn had once informed Soyeon a long time ago that Shownu was too much of a squish for her taste, but he was “one of the hottest men she had ever seen”.

Soyeon couldn’t agree more.

She hadn’t meant to notice; she really hadn’t. But Shownu was her photography partner…

He was always there; and when someone is always there, you notice things about them.

Like how gorgeous their skin is when it’s wet with sweat on a hot summer day during an outside interview.

You noticed the way someone would smile and their eyes would disappear when they received a compliment.

You noticed the way they would bite their lip just slightly when focusing the camera on an interviewee for the perfect shot.

Soyeon noticed that Shownu could fill the hole in her heart that Jinyoung had carved out, and it tore her completely in half.

Guilt and longing.

Okay the alcohol is starting to kick in, Soyeon. How long has it been since you drank…?

“Well, we’re all in costumes,” Soyeon joined Jiahn in drinking straight from the bottle, tipping it back and taking a long sip to shake her thoughts. “No one knows who anyone else is.”

“Neat isn’t it?” Jiahn was smiling mischievously as she looked out at the dance floor. “These things are so cool. I’m definitely getting lai-”

“SOYEON! JIAHN!”

The two almost dropped their bottles, watching in alarm as a white-dressed, tall woman ran towards them, almost tripping over her own feet as her mask trailed feathers behind her.

“You guys made it!”

As the woman threw her arms around both of them in a hug that was more them supporting her dead weight, Soyeon knew it couldn’t be anyone other than Jiyoo. A gorgeous girl whose beauty was wasted as Jackson’s personal assistant and, as Jiahn so delicately put it “dumber than a pile of rocks”, Jiyoo was the only one that would get that excited to see the two of them at the bar.

“Jiyoo,” Jiahn laughed, gently and subtly lifting the girl off of both of them. “How did you know it was us?”

Soyeon had been wondering the same thing; the two of them had spent a lot of time finding masquerade masks that truly hid their faces, nothing but their mouths and chins exposed, and she didn’t think she would be able to pick out Jiyoo if the roles were reversed.

“I just figured two pretty girls at the bar talking together instead of dancing…” she looked between the two of them. “It had to be you two.”

“Wow, that’s um…” Soyeon tried not to be insulted, knowing Jiyoo had no idea how that sounded.

“ _Smart…_ ” Jiahn looked unabashedly surprised, but Jiyoo didn’t notice.

“Your bottles are almost gone,” Jiyoo pointed at their drinks, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Finish up so we can go dance!”

“I don’t dance,” Jiahn scoffed, shaking her head with a smile before finishing off her bottle. “I’m hoping I can use the powers of this dress and a guy will come here and scoop me up…”

Soyeon laughed, finishing her bottle off as well and slamming it down on the counter.

The alcohol was pumping vigorously through her veins and she was starting to have dangerous thoughts that she usually kept hidden away under lock and key.

The thoughts that had her wishing she was single and could get a change of scenery. The longing that she had for her body to experience something new, someone new that would scrape off the sharp corners of her boring square of a life. Someone that would look at her like Jinyoung used to, like she was worth something instead of another beautiful trinket in his collection.

She craved a connection with someone again.

Soyeon wasn’t sure why her mind and body thought that here of all places- some rundown underground club with a limited liquor selection and cracks in the floorboards- was her beacon of light, but she had never been the smartest under the influence of alcohol.

That was probably why Jinyoung never let her drink it.

“I’ll dance!” She giggled, climbing off the stool and trying to keep her balance. “Why not right?”

“And leave me here alone?” Jiahn looked horrified at the thought, her jaw dropping as she looked at Soyeon. “But what will I do without your beauty to bring in the men?”

“Oh my God, Jiahn…” Soyeon shook her head, grabbing Jiahn’s wrist and yanking her off the stool. “Just come dance.”

Jiahn laughed as she fixed her dress, looking out at the dance floor before glancing at her and Jiyoo.

“Fine,” she sighed, her excited grin giving her away as Jiyoo grabbed both of their hands, squealing with delight.

“I’m so excited guys!” She squealed, pulling them forward as they stumbled behind her; the girl had long legs which meant long strides. “I’ve been dancing by myself all night!”

Soyeon and Jiahn raised an eyebrow at one another; no way this model woman hadn’t been getting hit on all night.

Before either of them could say anything, Jiyoo was breaking through the wall of people and conversation was impossible. Soyeon gripped Jiyoo’s hand a little tighter as they squeezed through sweaty bodies, the pulsing music from the speakers so loud it was almost dizzying. The song was a jumping song, something all three of them vaguely knew the words to and could shout at the top of their lungs with their hands in their air, voices lost amongst the sea of bodies.

Soyeon glanced at Jiahn, who was laughing loudly, brushing her long hair out of her eyes and constantly messing up the lyrics. Soyeon then glanced at Jiyoo, who was also jumping, just squealing happily as she tried to hold her boobs in place, her dress not doing her in any favors as she jumped up and down.

Soyeon laughed at that, looking up at the ceiling, multi-colored lights flashing all around her and continued jumping, closing her eyes as the music took over her mind. She wasn’t thinking anymore, she was feeling, lost in the beat of the song. She couldn’t remember being so happy, so free and wondered why she didn’t come to the club more often.

Jinyoung would never allow it.

She scowled, the thoughts disturbing her euphoria. She shook her head, fixing her ponytail, jumps stuttering as she caught her breath.

_Fuck Jinyoung._

As if on cue, the song came to an end, and like a freight train, all the voices around her, including Jiahn’s loud exclamations of excitement, hit her ears.

“Whoo!” Jiyoo and Jiahn yelled at the same time, both of them giggling afterwards.

“There’s my cardio for the week!” Jiahn added, moving some sweaty hair from her mouth. “Soyeon, we need to come here more!”

Lose You by Eric Nam started playing, the lights all changing to a dark blue as they moved in a slower pattern around the dance floor.

“A slow song?” Jiyoo wrinkled her nose, as Jiahn sighed in disappointment. “I don’t have anyone to-”

“Can I have your hand, madam?”

A young man about the same height as Jiyoo came up from behind her, wearing what could best be described as the Queen’s Guard uniform; red jacket, black pants, and white belt around his middle.

All he was missing was the black fluffy top hat.

“Me?” Jiyoo looked legitimately surprised, like the mystery man hadn’t just taken her hand and dramatically kissed the back of it. “Sure!”

“Really?” The man seemed surprised, squeezing her hand and moving closer to her, a broad grin on his face. “Wow…”

“What’s your name?” Jiyoo giggled as he pulled her towards an open area, the song starting to pick up a bit.

“Youngjae,” the man replied eagerly. “What’s y-”

Soyeon couldn’t hear anything else as they moved just out of earshot.

“So much for dancing by herself all night,” Jiahn giggled, watching the pair walk away. “Want to get another drink? I think I could handle another bottle of Soju.”

“Yes!” Soyeon wasn’t going to let the slow music kill her mood; she would just pre-game for the next hype song.

Jiahn grinned before breaking through the swaying couples, and Soyeon had her eyes on the back of her best friend’s head when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Excuse me?”

Soyeon stopped, turning around a little too fast and feeling the world move on its axis a bit as she tried to keep her equilibrium.

_Damn alcohol…_

She was face to face with a rather tall and broad man, with a royal blue jacket on, complete with silver buttons down the middle. His skin was dark in the light, and she could see nothing but his lips, which were pulled into a tentative smile.

“Hi,” she breathed, because damn, this man was handsome and she couldn’t help but wonder why he bothered wearing so much clothing.

The man chuckled, scratching the back of his neck like he was embarrassed she had actually acknowledged him.

“Would you um…” he was still smiling, the softness of his voice almost drowned in the music. “…like to dance with me?”

Warning bells were going off in her head, she could hear them, no matter how faint. She knew she shouldn’t, knew it was wrong and it was bad, and Jinyoung would kill her if he ever found out…

“I-”

She could just make out the shine of his eyes and see the way his cheekbones lifted his mask just slightly. There was something comforting about his smile, inviting, and she couldn’t deny the warmth she had felt trickling down her bare shoulder since he had touched it.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, and the alcohol was bringing a pleasurable buzz through her veins.

It’s just one dance…a slow dance at that…

Temptation was wrapping it’s ropes around her body, an invisible trap that was forcing her to nod her head and smile back at him. She could feel the pull on her core as he put his hands on her waist with another shy laugh, looking down at their feet.

Soyeon swallowed hard as she wrapped her arms around the man’s neck, the warmth he brought her both alarming and exciting.

They stayed like that for a moment, swaying like the rest of the couples as they kept a respectable distance. But then someone who couldn’t handle their liquor was dancing behind her and bumped her harshly, causing her to stumble forward.

“Whoa,” the mystery man caught her by her elbows, grinning as she looked up and she felt the burn of her cheeks.

_How embarrassing…_

“People don’t watch where they’re going,” he told her, lifting her by her arms and boldly putting them back around his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” her laugh was a little too high-pitched, but he didn’t seem to notice as he grabbed her waist again.

Was it just her or was he grabbing a little tighter?

Soyeon was aware for the first time how much closer they were now, every nerve on her skin humming at the feeling of his body so close to hers. They had an inch of space between them, and the heat radiating off of him even through his blue jacket was stifling.

He kept ahold of her as the music changed, Blood, Sweat, and Tears by BTS, playing across the speakers. The beat was a little faster, but not a jump song, the sound too sexy for Soyeon to miss. The ropes were pulling on her again, and she felt her arms snaking a little higher around the man’s shoulders, bringing her body flush against his. He let his hands slip down her waist carefully, smoothly, fingers gliding across her hips before moving back up.

There was something innocent about the way he was moving, like he didn’t know what he was doing, but one look at his face, and she knew he did. Her fingers scraped on their own accord at the hair on the back of his neck as she saw a ghost of a smirk on his face; someone would have to be as close as she was to see it.

_Holy hell…_

Those lips, there was something about them that kept her staring longer than was necessary. His hands were still moving up and down, a little firmer this time, sending shivers down her spine as she felt his hips rock against hers just one time to the beat of the music.

It was an innocent mistake- him taking too big of a step from their swaying and accidently knocking their fronts together- but there was something charged about the moment, something bold about the way he didn’t pull away. Her fingers were deeper in his hair now, nails scraping the skin underneath and she watched him tilt his head back just slightly.

It felt good, she could tell, but he was trying to keep himself under control. His hands were at her hips again and he rested them there, as they now moved against one another. He was doing most of the work, his hips moving so fluidly she could’ve sworn he danced professionally. It was a delicious pressure that would’ve been embarrassing if she wasn’t one quickly-drank soju bottle in. Instead she rolled her hips right back, keeping the beat and using her arms around his neck for leverage.

The man was looking down at their bodies pressed against one another, that barely there smirk still visible and gah she couldn’t think of a time anyone had been so hot to her. She let her forehead fall against the area right below his shoulder, taking in the scent of him; musky vanilla with a hint of cologne that was so…

_Enticing._

Her eyes slipped closed, and she wasn’t sure if that was okay, but the way he was carrying her body through the ending beats of the song was not something she wanted to forget. Before she knew it, the song was ending and she felt his hands loosen from her waist.

_No…_

She couldn’t stand it, the loss of his warmth, no matter how stupid that sounded, and she couldn’t help the slight frown on her face as she stepped away. He was looking at her, smirk gone and eyes shining again through his mask.

_Those eyes…they looked familiar…_

He took her arms from around his neck gently, and she felt her stomach flip, realizing that their dance was over and she was still looking at him. Before she could gather her thoughts to get enough sense to walk away or say goodbye, he was putting one of his hands in hers. With a bashful smile that had his cheekbones lifting his mask again, he kept a soft hold of her hand as he lifted it above their heads, spinning her around.

She giggled at the unexpected action, turning around and feeling him take a step closer to her from behind.

“Another dance?” Soyeon asked, her voice barely audible as Limitless by NCT 127 started playing over the speakers.

“Do you want to?” The man’s tone was so innocent, not a hint of mischief, but the words sounded like pure seduction in her ears.

“Sure,” she breathed, feeling his hands rest gently on her sides again.

The subtle slide of his hips against the back of her, guiding her with the music, pulled a sharp gasp from her throat that was lost in the bass of the song. It was like the man heard it though, as he gripped her a little tighter, pulling her against him, and she felt herself reach behind to put her arms back around his neck.

As the beat rocked their bodies together in a dangerous dance that sparked a long-dead fire in Soyeon, she couldn’t help the drunken thought that slid through her head.

_Fuck Jinyoung._

 

** Jiahn: **

_**November 23, 2018, 10:15pm** _

“-and anyway, I’m just saying, do you think that’s the first time Jiyoo actually got asked to dance?”

Jiahn was talking as she walked, glad to be out of the compressing heat-fest that was going on on the dance floor. She looked over her shoulder when Soyeon didn’t answer her, halting when she realized her best friend was nowhere to be found.

“Well I’ve just been talking to myself for two minutes straight,” Jiahn muttered, groaning as she rubbed a hand down her face. “I’m still talking to myself…”

She figured Soyeon had been asked to dance, and even though she knew she should maybe do something since her best friend was definitely not single, she found she didn’t have the heart to do so.

I don’t even know for sure if she is dancing with a guy. Maybe she just changed her mind about the drink…

Besides, anything was better for her than fucking Jinyoung.

Sitting on the barstool, Wonho came back, another handsome smile on his ridiculously good-looking face as he approached.

“Alone this time?” He teased, cleaning off a shot glass and dropping it under the counter.

“It’s all good,” she laughed off his nerve-poking question, flashing him a smile. “Any way I could get another bottle of Soju?”

“Coming right up,” he answered, leaving her behind so she could let the smile drop from her face a little.

Okay yes, she came back to the bar alone, but she hadn’t been planning on it.

She just happened to be the only one who hadn’t been asked to dance.

Wonho was back in record time, bottle of soju in hand and sliding it to her with a flick of his wrist. She caught it with reflexes she didn’t know she had.

“I noticed you didn’t use the shot glass last time,” Wonho was teasing her again, and if she thought it would go somewhere, Jiahn probably would’ve flirted back.

“Thanks,” she chuckled under her breath as she twisted the cap off. “This should be okay for now…”

He nodded at her, walking away just as a faint “Wonho!” could be heard from the other side of the bar.

She watched him go; as handsome as he was, she knew he would be working all night and she would have to work hard to keep the conversation going in between drink orders on a friday night at a huge party.

It sounded like more trouble than it was worth.

She took a long drink of her Soju, laughing as she recognized Blood, Sweat, and Tears play from the speakers. She loved this song, but Chang Kyun loved it more, always singing it off key on their drives around town. He would rap Suga’s parts so well she told him he did it better, and she watched his cheeks turn pink every time she said it.

Another drink of Soju, she tried to shove him out of her head for once.

She missed Chang Kyun, but not the relationship; she missed the friendship. She missed all the times they spent hanging out and talking, listening to music and laughing at stupid stuff. But then he had gone and confessed his feelings to her and she loved him too much not to give him a chance.

Turns out “not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings” is not the best reason to get into a relationship.

Another drink of Soju as she looked out at the dance floor, remembering how much Chang Kyun hated these types of places.

_“They’re too much,” he would say, making Jiahn roll her eyes behind his back. “I just think it would be awkward…”_

_Well you’re right Chang Kyun_ , Jiahn thought to herself, smiling a little. _I’m feeling pretty awkward right now._

But that was the problem with the man; he played it safe and she followed his lead. They got along well, but when it came to that spark, that pleasure-seeking thrill she longed for in a significant other...Chang Kyun just wasn’t doing it for her.

And she had to let him go.

The song was changing again, and she gasped in surprise. Was this Limitless? Oh man she loved this song…

She put her half-drank bottle down, feeling the increased buzz in her head as she stood from the barstool. It was alright for her to dance by herself right? To just go into the crowd and see where the Soju took her?

Her body was answering her question for her as she walked excitedly towards the dance floor, watching as the many people stuffed on its surface were grinding against one another, obviously feeling the beat as much as she was.

_How exciting…_

She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol talking or the vibe of the club, but she couldn’t shake her anticipation as she pushed her way in between bodies. Pretty soon she was in the middle of the dance floor, people pressed on all sides of her, no one paying her the slightest bit of attention, and she was more than happy for that.

Jiahn claimed that she didn’t dance; that she “was a horrible dancer” and would blush fiercely when asked to do so. But the truth was, when she was alone, she would put music on that had a beat that she couldn’t help but move to. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t trained or probably looked ridiculous, she danced and she would do it until her lungs begged her for proper oxygen and unstretched muscles screamed in protest. She would fall on the carpet of her small living room, panting but satisfied and hoped to god no one could see her through her closed blinds.

But with a little bit of liquid courage pushing through her veins and a song that she couldn’t resist, she was moving on her own accord, loving the freedom of it. No one was looking at her, not really, and so she let go, her natural stress reliever taking the front wheel.

The song was changing, Mommae by Jay Park, and she laughed to herself because they were playing another one of her jams.

The beat was a little faster on this one and she couldn’t help the way she moved her body a little more fluidly, running a hand through her hair as the beat dropped. Rolling her hips back and forth she moved down before moving back up, laughing again because she was a little drunk and the world was slightly spinning but this was fun and she didn’t understand why the club got such a bad rep.

But of course, all good things come to an end, and when she went to stand up, she lost her balance a little. She would’ve been fine, maybe just stumbled a bit and she would’ve been standing straight again, but she felt two hands on her forearm, steadying her.

“You okay?”

She could barely hear the guy over the noise of the dancers and music, but she giggled again, as she stood up straight with his help.

“I’m fine, I promise,” she assured him, because she really was, this guy didn’t know how devastatingly clumsy she was. “Just lost my balance.”

“Alright, just making sure.”

Jiahn could feel him standing directly behind her now and turned around, wondering what her noble savior looked like. He was tall, a lot taller than she was expecting him to be, with a white flowy button up shirt and pants almost too tight for a guy. His jet black hair was a mess, and she oddly wanted to run her hands through it. His face was hidden by his mask of course, but she could see the amused smile on his lips as he looked down at her.

“You’re cute,” he told her with a laugh, and she realized she might not be the only one drunk; his words were just slightly slurred.

“You too.”

She giggled, because who just said it like that? It was so juvenile and adorable that she was charmed.

“We could dance if you want?”

The guy leaned a little closer to her to talk as the song changed once again.

“Dance?”

The words slipped from Jiahn’s mouth as a question, like she hadn’t just been rocking out for the last five minutes by herself; like she had never heard the word before.

“Yeah,” the man was laughing again, and it was a little contagious as she looked at his partially obscured face again. “Do you want to?”

“I mean I’m not very good, I-”

Jiahn wasn’t sure how she expected to get laid when she couldn’t even dance with some guy who was more than willing to dance with her. But she was stuttering because she wasn’t that great at dancing, and what if she looked stupid? What if-?

“I’ll help,” he took a step towards her and she faced forward again, heart pounding in her ears as she felt his arms wrap around her like he was giving her a back hug. “It’s honestly not that hard.”

She trusted him, why did she trust him?

It was something about the way he was talking to her, so relaxed, and the way his hands took hers and lifted them above her head, wrapping them around his neck. She had no choice but to arch her back a little to accommodate the new position. His hands were on her hips in an instant and suddenly she was completely pushed up against the front of him.

He was helping, the grinding of his hips forcing her to move with him to the beat. It was nice as she felt her head fall back on his chest and his hands gripped her just a little tighter. His touch was burning her skin through the thin fabric of her dress and she wondered if this was the guy, the adrenaline-inducing partner she had always searched for.

_Jumping the gun there, Jiahn, don’t you think?_

Still she couldn’t deny the burning flames in her core as his hands loosened on her hips so he could run them up the curve of her sides until they were on her waist. It disappointed her a little, that she couldn’t see him, couldn’t see what his face looked like, but the position was too wonderful for her to wreck the moment.

They were rolling into the next song and she grew a little more bold, figuring she had nothing to lose. Grinding now, she was moving a little more fluidly against him instead of the rocking they had been doing before. She definitely heard it, heard the sound that slipped from his throat and was almost lost in the bass of the music, and she felt her heart skip a beat at the noise.

It was so subtle, but empowering, and so she set the rhythm for this song, impressed by how well he just molded to what she had decided on without a word spoken between them. She didn’t even know his name, didn’t know anything about this man, but she couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving, wondering how many hours they could do this before she would collapse on the floor.

Considering she wasn’t even sure where her gym membership card was, not many.

But still, it would be worth it.

Jiahn could tell the man behind her was feeling it just as much as she was, was drunk off his alcohol, the music, and their hips moving against one another. She decided she needed to see him now, and taking the risk of ruining everything, she spontaneously turned around, too curious.

She wasn’t disappointed, watching him immediately look down at her, swallowing hard, sweaty hair stuck to his forehead.

His hands left her sides and she watched him look between them, cocking his head to the side.

“Are you done?”

He asked the question so politely, despite his labored breathing and she could’ve sworn his pupils were dilated, despite the mask concealing her view of them almost completely.

“No,” she giggled, because he was so hot yet sweet and she was a sucker for a contradiction. “I just thought it would be fun to change positions.”

She realized there were about ten thousand sexier things she could’ve said in that moment, but the man didn’t seem to notice, his hands immediately pulling her by the hips back towards him. She ran her hands through his hair without thinking, a natural reaction for her. The move was a bit touchy, and she wondered if she had broken some sort of boundary.

_Oops._

It was just as soft as she thought it would be, and she would’ve felt guilty if she wasn’t too busy watching the way his head moved with her movements, falling back as he exposed his neck to her.

_Oh god..._

Jiahn wasn’t sure what she was doing anymore, her fingers moving through to the hair on the back of his head and gripping it a little as he looked back down at her. The strands on top were a mess and sticking up in weird directions but she loved it, grinning mischievously back up at him because he was sexy and she felt a little like she had won the lottery in that moment.

He returned her smile, biting his lip slightly before rolling his hips against hers to start another pattern going. She thought it would be awkward at the angle they were at, but the way they were pressed against each other made it easy enough, and she found herself slipping her hands from his hair to rest on his shoulders. They both looked down at their bodies for a while, a little lost in the feeling of the heat of the moment.

He ran his hands through her hair now, the gesture catching her by surprise. It was so gentle compared to the rough friction of their hips that was leaving her a little breathless, and she looked up at him as his fingers reached the end of her strands. He was looking down at her again and the smile that had been on his lips almost all night was fading just slightly as they both realized how close their faces were to one another.

Her eyes darted to his mouth and before she could think about it, her hands slid across his shoulders and she was resting them on the back of his neck to pull him closer. Her lips pressed against his and for half a second she thought she had gone too far.

The man didn’t move for a moment, seeming caught by surprise, but he quickly recovered, hands coming to the small of her back. He pulled to bring her closer to his body as he turned his head, immediately deepening the kiss.

Jiahn was more than okay with that, setting up a smooth rhythm, both of them not really aware of any of the dancing bodies around them. Her whole body felt like it was floating, the fire in her core spreading like wildfire through each individual vein under her skin. She wasn’t sure if it was the excitement of the moment or the man himself, but she could barely breathe her heart was racing so fast in her chest.

She pulled away to inhale, the man giving her an oddly sweet kiss to the corner of her lips before he was pressing them back against hers.

It didn’t take long for Jiahn to get frustrated, the heavy material of their masks colliding and the lack of privacy limiting what she felt comfortable doing to a complete stranger in public.

As she gripped the hair on the back of his head again and shivered at the slight hiss that slipped from his mouth, a conversation with Jiyoo came to her mind.

_“Jiahn I know it’s been a while since you’ve gotten any action,” the girl had no grace as she spoke in her normally loud voice that carried across the low-ceilinged office._

_“Keep it_ down _, Jiyoo-”_

_“There’s a bathroom at this club we’re going to...you’ve got to try to get it early, when everyone’s still on the dance floor...it’s one of those one-at-a-time bathrooms! It has a lock and everything.”_

Jiahn pulled her mouth from the man’s reluctantly, letting go of his hair and taking a step back. She watched him look down at her in surprise, mouth open as if to say something.

“Come with me.”

She wasn’t sure who this girl inside her body was and what she had done with Jiahn, but she liked her. Boldly taking the man’s hand, his skin softer than she expected, she pulled him towards the back of the building, pushing through the people around them.

_“Okay, I’ll bite Jiyoo, where’s this bathroom?”_

_“All you’ve got to do is walk to the very back of the building, towards the back left corner…”_

She looked behind her, feeling the man’s grip still tight in hers, and saw him watching her with what she could only assume was an amused smile, hair still disheveled, keeping up with her easily.

_God he was cute._

How had she gotten so lucky?

She made it to the back, feeling like she could finally breathe a little as they finally broke past the dance floor.

_“It’s next to the regular bathrooms! It looks like just a wall by the guy’s bathroom, but it’s a secret door…”_

She spotted the bathrooms, picking up the pace a little, and hearing the man laugh slightly behind her as he adjusted to her pace. Jiahn was surprised he hadn’t said anything yet, asking where she was taking him, but her thoughts were cut short when she made it to the wall.

 _“At least I think it’s the guy’s bathroom…”_ Jiyoo had looked thoughtful, making Jiahn’s teeth grit and praying for patience.

_“Just push all over the wall, you’ll find it!”_

If Jiahn weren’t on such a mission, she would facepalm at the memory; what a mood killer that would be to be blindly pushing on the walls until you found the secret door, people awkwardly looking at you while you’re trying to break the damn Da Vinci Code.

She went with Jiyoo’s suggestion of it being next to the guy’s bathroom, hoping the girl was correct, but she felt a tug on her arm as the man stopped her.

“It’s this way,” he told her, pointing to the section of wall next to the girl’s bathroom instead. “The secret bathroom, right?”

_Of course it was, and of course this guy knew. How many girls had he done this with?_

“Y-Yeah,” Jiahn laughed, but it was a nervous one, as she ran a hand through her hair, ignoring her thoughts.

Did it kill the vibe between them if they were talking about it so nonchalantly like this?

Her nameless muse wasted no time answering her unspoken question, squeezing her hand a little tighter as he now pulled her towards the secret door. He inspected it for just a moment before spotting the crack in the wall and pushing against it. Sure enough, the wall opened up like another door, and the two of them clambered inside, Jiahn walking in first.

There wasn’t a surface in the small bathroom that wasn’t graffitied or written on, even the mirrors carved into with strong hands and sharp objects. There was one stall and a sink with a large counter going from wall to wall. There wasn’t even a soap dispenser, which was ironic considering there were some pretty fancy automatic paper towel dispensers next to her-

The sharp click of the door closing behind him brought her out of her thoughts, turning around and watching her mystery man lean slightly against the door as he used a hand to lock the deadbolt. He ran the other hand through his hair, a little out of breath as he looked at her.

The silence of the bathroom pressed on them from all sides, the subtle bass of the music still traveling through its walls. Jiahn expected it to be awkward, but instead she was just excited as she took a couple steps forward, closing the distance between them. The heat of his body again so close to hers and the excited smirk on his face pushed her to press her lips against his again, much rougher than the first time. One of his hands were immediately running through her hair, the other trailing down her back. His touch was feather-light, and she was surprised when she felt his hand flatten once he made it to the middle of her back and push her flush against him.

They both gasped a little at the sudden contact, and she wasted no time running her hands up his arms, letting her tongue draw a soft line across his bottom lip. He opened his mouth without hesitation and she started their next rhythm, tasting the soju on his tongue as it mixed with hers.

She didn’t understand how he could taste sexy, but he did, and she was surprised he was letting her take so much control like this, tongue following her lead as they explored the unknown territory of each other’s mouths.

The masks were in the way, and Jiahn impatiently reached behind his head and pulled on the ribbon that was tying it in place. It fell off his face and he reached up quickly to catch it, looking up at her a bit nervously through his lashes.

“You’re handsome,” Jiahn hadn’t meant to sound surprised, but she wasn’t expecting him to have such a nice face, and it made the whole experience so much hotter for her now.

He let out a slight chuckle, looking away from her and down at his mask.

“Thanks.”

_God I am so smooth...how do I not have men just falling at my feet over my charming vocabulary?_

“You should take yours off,” the man broke through her sarcastic thoughts as he set his mask on top of the paper towel dispenser. “It’s only fair.”

The one-sided grin on his face was so much more handsome when she could see the playful gleam in his eyes, and she found herself giggling as he reached up and untied the ribbon for her. He was much more careful than she was, making sure the ribbon was completely undone before pulling the mask slowly from her face.

“Wow,” his eyes widened and she thought she might melt in a puddle right there.

_He was too much...sweetness overload…_

The man didn’t say anything else as he leaned forward to press his lips against hers, an urgency in his movement that wasn’t there before. She obliged without hesitation, taking steps backwards as he took slow ones forwards, moving her to the right towards the sink. The bottom half of her body collided with the counter and he pressed his body against hers, their lips never leaving one another.

She pulled away from him with a pop, both of them panting as she used her hands as leverage to lift herself on the counter next to the sink. They grinned at one another as she spread her legs and he stepped in between them, her hands immediately running through his hair. It was so much easier at this angle, to reach everything on his tall form, and she took advantage, yanking on the strands a bit.

A soft sound left his mouth that was still moving against hers and she filed that piece of information away for later. Their lips were moving at a rhythm that was almost painful and Jiahn could feel herself slowly falling backward as the man continued to move forward. Soon the back of her head was resting against the mirror, the counter not very deep, and he was running his hands up her thighs and sides as he kissed down her jaw.

“I don’t know your name,” she breathed, eyes closed as she let her hands slide to his shoulders with a firm grip.

“Yugyeom,” he mumbled in the skin right next to her ear and making her shiver. “What’s yours?”

“Jiahn.”

She hardly recognized the strained sound of her voice as she rolled her head to the side, letting the man leave open-mouthed kisses down her neck.

“That’s pretty,” he replied, sounding genuine and making her giggle.

“Glad you think so,” she breathed, pushing on his shoulders to make him stand up straight again.

He obeyed, looking down at her as she moved until she was sitting on the edge of the counter. Yugyeom didn’t need any more direction, pushing his hips against hers as she sighed, wrapping her arms around his torso, running her hands down his back. She had this weird craving to taste him, wanting to see what his skin tasted like.

Jiahn wasted no time indulging, not worrying as much as she usually did; that was the point of a one night stand right?

So she let her lips caress the skin where his neck met his shoulder, his head immediately rolling to the side to give her better access. She grinned against the skin before she started moving up. He was so malleable, it was sexy as hell, and she felt his hips grind slowly against hers as his hands gripped the tops of her thighs.

She was halfway up his neck when she stopped to suck on the skin there, letting her tongue slide across to taste it. Salty with a hint of sweet, she would’ve revelled in the taste if it weren’t for the sharp gasp she had pulled from Yugyeom’s throat.

_Don’t tell me he’s vocal too?_

Chang Kyun hadn’t been; it was such a mood killer for her in bed that sometimes she pulled the “I’m tired” card more than she should have. But Jiahn was the kind of girl who liked to know she was making you come part at the seams; she was a “giver” in the sex world, and she couldn’t stand being in the dark.

It seemed the man melting under her fingertips was a different story, biting his lip as if he was trying to hold it back, and as bold as she was, she wasn’t quite brave enough to tell him “Don’t hold back” like she so wanted to.

Instead she just rolled her hips the best she could against him, surprised by how good the friction felt and satisfied by the soft moan that came from the man in return.

_Holy shit, yes, I have definitely won the lottery._

They met each other halfway with their grinding, both a little drunk off the feeling and the excitement of something new. Her lips were moving back up his neck and to his ear, her tongue dragging along the cartilage. His head hung forward, another stifled groan as he bit his lip to muffle it and ugh she wished he wouldn’t. Still, the sounds were enough to short-circuit her brain, and she was smiling against his ear before her lips were back on his, both hands gripping his shoulders as they rolled against one another.

Their kisses were messy and uncoordinated, both a little distracted by the other as hands explored bodies. Yugyeom was running a hand through her hair, the other sliding down her side and gripping her hip firmly as he moved smoothly up against her. Jiahn was busy running her hands down and back up his upper arms before scraping her nails across his shoulders and linking her hands around his neck, fingers messing with the hair on the back of his head.

The paper towel dispenser suddenly went off, making both of them jump a foot in the air, Jiahn almost losing her balance on the counter. She hadn’t realized how on the edge of the surface she had been.

His hips were pretty much the only things keeping her up.

Thankfully his hands were under her thighs, quickly catching her as they both looked at the dispenser.

“Holy shit…” Yugyeom let out a breathy laugh, looking down at the floor. “That scared me…”

“How did that happen?” Jiahn asked with a giggle, trying to hide her disappointment in the machine.

They had really been in the moment.

“Maybe it was me?” He was looking at his positioning and Jiahn realized if he was moving his body in just the right way, he might have set the damn thing off.

They both laughed again, because the whole thing was so ridiculous and they were both horny as hell in this stupid, unsanitary club bathroom.

Jiahn let her eyes graze over his features, watching him run a hand through his hair as she adjusted herself on the counter, no longer needing his support.

“My place.”

The words came out of her mouth before she had time to think about them.

“What?”

Yugyeom paused, his hand still in his hair as he looked at her with widened eyes.

“My apartment,” Jiahn clarified, stomach twisting a little bit in nervousness as her eyes darted from his. “If you- uh- want…”

_There’s that charming vocabulary again._

“O-Okay, sure, I mean-”

She made eye contact with him again, surprised by the darkening of those orbs as he let his eyes run up and down her body, hand dropping from his hair slowly.

“Are we going now?”

His eagerness shot to her very core, and she suppressed the urge to push him against the wall behind him, paper towel dispensers and sanitation be damned.

Instead she jumped off the counter, grabbing his hand and yanking him so he did a full 180 to face the door, laughing softly as he did so and struggling to keep his balance.

“Yes,” Jiahn told him, looking over her shoulder and grinning at him before pulling the door open. “Right now.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

_**Warnings!** _

_**Alcohol, Cheating, Heavy Sexual Content, Sexual Kinks** _

 

**Soyeon:**

_**November 23, 2018, 11:00pm** _

Soyeon let her hands slide up and down the siren-man’s biceps, and she was just dying to know what they looked underneath his annoying blue jacket.

How long had they been dancing now?

She wasn’t sure, too caught up in the intoxicating air that was the dance floor, hands gripping the man’s strong shoulders and trying to keep her balance as they moved a little more quickly against one another.

Not that she had to worry; his hands were resting on the small of her back, holding her in place with a confident strength that made her mind wander to places she should not be thinking about.

One song changed to the next and their hips were moving in a hypnotizing rhythm, something she couldn’t help but lose herself in. He was moving his hands again, bolder this time, fingers drawing a tantalizing circle from her lower back to around her hips bones, sliding across the very tops of her thighs before moving to her hips.

Soyeon honestly didn’t understand how touches so small could have her gasping for air, and she tried to blame it on all the dancing they were doing instead. She wanted to return the favor, her hands starting as low as they could go on the front of him and slowly sliding up, following the way his body widened at the top and gripping his shoulders, digging her fingernails into the skin the best she could through his jacket.

She had discovered this man liked this, her nails, and she watched him roll his shoulders a little into her touch like he had the first time she had done it. Soyeon moved her hips against his for added effect, watching the slight smile pull at his lips as he looked at the ceiling for a moment.

He was trying hard to keep control, but she had been watching his slow deterioration as time passed and they moved longer and longer to the deafening beats surrounding them. He was shy, that much she could tell, but the more she showed him she liked what he was doing, the bolder he would get.

Her body trembled in anticipation at the thought of what would happen when he finally, completely gave in.

He looked back down at their bodies pressed together, hands tightening on her hips as she slid her nails across his shoulders now, slipping them under the jacket a bit and feeling more smooth, hot skin underneath. She felt him squeeze her in surprise as she scratched up his neck, and he was looking at the ceiling again, the smile gone off his face as his mouth opened just slightly.

Wow…

The view of him was breathtaking, watching the lights reflect off his neck that was glistening with sweat. She didn’t scratch too hard- just enough for him to feel it- and he let his head drop to the side before he was rolling it back towards her again. She smiled wickedly at him as he looked down at her; she couldn’t see his eyes, but there was something about the way he was smirking at her that made her think he was very aware she was trying to break him down.

“Are you hot?”

Soyeon wasn’t sure if she was drunk on the music or the Soju anymore, but she was pulling on the collar of his jacket and begging him with her eyes to just take it off. She was wearing a short, silky dress and was dying from the heat of the club; there was no way he was going to miss the heavy clothing he was currently sporting.

“What?” He laughed lightly as she started unbuttoning the jacket, fueled by his lack of resistance.

“It’s a thousand degrees in here,” she told him as she made it to the last button, gripping the flaps and slowly pulling it open. “I’m sure you don’t want this.”

“No,” he agreed, still smiling as he moved his shoulders back, shaking the jacket sleeves off his arms. “Not really…”

He seemed reluctant to admit it, like he was embarrassed, but she hardly paid attention when she helped pull the jacket completely off his arms, gripping the fabric tightly in her fist as she took a step back.

Soyeon wasn’t sure what she was expecting, being that the man was already broad, but she hadn’t anticipated him being that sexy.

He was wearing nothing but a white undershirt underneath, leaving little to the imagination as it hung on his broad shoulders and exposed his upper arms that were even better than she was expecting. Her eyes wandered down the skin, so much skin that was exposed to her, the droplets of sweat glistening in the club lights and mesmerizing her as she stared.

“Wow…” she breathed, not even caring as she threw the jacket to the left of her, watching it land on someone’s head.

“Hey!” The girl cried as she pulled the navy jacket off her blonde hair. “What the hell?”

She ignored her, listening to the man’s chuckling as he looked away and tried to pretend it wasn’t them. Soyeon was too focused, closing the small distance between them as she let her hands tentatively rest on his chest, It was smooth and wet, the fabric sticking to the skin as she slowly slid her fingers over the shirt, nails scraping the bareness of his collarbones. He leaned forward a bit into her touch, and she made a trail up to his shoulders again, sliding easily along the slick surface.

The man’s hands were on her waist again, holding her in place while she unabashedly explored his body. They were moving to the song once more, picking up right where they left off, but Soyeon could feel a slow hunger building inside of her, craving more from this man that was an escape from the life she had gotten herself into.

The bodies surrounding them suddenly seemed too close, heat too stifling as the man’s fingers started moving up and down her body again, leaving fire in their wake. She wanted him, but only him, needing to get out of the overwhelming humidity of the club.

“Do you want to get some air?” Soyeon asked, spotting an exit sign directly behind his head.

“Are you okay?” The man sounded concerned, leaning down a bit as if trying to get a better look at her.

“I’m fine,” she felt her heart stutter a bit at the kind gesture; this man didn’t know her, so why did he seem so genuine? “Just need to cool down for a minute…”

He took her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and she felt a tickling in her stomach as she looked down at their hands. He was facing forward, spotting the same exit sign she had and leading the way to it. She reasoned with herself that holding hands was obviously the only way to stay together in this mess of a dancefloor.

Either way, she couldn’t help the warmth that spread through her chest; there was something gentle about him.

It wasn’t long before the man was pushing the door open, the cool night air blasting them with immediate relief as they stepped outside. The door closed with a loud bang, echoing down the narrow alley they were now standing in.

“Better?”

The man was standing close, his voice a little raspy, no doubt from having to scream over the music. She nodded with a smile, closing her eyes and pushing all of her hair out of her face as she leaned against the wall next to the door.

“Yeah…”

It was so much quieter out there, the thrumming of the music just a dull roar, and she could hear how heavy both of them were breathing as they stood by. The man was standing directly in front of her, and she could feel the heat radiating off of him as he reached up, brushing a piece of stray hair out of her face in front of her mask.

“You missed a piece,” he spoke softly, tucking the strands behind her ears as he took a half a step closer.

She opened her eyes, seeing the soft smile that pulled on his lips as he looked down at her. He was so caring, so sweet, yet so hot, his entire upper body more visible to her now in the light of the alleyway.

Soyeon wasn’t thinking again, just moving, her hands resting on both of his forearms and slowly moving up, feeling the muscles of his biceps twitch slightly under her touch before she was caressing those shoulders she was beginning to love so much.

He leaned closer into her touch, and she could feel a slight vibration buzzing between the two of them, like magnets slightly too far away to connect. His hands were running down either side of her neck, their roughness sending goosebumps across her skin as she gripped his shoulders a little tighter, nails pushing into the exposed skin now.

His caresses faltered just slightly at the feel of her nails before he kept moving, his fingers drawing slow patterns up her forearms before he was taking another slight step towards her.

Their faces were mere inches apart, both focused on each other’s bodies, not seeming to realize their proximity. But then the man was placing his hands on either side of her waist and she was pulling him subconsciously a little closer, and they were looking at one another.

His eyes looked familiar again, like she had seen him before-

“Can I kiss you?”

This man had a way of asking her the most seductive questions in the most innocent of ways, and the sound of his voice as he asked sent a thrill of excitement through her chest.

“Yes,” she breathed, laughing a little as she pulled him closer by her death grip on his shoulders. “Yes, go ahead…”

He seemed to be anticipating she would say yes, immediately swooping down in one smooth movement and pressing his lips to hers.

They both hummed a little in surprise, Soyeon immediately scraping her fingernails along the broad expanse of his shoulder muscles. She felt them ripple a little under her movements, his head turning to the side to deepen the kiss.

The way he was leaning in was causing her to press her body more completely against the wall, the front of him moving towards her like they were opposite ends of a magnetic pole. As soon as his hips pressed against hers, she was tightening her arms around him, grabbing her opposite wrists and feeling his hands come to grip under her thighs.

Neither one of them needed to speak, both lost in the moment as she jumped and he lifted, holding her in place as he pressed his body against hers once more. Her legs immediately wrapped around his hips, feeling the way he pushed just slightly into her as she ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

She was scratching again, wanting to know what kind of reaction she would get, and was not disappointed when she heard a low hum reverberate in his throat, mouth still moving smoothly against hers. Soyeon’s senses were on high alert, attempting to roll her hips against his for some friction, and some relief from the sexual tension that had sprouted out of nowhere between her and this complete stranger.

He responded immediately, rocking slowly but fluidly against her, and she felt her nails digging into the ridges of his back on their own accord. Scraping long lines that started at the shoulder blades and went as far as she could reach, she felt the man break their mouths apart with a gasp as he arched his back just slightly into her touch.

She immediately leaned forward, licking the salty sweat off the skin of his neck before leaving open mouth kisses anywhere she could reach, using her nails to draw another smooth line of scratch marks down his back. He moved his back into it again, a soft groan slipping from his open mouth as she sucked on the skin of his neck at the same time.

Soyeon felt his grip on her thighs slackening as she continued sucking, running her tongue along the flesh and riding the waves of spontaneous pleasure that were taking over her body. He was still moving his body against hers, the harshness of the brick in her back oddly sexy as she felt the subtle scrape with every forward thrust he made.

His strong hands were gripping her so that she barely had to hold herself up, her eyes wandering to the slight flex of his biceps as she started kissing lower down his neck and across his shoulder. He straightened his head to look down at her, the mark on his neck already darkening and sounding slightly out of breath. She was proud, letting her tongue run along the line of kisses she had just left on his lower shoulder, cringing when she felt her mask get in the way.

Soyeon hadn’t really thought about it, when she untied the ribbon of her mask clumsily, letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor. She hadn’t really considered that her face was exposed and that the mystery man might actually know who she was once she got rid of the disguise.

“Soyeon?”

She halted her open-mouthed kisses on the exposed area of his upper chest, feeling his hands almost completely let go of her legs.

“Wha-?”

But she froze when she looked up at him, recognizing that voice and suddenly seeing the eyes behind the mask clearly for the first time all night.

“Sh-Shownu?!”

She was lifting her face from his chest as quickly as he was lowering her legs to the ground, both of them straightening their clothes as their heavy breathing echoed awkwardly between them.

Shownu reached up, taking the mask off of his face with a slight tug and looking down at her as he took another step back.

It was definitely him, clear as day, and Soyeon felt her stomach sink when she realized what she had done…

What they had done…

And how much she had liked it…

“I’m sorry,” his voice was low as he spoke, eyes darting from her face to the mask in his hands. “I didn’t know...I-”

She just shook her head back and forth, not wanting him to say anymore.

Soyeon was still trembling, body buzzing from the afterglow of his touches and his heat, and suddenly the night air was anything but relieving.

It was cold.

“Soyeon-” Shownu tried again, sounding a little more desperate this time as he reached a hand out. “I-”

“No, Sh-Shownu, I’ve-” she could barely get her words out, suddenly choking up as her eyes welled with tears out of nowhere. “I’ve gotta go.”

He lowered his hand as she turned quickly away from him, walking towards the front of the alleyway, recognizing the road her and Jiahn had walked from the parking lot. Every clack of her heels seemed to echo loudly in her ears, the tears falling freely now as she bit hard on her lip.

Shownu...I just made out with Shownu...and it was as hot as I had always imagined it would be…

She clenched her fists, angry because of course, when she messed up, she messed up good, finding the most off-limits man she could get her hands on.

Scoping out the man she had been lusting over since their first assignment together at work.

Somehow unaware of all the bright neon signs that told her the mystery man couldn’t be anyone but Shownu.

The shy smile, the gentle care, the untraditional sex appeal, the gorgeous body…

Soyeon looked over her shoulder, unable to help it, spotting Shownu still standing where she had left him, running a hand through his hair. She saw him sigh heavily, dropping his arm to his side as he let his masquerade mask clatter to the ground.

She faced forward again, a slight catch in her throat as she finally rounded the corner, making a beeline straight for her car.

Soyeon needed to get as far away as possible.

 

**Jiahn:**

_**November 23, 2018, 11:45pm** _

Jiahn was unbuttoning Yugyeom’s shirt with shaky fingers, feeling his hands run up and down her back as she straddled his lap.

Finally completing her task, she was hurriedly trying to shove it off his shoulders, the way he was sitting making it nearly impossible. She felt him smile into their heated kiss, leaning forward and reaching back to help, forcing their lips to press harder against one another.

Yugyeom was awkwardly able to pull it off, throwing the flowy fabric on the floor and running his hands back up and down her sides again.

Jiahn was drunk.

She had immediately broke out the large bottle of Soju she kept in her fridge the moment they had gotten in the door. They had taken turns drinking out of it, laughing about the angry taxi driver that had picked them up and how awkward the car ride had been.

She thought she had lost the moment, lost her nerve during the drive to her apartment- which is why she had run to the alcohol- but it was Yugyeom who brought them back on track. When he had collapsed onto the couch, both still laughing as she plopped down next to him and put their bottle on the coffee table, he had run his hand down the side of her face, giving her a lingering kiss that made her heart rate fly through the roof.

Yugyeom was drunk, too.

Next thing she knew, Jiahn had climbed onto his lap in pure excitement, and he had done nothing but follow her lead, kissing her again as he helped her get comfortable.

Sweet again.

That sugariness hadn’t stayed for long, their kisses becoming more eager as their hands wandered, and all she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her ears as Yugyeom’s fingers seemed to spread electricity across her sensitive skin.

He was pushing at the small of her back and she was arching her body with the movement as she ran her hands through his hair again. She removed her lips from his with a small pop, surprised by how heavily she was breathing as he started trailing small pecks across her cheek before barely grazing her ear with his lips, sending a shiver down her spine.

She was moving her hips against his again, letting her instincts take the wheel as she lost herself in the feeling of his mouth on her neck. They were open-mouthed and slow kisses, the sucking sensation making her bite her lip to keep her breathing under control.

Yugyeom’s mouth made it to a particular sensitive spot on her neck, sucking a little harder and running his tongue along the skin. She hadn’t been expecting it, pulling roughly on his dark strands that she still had an iron grip on. She hadn’t meant to yank so hard, forcing his head to fly back a little from her neck and a sharp gasp to slip from his lips.

“Sorry,” she panted, immediately loosening her grip and looking down at his face. “I didn’t mean to pull so hard, I-”

Chang Kyun entered her mind before she could stop it, remembering when she had done the same thing to him and he had said “ouch” under his breath, making her feel terrible. She had apologized just like she was to Yugyeom, and-

“It’s okay,” Yugyeom’s head had fallen back and he was looking at her with a one-sided grin. “I like it.”

“Really?”

Jiahn was smiling down at him; Chang Kyun had told her it was alright, and gently moved her hands to his shoulders.

He would never let her do it again, let alone like it.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom chuckled, sliding his hands up her sides and moving his lips to the spot where her neck met her shoulder. “Go ahead.”

How had she gotten so lucky?

Jiahn wasn’t the most experienced girl in the world; in fact, being 26 years old, her “What I’ve done” list was quite sad compared to even her own best friend. Still, she had always had a kinky side, an unexplored world of things she was dying to try, and with Chang Kyun being one of the only serious relationships she had ever been in, she had never had a chance to try anything.

Chang Kyun was a little more traditional, liked to take it slow, but the man underneath her, while he ran his hands carefully along the curve of her hips before sliding them to the bare skin of her thighs, seemed like the exact opposite. He seemed like he was older than Chang Kyun, more experienced, and Jiahn found herself wondering what other things she could try with him while the alcohol was giving her the exact amount of courage she needed.

It was only for one night right?

“Let’s go to my room,” Jiahn suggested before she lost her nerve, pulling on his hair again and forcing him to look up at her.

He was grinning mischievously at her, and she found herself giggling as she climbed off of him clumsily. Her body felt cold without him there, and as soon as he stood up, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her lips to his.

Yugyeom had his hands on her waist, slowly taking steps forward and guiding them to the bedroom door, their kisses becoming progressively more heated. She was pulling him closer by the hold around his neck, making both of them stumble, but neither seemed to notice. He just tightened the grip on her waist, the pressure of it making her feel like she was gasping for air.

Jiahn’s back collided with the doorframe, their sense of direction a little off, but she didn’t care, gripping his shoulders and bringing his body flush against hers. He was tall, but she was still able to reach his collarbones that were hanging out of his white tee he had worn under the button-up shirt. She let her tongue run across them, feeling him shiver and sigh as his head fell back slightly.

“I don’t normally do this,” she admitted with a laugh; the alcohol was taking control of her words now too as she let her hands run along his chest. “This is my first time.”

God why was she saying these things?! They were in the throes of passion, lost in each other, and her nervous mouth just had to come in and ruin ev-

“I don’t do this often either,” Yugyeom told her, voice soft as he looked down at her. “It’s okay.”

It’s okay.

He kept saying that to her, like he knew how worried she was, and she leaned up to kiss him again, thanking him without words.

It was the reassurance she needed, as she pushed him through the doorway until the back of his legs stopped at the side of her bed. He broke the kiss, looking behind him to see what he had hit. As soon as he faced forward, she pushed him lightly by the shoulders, watching him fall onto the bed with a grin as he now looked up at her.

Yugyeom may be more experienced, and probably older than Chang Kyun, but he was still younger than her, the excited smile on his face a dead giveaway. She was about to ask how old he actually was, when he moved to the edge of the bed, legs on either side of hers as she stood over him. His hands were gently moving up the sides of her body, starting at the skin of her legs, and the darkening of his eyes told her he wanted her to take the dress off.

Jiahn swallowed hard, focusing on the heat on her skin that his fingers left behind as she reached behind her. She thanked her lucky stars this was an easy dress to unzip, pulling on it and feeling the fabric slowly loosening from her body.

Being prepared and hopeful that something like this would happen, she had gone through the extra trouble of matching her bra and panties, a miracle in itself.

She hadn’t even known she had a matching set.

They were both revealed as the dress pooled at her feet, and she could feel her face burning, regardless of how confidently she had just taken the garment off. Yugyeom wasn’t looking at her face though; he was too busy letting his eyes wander across her newly exposed body, hands moving over the now bare skin of her hips, across her waist, and up to her shoulders.

She watched him, wondering if anyone had ever looked at her like he was at that moment, and found her fingers in his hair once more as he leaned forward to kiss her on her shoulder. He placed a few more slow kisses along the area before his hands were dragging down her arms, stopping at her wrists and gripping them both gently in his hands.

They made eye contact again as he pulled, asking her without words to come on the bed with him. She was in a trance, letting him pull her as he laid down, placing her knees on either side of him on the mattress and pressing her palms into the sheets. He let go of her wrists, moving her hair out of her face as she kissed him.

Jiahn didn’t have the energy to be tentative in that moment, not with the way he was looking at her and the delicious buzz that was spreading through her veins. He was hot, too hot, she didn’t deserve him, and so she figured she should take advantage of her one night blessing.

Yugyeom responded instantly, molding to the mood change and opening his mouth when she was licking his bottom lip for access. She was caressing his tongue, hips falling to grind against his, feeling how hard he was through his pants.

The man was just as excited as she was, breathing heavily as she quickly moved her mouth to his neck, wanting to taste him. He tilted his head to the side, letting her lick the skin there before she was taking the flesh gently between her teeth, sucking hard.

She hadn’t meant to bite, riding the high of her hormones, but she was surprised when a soft “ah!” slipped from his lips, one of his hands tangled in her hair. She raised her eyebrows, licking the indentations she had made with her teeth before moving to another spot on his neck, biting a little harder this time.

His grip tightened in her messy strands and he hissed as he grinded his hips up against hers.

“You like biting, too?”

Jiahn was fascinated by her second kinky discovery of the night, but she hadn’t meant to ask out loud.

“Yes,” Yugyeom’s voice was a little strained as he answered her, and she couldn’t get over the fact that she had done that to him. “It feels good.”

His answer with worth the slip up.

She grinned before moving to the same spot she had been working on, biting just as hard as before and immediately sucking the skin in to make a mark. He groaned this time, sending a shot of electricity through her body as she continued for a minute more before pulling back, inspecting the reddish-purple bruise that was already forming.

Jiahn wasn’t drunk off just her sad bottle of Soju anymore; she was also riding the excitement of new experiences, a new man, a sexy man, who apparently, didn’t mind much what her body was screaming at her to try on him.

Yugyeom was writhing a little under her as she completed a second mark on his neck before moving down, frustrated with the t-shirt still covering up his torso.

He had way too much clothing on compared to her.

She sat up a little, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling on it a bit. He sat up to, letting her yank it over his head before his arms were back around her, letting Jiahn kiss him hard enough to have him lowering back on the bed once more.

She scooted down, her hands wandering across the smooth skin of his torso as his head hit the mattress and he arched his back a little into her touch. Her eyes were fixated on his soft, pale skin, fingers leaving feather-light touches everywhere she could.

Jiahn was at the top of his pants, heart pounding in her chest a little as she swallowed hard. Her hands moved across the bulge gently, and she watched him arch a little off the bed again, a soft moan slipping from his lips. She grinned, moving her hand again with a little more pressure and biting her lip at the small whine that caught in Yugyeom’s throat.

“Yah, Jiahn,” he sounded frustrated, but in a way that made Jiahn’s toe curl. “Don’t tease…”

Right.

She unbuttoned his pants quickly, not surprised to see he wasn’t wearing underwear; there’s no way he could with the pants he was wearing.

Jiahn had, of course, given handjobs before- they were Chang Kyun’s favorite for some weird reason- but she had never been this into it. She took his erection in her hand, moving slowly up and down and listening to him sigh loudly, a hand running through his disheveled hair, gripping it at the roots. She picked up the pace a little, twisting her wrist and listening to the noise that caught in his throat as he rocked his hips into her touch.

There was a twist in her stomach and a longing to make this man come completely undone under her touch. She wanted to make him scoot forward until he was on the edge of the bed, drop to her knees like the sexy woman that she wanted to be and take him into her mouth, listening to his pleasurable sounds as she did so.

But Jiahn had never given a blow job before.

It embarrassed her really, that after all this time she had never given it a try, but she had never had the urge with anyone other than Chang Kyun, who had always told her he felt weird about them. For some reason, to him, it felt wrong and dirty.

Like them having sex was so innocent.

Now, she had this man who she knew for a fact would love a blow job…

But could she do it?

Jiahn looked up at him, still holding his hair, but not as tightly as she kept a steady and smooth rhythm up and down his dick with her hand. He was still moving with her, but she could tell by the way he had stopped, opening his eyes and looking down at her that he wanted more.

And she wanted to give it to him.

Without a second thought, she slid off the edge of the bed, landing on her knees a lot less gracefully than she would’ve wanted to, cringing a little at the hardwood underneath her. Yugyeom obediently scooted to the edge of the bed, eyes widening a little as she brought him back into her hand again, squeezing at the base.

Should she tell him? Tell him she’s never done this before and could only go off what she had seen in porn, explanations from a drunken night with Soyeon, and a few rated mature novels she was a sucker for?

Jiahn picked up a quicker rhythm, rolling her thumb over his slit and twisting her wrist on the way down. His fingers curled a little into the mattress as he let his head fall back, exhaling sharply.

There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to give her the courage to admit it.

Instead, she bit her lip for a moment, thankful the man wasn’t looking at her because she was sure she looked nervous. Leaning forward, she let her tongue slide slowly up the underside of his length, surprised by the taste.

It wasn’t bad.

Her eyes darted to Yugyeom’s hands that were now gripping the sheets tightly, slipping a little on the mattress as a low moan came from the back of his throat.

Wow.

She repeated the same movement, feeling a little more confident the second time and listening to the sounds it brought. Jiahn grew more bold, parting her lips and using her grip on him to guide the head into her mouth. It was odd but not unpleasant, the low whine that came from the man underneath her completely worth it.

Jiahn experimented, lowering her mouth a little bit more, covering her teeth with her lips like she remembered to do, and sucked softly.

“Yes.”

There was a gentle hand on the back of Jiahn’s head and she felt his hips stutter as she continued the sucking sensation, riding off his reactions. He wasn’t pushing her head, but she knew he wanted more, so she flattened her tongue out of the way the best that she could and moved lower. Another soft whine was pulled from his throat as she started sucking again, feeling his fingers curl a little in the strands of her hair.

She tried to conjure up all the knowledge she had about sensitive spots as she began to experimentally move her mouth up and down. It was hard to keep her jaw set like it was, straining on the muscles, but the way Yugyeom was pulling on her hair, silently begging her for for more was completely and totally worth it.

On an upward move, she let her tongue run along the rim of the head, knowing that for sure was a sweet spot. She wasn’t disappointed when his hips bucked up a little in surprise, a sharp “ah!” coming from his open mouth.

Jiahn did it again, wondering why she had never done this before now.

“Y-yes, that’s good,” Yugyeom choked out, as if he knew she needed his guidance.

Her stomach flipped, feeling like she was struck by lightning as every nerve in her body buzzed at his reaction. She went back to her up and down movement, letting her tongue caress his dick as she moved this time, eager to please.

“Oh my god…”

The desperate edge to his voice had her eyes slipping closed, relaxing her throat as she knew she needed to before taking in as much of his length as she could. It was uncomfortable and she was afraid she would choke at any moment, but she couldn’t focus on anything but the super reactive man underneath her.

“A-Ah, Jiahn-” His words were catching a little as she began sucking the best that she could in her position. “You can m-move, don’t have to-”

Right. Move.

She bobbed her head up and down, the rest of his sentence lost in the moan that she brought on from her new movements. She understood now, why girls did this, as she let her tongue taste the length of him again while she moved.

The way it was making Yugyeom crumble, she could do this forever.

Jiahn had almost forgotten that her hand was wrapped around the base still, and once she realized it, she moved up and down to compensate for where her mouth couldn’t reach. It was easier to keep a steady rhythm with a little less in her mouth, but she still did as much as she could handle while picking up the pace with her head bobbing.

He was losing a little bit of his control, hips unable to stop from bucking, and she used her free hand to hold them down the best she could. Consistent gasps and whines were slipping from his lips, and she wondered if she would actually get him to cum.

“Jiahn,” his voice was strained again, grip a little harder in her hair as she dragged her tongue lazily along the rim of the head again. “Y-You’ve gotta stop, I-”

But she didn’t want to stop, not when everything was so perfect, not when there was so much left for her to master and so many noises she hadn’t brought out of him yet-

“Please babe-” the pet name caught her off-guard, faltering her movements. “I’m not gonna last-”

She wanted to tell him that she didn’t want him to, that she thought it was so hot how broken down he was and how she wanted him to just let go. But instead, she listened, pulling off with a loud pop and looking up at him as he sat a little straighter.

“Come here,” he said breathlessly, eyes almost black as he looked at her, chest heaving.

Jiahn didn’t hesitate, climbing onto his lap seconds after he scooted a little farther back on the mattress. He was immediately running his hands up her back, pressing small, heated kissed on her collarbone as he unhooked her bra.

She took the straps from her shoulders, throwing the black garment to the side and sighing as his hands immediately cupped both of her breasts. His thumbs ran roughly across her nipples, and she cried out in surprise, watching him smirk slightly before dragging his hands up to her shoulders.

“Lay down.”

He was sort of bossy, and she kind of liked it, smiling as she climbed off his lap and laid down on the bed, head crashing onto the pillows. He was crawling on top of her, eyes roaming up her body before they locked eyes again. There was something about the way he was looking at her, something intense in that moment, and all she could do was stare back before he closed the distance between them, lips pressing against hers.

It was a little more passionate, a little less rough compared to how it had been, and she found her fingers threading through his hair softly, lifting her head to lean into a bit. The way he was laying over her like this, elbows on the mattress, the bottom half of their bodies pressed together, heat boiling in her core at the thought of what was to come, Jiahn found herself a bit impatient.

“Can we do this now?”

Another slip of the tongue as she pulled her mouth from his, voice sounding embarrassingly needy. Yugyeom laughed softly, lifting up a bit so he could smile at her in amusement.

“Yeah, okay, let’s do this.”

She laughed too because it really did sound ridiculous when he repeated it out loud, and she leaned forward so she could pull on the waistband of his pants, attempting to get them off. Jiahn’s eyebrows furrowed as she continued to tug, but it was not budging, and she cursed Yugyeom for wearing such ridiculously tight pants.

“What the hell,” Jiahn muttered, trying again, the fabric only moving a half an inch.

“I got it,” Yugyeom was chuckling again, moving to stand next to the bed and pulling his pants off quickly.

She yanked off her underwear, throwing them haphazardly off the bed as he crawled back on top of her, the heat of their bodies almost suffocating as Yugyeom hovered above her. He looked at her for a moment and she propped her legs up in an answer to his unspoken question.

He took the hint immediately, lining himself up at her entrance and pushing inside with one swift movement. His head fell onto her shoulder as they both gasped as one, new to one another. It wasn’t long before the man began to move, his heavy breaths hot against her ear.

Jiahn couldn’t say she was surprised by how fluidly he moved his hips considering the dancing they had done, but how good it felt was a pleasurable bonus. She found herself rocking a little into his movements, hands sliding all over every inch of his skin that she could reach.

They both picked up a faster rhythm, Yugyeom moaning into the skin below her shoulder when she pulled on his hair.

“Keep doing that,” he told her, voice soft despite his words being a demand. “Please.”

She did without hesitation, yanking on the strands hard and relishing in the low hum of satisfaction in his throat. Jiahn held onto his hair, pulling consistently as he moved a little faster, a little harder in and out of her.

Yugyeom propped himself up on his elbows, steadying his body for the faster pace, hair falling in front of his face as he whined a little at the feeling.

His shoulder was close, just inches from her mouth, and without thinking she leaned up, taking the soft flesh between her teeth. A sharp gasp came from him as she did so, and she grinned, so glad he was as kinky as she was, and tentatively bit down again.

“Ah, yeah, you-” He struggled to get the words out, head leaned back to look up at the ceiling for a moment. “You can bite harder than that-”

The way he directed her, he was always letting her know what he wanted while making her feel like she still had the upper hand. He was putty under her mouth, body stuttering as she bit harder than she had all night and elicited a low whine from the man above her.

“Y-Yeah,” he told her, like she couldn’t tell he was coming apart at the seams. “Yeah, that’s good.”

Jiahn was rolling her hips against his again, the angle itself sending shockwaves through her body as she threaded her fingers through his hair and yanked him down a little closer to her. He groaned, biting his lip and letting her move his chin out of her way so she could reach his neck. She had to stretch up a little bit to reach it, but it was worth it as she licked the skin for just a moment before biting hard into it.

A soft cry left his mouth and she moaned a little at the sound of it, biting again as she yanked on his hair and felt the increased pace of his movements inside of her.

“Jiahn, I won’t-”

He was almost whining again, and she loved it, knowing exactly what he was going to say. Her body was hot, almost too hot, the build-up in her lower stomach coming out of nowhere and blindsiding her as she gasped.

“Me either,” she breathed, barely recognizing her own voice as she squeezed Yugyeom’s hair at the roots.

The desperate moan that slipped from his lips at her words and her actions pushed her over the edge, a surprised “oh my god” of delight coming from her own mouth as she squeezed her eyes shut. She clenched around him, seeing stars behind her eyelids and riding the waves of pleasure that were crashing harshly down on her, and she bit into his shoulder again to try to muffle some of her sounds.

The combination of it all had Yugyeom moving faster, chasing his release.

“Shit, I’m gonna-”

His voice was a little high-pitched, wanton and totally fucked as he finally came undone, leaning down to bite her on the shoulder and making her gasp in surprise. The sensation was almost over-stimulating as she felt his hips rock slower and slower, mouth finally releasing her skin.

There was nothing but heavy breathing in the room for a moment, both coming down from their high and trying to get a proper amount of oxygen. Yugyeom laid his body gently on top of hers as his arms gave out, sighing at the same time she did as they listened to each other’s heartbeats.

“Wow,” Jiahn found herself saying, eyes still closed. “That was…”

What could she even say?

“Yeah,” he breathed with a disbelieving laugh, burying his face into the sheets.

A wave of contentment washed over Jiahn, the weight of Yugyeom’s body oddly comforting, her body’s muscles relaxing as she was finally able to take more even breaths.

But then he was moving, slipping out of her and rolling over onto his back, head falling onto one of her pillows. She sat up lethargically, finally opening her eyes so she could grab the comforter from the foot of the bed.

“Come here.”

She smiled despite her exhaustion, noticing how comfy he looked, one arm tucked behind his head, the other opened up for her to crawl up next to him. Jiahn didn’t hesitate, pulling the blanket over both of them and settling her head on his chest, letting his steady heartbeat relax her a bit.

“Thank you,” she whispered into the darkness, pressing her cheek a little more firmly into his chest as he dragged his fingers lazily over the skin of her forearm.

“Don’t thank me,” Yugyeom laughed softly. “It was…”

He paused for a moment as if thinking hard.

“Really awesome.”

Jiahn giggled at his choice of words, nodding in agreement.

“It was.”

She wasn’t sure if people were supposed to cuddle with their one night stands, or even fall asleep with them. Jiahn just knew that right now she felt warm, and more complete than she had in a very long time.

And that was the last thought she had before she finally succumbed to sleep.

 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Warnings!** _

_**Mentions of cheating, Mental Abuse, Mentions of Sexual Content** _

 

** Jiahn: **

_**November 24, 2018, 10:00am** _

Something fluffy was tickling the skin under Jiahn’s nose, and she jerked her head back, eyes still sealed shut as she felt a dull pounding in her head.

“Ugh, Mr. Floofs…” she groaned, itching the spot and running a hand through her sweaty hair. “I’ll feed you later…”

In her less-than-conscious state, she rolled back towards the same fluff, jumping when she felt a warm but firm wall collide with her arms and knees.

“What the-?”

Her eyes snapped open, and she cringed at the morning light pouring through her bedroom window. Once she was able to adjust, she saw a mess of dark hair on the pillow next to her, a body completely burritoed in one of the fifty million blankets on her bed.

Meow

She covered her mouth with her hand when her cat’s fluffy head poked up, looking over his side right at her. Craning her neck and trying not to giggle, Jiahn could see that Mr. Floofs had made himself comfortable in the space in front of Yugyeom’s torso, the man curled on his side and leaving a spot just big enough for the fat cat to make a nest.

_My overly trusting cat…_

He continued to stare at her, his light green eyes challenging her to make him wait any longer for his breakfast. She fell back onto the bed, rolling her head and regretting it instantly as a wave of nausea took over her body.

_Why did I drink SO MUCH Soju?!_

It was 10:00am…she was honestly amazed Mr.Floofs wasn’t planning her death by now; he was usually fed by 8.

“Can’t I just lay here a little longer?” Jiahn whispered to the animal, his eyes never leaving her face as he began to slowly lick his paw. “You ate late last night anyway…”

Her heart jumped in her throat when Yugyeom rolled onto his back, and she thought she might have woke him. But his eyes were still closed, hair in his face, mouth slightly open as she watched his chest rise and fall.

Yep, definitely still asleep.

He was handsome, even in sleep, and she fought the urge to brush his hair out of his face. Last night had been…more than she had expected, and she wondered if that’s what all one night stands were like. Her eyes traveled down his neck, biting her lip in embarrassment at the purple and red marks she had left on his skin, blushing when she remembered how much he had liked it…

Meow

Jiahn looked sharply to Mr. Floofs, who had lowered his now clean paw onto the blanket covering Yugyeom’s stomach. She knew what the cat was going to do, his other paw now resting on the blanket as well as he lifted his butt, ready to use the man’s body as leverage to pounce across the bed.

“Yah! No!” Jiahn hissed as quietly as she could, sitting up and groaning at her headache as she scrambled from the blanket.

It was the one time she was thankful for her bad habit of leaving clothes on the floor, as she quickly pulled on a pair of black shorts and a light blue t-shirt.

The cat froze, watching her carefully as if deciding whether he should still go through with his actions or obey her. He was not a light animal; if Mr. Floofs used Yugyeom’s stomach as a catapult, he was sure to wake up, and she just wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with that yet.

Almost tripping over the corner of the mattress, she scooped the fluff ball up, cringing when he squeaked loudly as she held him to her chest. She watched the man in her bed scowl for a moment, one of his arms coming out from under the blanket and resting above his head.

_So handsome…_

Mr. Floofs squeaked again, struggling in her hold and she scowled at him, burying her nose in the fluff of his head as walked quickly out of the bedroom.

“Asshole,” she muttered into his fur as she crossed the living room, noticing Yugyeom’s shirt on the ground. “You are such an asshole.”

He just purred in response.

Jiahn rolled her eyes, dropping the cat on the floor gently, despite her frustration and quickly took a scoop of food out of the bag on top of the fridge. She felt her eye twitch at how loud he was, dumping the food in the bowl as fast she could to shut him up.

She sighed, leaning against the counter and running a hand through her hair. She needed coffee, and she vaguely wondered if Yugyeom liked coffee too.

How odd, to feel like you knew someone so intimately, and yet, you didn’t really know anything about him at all. She felt nervous now, a little put-off by the unknown as she started fiddling with her ancient coffee maker.

She thought she would be fulfilled, having a one night stand. She thought she would be one of those girls that could make the man a to-go cup of coffee, drop him her phone number in case he ever wanted some more action, and wave him out the door like the strong, independent woman she was.

Instead, as she listened to the hiss and clanking of the brewing coffee, she felt a little…sad.

Jiahn wasn’t exactly the romantic type, but there was something about Yugyeom that made her heart beat a little faster, like she had already downed her much-needed caffeine. It might’ve been the unsureness that both of them shared in the beginning, or the laughter that carried across her small apartment as they were less than graceful. It could’ve been the way he looked at her right before he kissed her, like he knew her, or the way she had to level her breathing when she thought about ever experiencing him again-

There was a click, alerting her the coffee was done, and she shook her head at the thoughts.

Make up your mind Jiahn…you either date a sensitive man like Chang Kyun and he will stick around or you have a one night stand with a guy like Yugyeom and you have to not get attached.

She grabbed a mug from one of her cabinets, pouring the coffee with shaking hands and rolling her eyes at her own thoughts.

_I am not getting attached to Yugyeom…_

The tell-tale sounds of blankets moving made her almost drop her coffee cup, eyes moving to the doorway of her room. She heard the distinct sound of Mr. Floofs meowing before there was more shuffling, followed by a soft laugh.

“Hi.”

She felt a twist in her stomach at the sound of Yugyeom’s voice, soft as he was clearly speaking to the cat, who she heard meow in response.

_Leave it to the damn cat to be better at making a move than I am…_

She knew she should go in there, knew she should say hi, or something, but her body was frozen against the counter, hands gripping the coffee mug as she listened to every minute sound that came from the bedroom.

Some more rustling and a sound from Mr. Floofs telling Jiahn he had jumped from the bed, and she could hear Yugyeom pulling on his pants she had had such an issue with the night before. She smiled at the memory; any other time that would’ve been embarrassing, but for some reason, with him, it wasn’t.

He was too sweet.

Another light flutter of fabric and Mr. Floofs was waltzing out of the room with his fluffy tail bouncing, Yugyeom following behind him while smiling at the animal. He yawned, rubbing the back of his head before he looked up, making eye contact with her.

“Hey,” she spoke first, desperately wanting to avoid any tension and letting her nervous mouth take the wheel. “Did you uh…did you sleep okay?”

“Hey,” he smiled at her as his eyes darted from hers, dropping his hand to his side. “Yeah. Your bed’s pretty comfy…”

She felt like she was choking on the thick, awkward air sitting between them.

_Yikes…_

“I made coffee,” Jiahn felt like maybe she should speak up again, realizing how anxious he looked in that moment. “The coffee maker’s a piece of crap, but I promise, it makes the best coffee you’ll ever taste. It’s why I won’t get rid of it.”

“Is that what I heard this morning?” Yugyeom grinned as he walked towards the kitchen. “I thought something was breaking in here…”

She busied herself with grabbing a mug from the cabinet, ignoring the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach at his teasing.

_Geez Jiahn, get a grip_

Still, the joke had swept away the temporarily palpable tension that had sat between them. Jiahn was starting to think she wasn’t socially equipped for a one night stand, wondering what she had been thinking.

“This thing is a classic,” she replied, because humor she could do, and it kept her from saying something stupid. “I can pour it out if you’d rather…”

“No,” Yugyeom laughed, and she realized he was standing right behind her as she took the pot from its base with shaking hands. “No, I’m just kidding…”

She turned around with his mug, not really prepared for facing him head on like that. She handed him the coffee quickly, honestly afraid she might drop it, and ran a hand through her hair to hide her trembling fingers.

“Thanks,” he muttered, eyes leaving her face as he took the mug and hugged it between his palms.

He took a step back, as if he sensed how much he was affecting her by their close proximity. She wondered if she was that obvious or if he was just intuitive.

He took a slow sip of the coffee.

“Is it good?” She asked him, suddenly wondering why she hadn’t even bothered looking in the mirror this morning; she probably looked like hell.

Of course he didn’t; white shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders, hair ruffled cutely, smelling like a mixture of laundry detergent and lemons.

“Yeah,” he sounded surprised as he lowered the cup from his lips to look at its contents. “You weren’t kidding…”

The silence was settling between them again, and Jiahn wasn’t sure how it worked from here. Did they exchange phone numbers? Should she ask him to leave? Did she want him to leave? That was rude wasn’t it? Maybe she should try to be hospitable…?

“Um my shower.”

She ran a hand through her hair, listening to Yugyeom join in on her nervous laughter as she looked up at him.

“Sorry,” his laughter was too much; why did it make her feel so much better? “You can use my shower if you want…um…before you go.”

His eyes darted from hers, smile faltering for a second as he took a quick sip of his coffee.

He looked just as nervous as she was.

“Well thank you,” he finally replied after swallowing, scratching the back of his head again. “I probably should after…you know…”

Jiahn laughed out loud because this man was about as well-spoken as she was, and it made her feel more at ease.

“No problem,” she answered, still grinning as he set the coffee mug down, already walking back towards her bedroom.

“See you when I get out,” he told her with another chuckle, and then he disappeared in the room, a click sounding across the apartment to tell her he had just locked himself in the bathroom.

She sighed deeply, letting her head fall back as she looked at her popcorn ceiling. She listened to the rapid beating of her heart in her chest, closing her eyes as she felt her stomach twist at the thought of Yugyeom’s smile that was still embedded in her mind.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

 

** Soyeon: **

_**November 24, 2018, 10:15am** _

Soyeon wiped the condensation from her mirror, looking at her body wrapped in a white fluffy towel.

What had she done?

The guilt was too much, like a brick weighing heavy on her chest, crushing her lungs and making her feel like she had to gasp for breath.

Jinyoung…she had cheated on Jinyoung…

And she had enjoyed it.

She closed her eyes, resting her palms on the counter as she stared in the sink.

_Shownu…_

She hadn’t expected it, had felt her entire body freeze up when their eyes met, but it grated on her nerves because god she should’ve known. Those broad shoulders, the gentleness of his touch, the constant shy smiles and the glow of his skin in the lights of the club…

How could it be anyone else but her gorgeous photography partner?

Soyeon sighed, fingers curling around the counter as she remembered how much her body had responded to him, like she was an instrument and he had mastered how to play her. They hadn’t done much, hardly anything worth talking about, but the feeling he brought out of her was what kept her mind reeling until way after she had snuck into her bed.

“Soyeon?”

There was a light knocking on the door, and she jumped, throwing a hand over her mouth to stifle her gasp. Jinyoung’s fist knocked gently against the wood again, and she realized the shower hadn’t done a damn thing…

She still felt so dirty.

“Y-Yeah, sorry!” Soyeon called, knowing her boyfriend’s patience was limited, let alone after a fight, and scrambled to find her clothes off the floor. “Just got out of the shower!”

“No you didn’t.”

Soyeon froze, halfway through pulling her leggings up.

“Wha-?”

“I heard you turn off the water ten minutes ago,” Jinyoung replied smoothly, and she could feel his eyes staring at the door, as if he could see through it. “I was wondering why you hadn’t come out yet.”

She swallowed hard as she pulled her leggings up the rest of the way. She yanked on a sports bra before pulling her light green long-sleeved shirt over her head, fumbling in the drawers for her hairbrush.

“I was shaving,” she lied smoothly, trying to be as quiet as possible as she rushed around. “You know I like to do that when my shower’s over.”

She heard Jinyoung hum in acknowledgement and she sighed silently in relief as he took the bait, walking to the door. She pulled it open, running the brush through her hair and trying to act casual as she avoided his eyes.

“Hey.”

His voice was soft, soothing even as he followed her into the bathroom, eyes never leaving her face. She brushed through the stubborn tangles as she faced the mirror, flashing him the most convincing smile she could as she looked back at her in the reflection.

“Hi,” she replied, a little delayed.

“Are you alright?” Jinyoung looked genuinely concerned, his eyebrows raised slightly on his perfectly handsome face. “I was worried about you…”

She knew better than to fall for that, but damn was he good at it.

“I’m fine…” her voice was too irritated, too frustrated, betraying her entirely.

Dammit.

“Hey, I’m sorry we got into a fight,” Jinyoung tried again, taking some strands of her brushed hair in his fingers gently, staring down at them.

“It’s okay.”

It’s not.

“You know how I feel about you going to work functions without me,” Jinyoung went on, the authoritative edge creeping into his voice, no longer making it soft. “I didn’t feel comfortable with that.”

“Well, I didn’t go,” Soyeon replied curtly, watching him pinch the hair before letting it go, lowering his hand slowly. “So you don’t have to worry.”

“You didn’t go?”

He repeated the question calmly, the corner of his lips pulling up just slightly and making Soyeon’s heart skip a beat.

“I- no, I told you, I went to Jiahn’s-”

“Well it’s just weird, because I talked to Mark today-”

Mark? What did Mark have to-?

“-and he said when he was walking out of the Masquerade Party last night, he could’ve sworn he saw you and Jiahn sitting at the bar together.”

Soyeon forced herself not to roll her eyes at the distaste in Jinyoung’s voice as he said Jiahn’s name.

“It’s a masquerade party,” Soyeon answered cooly, keeping her focus on brushing the other end of her hair, eyes locked on her reflection to check for any crack in her façade. “They must’ve just looked like us…”

“I thought the same thing,” he nodded, but the slight give in his voice told her he was lying. “But Mark said he heard a girl screeching your names as she ran at you both.”

Jiyoo.

Shit.

She was speechless for a moment, watching her face break as her mouth opened to spew out a defense she didn’t have. She set the brush down, trying to hold back tears.

_Shit, shit sh-_

“Why would you lie to me?”

He sounded so hurt, so broken by her actions, and she felt the pressure of the guilt she was already carrying, causing her to pull at the collar of her shirt as she avoided his eyes.

“I-”

There was nothing she could say that would make this situation better, and it wasn’t the first time Soyeon felt like a child being scolded by her father in Jinyoung’s presence.

“You keep telling me you want me to trust you, and I shouldn’t worry so much about every little thing you do.”

It was true; she was constantly begging him to ease up on his controlling behavior.

That was the reason they had fought just 24 hours ago.

“But then you leave, ignore my calls and texts all night, and leave me here worried about you and hoping you’re okay-”

Soyeon broke at his words, the tears slipping down her cheeks because this was too much, he was twisting it, it wasn’t just her who was wrong-

“-then I get a call from Mark last night, telling me he saw you at the party.”

A pause.

“After I asked you not to.”

“It was a work assignment, Jinyoung!” Soyeon finally turned around, her voice louder than his had been the whole conversation as she threw her arms in the air. “I told you last night that it was for work, told you it was required, but you asked me to get a letter from my boss like some case manager-”

“I just can’t understand why someone would assign you, an intelligent and sophisticated Entertainment Journalist, to some stupid underground party that no one cares about-”

“It’s one of the biggest Halloween parties in this whole town-”

“-giving the assignment, to Jiahn I understand, but you-”

“Jinyoung,” Soyeon warned; he knew how she felt about him insulting her best friend.

“-it’s not an insult, that just seems more her speed.”

Soyeon bit the inside of her mouth; there was no point in arguing with someone who saw nothing wrong with what he said.

Silence fell between the two of them again, and Soyeon brushed the stray tears off her face, feeling sick to her stomach all over again.

“I don’t want to fight.”

Jinyoung was back with the sweet, low voice, his hands now caressing her shoulders as he moved to stand behind her.

“I don’t either.”

Her voice was small, but she spoke the truth; she hated fighting with Jinyoung.

It seemed like that’s all the ever did anymore.

“Why did you lie to me?”

His voice was in her ear, sounding sad, hurt as he gently kissed the cartilage. She let her eyes slip closed because he knew that was her sweet spot, his hands moving down her arms with feather-light touches.

Like someone had turned on a movie behind her eyelids, she couldn’t help but remember when Shownu had done the same thing. The way his hands caressed the bare skin of her forearms as he moved his hips against hers, her head falling back on its own accord to rest on his broad chest again.

“I’m sorry.”

Her voice was a whisper, almost lost in the sound of the bathroom fan as she felt Jinyoung start to trail kisses down her neck.

The words held so much more meaning than the man knew, a lump in her throat as her brain produced more memories before she could stop it. Shownu’s hands replacing Jinyoung’s that were currently sliding up her sides over the towel…Her masked man’s lips placing eager kisses to the skin of her neck instead of the slow, meticulous ones her boyfriend was leaving behind.

Shownu’s fire that lingered long after his touch, defrosting the ice Jinyoung was currently leaving behind.

“-babe, stop…”

Soyeon could feel her heart pounding in her ears, her stomach twisting into knots because this aching she had for Shownu was not okay.

“Why not?”

Jinyoung’s lips moved against her skin as he asked the simple question, and it sent a cold shiver down her spine.

_Because I don’t want you_

“I need some coffee,” she told him, knowing it was something he could relate to; being a businessman, he probably gave Starbucks half their profits.

He nodded, slowly removing his arms from her and standing up straight again.

She felt like someone had just taken a weighted jacket off her shoulders.

“Do you want something?”

It was a peace offering; the closest thing they would get to a resolution. She was surprised by Jinyoung, surprised he wasn’t pushing her harder about the issue.

“Starbucks?”

She smiled, the action feeling like it strained her face as she nodded in answer.

“You know what I want.”

Soyeon did; the man ordered the same thing every time they went to the place, the girls behind the counter always flashing him their most winning smiles as he dropped a ten dollar bill in the tip jar.

Like she wasn’t even there.

But that’s just how Jinyoung operated; smooth, charming, and subtly letting anyone know who was paying attention that money was not a problem for him.

Soyeon tucked her un-brushed hair behind her ears, grabbing a hat still sitting on her bathroom sink and pulling it on her head.

“I’ll be back,” she told him, hesitating before placing a quick kiss on his cheek.

It was better to act natural…

She pulled the sleeves of her shirt down to hide her trembling fingers as she made her way through the door.

“Bye babe…” the tone of his voice had her turning around, eyebrows slightly raised. “You look beautiful…”

The lump was back in her throat, and she tried to retain a normal breathing pattern as she felt the corners of her eyes burn.

“You too.”

Soyeon couldn’t look at his face anymore, not when his eyes were searching hers like he knew she had something to hide.

He was always very good at that.

So she moved quickly towards the front door of their apartment, grabbing her purse off the too-expensive glass side table and pushing the door open with a flourish. She closed it behind her, not wanting to know if Jinyoung followed her down the stairs and tried to dig out her keys.

Her vision was blurry, her unshed tears, wavering on the rims of her eyes, and with a choked sob, she let them spill over, still desperately digging in her purse.

“Dammit,” she whispered to herself, wondering why she had such a humongous bag. “What the hell did I do with them…?”

She felt the scratch of metal under her fingertips and breathed a sigh of relief, shakily finding the house key and locking the apartment door, brushing her tears away with her free hand.

Soyeon kept swallowing, as if doing so would get rid of the knot in her esophagus that wouldn’t loosen despite the tears she was finally letting fall. She wiped the moisture from her face quickly, not wanting anyone to see her face when she walked through the apartment lobby and out on the busy sidewalks.

The place was too fancy and filled with too many judgmental people for anyone to show their emotions around here.

She kept her eyes on her feet, pulling down the bill of her hat just slightly as she pulled her phone from her leggings pocket.

Jiahn…she needed to talk to Jiahn.

 

 

** Jiahn: **

_**November 24, 2018. 10:45am** _

Jiahn was sitting on the couch, listening to the running water of the shower and wondering what she should do with Yugyeom’s shirt on the floor.

Should I wash it for him? What if he wants to leave as soon as he gets out of the shower? Why am I thinking so hard about this?!

The ringtone of her phone echoed across the apartment, coming from the kitchen counter where she left the device. She jumped from the couch, a little startled as she clumsily ran to the kitchen. Spotting Soyeon’s name, she quickly picked it up, realizing they hadn’t even checked to see where they other had gone last night.

“Soyeon?”

Jiahn answered the phone quickly, sounding a little more urgent than she had meant to.

“You’re okay, right?” Jiahn balanced the phone on her shoulder while she grabbed her coffee mug off the counter. “I figured you just went home, I got so drunk last night, I didn’t even think to text y-”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Soyeon’s voice was slightly muffled, like it was pressed against her cheek. “You sent me a text last night telling me you were in a taxi...or at least I think that’s what you said…”

Jiahn turned on the sink to rinse out the mug, trying to think back to the taxi ride the night before.

She didn’t remember much.

“It was hard to read, I figured you were drunk,” Soyeon went on. “I texted you telling you I was on my way home too, but I honestly wasn’t sure if you’d remember…”

“I don’t,” Jiahn giggled, turning the water back off and putting the mug in the dishwasher. “I’m sorry, I’m the worst. Did you have fun last night? Did you find Jiyoo? Where did you go after I went to the bar for round two? I thought you were right behind me but-”

“You tell me first,” Soyeon insisted, and Jiahn furrowed her eyebrows at the honking horn she heard on the other end of the phone. “I wanna hear-”

“Are you outside?” Jiahn interrupted.

“Yeah, I’m walking to get Jinyoung and me some coffee.”

There was an edge to Soyeon’s voice, a pull in her vocal cords that only Jiahn would’ve picked up on as the man’s name was uttered. She bit her lip, not asking, but knowing now that her best friend had not just called her out of the blue.

She needed her.

_What had happened last night?_

Jiahn knew better than to ask; her best friend was clearly looking for a distraction and so she took the bait and conceded.

“Okay, well,” she began, turning to her fridge to pull out eggs and some microwave bacon. “I sort of...brought someone home.”

She smiled as she said it, glancing towards the closed bathroom door and listening to the small gasp that came from her best friend.

“You did?” Soyeon sounded excited, happier than she had since they started the phone call and it made Jiahn chuckle lightly. “Who was it? Someone we know? Was he hot? Was he good?”

“No we don’t know him,” she answered as she set the items down on her counter, looking in the cabinets for a skillet. “I’ve definitely never seen this guy before...I guess he was just there for the party... But yes-”

She felt her face burn as she stood back up, skillet dangling in her hand.

“He is hot and was definitely good.”

“Is?” Soyeon repeated, and Jiahn heard the faint ringing of a bell as her best friend walked into the coffee shop, lowering her voice to a whisper. “He’s still there?”

“Yeah, I offered to let him use my shower...” Jiahn felt her stomach twist in knots at the surprise in Soyeon’s voice. “Is that weird? What am I supposed to do now? I was gonna make us some breakfast, but do you think that’s too much-?”

“No, I’m sure it’s fine,” Soyeon’s voice was still low as she spoke. “-Gosh this is a long line- Is he nice? Does he seem like he likes you?”

Jiahn finally put the skillet on the stove with a loud bang, the handle slipping in her hand a little at her best friend’s last question.

“I-I don’t know if he likes me, I mean, we don’t even know each other…” she leaned her body to the side, trying to see if the bathroom door was still closed before talking quietly. “He’s very nice, too nice honestly, for how sexy he is-”

“What’s his name?” Soyeon asked.

“Yugyeom,” Jiahn replied instantly, feeling her stomach flip unexpectedly when she said the name out loud.

_Aish...I am so pathetic…_

“Wait...Yugyeom?” Her best friend repeated, sounding thoughtful. “Why does that sound familiar? Is he- what does he look like?”

“Oh, um,” Jiahn was cracking eggs in a cup, smiling again before answering. “Well, he’s tall, like really tall, you know how I love that. Skinny, but not too skinny because he’s got nice shoulders, you know what I mean? Like when a guy is skinny and tall, and you’d think he looks like a bean pole, but he’s actually got nice proportions ‘cause his shoulders come out so much-”

“Yes, Jiahn,” Soyeon was trying to suppress her giggling, and it made Jiahn laugh a little. “I meant his face. Like how old is he?”

“Oh,” Jiahn grabbed a fork from her silverware drawer, breaking down the eggs before she scrambled them. “I mean, his face is handsome. Beautiful eyes, they’re so dark. Oh! And dark hair, kind of longer, it’s seriously nice, Soyeon-”

“Yah, Jiahn,” Soyeon couldn’t hold back her laugh this time as her voice raised a little. “How old is he?”

“Oh right,” Jiahn poured the eggs in the skillet, blushing a little. “He’s younger than me...I’d say maybe 23...24?”

“You’re sure?”

She halted, spatula halfway out of the drawer at her friend’s question.

“Why?” Jiahn asked, feeling her stomach sink a little. “Do you know him?”

“I mean, I’m not sure, it’s just…” Soyeon hesitated before sighing and continuing with what she was going to say. “Okay, you know the guy from filing? The young one who’s always talking my ear off when I’m looking for stuff for my articles? Goes by that weird nickname he got from his family, ‘Bam Bam’?”

Jiahn paused, vaguely putting a face to the name and wrinkling her nose a little.

“Oh, Soyeon, no it is not that guy,” Jiahn was shaking her head back and forth as she held the phone with her hand, moving back to the skillet. “That guy is actually a bean pole, and they have totally different voices, and faces, and just-”

“No of course not, I’m saying that he talks to me a lot, like tells me anything I’ll listen to about his life-”

“Aw, the guy is so lonely,” Jiahn giggled, now getting a clearer picture of Bam Bam as she stirred the eggs. “He’s the only one in filing right now, and it’s in the basement for god sakes! Jackson is the worst for putting him down there like that-”

“Yeah he really is-” Soyeon agreed quickly before continuing. “But he’s always telling me about his weekend adventures and stuff and I swear his best friend’s name is Yugyeom!”

“What?” Jiahn asked, even though she had heard every word, spatula hovering in the runny egg mixture. “Well, I mean, that’s not a big deal right? Even if they are best friends, guess it’s just a small world…”

Still, Jiahn didn’t like the thought of it. The point of a one night stand was anonymity, and even though it wasn’t really in her job description to go to filing very often, the fact that the best friend of her sexual escapade partner was working in the same building as her was a little...off-putting.

What if he tells Bam Bam everything? I tell Soyeon everything! What if he sees me when I go down to filing on the rare occasion and he...knows? Knows all the details and-?

“I mean I guess it wouldn’t be a huge deal, but…” Soyeon paused as if trying to put her words together right, and it made Jiahn’s heart start to pound a little bit. “I think Bam Bam...I think he’s only 21, Jiahn.”

Jiahn froze, spatula clattering as she accidentally dropped it in the pan, not paying it the slightest bit of attention.

“You-” Her eyes darted around the kitchen as she stuttered. “I mean, are you sure? Maybe Yugyeom’s older than him?”

“No, Jiahn…” Soyeon muttered, sounding like she was trying not to laugh. “Bam Bam talks all the time about how he’s older, and apparently Yugyeom just turned 21...they had a party or something, Bam gave me way too many details about the girl he met there-”

Jiahn ran a hand through her hair, backing away from the stove and looking over her shoulder at the closed bathroom door.

“Oh shit…shit, Soyeon…”

No way he was that young...maybe it was just a mistake? Maybe he-

“Jiahn, come on, it’s okay, you’re always with guys younger than you-”

“Yeah but 21? Soyeon that’s bad…”

“How?” Soyeon was full on giggling now as she spoke. “It’s just a one time thing right?”

“Right…” Jiahn heard a suspicious sizzling, jumping and running towards stove, hurriedly moving the eggs so they wouldn’t burn. “I don’t know it feels wrong...21 year old guys are still in college, they’re still young, like kids, not-”

“Oh my god, Jiahn,” Soyeon was playfully exasperated as she spoke. “You make it sound like you’re forty. So you’re a little older, big deal-”

“You’re the one who felt the need to tell me in the first place!” Jiahn snapped, throwing her hand in the air without thinking and accidentally flinging eggs on the counter.

“So you wouldn’t freak out on the poor kid when he gets out of the shower-”

“See!” Jiahn exclaimed, grabbing some paper towels to clean up the eggs. “Even you called him a kid!”

“I’m 28,” Soyeon reasoned, and Jiahn could see the girl rolling her eyes through her tone. “He is a kid to me…”

Jiahn threw the paper towel away, turning the stove on the warm setting and putting a lid on the completed eggs.

“I’m gonna check for sure.”

“How are you gonna do that?” Soyeon asked curiously as Jiahn made her way to the coffee table in the living room, spotting Yugyeom’s wallet sitting on its surface.

“His wallet is here…”

“Jiahn,” Soyeon laughed out loud, probably not expecting the younger’s response. “Don’t go through his stuff…”

“I’m just gonna flip it open…” Jiahn spoke softly, aware of how much closer she was to the bathroom, leaning carefully towards the wallet. “If his ID is in that see-through part, then I’ll look, but if it’s put away I won’t touch it-”

“Jiahn, that’s really not-” Soyeon stopped short, giggling nervously. “Oh yes sorry ma’am, I’m ready to order-”

Jiahn listened to her best friend order coffee, using a spare pen on the table to slowly reach out towards the leather wallet. If she didn’t touch it, she felt better, wiggling the pen cap between the flaps. With a flick of her wrist, she snapped the pen, the wallet falling open instantly.

She took another couple steps closer, still holding the phone to her ear as she got a closer look. Jiahn could clearly see the ID in the clear sleeve, just as she suspected, a goofy smile on the man’s face printed on the hard plastic. She swallowed hard at the first two lines:

 

**Name:** _**Kim Yu Gyeom** _

**DOB:** _**11.17.1997** _

 

Yep...definitely 21.

“Yes ma’am, thank you.”

Soyeon’s voice was still in her ear, and Jiahn quickly closed the wallet as if it had burned her.

Shit.

“Did you actually look?”

Another ring of the bell, letting Jiahn know Soyeon was leaving the coffee shop once more, and her voice was back to it’s normal volume.

“Yeah he’s-” she swallowed hard, running her free hand through her hair. “He’s 21…”

“Wow, so it’s him then…” Soyeon sounded amazed; it really was a small world. “Well, it’s okay, don’t worry-”

Jiahn didn’t want to think about it any longer, sighing loudly and shaking her head before she made her way back to the kitchen.

“It’s not a big deal,” she cut her best friend off, Jiahn knowing how dramatic she was being; it really was just a one night stand anyway. “I’ll be fine...so what happened with you?”

Jiahn hadn’t meant to be so tactless; she had only meant to move on to her best friend and see where she had gone when she never showed up at the bar. But judging by the way Soyeon immediately stopped laughing, almost choking on the sound, Jiahn realized she might’ve unintentionally hit a nerve.

“I’m sorry-” she quickly corrected herself, grabbing a couple plates from the cabinets now. “I didn’t mean- You don’t have to tell me-”

“No, no it’s okay, I actually-”

Soyeon paused and Jiahn placed the plates down gently, holding the phone with both hands as she stared at the yellowing backsplash behind her stove.

“I need to tell you.”

Jiahn remained silent, biting her lip as she leaned against the counter.

“Last night, when I was gonna come with you to get more drinks-”

Another pause, and Jiahn knew her best friend was taking a deep breath.

“-this...guy asked me to dance, just a slow dance, and I uh-”

Jiahn swallowed hard; she knew how hard it was for Soyeon to be open like this.

“I said yes, Jiahn, I said yes because I was drunk and I was mad at Jinyoung, and he and I got into another fight last night-”

She sounded close to tears, and Jiahn felt her stomach twist.

“Soyeonie…” she used her nickname for her friend, speaking soothingly into the phone. “It’s okay...it’s alright. It was just a slow dance, no harm no fowl, and you had some drinks-”

“No, Jiahn, I-” Soyeon’s voice got loud for a moment before she continued. “We kept dancing, even when the songs weren’t slow anymore, and he was so hot and I got caught up in the moment-”

_Oh no…_

Jiahn was biting her thumbnail now, her heart aching for her best friend. Deep down, she had wondered if this might eventually happen to Soyeon. She had wondered when the older girl would realize she was much better off without Jinyoung and find someone that treated her with more respect…

Treated her like a human.

But Jiahn had always hoped Soyeon would make the realization on her own; that she would get into her final fight with the controlling man and walk out on Jinyoung like he deserved. She had never wanted her best friend to feel guilty…

She didn’t deserve it.

“Dancing is not the end of the world,” Jiahn tried to say something worth hearing, but she knew she was grasping at straws as she ran a hand through her hair. “I know you feel guilty, I would too, but it’s okay…”

“It’s not okay…” Soyeon’s voice was small now, broken as she spoke, and Jiahn felt a pang in her chest at the sound of it.

“Wh-?”

“I kissed him.”

Jiahn eyes widened, listening to the slight catch in Soyeon’s voice that filled the silence. She moved to sit in one of the two mismatching chairs at her seen-better-days kitchen table, pinching the bridge of her nose.

_What do I say…?_

Before she could think of anything even remotely comforting, she heard Soyeon exhale loudly.

“I don’t even know what I was doing, Jiahn,” her voice was high-pitched, and Jiahn knew she was crying now. “We were just dancing, and I needed some air, and then when we went outside, we were standing so close-”

She stopped again and Jiahn sighed quietly, listening intently as she propped her elbow on the table, forehead resting in her palm.

“Then of course, I had to take off my stupid mask and, and Jiahn-”

Her stomach flipped in nervous anticipation.

“It was Shownu,” Soyeon whispered, voice barely audible. “He saw my face and then he just...we both freaked out…”

_Oh shit…_

Shownu.

Jiahn had been teasing Soyeon since day one about her unacknowledged crush on the bronze-skinned man. Really, with his sweetness level and good looks, there wasn’t a girl in the office who didn’t do a double-take when he walked by, Soyeon being no exception. But the way the man looked back at Soyeon; the crinkly-eyed smile, the shy biting of his lip, the overall happiness that shined in his eyes when they spoke to one another…

The two had amazing chemistry.

And wow did this just make the situation so much worse.

“Soyeon…” Jiahn breathed, not knowing what to say but knowing she needed to say something. “It’s- It’s gonna be okay…”

“He’s engaged, Jiahn,” Soyeon sounded like there was a sob stuck in her throat, and Jiahn squeezed her eyes shut. “To that stupid girl, and I’m with Jinyoung, we fucked up, I fucked up-”

“We’re all human…” Jiahn spoke softly, knowing her best friend was breaking down when she was dropping the f-bomb like that. “We all make mistakes...don’t- You’ve been having a really hard time lately, with Jinyoung, and the alcohol combined with the masks, it was a bad mixture…”

She heard Soyeon sniffle loudly on the other end.

“Alcohol, it makes us do stupid things, especially when we are in a very vulnerable mindset,” Jiahn went on, voice still soft and hoping to god she was helping her friend, if only slightly. “I know you’re upset and I know this is hard...but don’t beat yourself up okay? You are a great person, a wonderful woman...someone I’m proud to call my best friend-”

There was an exhale on Soyeon’s end, and Jiahn wasn’t sure if it was a laugh or not.

I hope so.

“You can come by my apartment later okay?” Jiahn went on, rambling now in her pure concern for Soyeon. “We can watch movies, eat chocolate, and try to figure out how we can solve this...you’re not in it alone...I’ll help you…”

Jiahn knew that if Soyeon could, she would just try to dig a nice clean hole and bury all of these issues, throwing the dirt on top and continuing as if nothing happened. She would let the guilt destroy her from the inside out, and crack more than she already did under Jinyoung’s overly watchful eye. But Jiahn couldn’t let her do that; she couldn’t let her best friend crumble while she stood by, and so she would hold tightly to her hand and hope it gave her the strength to handle this.

Because this was definitely about to be a shit storm if Jinyoung’s past behavior was any indication.

“Jiahn…” Soyeon sighed, sounding touched. “Thank you...I’ll-uh- I’ll come over...yeah, and maybe we can-”

She hesitated.

“We can do whatever you want,” Jiahn finished the sentence. “Whether you want to talk about it or not.”

Another sniffle from Soyeon and Jiahn was standing up from the table, feeling a little too nervous in that moment to sit still.

“Okay.”

Soyeon’s voice was small as she finally answered. Jiahn turned, jumping about a foot in the air when she saw Yugyeom leaning against the door frame of her bedroom, smiling softly at her from across the apartment. He ran a quick hand through his hair when she spotted him, glancing down at his feet.

_How long had he been standing there?_

Jiahn’s heart was fluttering at the way she caught him looking at her, but she ignored it, smiling awkwardly at him and pointing at her phone and silently telling him it would be one more minute. He laughed, waving his hand to tell her it was no rush. She kept eye contact for another second before quickly moving to the kitchen, lifting the lid to check on the eggs.

“I’ve got to go inside,” Soyeon spoke again, tone heavy as she said it. “These coffees are gonna get cold…”

“Okay,” Jiahn nodded, stirring the eggs quickly before pulling out the bacon from it’s package and setting it in the microwave. “It’s going to be alright. Try to enjoy your coffee, and call me when you want to come over, okay?”

“I will,” Soyeon answered. “Thanks Jiahn…”

“What are besties for?” Jiahn grinned as she asked the question, putting the remaining bacon back in the fridge.

Soyeon giggled softly and Jiahn was so happy to hear it.

“Bye, I’ll text you later.”

“Bye,” Jiahn said, watching as Yugyeom walked into the kitchen. “Text me later.”

“I will.”

Soyeon then hung up, and Jiahn glanced at the screen before shoving the phone into the waistband of her shorts.

“Hey.”

Jiahn swore, that’s the only word she was capable of saying in front of this guy.

“Hey,” he answered with a goofy smile, and she wondered if he was thinking the same thing she was.

Looking at him with coffee in her system and a clear mind, his smile reminded her all over again how young he looked.

How young he was.

“So…” Jiahn pulled on a loose string of her shirt, inspecting it closely as she spoke. “Just out of curiosity...how old do you think I am?”

She hesitated before looking up at him, his eyes widening a little at the completely out-of-the-blue question.

“Uh…” he chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t know, maybe 23...24?”

She laughed because she was flattered and the two of them had totally fooled one another; they guessed the same age for each other.

“Um…”

God this was awkward. What was she supposed to say? Why did she feel like she needed to tell him? Did it matter?

_Because you want to see him again. You don’t want this to be a one time thing…_

She groaned internally at her own thoughts; of course she was right. That’s exactly why she cared so much.

“I’m actually 26.”

A moment of silence before Yugyeom was laughing softly again, grinning stupidly down at her.

“Really?” He asked, looking a little excited. “Wow…okay, so Noona-”

“Yah!” Jiahn slapped him on the arm, cringing a little at the name. “Come on…”

Yugyeom jumped at her surprise attack, only laughing harder at her.

“How old are you?” She asked, knowing she had to play pretend; she felt like the wallet story would be a bit awkward to admit to him.

“Uh…” He glanced down at his feet before looking back up at her through his lashes, a one-sided grin on his face. “I just turned 21.”

AH! Why did he have to look so hot while he answered her?!

She wasn’t sure if he was flirting with her or not, but she felt her heart stutter a bit in her chest, suddenly paying attention to the small amount of space between them.

When had that happened?

“Okay…” Jiahn breathed, running a nervous hand through her hair as her eyes darted from his. “Well...I’m sorry ‘bout that...I know this is a little, uh-”

“It’s okay,” he interrupted, voice softer. “It doesn’t really matter to me…”

“Oh, right-”

Jiahn suddenly felt hot, sort of like she was suffocating as he continued to look at her. She turned to the microwave, hitting the thirty seconds button just for something to do and remembering the bacon was still sitting in there.

“-I mean, me either, f-five years isn’t a big deal-”

_If Soyeon was here, she’d be laughing so hard at you. You’re a terrible liar...are you stuttering right now?_

“-and it was just, like, this one time thing anyway, so-”

Damn me and my nervous mouth.

Jiahn wasn’t an expert, but she was pretty sure there were way more socially acceptable ways to have this conversation than word-vomiting to fill the silence.

“Right,” Yugyeom’s voice was lower now, smile fading from his face. “Just, uh, just a one time thing…”

She watched him take a half a step back, looking from his feet to his eyes that had something in them she couldn’t quite read. Jiahn swallowed nervously, unable to look away as he stared right back at her, neither speaking a word.

The loud ding of the microwave broke them both from their trance, Jiahn turning at the speed of light towards the microwave and yanking the door open a little harder than necessary. She thought she could hear Yugyeom laughing at her softly, but she was too busy taking the bacon out to check for sure, hurriedly unwrapping it from the paper towel and dividing it up on the plates.

“I made us breakfast,” Jiahn felt so shy, her voice barely recognizable as she turned to look at him. “If you want some…”

“It smells good,” he smiled gently at her, eyes darting to the covered skillet full of eggs. “Thank you…”

“No problem-”

She was blushing, she was definitely blushing…

“-it wasn’t that hard, I promise.”

Yugyeom chuckled as she scooped eggs on their plates, both of them going to sit at her “kitchen table” which she normally never used. Awkward silence was threatening to take over, and Jiahn just couldn’t handle the thought of it.

“So where do you work?” She asked, a genuine curiosity about this guy that she couldn’t quite shake.

“I work at a dance studio,” he answered her quickly, bacon in his hand as he spoke. “I’m one of the instructors…”

Her eyes widened; whatever she had been expecting, it wasn’t that.

“What kind of dance?” Jiahn asked, taking a bite of eggs as she waited for his answer.

“Nothing specific really,” Yugyeom answered with a small smile. “The kids I teach are kind of young, like 4 and 5, so we just go over basic moves and help them with balance and stuff-”

“You teach kids?”

Jiahn couldn’t keep the grin off her face, imagining him working with a bunch of children. She could see it, see him smiling and laughing with them, demonstrating the moves and helping the ones who asked for it. He seemed patient enough, even in the short time she’d known him, and the thought brought butterflies to her stomach.

Oh, ew, Jiahn, get your head out of the clouds and get a grip…

“I took the job so I could get some experience,” he explained, eating the last piece of bacon and swallowing before he continued. “I want to be an official dance instructor, like for an entertainment company, but they don’t just hire off the street, so I had to start somewhere…”

He looked thoughtfully at his plate, smiling down at it.

“I didn’t think I’d like it, working with kids, but it’s actually kind of fun…”

He was too adorable.

Jiahn giggled, and he looked up as if a little embarrassed by his confession.

“What do you do?” He asked, no doubt trying to change the subject from him and finish his eggs.

“Oh, me?” Jiahn answered, sitting back a little in her chair. “Nothing that exciting at all compared to that. I’m a copy editor for an online magazine, Entertainment Enquirer-”

“Oh yeah!” Yugyeom nodded enthusiastically. “My best friend works there, Bam, he’s-”

“In filing,” Jiahn was laughing again, but this time out of nervousness; Soyeon had hit the nail on the head. “Yeah, I know him. My best friend Soyeon talks to him all the time...”

“Wait...you’re best friends with Soyeon?”

Jiahn cocked her head to the side, confused at his question.

“Yeah, why d-?”

“N-Nothing, I’ve just-” Yugyeom was backtracking, clearly not meaning to voice the question out loud as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve heard her name-”

He couldn’t look her in the eyes, suddenly very interested in straightening the spoon that sat next to his now empty plate, trying to hide the smile on his face.

“Tell me!” Jiahn exclaimed, getting a little too comfortable with this man in front of her, but unable to help herself. “Does Bam talk about her?”

“I- what?” He still wasn’t looking at her, scratching underneath his nose. “I mean-”

“Oh my gosh…”

Jiahn was grinning from ear to ear, a sharp laugh slipping from her throat at this discovery.

“He totally does, doesn’t he?” She didn’t need an answer. “Oh my gosh, Bam likes Soyeon…”

It made so much sense now; the way he always talked to Soyeon non-stop, how Jackson moved him to the filing position in the basement to “keep him focused”...

Jiahn had just thought the poor guy had a hard time paying attention.

“God, please don’t say anything…”

Yugyeom was chuckling, shaking his head back and forth as he finally looked at her again.

“I won’t, I won’t!” She immediately put her hands up in surrender, still laughing. “Your secret is safe with me…”

Jiahn was still smiling a little, taking her last bite of eggs and wondering how they had gone from awkward to comfortable in just a few minutes time.

It was nice.

“I’m sorry about this but…” Yugyeom was fishing his phone out of his pocket, glancing at the time and standing up quickly. “I’ve gotta get going. I have a noon class today…”

“No, no you’re fine!”

Jiahn watched him move to the living room and casually grab his shirt off the floor. He pulled it on quickly before grabbing his wallet, stuffing it in his back pocket.

She followed him, watching him slip his shoes on and turn to look at her, a soft smile on his face.

“Thank you for breakfast…” he paused before adding “and everything else.”

They both looked away from one another, and Jiahn could feel her face burning as a goofy grin took over her face before she could help it.

“You’re welcome,” Jiahn giggled. “It was...fun.”

Fun isn’t the first word that came to mind, but it would do.

“Yeah…” he was moving slowly towards the front door, looking hesitant for some reason as his eyes stayed locked with hers. “Well...I guess this is goodbye.”

The sinking feeling in her stomach came fast, like someone had caught her with a fishing hook and yanked down hard.

“Yeah…” the sadness was too obvious in her voice and she hated it, trying to keep her smile. “Yeah I guess it is…”

They stared at one another for a long moment before Yugyeom turned his head, grabbing the door knob and pulling it open.

The way he had looked at her made her feel like he was waiting for something, but she was too nervous and unsure to know if she was reading him right or not.

“Goodbye Jiahn.”

He had the door completely open now, standing in the doorway and smiling at her again, making her heart skip a beat.

“Bye Yugyeom.”

She smiled back, and after nodding quickly at her, he finally turned around, shutting the door behind him and leaving her in complete silence.

Jiahn swallowed hard, an unexpected lump in her throat as she looked up at the ceiling.

_Are those tears? Are you about to cry over this guy right now? You don’t even know him?_

She scowled at her thoughts, taking a deep breath and keeping the stupid tears at bay as she moved to the bathroom.

Yes he was hot, yes he was adorable, yes he was the best lay you ever had, but when you bring a guy home for the night, the intentions are pretty clear…

Jiahn sighed, flicking on the light and staring at her reflection, cringing. Her makeup wasn’t terrible considering it was leftover from the night before, but her hair was a mess, the strands disheveled and crazy all over her head.

_Fantastic_

She turned the water on to wash her face, noticing a receipt folded neatly behind the faucet. Next to it was a the tube of lipstick she had broken out for the first time in forever the night before, remembering she had left it on the bathroom counter. The lid was off now, and she furrowed her eyebrows before picking up the receipt and unfolding it carefully.

A smile lit up her whole face as she stared at its contents, the dark red of the lipstick easily readable on the white receipt paper.

_**If you want to see each other again** _

_**-Yugyeom** _

_**555-898-1243** _

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings! 
> 
> Mentions of Sexual Content, Mentions of Cheating

  **Soyeon:**

_**November 26, 2018, 7:30am** _

Soyeon pushed open the double doors of the office building, stuffing her trembling hands in her pockets and trying to breathe.

She didn’t want to be here, she didn’t want to be at the office and have to see Shownu. Despite Jiahn and Soyeon sitting down for hours, eating snacks and discussing what she would say, Soyeon didn’t feel good about any of it.

“Not saying anything at all will make it more awkward,” Jiahn had said. “I think you guys just need to acknowledge it and then see if you can move on…”

“That’s exactly what we have to do,” Soyeon had been staring at her unopened chocolate while Jiahn talked, trying to keep her panicked breathing normal. “It’s actually saying it...that’s the problem…”

“I know…” Jiahn sighed, and Soyeon knew she was struggling with what to say. “But Shownu’s sweet...I don’t think there’s a better person you could try to talk to about it…”

Soyeon swallowed, staring at the elevator as she waited for it to open. Of course Shownu was sweet; it’s why she liked him so much. But regardless, opening her mouth, saying what she needed to say like that…

She wasn’t sure she had the strength.

_**Ding** _

The elevator opened and she was so glad it was empty, not really wanting to talk. On a spur of the moment decision, she decided to go to the basement and head to filing; she had been meaning to grab her old Christmas articles she had put together last year so she could look them over, hoping to give herself some inspiration for the upcoming holiday.

_**Ding** _

The doors opened, the immediate hum of the furnace loud as it echoed off the cement walls of the basement. The area was almost empty, save a few filing cabinets and some shelves with stuffed manila folders up against the wall. There was a small end table with a lamp and a coffee table next to the bookshelves and judging by the smell, Soyeon realized the coffee pot on it’s surface had been turned on.

_Oh no...if the coffee pot’s on then that means-_

“Soyeon?”

BamBam came out from behind a cement pillar, a stack of folders in his hands as he pulled a headphone out of his ear, smiling brightly at her.

“Hey Bam,” Soyeon sighed, reluctantly grinning back at him; his enthusiasm was too adorable.

“What are you doing down here?” He asked, quickly dumping the papers on the table in the middle of the room, eyes never leaving her. “Do you want some coffee? I don’t know how to make less than 12 cups so I always make too much-”

“I’m okay,” Soyeon answered with a laugh, eyeing the coffee pot and seeing that, indeed, the pot was almost filled to the brim. “I just came down here to look at my old Christmas articles.”

“Oh here, I’ll grab them,” he seemed more than happy to help, turning around to yank open the top filing cabinet and sift through the folders. “I can’t believe we’re already talking about Christmas!”

“I know…” Soyeon agreed, a little thankful for the younger in this moment; he was good at distracting her. “I have no idea what I’ll write about this year.”

He grabbed a particularly thick stack of papers out of the drawer, slamming them on the middle table and sorting through the manila folders.

“So...do you know?” He asked, pausing for a moment to look up at her with a mischievous grin.

“Know?” She giggled, shaking her head at the man. “Know what?”

“About Jiahn…” he paused for dramatic effect, smile growing a little bigger. “And Yugyeom.”

“Oh my god, Bam…” Soyeon smacked her hand to her forehead, unable to hide the smile on her face as he laughed.

“Can you believe that?” He was so enthusiastic, as if it was his own love life he was talking about. “Small world huh? I think it works really, I mean Jiahn seems like his type-”

He paused, holding up one of the folders, her name printed on the tab, and handing it to her.

“-she’s even older,” he went on, watching as Soyeon slowly opened the folder. “Isn’t Jiahn like, 25 or something? I was laughing so hard when he told me-”

“She’s 26-” Soyeon corrected with a roll of her eyes, laughing despite herself.

_Jiahn and BamBam with this damn age difference..._

“-and it is seriously not that bad,” she continued, looking up from the articles to raise an eyebrow at him. “Five years is okay, and they’re both in their 20s…”

“Oh no, no judgement,” Bam ran a hand through his hair, grinning at her as he spoke. “I think older women are hot too...I just think it’s funny.”

“I think older women are hot too”...if he thinks Jiahn is old, then I’m ancient.

She giggled at her own thoughts, closing up the folder and sighing.

“Don’t say anything to anybody, okay?” She met his eyes as she said it to let him know she was serious, despite the smile still pulling at the corners of her lips. “I don’t think she wants the whole office to know.”

“I won’t, I swear!” He put his hands up in surrender.

“Good,” she teased, sticking her tongue out at him before securing the folder under her arm. “I’ve gotta go up now…”

“Aw, forreal?” Bam looked legitimately disappointed, smile falling from his face as he watched her walk back towards the elevators. “You just got here!”

“I’m sorry,” Soyeon held up the folder, grimacing. “A lot of work to do. Holiday season, remember?”

“Right…”

She hit the up button, the elevator dinging instantly and it’s doors opening up.

“Bye Bam!” She entered the elevator, turning to face him with an enthusiastic wave.

“Bye Soyeon!” He waved back, walking around the table and grinning playfully before adding. “Tell Jiahn I said it’s only robbing the cradle if it’s eight years or more!”

Soyeon slapped her hand to her forehead again, laughing out loud.

“I’m not telling her that!” She shouted through the closing doors, listening to Bam’s hysterical laughter echoing through the basement.

No wonder Yugyeom had gone for Jiahn.

Her and his best friend were exactly the same.

**_Ding_ **

The second floor.

Soyeon walked to the door that led to the office on autopilot, but as soon as she was inside, she froze.

She could see the walls of the cubicles from where she stood, willing herself to move before someone peeked out to see who had arrived. Her body was finally listening to her mind, and she took a few steps forward, eyes wandering to the back wall.

Three identical doors- an office for Jackson, office for Shownu, and office for Jaebum, the head writer- and she swallowed hard when she noticed Shownu’s office’s light was on, door slightly ajar. Soyeon walked through the open area that split the cubicles, trying to focus on the conversations around her instead of the sound of her hammering heart.

“-told her I wasn’t interested, but she just keeps calling,” Heonie, their one and only tech guy, was leaned back in his computer chair, playing with a squishy stress ball as he spoke to the fabric wall of his cubicle. “What am I supposed to do? What do you do when this happens? I know you party, dude…”

“I don’t give them my number.”

Hyungwon sat on the other side of the wall Heonie was speaking to, his cubicle right next door. The man’s eyes were focused on his new holiday graphic design project for the website, voice monotone as he answered.

“Don’t be a smartass!” Heonie shouted, throwing the stress ball at the wall and laughing out loud. “I’m asking you for some advice here!”

Hyungwon smiled, eyes still on the computer, and Soyeon covered her mouth with her hand to hide her laugh. Those two were always going at it, Soyeon having the pleasure of getting a cubicle right across from Hyungwon’s. She was thankful for the spot- her desk was the size of two cubicles, giving her plenty of work space- but it did get a bit distracting.

Not to mention they were directly across from Shownu’s office.

As Soyeon rounded the corner of the cubicles, she glanced inside his office through the crack in the door, unable to help it. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him, spreading out some developed photos on his desk and biting his lip, looking them over. It was like she had forgotten how handsome he was, forgotten what he looked like even first thing in the morning when his coffee mug sat on his desk, barely touched.

It wasn’t fair.

_Okay, I need tea, distance, and deep breaths. Then I can talk to him._

Soyeon tore her eyes away from the man before he could spot her, practically running to her desk as she dumped her stuff on its surface, hurrying to grab a tea bag.

“-looks like she’s texted me this morning again…” Heonie’s voice echoed through the thin cubicle wall. “She texted me 6 times yesterday-”

“You counted how many text messages she sent?”

Jackson’s voice was loud, and Soyeon stood up with her teabag in hand, seeing her boss standing in the entrance to Heonie’s cubicle and looking over the man’s shoulder.

“I wasn’t _counting_ , I just-”

“You were counting,” Hyungwon’s voice was barely audible, no doubt still staring at his computer screen.

“He was totally counting!” Jackson sounded excited, grinning and moving more completely into the cubicle. “Is she hot?”

Soyeon shook her head, moving quickly to the breakroom; how she ever got any writing done where she sat was beyond her.

The smell of coffee was sharp in her nose when she entered the small breakroom, eyes immediately falling on her best friend, whose face was bright red.

“-waste your time with him, seriously. He’s alright looking, I mean I used to think he was hot, but believe me, he’s not worth your time. No matter how tall he is.”

Haeun, another woman on the writing team, was speaking with Jiahn in a nasally voice as per usual, flipping her hair and giving an opinion no one cared about. She was awful, a bad egg in a group of awesome people in the office, but Jackson was required to keep her on due to her father. His monthly checks helped keep the lights in the building on, so they were stuck with her, whether anyone wanted it or not.

“What do you mean?” Jiahn asked reluctantly, looking like she was struggling with curiosity versus wanting to get the hell out of there.

“Yugyeom, he’s just so...stuck up,” Haeun rolled her eyes as she said it, taking a long sip of her coffee. “I’m honestly surprised he gave you the time of day...no offense or anything, you’re pretty Jiahn, seriously, but he just acts like his shit doesn’t stink-”

“I’ve met Yugyeom!” Jiyoo’s voice was a complete contradiction from Haeun’s, cheery and tinkly, like wind chimes, as she pulled a tupperware container out of the fridge. “He’s like, the sweetest guy ever. Are you sure you are talking about the right Yugyeom?”

If it would’ve been anyone else, the question would’ve sounded a little vindictive, a little mocking. But when it came from Jiyoo, her eyes wide and genuinely curious, Soyeon knew the girl honestly thought Haeun had mixed them up.

“Friends with the filing guy downstairs, right?” Haeun clarified, and Soyeon saw Jiahn run a hand down her face in embarrassment. “I know him. Bam invited me to one of their parties, and I went, because you know, nothing else to do...Yugyeom was making moves on me all night. Kept talking to me and laughing at what I said-”

“It sounds like he was just being nice,” Soyeon couldn’t sit back and listen to this anymore, moving to the electric tea kettle and switching it on, keeping her voice carefully light and airy.

“He wasn’t,” Haeun huffed, glaring at Soyeon as she pretended not to notice. “He wouldn’t leave me alone, but then when I finally gave him a chance, he decided to play ‘hard to get’ and told me he didn’t like me like that. Like who does that?”

Haeun sipped her coffee bitterly, while Jiahn sat down at the only table in the room, busying herself with pouring her cream and sugar packets in her own coffee and, no doubt, trying to get away from the girl.

“Yugyeom is really nice and sweet,” Jiyoo broke the silence, still good-natured as she grabbed her breakfast and plopped down next to Jiahn with a bright smile. “Cute too! I can’t believe you were going to keep it a secret! You should’ve known I would figure it out with my stealthy detective skills!”

“I wasn’t gonna keep it a secret, necessarily, I just-” Jiahn’s face was red again and Soyeon tried not to laugh; Jiyoo would be the one who found out somehow. “What do you mean ‘stealthy detective skills’? You found out because Youngjae told you…”

“Youngjae…” Jiyoo sighed, smiling lovingly at the wall, a far off look on her face. “Isn’t his name so handsome?”

“Who’s Youngjae?”

Jackson and Jaebum entered the break room together just as Soyoen’s tea kettle beeped to let her know it was ready. She poured her water carefully, listening to Jackson continue with his questions.

“Did you go on a date with him or something?”

Jackson was trying to sound casual, but the edge to his voice was too obvious. Soyeon turned around and leaned against the counter, dropping her tea bag in the water and watching Jackson sit in the chair next to Jiyoo. Jiahn tried not to smirk as she looked at Jackson, while Jaebum ran a hand through his hair, rolling his eyes and opening the fridge to grab bottle of milk.

“He asked me to dance at the masquerade party,” Jiyoo answered him dreamily, the only one in the room who was completely oblivious to Jackson’s tone. “And kissed my hand when he asked…”

“Kissed your hand?” Jackson wrinkled his nose, watching Jiyoo as she continued to stare at the wall. “That’s just weird-”

Jaebum scoffed quietly under his breath, and Haeun laughed loudly, trying to be subtle as she glanced his way.

He didn’t notice.

Haeun was a fan of male attention in general- anyone who would give it to her really- but everyone in the office knew about her obvious crush on Jaebum. She went out of her way to talk to him, get along with him, help him in any way she could, and always seemed to be leaning over unnecessarily to show what little cleavage she had to him.

The man never seemed to pay attention.

It was easy to see why she felt like that about him; he was handsome in a unique sort of way, with a stoic demeanor and slight air of mystery, but his smile could kill you. Jiahn had nearly died the first time she saw him, Soyeon right along with her, but once they got to know him, the novelty wore off.

“I would define him as a typical, douchey asshole who is nice to look at but should not be touched,” Jiahn had declared one night when the two of them were drinking at her apartment. “Unless...it’s a one night stand.”

Soyeon grinned at the memory, watching Haeun pout when Jaebum continued to pretend she didn’t exist.

“It was not weird, it was romantic, and he is the sweetest man I’ve ever met...” Jiyoo sighed before turning to Jiahn, grinning mischievously. “Surprisingly good in bed too.”

Soyeon almost spit out her tea, Jiahn laughing loudly. Jaebum dropped his milk carton on the floor, Jackson stood up from his chair, and Hauen smirked into her coffee cup.

“That is not appropriate work conversation!” Jackson exclaimed, pointing a finger at her. “What- How could you- Didn’t you just meet him?!”

“I never say no to man who knows how to woo me,” Jiyoo winked, and Jiahn laughed again, covering up Jackson’s groan of frustration.

“Jiyoo, that’s- what are you-”

Jackson was sputtering, face growing red as he failed to form a coherent sentence.

Haeun grabbed a stack of paper towels from the counter, running to the spilled milk by Jaebum’s feet and cleaning it up with a high-pitched laugh.

“Jae, you’re so clumsy, what are we going to do with you?”

“What?” Jaebum’s eyebrows furrowed as he took a step back, looking down at the girl. “I got it Haeun-”

“No, no, it’s fine!” She giggled, probably because he was actually looking at her, despite the confused look on his face. “I’m always cleaning up your messes anyway!”

She made it sound like they were old friends, Jaebum scowling and Soyeon rolling her eyes. Jiahn stood up from the table, slowly backing away, Jackson continuing to make weird noises as he stared at Jiyoo. She made eye contact with Soyeon, both of them thinking the same thing.

It’s too early for this shit.

Their coworkers were great, but rambunctious, and they both walked together towards the door, no one paying them the slightest bit of attention.

“-has a wonderful heart, you can just tell when you talk to him,” Jiyoo was still talking about Youngjae, somehow not realizing she was making Jackson’s temper rise with every word she spoke. “He danced with me, and then later he sang for me too, and he’s such a good singer-”

“I can sing too,” Jackson cut her off, sounding like a small child, and Soyeon could just picture him pouting as she walked out the door with Jiahn. “That’s not that big of a deal-”

Soyeon and Jiahn both breathed a sigh of relief when they were out of earshot of the madness, smiling at one another.

“Good God,” Jiahn ran a hand through her hair as she laughed. “They’re nuts, I cannot…”

“I know,” Soyeon agreed with a small giggle, sipping her tea. “I don’t think they realize it’s 8 in the morning.”

They made their way to Soyeon’s cubicle, Jiahn leaning against the wall with a sigh, watching as Soyeon set down her mug and collapsed in her chair.

“So…” Soyeon pressed her lips together, but the smile on her face couldn’t be hidden. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag about Yugyeom, huh?”

Jiahn let her head fall against the wall, groaning softly as Soyeon laughed.

“How did that even happen?”

“Freaking Jiyoo,” Jiahn growled, looking down at Soyeon again. “She comes in the breakroom right? Haeun’s in there making coffee and she’s like ‘JIAHNIE! You didn’t tell me you got LAID!’”

Soyeon covered her hand with her mouth, snorting a little as she tried not to laugh too hard.

“So then,” Jiahn was smiling at the look on Soyeon’s face, despite how embarrassing the story was. “I’m like ‘Jiyoo, you can’t just say that stuff…’, she ignores me entirely, and tells me Youngjae asked her about me and said Yugyeom told him about it…”

“Oh no…”

“Well Youngjae’s his roommate, it makes sense, he probably told BamBam too-”

“He did,” Soyeon sighed, thinking of her earlier conversation.

“Great,” Jiahn said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “Well, yeah, then Haeun chimes in. Of course she knows him because he has a penis, and she starts talking about how he’s not worth my time...and that’s about when you walked in.”

Soyeon shook her head with a smile, both of them chuckling as they stood in silence for a moment.

“Have you said anything?” Jiahn asked, tone changing and voice low so no one else could hear. “To uh...To Shownu?”

Soyeon felt her stomach flip at the name, looking away from her best friend as she stared at her tea.

The breakroom craziness had successfully distracted her.

“No,” she answered, swallowing hard. “Not yet…”

“Take your time,” Jiahn reassured her with a small smile. “You have all day.”

Soyeon nodded, watching as Jiahn pushed herself from the wall, glancing down at her empty coffee mug.

“Well, wish me luck,” she said, glancing towards her cubicle on the other side of the office. “Right next to Jackson’s office, Jiyoo next to my desk and Heonie talking about that stupid girl who won’t stop texting her? It’s a miracle if I’ll get anything done today…”

Soyeon laughed despite the nervous twisting of her stomach.

“Headphones,” she suggested, Jiahn laughing a little. “Headphones are your friend.”

“Indeed,” Jiahn yanked them from her pant pocket, winking at Soyeon. “They really are.”

__

_**4:30pm** _

Soyeon stared at the Christmas articles she was supposed to be reading over, the font going in and out of focus. For two hours she had been trying to read the stacks of papers, attempting to get some inspiration of sorts, but to say she didn’t have the holiday spirit was a bit of an understatement.

She had seen Shownu walk out of his office exactly four times that day. Everytime, she told herself when he came back, she would get up from her chair. She would walk up to him, say hello, maybe come into his office and have the mature, adult conversation she knew both of them desperately needed.  
But everytime, her body betrayed her. Everytime, she was rolling her chair subtly backwards, out of his view and watching him from afar with wide eyes. She couldn’t move her legs to stand up, couldn’t grip the desk with her hands to push herself out of the chair…

She was frozen.

And then the moment was gone.

Shownu would disappear back into this office, running a hand through his hair or glancing at Soyeon’s cubicle for a moment, not spotting her in her hiding place, before closing the door behind him.

Soyeon sighed, leaning back in her chair, looking at Shownu’s closed office door. His name was on a small gold plate nailed into the wood of the door, and the letters all swirled together as she let her mind wander to a time when that exact office was empty, used for the filing equipment that now sat in the basement…

 

_“Hey.”_

_Soyeon jumped, spinning her office chair around quickly and coming face to face with Jackson._

_“Did I scare you?” Her boss was smirking at her, and she rolled her eyes, trying to hide her smile._

_“Yes,” she sighed. “What’s up?”_

_“I found one,” his eyes were bright as he spoke, shoving his hands in his pockets. “A replacement for Kihyun.”_

_Kihyun, Soyeon’s old photography partner, was someone she wasn’t exactly sorry to see go. While he was sweet enough and talented in his field, he lacked the capacity to grow beyond his set ways, and his resistance to change caused constant conflict between the two of them. Once Jackson came into the picture, Kihyun did not care for the way things were “so much different” and resigned._

_Temporarily, it had been covered by Jiyoo, and that was a bit of a disaster. Jackson had been interviewing, always finding something wrong with whoever it was, and it was driving Soyeon crazy. He knew how much she needed a photographer, and so it wasn’t surprising that he was just as excited as she was about the good news._

_“You did?” Soyeon asked excitedly, sitting up straight in her chair. “Is she here now?”_

_“It’s a he,” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows as he answered her. “And yeah, I hired him on the spot. He’s in my office now, do you wanna meet him? His portfolio is no joke…”_

_Soyeon nodded enthusiastically, practically jumping from her chair as she followed behind Jackson to his office. He pushed open the door, and Soyeon was curious as she followed behind him, spotting a man sitting in one of the chairs in front Jackson’s desk. Broad shoulders, beautiful tan skin...she swallowed a little when he turned around, getting up quickly from his chair when he saw them._

_“Shownu, this is Soyeon,” Jackson spoke as she followed behind him, standing with his arms wide open as they approached each other. “Soyeon...Shownu. Your new photographer.”_

_“It’s nice to meet you,” Shownu’s hand was out for her to shake, and she took it quickly, a nervous laugh slipping from her lips._

_He was handsome, like someone she had never seen before. His bronze skin glowed a little in the fluorescent lighting, smile so big that his eyes practically closed as he looked at her. There was something warm about him, something kind about his demeanor, and yet he looked so...strong to her._

_It was incredibly attractive and so different from Jinyoung._

_“Soyeon here is the top writer for our website,” Jackson broke her from her thoughts, putting his arm around her shoulders and shaking her a bit. “She’s a gem seriously, we don’t deserve her here.”_

_“That’s great,” Shownu finally let go of her hand, leaving behind a cold she tried to ignore as he scratched the back of his neck. “Can’t wait to read what you’ve written…”_

_“You guys are a perfect match, really,” Jackson went on, seemingly unaware of the completely unexpected tension between the two. “Soyeon, you’ve got to see his pictures, seriously. Shownu, come show her.”_

_“Oh right,” Shownu turned around quickly, finally tearing his eyes from Soyeon’s face as he grabbed a folder off Jackson’s desk. “I brought everything I’ve done so far, I didn’t know what sort of style you guys were looking for…”_

_He trailed off, handing the folder to Soyeon as she smiled again, taking them from him with a muttered “Thank you.”_

_She opened the folder, feeling both Jackson and Shownu’s eyes on her as she did so, eyes widening as they landed on the first picture._

_It was taken on the beach, Busan if Soyeon had to guess, a small bird at the forefront of the photo. It was looking out into the water, it’s webbed feet covered in the white sand and it’s feathers lifting slightly in the sea breeze. He had managed to capture a perfect moment of the sea, the waves crashing down at just the right time, the white foam at the tips of the water still visible as they folded under the wave. The sun had mostly set, casting dark pinks and oranges in the sky, reflecting peacefully off the glassy surface of the water._

_The picture was breathtaking._

_“Wow…” Soyeon breathed, lifting the picture up to get a better look. “This is-”_

_“Beautiful, right?” Jackson’s enthusiastic voice almost took away the tranquility that the picture had brought about, and Soyeon playfully scowled at him. “What? I’m just saying, man’s got talent.”_

_“Thanks,” Shownu chuckled, looking embarrassed as he glanced around the room. “I appreciate that…”_

_“Let me show you your new office,” Jackson finally took his arm off Soyeon’s shoulders, and she breathed a little after the weight of his body was gone, giggling when she caught Shownu looking at her again._

_They stared there for no longer than a second, eyes locked._

_Before she could think of anything to say, Jackson was yelling “Come on slowpokes!” over his shoulder, and she turned her back on this new man that was making her heart do weird things inside her chest._

_Jackson was opening the door right next to his own office when the two of them caught up, Soyeon giggling when she spotted BamBam inside. His back was to all three of them as they slowly walked in, dancing around to music that was so loud they could hear it from where they were standing._

_He was singing along, quietly thank goodness, taking a stack of papers off the top of the filing cabinets and yanking one the drawers open with a flourish. The bang and groan of the metal drawer being pulled open as far as it could go was completely lost on BamBam, who was too consumed with his music to care._

_“Yo!” Jackson yelled, BamBam not hearing him whatsoever as Soyeon laughed._

_Shownu chuckled right next to her, and she looked over on reflex. She didn’t realize how close he was standing to her, and it made her stomach flip nervously._

_Soyeon...what is wrong with you? You are not single…_

_“BAMBAM!” Jackson picked up one of the many pieces of paper that were littering the ground and crumbled it into a ball, hitting the man square in the back of the head._

_He turned around with wide eyes, face splitting into a wide grin when he saw all three of them standing behind him._

_“Hey Soyeon!” Bam grinned as he pulled the headphones from his ears. “What’s up?”_

_“Hey Bam,” she laughed, shaking her head as Jackson took a few steps forward._

_“Bam, what is this?” Jackson asked, motioning to the messy room and putting on his best “boss” voice. “Why is it such a mess in here?”_

_“Oh yeah, you see, I dropped this folder, and I was gonna get to it, but I figured I’d clean it once I got done with this stack here-”_

_“We have guests!” Jackson exclaimed, motioning towards Shownu behind him. “He’s our new employee!”_

_“Oh hey, what’s up man!” Bam waved at Shownu, who laughed and waved back. “Welcome to the Double E crew-”_

_“We’re not the Double E crew,” Jackson smacked a hand to his forehead, pointing at the papers on the floor. “It’s the Entertainment Enquirer. Now clean these up!”_

_“You got it!” Bam saluted Jackson, immediately running to the mess and gathering up the papers._

_Jackson motioned for Shownu to come forward, and he did quickly, Jackson now draping his arm around Shownu’s shoulders._

_“Now listen, I’ve got a vision for you, I don’t think you’ll be some ordinary photographer,” Jackson explained as Soyeon kneeled down, helping Bam pick up some of the papers and tucking Shownu’s folder under her arm. “I know it’s a mess in here right now, but this desk right here is all yours, and we’ll be moving this filing crap out-”_

_Soyeon looked up unintentionally, noticing again how broad Shownu was from the back, listening to him hum and nod respectfully as he let Jackson talk, answering any questions asked of him. His voice was nice, soothing in a weird sort of way, and Soyeon was very confused as to why this guy was so interesting to her-_

_“Aw, yah, sorry, you didn’t have to help me,” Bam had turned around, spotting Soyeon still on the carpet as she gathered up the papers. “This was my bad…”_

_“It’s not a big deal,” she told him softly, finally ripping her eyes from Shownu. “I don’t mind…”_

_He smiled at her, crouching down to help in her area of the floor._

_“So what are you doing this weekend?” He asked casually, eyes meeting hers as she looked up at him. “You and Jiahn wanna come to this sweet party I’m throwing with my roommates?”_

_“A party?” Soyeon asked, grinning at the younger man._

_“Yeah!” Bam answered enthusiastically, trying to fish his phone out of his pocket. “Yugyeom, Youngjae and I got this cool light thing- here I’ll show you I’ve got a picture- and they told me to get some chicks from the office for them-”_

_“Yah! She doesn’t want to go to some kid party!” Jackson had turned around again, hands on his hips as Shownu pressed his lips together to keep from smiling._

_“It’s not a kid party,” Bam turned to glare at Jackson, standing up and shoving his phone in his pocket. “We’re all 20, Youngjae’s actually 21 now-”_

_“Ah...that’s great…” Jackson looked like he was sincerely interested, nodding before staring at the man, voice deadpan. “We’re moving you to the basement.”_

_“What?” Bam cleaned out one of his ears, cocking his head to the side._

_“We’ve got a new photographer here, so we’re using this office for him and I’m putting all the filing equipment in the basement.”_

_“Oh, I mean alright…” Soyeon watched Bam’s shoulders fall a little, and she felt sorry for the man. “No one else will be down there, huh?”_

_“Uh no…” Jackson looked like he felt sort of bad, scratching the back of his head as his eyes jumped away from the younger. “But hey, I’ve got a new coffee maker, I’ll give you, and a mini-fridge-”_

_“No way, really?” Bam’s eyes lit up as he grinned. “Is it nice? How big is the mini-fridge?”_

_“Big enough,” Jackson told him, smiling despite himself as he walked away from Shownu to stand next to Bam. “It’s actually mine, and you’ll have to carry it, but if you can get it down there it’s all yours.”_

_They two of them were walking together now towards the door, a skip in Bam’s step as he spoke._

_“Dude, can I put some beer in there?” He asked, making Shownu and Soyeon both laugh out loud._

_“Bam-”_

_“I’m just kidding, man!”_

_“Soyeon, you can show Shownu where the key is for his drawers and stuff right?” Jackson asked, turning to look over his shoulder at her when he made it to the doorway._

_“Y-Yeah, that’s fine,” Soyeon answered, suddenly realizing she was going to be alone with this man for the first time. “I can do that.”_

_“Thanks babe.”_

_Before Soyeon could scold him for the use of the nickname, he left, the office door closing behind him and BamBam with a loud click._

_Soyeon giggled, not really sure what to say as she turned to face Shownu once more._

_“Everyone seems nice,” Shownu looked like he was trying not to laugh as the corners of his lips kept pulling up._

_“It’s crazy here,” Soyeon told him, untucking his folder from her arm. “I don’t know how we get anything done…”_

_“I like it actually,” he admitted shyly, looking down at his feet. “I was just doing contract work before and it got kind of...lonely.”_

_Soyeon looked down at the folder in her hands, not sure what to say besides a hushed “I’m sorry…”._

_“That’s why I applied,” Shownu smiled at her, telling her without words that she shouldn’t be sorry. “It surprised me that he hired me so quick…”_

_“I’m not surprised,” Soyeon told him, holding up the folder and opening it back up. “These are fantastic, Shownu…”_

_Why did she even like his name?_

_She distracted herself from her thoughts, flipping to the next photograph in his collection and once again, admiring it in awe._

_A cherry blossom tree this time, taking up a majority of the photo, it’s branches reaching out from the right side. The pink flowers were in full bloom, petals large and obscuring almost all of the wood of the branches. Shownu seemed to like different angles of the sun, its beaming rays peeking in between the gaps in the blossoms. It was simple, but beautiful, and she smiled at it before looking up._

_“These are really pretty,” she told him softly, eyes locked with his as he smiled. “You’ll be great here.”_

_“Thank you,” he was looking down again, and Soyeon could tell this man was shy._

_The total opposite of Jinyoung again._

_She had just moved in with her boyfriend of 6 months, Jinyoung, and she couldn’t be happier. A businessman, with a drive she envied and charming to everyone he meets, he was one of the hottest men Soyeon had ever gotten her hands on. They got along relatively well, despite her frustration when he could be controlling at times, and so when he had asked her to move in, it felt wrong to say no._

_Sometimes she missed Jiahn and the...relaxation living with her best friend brought on, but that didn’t mean she was unhappy._

_She was just adjusting._

_Right?_

_“Okay, so, your keys!” Soyeon shook her head a bit at her own thoughts._

_Moving to the large mahogany desk, she crouched down to reach underneath the gap for a chair. Sliding her fingers around the underside of the wood until she could feel the metal and tape, she grabbed the keys, yanking them free and standing back up. She held them up, letting them dangle from her fingers as she smiled at him._

_“Each of them are labeled one, two, and three,” she explained, pointing to the drawers the keys were assigned to. “You can lock up your stuff if you think anyone’s gonna take it, but nothing like that will happen here, I promise, Jackson’s just paranoid. And…that’s pretty much it.”_

_Shownu chuckled softly, taking the keys from her hands, his fingers accidentally brushing against hers. There was a swoop in her stomach, like skipping a step on the stairs, and she brought her hand quickly back to her side, cursing herself._

_“I feel kind of lucky that you’re my partner,” the man told her, nothing but sincerity in his tone. “I’m sure we’ll work really well together.”_

_“Thank you,” Soyeon felt her face burning, looking at her hands to help hide the red she knew was staining her cheeks. “I’m sure we will too.”_

“Soyeonie? You okay?”

Soyeon shook her head a bit, wondering how long she had been spacing out and spotting Jiahn walking into her cubicle.

“Hey, yeah I’m fine, I…” she hesitated, scowling a bit at her brain’s choice of daydream. “I was just thinking…”

Jiahn looked at her for a moment before digging her phone out of her pocket, lighting the screen to see if there were any messages and locking it when there weren’t.

“Waiting on something?” Soyeon asked, watching her best friend curiously.

“What? No, I…” Jiahn sighed, looking at Soyeon. “I haven’t texted Yugyeom yet.”

“What?” Soyeon asked, eyes widening a little. “Why not?”

As soon as she had heard the story from Jiahn, about Yugyeom leaving his number on her bathroom counter like he had, she had insisted Jiahn text him.

Guys didn’t just do that for no reason.

“I don’t know, I’m nervous, I guess,” Jiahn admitted, swallowing hard. “He seems really nice, I don’t wanna…”

She paused, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before continuing.

“I don’t wanna break someone else’s heart, honestly.”

“Jiahn, I don’t think this guy’s like that,” Soyeon told her gently, feeling a pang in her chest for her best friend. “Chang Kyun…he was different. Judging by what you told me, this Yugyeom guy seems a lot more put together…”

“How put together can you be at 21 years old?” Jiahn asked, turning her head to the side.

“You and this age difference-”

“I know, I know, I’m kidding,” Jiahn laughed, putting her hands up in surrender.

Soyeon watched her unlock her phone again, finding Yugyeom’s name as if she had done it many times before- which Soyeon was sure she had- and hesitate before clicking on it.

“What should I say?” Jiahn asked, her fingers trembling over the touch keyboard.

“Just say…” Soyeon thought about it, staring at the phone screen. “Say ‘Hi, this is Jiahn’ and send it to him.”

“Should I put a smiley face?” Jiahn typed quickly, biting her lip as she tapped the emoji screen. “I’m gonna put a smiley face…”

She answered her own question, tapping the send button quickly and standing up a little straighter.

“Whoa, oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just did that.”

She had both hands on top of her head, eyes wide as she started pacing.

“I’m sure he’ll text back-”

“Distract me,” Jiahn demanded, halting where she stood and turning to Soyeon. “Have you talked to Shownu yet?”

“Uh…” Soyeon shrunk under her best friend’s gaze, eyes darting to the floor. “...no?”

“Ah, I didn’t think so,” Jiahn sighed, finally resting her arms back by her sides. “You might wanna say something to him soon…”

“I know,” Soyeon took a deep breath.

“No, but honestly, you might want to because, I looked in his office today, and-”

She paused, laughing a little and shaking her head. “Okay that sounds creepy, I was walking by Shownu’s office, because Jackson was freaking out and I was gonna grab a chocolate bar from the fridge.”

“Freaking out?” Soyeon repeated, curiosity peaked. “Why was he freaking out?”

“Youngjae sent Jiyoo flowers,” Jiahn was grinning now at the thought. “It was this huge bouquet, you didn’t hear Jackson arguing with the delivery dude?”

Soyeon frowned, shaking her head.

That must’ve been when I finally broke down and put in my headphones earlier today…

“Yeah!” Jiahn was in full-on story-telling mode as she threw her hands in the air. “He was like ‘This is a place of business’ and the florist was all ‘Well sir, this is the address I was given, and they are for Kim Jiyoo from a Choi Youngjae’ and then before Jackson could say anything, Jiyoo like jumped up from her desk and grabbed them-”

Soyeon laughed with Jiahn as she continued telling the story.

“So then Jackson is all ‘I’ve got a flower allergy, you can’t have those in here!’ and I told him to take some Benadryl.”

“Oh my gosh, Jiahn!” Soyeon’s eyes widened at her best friend’s boldness. “You didn’t!”

“I know, I know, I felt kind of bad,” Jiahn was able to breathe a little better now, a smile still on her face as she spoke. “He shut himself in his office and like, right before I came over here, I gave him a candy bar.”

“Was he okay after that?”

Soyeon could just imagine the man pouting, shaking her head at the thought.

“Yeah, yeah he was fine,” Jiahn shook her head too. “Anyway- geez, I forgot the point of this story- I looked in Shownu’s office because it was open and I saw him packing up some stuff-”

“What?!”

Soyeon jumped from her chair, smile falling from her face as she felt her heart start hammering in her chest.

“What do you mean packing up?” She asked, her voice squeaking a little on the last word.

“I don’t know, I just saw him cleaning some stuff up, and he had a duffel bag in there-”

No...He wouldn’t quit would he? He wouldn’t quit and leave just because of what happened...?

Would he?

“I’m sure it’s not-”

But Soyeon wasn’t listening to Jiahn, rushing out of her cubicle, eyes on Shownu’s office door.

He can’t leave, please, no, I never meant for this to happen…

She threw the door open without knocking, Shownu looking up from his desk and eyes widening when he saw her.

They stared at one another for a moment, papers still in Shownu’s hand. There was indeed, a bag on his desk, his camera bag, which was already zipped up and ready to go. He had his trash can sitting right in front of him, filled to the brim with balled up papers. Her hand slipped from the handle as she took a step closer inside, the door closing with a soft click behind her.

“Soyeon-”

“Are you leaving?”

The words left Soyeon’s mouth before she could stop them, and the pain in her voice was too obvious to hide as she spoke over him.

“Family trip,” Shownu’s reply was soft, eyes darting from hers as he glanced at the papers in his hands. “For a month...remember? Sooah and I, we-”

He stopped, obviously not meaning to say her name.

Her name.

His fiance.

“Right…” Soyeon all but whispered, because she did remember.

She remembered Shownu telling her all about the trip and how he was dreading going, but his father insisted it was for “important matters that Shownu should be apart of” and so he had lost the argument.

Soyeon remembered how sad she had been about the thought of him gone for a month, and how angry she had been that it was with his fiance.

She also remembered how guilty she had felt about her feelings.

And now, things were so much worse.

“Soyeon, we…” Shownu hesitated, voice catching in his throat just slightly, causing her to look up at him. “We should talk.”

She nodded slowly, eyes never leaving his face as he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke softly, eyes jumping to his feet again as he dropped his forgotten papers back on the desk. “I didn’t mean...I mean, I didn’t know-”

Soyeon felt a pang in her chest, could feel the guilt laced in every word, and it killed her.

This wasn’t just his fault.

“No, Shownu, I-” she swallowed hard. “I’m sorry too…”

She hadn’t realized she had taken a few steps closer to his desk until he was looking up at her again, so much emotion in both of their eyes as they stared at one another for a moment. Soyeon could feel her heart pounding in her chest, the gravity of what was between them, what had happened between them, pressing down on her from all sides.

Soyeon could not deny the way her stomach swooped at just the way he was looking at her in that moment.

And she hated it so much.

“Did you tell-?”

“No,” Soyeon shook her head quickly at the question, watching Shownu bite his lip with a small nod.

“Did..you, t-”

“No, I…” his eyes were on his desk again, as he answered. “No.”

More silence fell between them, tense silence, the kind that made you feel like you couldn’t breathe because it was so stifling. Soyeon hated this, hated that just a week ago, they could laugh just making the right facial expressions at each other. They could smile and joke and talk to each other, making every day at work, every day of her life so much more fun, no matter how much she hated to admit it.

But now…

“It’s probably better this way…” Shownu’s voice was soft, broken, as he spoke, still unable to meet her eyes. “Us, getting some...time…”

Soyeon didn’t want to agree with him, but she knew he was right as she nodded her head slowly. She didn’t want to acknowledge that this was so wrong and that she was still with Jinyoung. She had no desire to think about the fact that Shownu was engaged, arranged marriage or not, and what they had at the club could never happen again and she was better off forgetting.

Her body and mind wouldn’t let her forget, not when he was standing right in front of her like this. Not when she watched his hand run through his hair again, remembering how much she had loved doing that herself. She couldn’t ignore the pull on her body, begging her to take a few steps closer to him and comfort him. To wrap her arms around him in a hug and feel the warmth that he had brought her since the moment they met-

“You’re right…” Soyeon spoke to stop her thoughts, playing with some strands of hair and inspecting them closely to avoid looking at him.

She heard his desk drawer close and looked up to see him placing his trash can back where it belonged next to his bookshelf. Her heart was betraying her, racing again when he grabbed his camera bag off the desk and threw it on his shoulder.

_No...please don’t leave…_

Her eyes were burning, and she cursed herself; she could not cry right now.

Shownu still wasn’t looking at her, like he couldn’t bare to, as he started walking around his desk. She stood frozen, like somehow if she stayed in his office, he would too, and she wouldn’t have to face the fact that he was really going for a month.

He was moving towards the door, about to walk past her when he stopped. She looked at him at the same time that he looked at her, their eyes locking once more. There was so much unspoken communication between the two of them, sitting heavily in the small amount of space between them. Soyeon couldn’t stop her mind from wandering, remembering how nice it was to be in his arms. How the control he had was different than Jinyoung’s and how she felt safe with him. She couldn’t stop the memories, like a flip book in her mind, touching his skin, pressing her lips against his, body melding into hers, his strong arms holding her in the best of ways while she listened to the soft sounds that slipped from his throat on their own accord-

Shownu reached out his hand as if to place it on her shoulder and she looked at it, every nerve of her body on edge. How could she possibly crave such an innocent touch? How could she be so desperate that even a shoulder touch would be more satisfying than what was currently happening between them-

Soyeon watched him press his lips together, closing his hand slowly and pulling back, nodding once.

“I’ll see you when I get back.”

His smile was sad and didn’t reach his eyes as he looked at her, and he moved quickly past her, as if he couldn’t stand the sound of his words any more than she could.

“Yeah, I’ll be here…”

 _Waiting..._ Soyeon had wanted to say.

Her vision was blurry now, the tears coming faster than she could stop them as she stared at one of the many pictures that hung on Shownu’s wall. Another angle of the sun, his favorite, and this time it was sunrise. A single tree sat atop a grassy hill, its dark silhouette contrasting with the bright pinks and oranges that were filling the sky from the rising sun.

It was beautiful as always.

“Soyeon?”

She had felt them, his eyes on her back, but she hadn’t wanted to look. She didn’t want to turn around and show him the wetness that was currently running down her cheeks, the frown that wouldn’t go away, the bright red color she was sure had decorated her whole face.

Still, with a feeble attempt at wiping her tears away, she turned around to face him. Soyeon couldn’t deny him, not when he said her name like he was in pain.

Her instinctual need to comfort him always kicked in.

His hand was on the office door, but he hadn’t twisted it. Instead, he was looking straight at her, clutching tightly to the strap of his camera bag as if afraid it might fall off his shoulder.

“Be careful…please,” his words were barely above a whisper, but the implications behind them were loud and clear. “While I’m gone.”

She knew he was talking about Jinyoung, knew he was telling her not to tell him what happened. Shownu knew more than he should about her less-than-healthy relationship, and the look on his face at that moment told her he was more worried about Jinyoung than anything else.

“I will.”

Soyeon was surprised she had gotten the words out, even if it sounded like she was choking on the air around her. She stared at his face, unable to look away, and could swear she saw moisture in his eyes. The thought had her stomach twisting in tight knots because he couldn’t cry, not _Shownu_ , not the man that had unintentionally become her strength in a life she had lost complete control of.

Another round of tears were filling her eyes and she pressed her lips together, the corners of her lips pulling down at their own accord. Pain flashed across his face, but he suppressed it, giving her another small nod before turning his back on her. The tears fell now as she blinked, fighting the urge to run after him, grab his arm, and beg him not to go.

Instead, she watched Shownu disappear behind the door, pausing for another second without looking back before taking the final step out of his office, the door closing behind him.

Soyeon stared at the door, feeling claustrophobic as she brought her hands to her face. A sob escaped her throat before she could stop it, and the sound seemed to echo inside the small area. The pain inside of her was something she had not been prepared for, something she had not wanted to face would happen once reality hit her. The tightness in her chest, the pull in her stomach, the trembling of her hands, and the tears streaming down her cheeks all made her face the facts.

Shownu was gone.

 

** Jiahn: **

_**December 7, 2018, 7:00pm** _

“A festival?”

Jiahn couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice as she stood on her tiptoes, trying to get a better look of what had finally come into view.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom laughed, running a hand through his hair as he watched her bounce. “I thought it would be fun…”

It had been a week since Jiahn had finally gotten the guts to text Yugyeom in Soyeon’s cubicle that day. It had taken him three excruciating hours to text her back, with an apology explaining that he had been teaching a class when she called. It had taken a week to figure out a time that both of them could hang out with their conflicting work schedules and 13 days since she had seen him.

Not that Jiahn was counting or anything.

“Do you think they’ll be food?”

What a silly question for to ask, but she was hungry after her long day at work, and she was too excited to turn on the filter she rarely used anyway when she was speaking. He laughed again, turning away from her to crane his neck, looking for a source of food.

“I can see at least two food stands over there,” he said, grinning at her. “You hungry?”

“Starving,” Jiahn admitted with a giggle, knowing she should be embarrassed, but weirdly not.

“Alright, we’ll do that first,” he told her with a nod. “I’m hungry too anyway.”

Jiahn had been thinking so hard about their first date, about how it would go and what she would say. She had spent countless hours picking out an outfit while Mr. Floofs stared at her, sitting on her carpet with every piece of clothing she owned surrounding her in a wide circle. She had listened to Soyeon’s “be yourself” lectures as she tried to explain to her best friend that herself wasn’t as charming as Soyeon would like it to be. She’d even had a moment of pure panic about an hour before he was supposed to meet her, where she thought about picking up her phone and cancelling, feeling like she wasn’t ready for the whole “dating” thing just yet.

But then she thought about Yugyeom, and his smile, and his easy-going attitude. Jiahn thought about how much he unintentionally made her laugh and how comfortable he had made her feel in a situation where she would have normally been too awkwarded out to continue. She reminded herself that he had reached out to her, despite getting to know her in ways that no one else did, and for that, she owed him at least one date.

And she was so glad she had come to that conclusion.

From the moment, she had opened her door with trembling hands when he had arrived at her apartment, Jiahn had been reminded all over again why she had been attracted to this guy in the first place. Despite the age difference that she tried to ignore, he had a mature air about him, but a contradicting playful side that showed in the way he smiled at her in greeting. He didn’t seem perturbed by her nervous small-talk babbling as they walked to the festival, and even asked her a few questions, as if knowing she needed to talk to feel better.

When they had finally approached the festival, she had hardly noticed how much time had passed between them already, too busy loosening up with him and wondering if maybe, just maybe, this might work out.

“What do you want to get?”

Yugyeom was talking to her again, hands shoved in his pockets as he spoke over the noise of the people surrounding them. The crowd was growing thicker by the minute, many of them just getting off of work on a Friday and looking for something fun to do to unwind. The festival was large, filling up the huge expanse of park where it was being held, the lighted ferris wheel visible from miles away.

“Hmmmm,” Jiahn was terrible at decisions, and she giggled as she looked at the four different food stands that surrounded them. “I don’t know...I can’t choose…”

“Okay,” Yugyeom chuckled, narrowing his eyes as he looked at each menu closely. “Meat or dessert? Or American fair f-”

“They have American fair food here?” Jiahn interrupted, eyes widening as she turned in the direction he was looking. “Wow! Do they have soft pretzels?”

“Yeah!” Yugyeom was excited too as he pointed at the farthest food stand. “Oh, they have lots of stuff actually…”

“Okay, let’s go,” Jiahn grinned widely at him before leading the way, weaving in and out of people with Yugyeom right behind her, watching her as she walked.

It didn’t take long for them to order, both of them getting their food and quickly stepping out of line and walking together as they looked around at the chaos surrounding them.

“Do you like rides?” Yugyeom asked, nodding towards one that made Jiahn’s stomach flip just looking at it.

“Uh,” Jiahn swallowed her bite of pretzel, letting out a nervous laugh. “No...not really. I know that’s super lame, I just-”

“Nah, you’re fine,” he shrugged before taking a bite of his meat kabob. “Why don’t you like them?”

“I’m honestly not sure,” Jiahn was picking the salt off her pretzel, avoiding his eyes as she spoke. “The control, maybe? I don’t know how safe they really are...and if it breaks, I’m dead, you know?”

Yugyeom laughed out loud in surprise, making Jiahn laugh as well.

“What?” she protested, looking up at him again. “I’m just saying!”

“That’s so awful,” Yugyeom shook his head at her. “No wonder you get scared, when you’re thinking like that…”

“I don’t like heights either,” Jiahn felt like she needed to explain further, just in case he thought she was insane. “Most rides are...really high.”

Yugyeom nodded, and Jiahn felt a little bad; had she just ruined the night? Was he planning on taking her on the carnival rides? Would he think she was boring now that-?

“Do you want to play a game?” His voice interrupted her thoughts, and he was looking down at her curiously, a now empty kabob stick in his hand.

“A game?” she repeated, glancing at her last bite of pretzel before grinning at him. “Which game are we playing?”

He turned away to look around, but Jiahn’s eyes grew wide when they rounded a corner, a large pool with rubber ducks of every color floating inside it. There were stuffed animals bigger than her head on display, and little ones on the shelves of the game tent, a man behind the rubber duck pool currently speaking to a mom and her young daughter.

“Yugyeom,” Jiahn never took her eyes from the ducks, her smile bright as she spoke. “Let’s play that one! It’s got rubber ducks!”

“What?” Yugyeom laughed, following her line of vision and spotting the game. “Uh, alright-.”

Jiahn picked up the pace, hearing him trailing behind her, and made it to the tent right as the mom was leaving, her daughter clutching a stuffed monkey as she trailed behind.

“Hello, Hello!” The man greeted them brightly, eyes darting between them. “Are you feeling lucky?”

“I am,” Jiahn announced, eyes following the ducks as they floated around in the pool, and she heard Yugyeom laugh behind her. “How do you play?”

“You get two ducks for 1,000 won, six ducks for 2,000 won,” the man pointed at the price sheet as he spoke. “15 points will get you the big plushies back here, and anything less than that, but more than 8 points will get you a small one. Less points that that just means you’re unlucky.”

“We’ll do three for each of us,” Yugyeom spoke up, and she finally turned around to look at him as he dug out his wallet.

“You don’t have to pay,” Jiahn began, watching him dig out the necessary cash. “I can-”

“Jiahn, it’s okay,” Yugyeom’s voice was soft as he gave her a one-sided smile. “It’s a date, remember?”

She just nodded with a shy smile, temporarily speechless.

_I swear, he always has to tell me it’s okay…_

“Allllll _right_ ,” the enthusiastic man motioned towards the pool as Yugyeom moved to stand next to her. “Pick ‘em up whenever you’re ready!”

They turned to look at each other, grinning when their eyes locked before looking back down at the ducks. Jiahn ignored the swoop in her stomach at the way he had looked at her, focusing on following the rubber ducks with her eyes. There was no way to tell which one would have the proper number of points, but she concentrated like one of the high-point ones would jump out of the water or something. Yugyeom seemed to be doing the same thing, neither one of them able to keep the smiles off their faces as they finally dove in simultaneously for their first duck.

Jiahn grabbed a blue one, groaning when it was only worth one point. Yugyeom stood up straight in excitement, flipping his around.

“Five points!” He told the man behind the pool as he set the duck on the counter.

“Oh, the highest points you can get on a single duck!” The man seemed legitimately impressed. “Someone is lucky today…”

Jiahn glanced at Yugyeom, who’s face had completely lit up from the excitement of such a good set of points, and she couldn’t help but giggle under her breath.

_So cute…_

She shook her head and looked away before he could spot her staring, narrowing her eyes as she watched each duck go by. She grabbed a green one this time, throwing her head back in frustration when she spotted another number 1.

“Dang it!” she cried out with a playful laugh, slamming the duck harder than necessary on the counter. “Another one point duck!”

Yugyeom grabbed a green one as well, laughing when he looked at the back and held it up for her to see the number 1 written on the bottom.

“Ah!” He cried out, putting the duck next to his other. “Your luck is spreading to me!”

“I’m sorry!” she giggled, eyes back on the ducks again. “It’s not my fault! It’s a curse!”

They both dove at the same exact time again for their final duck, Jiahn’s hand on a yellow one and his on a pink. They stood up straight neither flipping their duck over as they smiled playfully at one another.

“You first,” Jiahn nodded towards his duck that was dripping water on the ground between them. “I’m too scared.”

He chuckled, flipping his over quickly. His eyes widened, a grin spreading across his face as he turned to the man.

“It’s a three,” he told him, putting the duck down. “More than eight points gets me a plushie right?”

“You are correct sir!” The man was just as enthusiastic, if not more so than Yugyeom, about the victory.

Jiahn turned hers over, laughing at Yugyeom’s reaction and shook her head with a smile, slamming it on the counter.

“Another freaking one,” she groaned. “Guess I jinxed it by saying I felt lucky.”

“What do you want?” Yugyeom nodded towards the small plushies sitting on a display shelf behind the man, and she turned to look up at him.

“It’s yours-” Jiahn stuttered. “Get whatever you want-”

“I won it for you,” he told her, giving her another one-sided smile as he motioned towards the plushies. “Come on...what do you want?”

She could feel her cheeks burning, surprised he had managed to make her blush; it was not something that happened very often. All Jiahn could do was nod and smile, tearing her eyes from his handsome face to look at the plushies. They were all cute to her- she loved things like that- but her attention was drawn to a white snow leopard, it’s smiling face and too-big ears making her heart melt.

“Can I get the snow leopard?” Jiahn’s voice was small, shy even, as she spoke to the man behind the counter.

“Of course!” He turned around, grabbing the little leopard and handing it to Jiahn. “Congratulations! Come back if you want to play again!”

They walked away after waving politely at the man, Jiahn tucking her leopard into her over-the-shoulder bag. She made sure to have it’s head peeking out of the bag, and turned to see Yugyeom watching her, a small smile on her face.

“What?” she was embarrassed, smiling as she looked down at the leopard again. “I just think it’s cute…”

“You’re cute too,” he told her, his voice soft again and she let out an involuntary giggle.

“Stop,” she bumped her arm against his, watching her feet as they walked. “I can’t…”

She wasn’t sure what she was saying, feeling like her entire body, brain, and soul had turned into mush at his words.

Since when was she a sucker for the romantics?

Jiahn nearly jumped when she felt tentative fingers brush against hers, looking down at the contact. He wrapped his three fingers around hers, the unexpected touch causing butterflies to erupt almost violently in her stomach. She couldn’t keep herself from smiling, biting her lip as she opened her hand, and he intertwined his fingers completely with hers.

It was an odd sensation, like warmth and electricity at the same time, and she took a deep breath, looking up at him and seeing the small smile pulling a the corner of his lips. He was facing forward, but his eyes seemed glazed over, and she wondered if he was as nervous as she was.

She finally tore her eyes from his face, not wanting to make it weird and focused on looking around at the game tents. She spotted one of her favorites up ahead, and squeezed his hand on impulse as she pointed at it.

“Hey look!” she told him. “It’s the racing ships game! Have you ever played it?”

“With the water shooters?” Yugyeom squinted a bit to get a better look at the tent. “Yeah! Wanna play?”

She nodded enthusiastically and he led the way this time, holding tightly to her hand as they maneuvered through the crowd. There was no wait, and so both of them sat in the stools set up, letting go of each other’s hands. Jiahn felt a little sad at the loss of his hand, but giggled when she saw him get into position at the water shooter.

“You kids know how to play this game?”

The man operating the game tent was much less thrilled with his job than the other guy had been, looking at them as he smacked noisily on his piece of gum.

“Yes, we do sir,” Jiahn smiled at him, gripping her shooter with both hands and looking sideways at Yugyeom. “We’re ready whenever you are.”

It was pretty self-explanatory; you used the shooters to blast water at a target in front of you. When you hit the target with a consistent stream of water, your plastic ship would move. Whoever’s ship hit the top won the game, and Jiahn was confident this time that she could do it.

“It’s gonna cost you,” the man seemed annoyed with Jiahn, raising his eyebrows at her. “You gonna pay?”

“I’ve got it,” Yugyeom had a slight bitter edge to his voice as he dug out his wallet. “How much is it?”

“1,000 won.”

Yugyeom dug out the money quickly, scowling a little as he sat back down before glancing at Jiahn.

“Ready to lose?”

She had meant it to be playful, grinning at him so he would know she was joking and giggling when she saw him smile wickedly back at her.

“We’ll see.”

The bell went off announcing for them to start, Jiahn’s returning remark lost as she quickly pressed the buttons on her shooter. She was instantly hitting the target, ship inching slowly up the line and she was bouncing in her seat as it moved.

“Go, go, go!” she yelled, tucking her feet underneath her and sitting on her feet on the stool, almost slipping off of it entirely.

“How are you so good at this?!” Yugyeom asked, his ship far behind hers as she kept her eyes focused on the task at hand.

“I have a gift!” Jiahn giggled, crying out in excitement when her ship hit the finish line first. “YES! WINNER!”

She hopped off her stool, tripping and catching herself on the counter in front of her, too exhilarated to care. Yugyeom stood up, leaning over in his laughter as he watched her mini-celebration.

“Do I win anything?” Jiahn asked the grumpy man, eyes bright with excitement. “Did I break a record?”

“No,” his stoic demeanor didn’t crack once as he watched her bouncing on the balls of her feet, rolling his eyes at her.

“Let’s go.”

Yugyeom smiled at her, reaching out to take her hand in his and glancing at the man for a second. He looked like he was pissed but was deciding not to say anything, and Jiahn felt a little confused by his behavior.

 _Is he being..._ protective _over me?_

She wrapped her fingers around his and let him lead the way again, ignoring the swoop in her stomach at her thoughts.

“Do you want to see the fire show?” Yugyeom asked, pointing to a couple of men with torches lit on both ends, a crowd of people surrounding them as they danced and flipped with practiced precision.

“Wow!” Jiahn’s eyes grew to the size of saucers as she focused in on the show. “Yes!”

He laughed- he seemed like he was always laughing with her- and they walked a little more quickly to join the crowd. Jiahn could easily see over most of the people in front of them- a perk of being 5’6” she supposed- and watched as the two men twirled the lit torches around like batons. They were playing off of one another, throwing the torches back and forth and catching them with ease.

Then the show took an even more dangerous turn, the men performing martial arts moves with a new, smaller set of torches. It was like they were bending the element themselves, kicking and punching without the fire ever going out, never flinching no matter how close they got to the heat of the flames.

After a few more minutes, the show was over, and Jiahn was clapping excitedly along with the rest of the crowd, Yugyeom doing the same. The people started to disperse as the men blew out their torches, and Jiahn turned to look up at Yugyeom.

“Did you see that?”

Why would she ask him that when he was standing there the whole time? Still, she was pumped, thrilled with what she had seen.

“The way they moved, it was so cool!”

“Yeah, it really was,” Yugyeom nodded enthusiastically in agreement, and both of them began walking again, heading towards the park trail. “I can’t believe they didn’t burn themselves once.”

“I know!” Jiahn exclaimed, a couple people walking by turning to look at her in alarm. “Can you imagine how much they burned themselves when they practiced?! I mean, what kind of safety measures do you have to take to make that work?”

They weren’t far from the trail, white christmas lights decorating the rails and trees surrounding it as they approached. Once they were out of the hustle and bustle of people, Jiahn started walking backwards, facing Yugyeom as he talked.

“I have no idea,” he replied, smiling at her as he spoke. “Maybe...really high gloves?”

“I just can’t get over the moves!” Jiahn tried to imitate one of the arm positions as she spoke, doing a poor job as she punched the air in front of her. “Boom! Boom! I mean it looked like they were actually fire bending, you know?”

Yugyeom grabbed her by the arm, pulling her gently to the right. She turned around to see she was about two seconds away from backing into a park bench, and giggled in embarrassment.

“Yah...sorry,” she turned to face forward, walking next to him instead and listening to his low chuckle. “I don’t know why I got so excited…”

“It was really cool,” Yugyeom said enthusiastically, taking her hand again and grinning. “I was excited too, it’s okay.”

_It’s okay…_

Jiahn laughed and they walked in comfortable silence for a moment, following the trail as the sounds of the crowd behind them got fainter. There was surprisingly no one around, despite the trail being absolutely beautiful. Jiahn felt like she was in a fairy tale, or some romantic k-drama, with the way the tall trees seemed to shield them from the outside world, keeping them in a bubble of warm lighting and beautiful landscaping.

“So…” Jiahn began, swinging their interlocked hands a bit as she turned to look at him.

“So…” Yugyeom repeated, smiling at her.

“Tell me about you,” Jiahn finished, unable to help but smile back at him; he was too handsome for his own good. “Your family and stuff. I feel like I’ve been talking all night.”

“Oh,” he turned away as he took a deep breath, looking forward. “Well...I mean it’s not too exciting really-”

He chuckled nervously, fixing his hair with his free hand and smiling a bit.

“-I’ve got one older brother, Mom, Dad…” he paused, turning to look at her again. “What do you wanna know?”

“Well okay,” Jiahn thought for a moment before answering. “How do they feel about you teaching dance? Do they know you can dance? You don’t live some sort of double life, do you?”

“No,” Yugyeom laughed, shaking his head. “Uh, honestly, my parents were a bit divided on the whole thing. My Dad was fine with it, but Mom…”

He trailed off, and Jiahn watched the smile fade from his face a little bit.

“She didn’t like the idea as much.”

“Did you go to school for it?” Jiahn asked curiously.

“Yeah, I went to an arts school for high school,” Yugyeom replied with a nod. “It took forever to convince my mom to let me go...I majored in street dance there.”

“Whoa!” Jiahn was taken aback, freezing where she stood and causing Yugyeom to stop as well. “Street dance?”

“Yeah,” Yugyeom chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “That’s how I knew it was what I wanted to do.”

“I didn’t even know you could major in that,” Jiahn admitted, finally starting to walk again, Yugyeom walking right next to her. “That’s incredible, Yugyeom…”

“Thanks,” he sounded a little embarrassed but mostly flattered by her compliment, and she turned to see him smiling at his feet.

“Why didn’t your mom want you to do it?” Jiahn asked, so curious about this man in front of her whose smile was enough to make her heart race.

“She just wanted me to be a normal kid, I think,” Yugyeom replied, kicking a rock on the sidewalk as he spoke. “She was worried it would be too hard or that I wouldn’t make it on my own…but things are different now. She comes to my classes all the time just to watch. They are both super supportive.”

“That’s good,” she squeezed his hand, wondering if maybe she had brought up too touchy of a subject. “I’m glad everything worked out. I know how that can be…”

“Thanks,” he was smiling again, gently as his eyes met hers.

Jiahn didn’t understand this pull she had to him, this weird comfort he brought along, but she was sinking into it and she didn’t know how to stop it. She didn’t look away and neither did he, and she giggled because it was silly and she liked him and she was nervous and really hoped he felt the same. He bit his lip, the corners of his mouth still turned up as he looked down at their intertwined hands.

“What about you?” he asked after another moment, facing forward once more. “Your family, I mean?”

“Aha…” Jiahn laughed nervously, looking forward as well and gazing up at the trees surrounding them. “My family…”

Yugyeom waited patiently as she took a deep breath.

“Well my parents are divorced and have been re-married twice now,” she spoke quickly, feeling a little embarrassed after Yugyeom’s description of his own family. “I’m the oldest of five...three sisters, and two brothers, so life was a little crazy. If you can believe it, I’m actually one of the quietest ones in my family-”

Yugyeom laughed, shaking his head.

“I don’t believe it.”

“It’s true!” she insisted, bumping her arm against his as she laughed along with him. “They’re so loud...I can barely get a word in edgewise. But anyway…”

She paused again, hoping she wasn’t about to say too much.

“I, uh, I didn’t really have a whole lot of money for college,” Jiahn explained, her voice a little lower as she ran a hand through her hair. “Five other kids, you know? My mom wanted me to go to a trade school but I always loved the writing and editing field of work, and that requires a university…”

He was silent next to her, and she could feel his eyes on the side of her face.

“So I used the money my parents had given me for trade school, got a couple jobs, and paid my way through the university,” she said, letting out another nervous chuckle. “It was crazy but you know...now I’m doing the job I dreamed of doing, so it was totally worth it.”

“I’m sorry,” Yugyeom’s voice was low as he spoke, and she glanced over to see him looking more concerned than he needed to be. “That must’ve been hard…”

“Oh, no, Yugyeom,” she squeezed his hand, laughing again to help ease the tension. “I’m not trying to be a tragedy, I just... that’s what happened. Yeah it was hard, but it’s all good. It’s made me super independent and gotten me where I am now...and I love my life now. So that’s the way I look at it, honestly.”

He smiled at her, looking curious at the same time as their eyes met, his head turned slightly to the side.

“You’re pretty awesome, Jiahn,” he told her, seeming like the words slipped out as he gave a nervous laugh right afterwards.

“You’re also pretty awesome, Yugyeom,” she giggled, feeling even more relaxed when she realized he was just as nervous as she was. “Good thing we’re hanging out, right?”

They laughed together at her lame joke, falling into a comfortable silence as they walked. She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. The night before had been spent worrying about this date and she hadn’t gotten much sleep. Deciding to skip grabbing a cup of coffee on her way home from work in case she got jittery hands while she was with him, she could feel the full effects of her exhaustion pulling down on her.

_No...don’t get tired, Jiahn. You’ve been waiting so long for this…_

She had been; despite her nerves, she had been on pins and needles to see him, and now her body was betraying her as she began to feel every heavy step they took as they walked.

“Are you tired?” Yugyeom asked.

She opened her mouth to say no, only for another yawn to slip out, making both of them laugh.

“Want to head back to your apartment?”

Jiahn’s heart skipped a beat at the question, mind suddenly wide awake at the thought of bringing him back to her place again. Would he do that with her again? Should they do it again? Would it be jumping the gun to ask him for a round two-?

“I can walk you there if you want?”

_Ah Yugyeom...so sweet. Of course he was just offering to walk you home! Not making everything into a sexual innuendo like you always seem to do-_

She looked up at him, the smile on his face innocent enough, but a playful gleam in his eye that made her wonder if he knew what she was thinking about.

“Ah, I don’t want to go home,” she admitted, feeling a little vulnerable as she said it. “I feel like we just started hanging out.”

“We’ll see each other again,” Yugyeom promised, squeezing her hand and lightly pulling her to the exit from the trail up ahead. “I don’t want you to be tired.”

“Oh…” she allowed herself to be pulled along, feeling a little bummed. “Alright…”

Yugyeom pushed the gate open, walking out to the sidewalks along the streets that took them to her apartment. He looked down at the tone of her voice as he pulled them both through the gate, giving her a small smile.

“We have a long walk home,” he began. “Anything else you wanna know about me?”

Jiahn giggled at his question, thinking for a moment.

“Okay...how did you and your friends meet? Bam and...what was the other guys name?”

“Youngjae-”

“Youngjae…” Jiahn sighed; how could she forget?

She’d only been hearing about the name all week.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom nodded, seeming to spot her recognition. “Jiyoo works with you, right? Bam told me all about her. I think Youngjae is already in love…”

“Well he’s not the only one,” Jiahn rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile from taking over her face. “She thinks he is the most amazing guy to grace this earth. You know he has sent a present every day? First it was flowers, then chocolate covered strawberries, a stuffed animal delivery- I mean I didn’t even know they did those- food delivery for lunch-”

Yugyeom groaned, running his free hand down his face.

“I told him to slow down,” he told her, shaking his head. “But he doesn’t listen...he’s a bit...passionate about stuff…”

“Well Jiyoo loves it,” Jiahn told him with a laugh.

“I’m glad,” Yugyeom shook his head again, looking up at the sky for a moment as if praying for his friend.

“Anyway, okay, so how did you meet them?”

“It’s nothing too exciting,” he was messing with the hair on the back of his head again, and she found that habit both hot and adorable.

_How is that possible?_

“I met Bam in high school actually, both of us were going to that same art school,” Yugyeom went on, dropping his arm back to his side once more. “We hit it off right away. Then both of us met Youngjae later in one of our college classes and when we all wanted to move out of the dorms, we decided to live together.”

“How long have you been living together?” Jiahn asked.

“Two years now,” he answered quickly. “We get along really well actually, so it works out fine. What about you? How did you and Soyeon meet?”

“Ha!” Jiahn laughed out loud, smiling at the thought of her best friend and their movie-worthy meetcute. “Are you sure you’re ready for this story? It’s sort of long…”

“Try me,” Yugyeom looked at her sideways, giving her a flirty smile that had her choking on air for a second, and she quickly turned away from him.

“Uh, alright-”

She gathered her wits about her, rolling her eyes at herself for having such extreme reactions to the man.

How old are you Jiahn? Get a grip…

“Well a while back, when I was still in school, I worked at a convenience store…”

 

_**DING** _

_Jiahn looked up from her book that was propped up on the counter, noticing a pretty girl pushing the door open to the convenience store, the bell announcing her arrival._

_“Hello!” Jiahn said tiredly, the girl turning to look at her as she spoke._

_“Hi,” the girl’s voice was barely above a whisper, face pale as she looked over her shoulder behind her._

_Jiahn watched her more curiously, eyebrows furrowed as she noticed the girl’s facial expression._

_She looked…_

_Scared._

_The girl immediately began walking to the farthest aisle from the door, seeming to have no intention on buying anything, her eyes constantly, yet subtly, darting to the front door. She soon busied herself with looking at the soups that sat in the aisle she was in, trying to act nonchalant. Jiahn could see right through the girl’s behavior though, could see the way her jaw was slightly clenched, hair a little disheveled, looking a little too interested in her soup choice-_

_DING_

_Jiahn turned her attention from the mystery girl, watching a tall and somewhat large man walk in. He looked dirty- his jeans and white shirt were stained and grubby- and he immediately began looking around._

_As if looking for someone._

_Jiahn’s eyes moved to the mystery girl, who had spotted the man and eyes had grown just a little wider. She was smarter though, more calculative with the way she scooted carefully to the far corner of the store, shrinking behind the boxes of cereal to stay hidden._

_Still, it wouldn’t be long before the man found her- and Jiahn assumed that was what was going on- and she had the sudden urge to help this poor girl._

_“Hello, sir,” Jiahn tried to strike up a conversation in a feeble attempt to distract him, and it worked for a moment. “Can I help you with something today?”_

_The girl peeked over the boxes to glance at her, and Jiahn made brief eye contact with her before turning back to the man._

_“Just looking for something to eat,” the man mumbled, looking at her for just a moment before moving down the first aisle._

_He was doing a poor job at being inconspicuous, barely glancing at the items on the shelves as his eyes darted elsewhere, and Jiahn felt her skin crawl._

_This guy was clearly looking for this girl._

_Jiahn wondered if she should call the police, but then, what would she say? That a man was there acting suspicious, but he hadn’t done anything yet? They would take their time getting to her, deeming it a non-emergency, and by that time, who knows what would happen?_

_Her eyes landed on the display of lighters that sat on the front counter, and she quickly grabbed one, mind working quickly as she eyed the smoke alarm behind her. The man had his back to her, pretending he was looking for something in one of the coolers while he turned his head from side to side, thankfully still not seeing the girl as she inched slowly down the aisle, coming in the direction of the counter._

_Jiahn made sure the man was still occupied, silently dragging her chair to the smoke alarm and standing on top of it. She flicked the lighter as quietly as she could, holding the flame underneath the alarm and almost falling off the chair when it began to go off, making her jump._

_She climbed down quickly before the man would notice her, watching him cover his ears with his hands and look around wildly. The girl had covered her ears as well, and she turned to look at Jiahn, who widened her eyes in silent communication. Making sure the man still wasn’t looking, Jiahn waved for the girl to come towards her, and she did not hesitate to obey. Jiahn opened the half-door that led behind the counter, pointing to a spot where the girl could sit and be out of view, giving her a small smile and a wink. She then walked out into the aisles, running towards the man at full speed._

_“Sir!” Jiahn cried over the alarms. “I need you to evacuate right away!”_

_“Where’s the fire?” The man seemed angry, no doubt frustrated at the interruption in his hunt. “I don’t see anything!”_

_“I’m not sure, but I need to ask you to leave!” Jiahn was urgently pointing towards the door, trying her best to seem panicked as she spoke. “Company policy! I have to call the fire department! You cannot be inside!”_

_“There’s no fire!” Despite his arguing, he was slowly walking towards the front doors, hands still covering his ears as he scowled. “It’s just a false alarm!”_

_“Company policy, sir!” Jiahn repeated, opening the door for him as he finally made it over. “I’m sorry, I have to do what they tell me. Now please, step out for your own safety!”_

_“Alright, alright!” The man yelled at her, and she suppressed a laugh at his irritation as he walked out the door._

_She followed behind him, putting on a show of shakily taking her cell phone out of her pocket and pretending to dial a number. Once they were outside, the man had taken his hands from his ears, glancing inside the store again before turning to look at her, confused._

_“There’s no fi-”_

_“Yes sir, this is Jiahn over here at the convenience store on 21st street,” she pretended to sound worried, overly upset as she spoke. “My smoke alarms have gone off in the building and I think there might be a fire in the back! I have evacuated all the customers-”_

_She motioned for the man to start walking, and he huffed, glancing inside the store before turning on his heel, grumbling something under his breath and walking away._

_“Yes, sir, twenty first street, the convenience store, the one with the churros, yes sir,” Jiahn was laying it on thick as she continued to talk to the pretend person on the other line, eyes on the creepy man’s retreating back. “No, there’s no one else inside, we are safe…”_

_She watched as the man finally rounded the corner, moving to the next street and sighed in relief, still holding her phone to her ear. Jiahn waited another moment, just in case the man would try to come back, but after a few minutes she went back inside, the noise of the still-going alarms making her cringe. She ran back in, standing on the chair once more and hitting the button to silence the alarms, exhaling loudly._

_“Holy crap!” Jiahn exclaimed, hopping from the chair and looking down at the wide-eyed girl. “That was loud! Are you okay?”_

_“Yeah,” her voice was higher and softer than Jiahn’s, and she gave her a grateful smile as she sat up a little straighter in her spot. “Thank you…”_

_“It’s not a problem,” Jiahn smiled back, giving the girl a once over and vaguely wondering how old she was. “Was he following you or something?”_

_“Yeah,” the girl sighed, smile fading as she pushed some of her hair out of her face. “I was walking home from work and I thought I could hear someone trailing behind me. After a while he started calling out to me, so I started walking faster. I tried to lose him, but for being so fat he was still able to catch up-”_

_Jiahn giggled at the way the girl said “fat”._

_“After I realized I couldn’t lose him, I sort of panicked,” the girl admitted, looking down at her hands. “I thought going into a store might help.”_

_“And you were right!” Jiahn exclaimed with a grin, walking through the half door and moving to the ramen aisle right on the other side. “You hungry?”_

_“I guess I could eat…” the girl was watching Jiahn as she grabbed two bowls of instant ramen off the shelves, moving to the microwaves towards the back of the store and preparing the food._

_“So what’s your name?” Jiahn called over the aisles, placing both bowls in the microwave and setting the timer._

_“Soyeon,” the girl replied, coming out from behind the counter to join Jiahn. “What’s yours?”_

_“Jiahn,” she replied, taking out two pairs of chopsticks and unwrapping them. “Are you from around here?”_

_“I live with my parents not far from here,” Soyeon replied, watching the timer as she spoke. “I work at the Entertainment Enquirer-”_

_“Really?” Jiahn’s exclamation drowned out the sound of the microwave timer as it beeped. “Wow! A real online magazine?!”_

_“Yeah!” Soyeon answered with a laugh, watching Jiahn take out the two bowls, splashing ramen water on the counter in her hurry. “Why? Are you a writer?”_

_Jiahn placed both bowls on a plastic tray, walking towards the counter and motioning for Soyeon to follow. She opened the door for Jiahn to step through, and once on the other side of the counter, they both sat on some pillows on the floor, the tray of ramen bowls in between them._

_“I love to write, but I wouldn’t call myself a writer,” Jiahn told her, handing a pair of chopsticks to Soyeon. “Editing is where I shine the most.”_

_“Well I am a writer,” Soyeon told her with a cheeky grin, picking up her ramen bowl and looking back at Jiahn. “So we’re the perfect pair.”_

_Jiahn picked up her own ramen bowl, eyeing it before grinning playfully at Soyeon and holding it up for cheers._

_“Friends?” she asked tentatively, holding the bowl out._

_“Friends,” Soyeon agreed with a giggle._

_She tapped her flimsy plastic bowl against Jiahn’s, both girls digging into their ramen with smiles on their faces._

 

“-and that’s how I ended up getting the job at _Entertainment Enquirer_ ,” Jiahn finished, a little shocked when she realized they were walking into the front doors of her apartment complex.

_How long have I been talking?_

“Really?” Yugyeom seemed very interested in the story, letting her lead the way as she walked them to the elevators, hitting the up button. “She got you the job?”

“Pretty much,” Jiahn admitted with a laugh, trying to ignore the creaks and groans of the old elevator; her apartment was not the most up to date. “She told them I was going to school to be an editor, I went in for the interview, and got hired a few days later. She went through a lot of trouble for me…”

They stepped inside the elevator as she thought fondly of her best friend; it had been a while since she had told that story and it still made her giggle every time she told it. The doors closed and she pressed the number 3, cringing as the elevator jolted violently.

“Well you saved her,” Yugyeom said, seeming completely oblivious to the death trap they were currently in. “That was pretty brave…that man sounds dangerous...”

She watched him scowl slightly at his own words, the elevators doors opening and seeming to snap him out of it.

“I just couldn’t believe how fast we hit it off,” Jiahn led the way to her apartment door as she talked. “We spent three hours sitting on that floor eating ramen. I kept asking her if she wanted to go home, but she told me she was fine, and we just...talked I guess.”

They had made it to her apartment door, and she turned around to look at him, suddenly paying attention; paying attention to the fact that they were at her apartment door and the date was almost over and a goodbye was coming.

She felt her chest tighten a little bit at the thought.

“Some people just click,” Yugyeom said, shrugging as he pushed his hands in his pockets, eyes at his feet. “There’s not always an explanation.”

Jiahn watched as he looked up at her through his lashes, a slight smile on his face, implications in his words that had her heart skipping a beat.

Is he talking about us?

“I had fun,” he told her, still looking at her flirtily and making her swallow hard, eyes wandering across his face. “Did you?”

“Yeah, I did,” Jiahn giggled, not sure why she was giggling as she nodded. “Let’s hang out again really soon?”

The question slipped from her mouth before she had time to think it through, and she silently cursed herself.

_Way to be pushy, Jiahn_

“Yeah,” Yugyeom chuckled a little as he too nodded, taking a half a step closer. “Let’s do it.”

Silence hung between them, but not awkward like Jiahn had thought. Instead it was tense, like there was something else both of them wanted to say, needed to say, and she could suddenly hear her heart pounding in her chest.

Of course she knew why this was happening; of course she knew the elephant in the room that neither of them had even dared to acknowledge. They had had sex, good sex, and they were doing everything in the reverse order. Holding hands and shy smiles, flirty grins and bumping each other’s arms...it was like a build-up, a climb to the top of the mountain they had already conquered, and once it was time to say goodbye, Jiahn could feel every nerve in her body begging her not to.

“Uh,” Yugyeom seemed nervous, and she wondered if his heart was pounding as hard as hers was. “Well...I guess this is goodbye.”

They locked eyes and he took another hesitant step closer. He reached out quickly as if making his decision in that very moment, tucking some hair behind her ear. HIs fingers grazed against her cheek, sending electric shocks down her face.

He had moved closer with the touch and she had leaned in on her own accord, as if their bodies were pulling them together by some invisible string. Jiahn looked up at him, and he searched her face for a moment before he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips gently against hers.

Jiahn’s eyes instantly slipped closed, pushing her lips against his a little harder, feeling a bit desperate in that moment. There was an animalistic side to her, purely instinctual, that wanted to drag him by the collar of his shirt and beg him for a round two. She couldn’t deny how badly she wanted it, now that she knew what he liked, what she could do again, and some new things she could try-

Yugyeom turned his head to the side as if he was sharing her thoughts, deepening the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck on pure instinct, pulling him a little closer as he was forced to take another step forward. She felt him smile into the kiss just slightly, and she was exhilarated by the fact that he liked this, her instincts almost winning over her mind as she led them in a slow but passionate rhythm with their lips.

What would be the harm in bringing him in? We’ve already broken the barrier, does it matter if we just experiment again?

Her thoughts and reasoning were causing a heat to spread throughout her whole body, the nerves of her skin on end as she felt one of his hands run down her arm gently. Goosebumps rose where he touched, only exciting her more as she let her fingers move to the hair on the back of his head. She pulled without thinking about it, her logic taking the back burner as she reveled in the small noise that slipped from the back of his throat.

It was like a trigger for her, her hands instantly moving to the collar of his shirt and yanking him forward, just wanting him closer. Yugyeom almost fell, both of his hands slamming onto the door on either side of her to keep his balance. Neither of them seemed to notice because now they were closer than before and the heat of his body caging her against the hard surface of the door was short-circuiting her brain, causing all rational thought to cease in that moment.

_Jiahn_

And yet, there it was, her reasonable side that was whispering in the dark corners of her brain as she let her fingers thread through his soft strands again. She tried her best to ignore it, biting slightly on his bottom lip and feeling a jolt in her body at the small sigh that fell from his open mouth.

_Jiahn...stop…_

Ugh, she didn’t want to, not when her bed was so close and he was seemingly so willing. Still, as she was gripping his hair, mouth moving slowly but deeply against his, she couldn’t stop the “smart” and “intelligent” thoughts from rearing their ugly heads.

Jiahn, if you want this to be more than sex, you need to stop. What kind of message are you sending if you pull him into bed with you like this?

_UGH DAMMIT, OKAY, YOU’RE RIGHT_

“Yugyeom,” she breathed, pulling her mouth reluctantly from his as she tried to catch her breath. “We should stop…”

He immediately pulled away, resting his forehead against hers as he too tried to level out his breathing.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and she immediately gave a shake of her head, chuckling slightly.

“Don’t be sorry,” she reassured him, flattening the hair on the back of his head gently before taking her arms away from him. “I want it too, but...we shouldn’t.”

It was embarrassing, admitting something like that out loud, but Jiahn couldn’t think of any other way to put it. He laughed softly at the boldness of her words, pulling his face away just far enough to look at her. He tucked her hair behind her ears again, and she closed her eyes for a brief moment at the affectionate touch.

“We’ll hang out again,” he said, smiling down at her, cheeks slightly flushed.

_So I definitely wasn’t the only one affected_

“S-Sounds good,” Jiahn all but whispered, sad when he pulled completely away, the loss of his warmth leaving her almost shivering.

She busied her hands, digging around her purse for her keys and finding them before looking up at Yugyeom again. He had taken another step back and was rubbing the back of his neck, watching her with a small grin.

“Thank you for tonight,” she told him, prolonging the inevitable goodbye that was about to come. “I had fun…”

“No problem,” he told her, smile growing a little bigger as he stuffed his hands in his pockets again, another nervous habit of his.

“I guess this is goodbye?” Jiahn asked, hating that she had to say it, but knowing they were dragging this out for too long.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom was taking a couple steps back as he still looked at her. “Yeah I guess it is.”

They looked at one another, both hesitating and then laughing as they realized neither one was moving.

“Ah,” Jiahn giggled. “Goodbye, Yugyeom.”

“Goodbye,” he took a hand out of his pocket to wave as he started walking backwards down the hallway, still smiling a little. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll text you,” Jiahn promised.

He nodded in response, smile still on his face as he finally turned around, back to her as he headed down the hall towards the elevators.

Jiahn finally put the key in the lock with shaky fingers, turning the deadbolt and walking quickly inside the front door. Mr. Floof’s meows of greeting and food-begging were lost to the slight ringing in her ears and her pounding heart beat, the smile on her face persistent, unwilling to go away.

Closing the door behind her, she leaned against it, letting her head fall back against the wood and closing her eyes with a sigh.

_Yep Jiahn...you’ve got it really, really bad..._

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Mentions of Cheating, Mental Abuse and Sexual Content; Anxiety Attack

 

** Soyeon: **

_**December 10, 2018, 8:30am** _

It had been two weeks since Soyeon had seen Shownu.

She didn’t want to admit that she was paying close attention to the days that he was gone, but every time she walked into work, it was like a constant reminder that he wasn’t there, wouldn’t be there, for the next few weeks.

Of course, Soyeon was grateful to Jiahn for taking over the photography spot in Shownu’s absence; it was a lot better than when Jiyoo had done it. Still, despite having her best friend with her, there was something missing and she hated acknowledging that.

Reality wasn’t really her thing.

She sighed, staring at the first sentence of her holiday article. It was barely December, and yet, Jackson was acting like Christmas was around the corner. He was edgy enough with all the gifts Jiyoo kept receiving from Youngjae, and now he was barking orders at everyone under the pressure of the holidays.

Of course when he had made it to Soyeon, he was softer- he always had a soft spot for her and Jiahn, females really- and asked her how far she had made it on her article while bringing her a candy cane from the break room. She had considered lying, but ended up telling him the truth; that she hadn’t even written a sentence.

“Look, I don’t wanna be unfair to these other guys,” Jackson had admitted in a low whisper, leaning in so that no one could hear him. “I told Hyungwon if he didn’t finish the graphics for the Christmas decorations on the webpage by the end of the week, I would find someone else.”

“Jackson!” Soyeon had exclaimed, and he quickly shushed her with a shit-eating grin.

“He’s lazy-!”

“He’s not lazy, he’s quiet, there’s a difference-”

“Well, I also told Heonie I didn’t want to hear his voice until he figured out why the ‘About the Authors’ page keeps glitching-”

Soyeon had smacked her hand to her forehead, knowing the statement probably destroyed Heonie and shook her head back and forth.

“Oh my gosh, Jackson…”

“So listen,” He had lost all traces of a smile, a serious look on his face as his eyes locked with hers. “I’m going to need at least a paragraph or two, alright? Jaebum has already given me two articles now...I know it’s hard...without Shownu here…”

“That doesn’t matter-” Soyeon had brushed him off, humiliated that he had even noticed.

“Well-” he had hesitated, looking like he was going to argue and then thinking better of it. “Two paragraphs...alright?”

Soyeon had agreed of course and he had left her cubicle with a small smile in her direction, a comforting smile, as if he knew she felt like a part of her was missing.

But she didn’t want anyone to know.

Jinyoung had picked up on her odd behavior too, and she cringed everytime she thought about it. He had been watching her closely, his piercing gaze intimidating her more than usual. Since the morning after she had come home from the masquerade party, things had been tense between them, no matter how much she tried to act normal. The man was too observant, too calculative, picking up on every mood change and tense movement she made.

It was overwhelming.

Soyeon exhaled loudly, growling a little under her breath as she leaned back in her computer chair and tore her eyes from that one cursed sentence.

During the holidays, the focus is not only on family, but friends as well.

It was the angle she was going for- friends. Friends that accompany you when family is too far away, or when your family is broken. Friends that are with you through thick and thin, and become your make-shift family in the end. Best friends, like Jiahn.

Best friends like Shownu.

She squeezed the bridge of her nose, looking up at the ceiling and closing her eyes. She remembered when she had run into the same writer’s block this time last year, and she had ended up staying late, Shownu staying behind to keep her company…

 

_“While traditions are always important in every family for the holidays, it is important to note that not everyone’s are the same…” Soyeon read out loud, her tired eyes scrolling across the computer screen for what felt like the billionth time that day. “Being open to new practices and learning about others and how they celebrate is a beautiful part of the holiday that many people forget.”_

_“I like it.”_

_Shownu was leaning on her computer chair, looking over her shoulder as she read. “I think it’s a good way to open it up…”_

_“Not too boring?” Soyeon asked with a sigh, looking up at his handsome face and trying to ignore how close he was to her._

_“Nothing you write is boring, Soyeon.”_

_Despite his tone being matter-of-fact, the compliment sent a thrill through her body, making her smile and bite her lip before turning back to the computer screen._

_Stupid Shownu…_

_He was always doing that; giving her compliments without really meaning to. He always sounded like he was just speaking his mind, being one-hundred percent honest, and it made every remark he made all the more meaningful to her._

_“Thanks,” she muttered, sighing as she shifted the document screen over, displaying all of Shownu’s photos he had taken of their interviewees, groaning when she saw how many of them there were left to sift through. “Why is Jackson making me do the layout too?! That’s normally Haeun’s department-”_

_“I think he’s trying to punish you,” Shownu answered her with a grin, leaning against the wall of her cubicle as he watched her run two frustrated hands through her hair. “Since you waited until the last minute to write this-”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Soyeon interrupted, unable to suppress her laughter at his jab. “I couldn’t get any inspiration! The holidays feel...weird this year…”_

_Shownu nodded in agreement, and after a moment she looked away, trying to keep her focus on the task in front of her and not her annoyingly attractive partner that had insisted on staying with her. The minute she had told him she was staying late to work on her article, he had slipped his coat off his shoulders, draping it over his arm and telling her that he would stay with her. Her heart had warmed at his sweetness, but she tried to push him going home._

_As much as Soyeon enjoyed Shownu’s company- more than she wanted to admit in fact- she wasn’t sure how much she could get done with him there._

_He had surprised her again however, staying silent as he sat in Hyungwon’s chair he had brought over from the man’s cubicle. He had spent a majority of the time staying silent, looking through his pictures on his digital camera and deleting them as necessary. His presence was oddly comforting for her as it got darker and darker outside, the hours ticking by as her fingers raced across the keyboard._

_Shownu being there had done the opposite of what she had expected; she was suddenly inspired. She had typed for hours, turning around to get Shownu’s attention and reading random lines out loud to see if he approved. He was always honest, giving constructive criticism when needed and giving her sincere smiles when she corrected it just the way he suggested._

_She had been stuck on the opening- one of the most difficult parts of writing in her opinion- but now that she had gotten Shownu’s approval on her beginning sentence, there was finally nothing else to do but format the pictures around the article on the page._

_Still, there were a lot of photos to go through, and Soyeon could feel a headache coming on at the thought of looking through every one._

_“Let me do this part,” Shownu said softly from behind her. “I think I’ve got all the photos in mind, I’ve just got to find them.”_

_HIs eyes were on the screen as he blindly reached for the mouse, Soyeon’s hand still on it. His fingers brushed against the back of her hand and she jumped, moving her hand out from underneath him as if burned. The touch was innocent, barely there, and yet she felt heat exactly where he had made contact._

_She was embarrassed, using the same hand to move some strands of hair off her shoulder and letting out a light chuckle._

_“Sorry,” Shownu mumbled, turning to give her a shy smile before putting his attention on the pictures again, his cheekbones still raised a little, as if he hadn’t stopped smiling._

_Soyeon couldn’t get any words out, annoyed with her reaction at such a stupid touch. Her face was burning red, she could feel it, and her heart was pumping just a little faster than normal. It didn’t help that Shownu was still there, body leaning against the back of her chair, arm just inches from hers as he used the mouse to start sliding pictures into their formatted frames on the page. She couldn’t help but look at him, admire him really, as he bit his lip slightly, the brightness of the screen reflecting off the glasses he wore only when he was working like he was._

_She scowled slightly, looking away and watching his work. These...feelings...she kept getting with Shownu were coming on faster than she had wanted to admit. At first she thought it was because he was so hot- because the man was gorgeous- but as she started to get to know him, she realized there was so much more to him than that. Kind, sweet, always honest, a playful side that she loved, a little shy, and passionate about his work, he was someone everyone in the office admired, but no one more than Soyeon. They had become friends almost instantly, bonding over their similar sense of humor and their love for their field of work. He was easy to talk to, a relaxing presence in her life even in the four months that he had been there, and she found herself looking forward to seeing him every day._

_It was a dangerous game that she tried her best to ignore._

_“Alright, I think I finished it.”_

_Shownu’s voice broke through her thoughts, and she cleared her glazed over eyes to get a better look at the screen. He had, indeed, filled every empty digital picture frame with a corresponding picture he had taken, each one meticulously chosen by him, so of course, it looked fantastic. His hand was, thankfully, already removed from the mouse as she reached for it again, scrolling down the article to take a look at everything._

_“Do you like it?”_

_The man was still right there, leaning over her chair, face just a foot from hers as he asked the question. Soyeon didn’t think before she was turning to look at him, not realizing how close he was and swallowing hard as she saw his handsome features up close._

_Dammit, Soyeon, get it together…_

_“I like it a lot,” she told him with a grin. “Thank you...I don’t know what I’d do without you.”_

_Soyeon meant every word, but it was like her words held more meaning than she had intended. He smiled at her, eyes never leaving hers, and she could feel the tension growing between them. The tension that always seemed to come when they were alone and speaking softly to each other like they were right in that moment. The tension that Soyeon went out of her way to ignore, despite her irregular heartbeat and twisting stomach._

_It was late though, and her brain wasn’t on as high of an alert as it normally was, and so she didn’t look away like she knew she needed to. It was Shownu who finally looked down at the arm of the chair, letting out a light chuckle before standing up straight._

_“What else do you have to do?” He asked her, and she turned around to watch him collapse into Hyungwon’s chair behind her._

_“Update the ‘Christmas with the Workplace’ section,” Soyeon replied with a roll of her eyes, sliding a little farther down her chair. “Why does Jackson need us to update it every year? I have the same Christmas traditions I had last year, and who’s reading about our traditions anyway? These people don’t know who we are…”_

_“I know,” Shownu laughed at her complaints, leaning forward so that his elbows rested on his knees. “Just sort of...rearrange the words a bit. Maybe that’ll suffice?”_

_Soyeon couldn’t stand the thought of looking at the computer any longer, and wasn’t a fan of how out-of-control her exhausted mind was getting over being alone with Shownu._

_“Jackson should’ve given me a bottle of wine if he wanted me to get all this done by tonight,” she mumbled bitterly, glaring at the carpet._

_“He has one,” Shownu told her immediately, slapping his hand over his mouth with wide eyes._

_“Here?” Soyeon asked, sitting up a little straighter and grinning at Shownu’s guilty expression._

_He hesitated before taking his hand from his mouth, nodding reluctantly._

_“Yeah, he told me about it a while back. I guess he brought it to give to the big bosses but they never showed up and he’s been keeping it in his mini-fridge ever since.”_

_He was smiling guiltily as he spilled Jackson’s secret, and Soyeon giggled._

_“We should get it.”_

_“What if he notices?” Shownu asked, but he was already craning his neck to get a look at Jackson’s office door._

_“If he’s had it for that long, I bet he won’t,” she replied easily, standing up and stretching. “The problem is getting inside his office; it’s locked.”_

_Shownu watched as she lifted her hands above her head, arching her back a bit to get out the kinks, his eyes moving down the length of her body quickly. She wasn’t expecting him to look at her like that, watching him swallow hard as his eyes darted away and he stood up almost clumsily. She felt a shiver run down her spine, not missing the slight darkness in his eyes and tried to reason with her mind that she was not single._

_“I have a key,” Shownu told her, pulling his keys out of his pocket and looking for the right one. “He told me he wanted me to have it unless he ever lost his.”_

_“Wow,” Soyeon laughed, shaking her head a little. “Jackson really loves you, doesn’t he?”_

_Shownu just smiled, finally looking at her again. It was short-lived, as he quickly led the way to Jackson’s office and she followed behind him. She kept her eyes on the door in front of her and not the broad shoulders or exposed forearms of the man walking just feet from her. He put the key in the lock, turning it and opening Jackson’s office with a nervous grin in Soyeon’s direction._

_They both tiptoed inside, even though there was clearly no one there, and she scanned the area for his mini-fridge. She knew where it was- she had been in Jackson’s office too many times to count- and made a beeline straight for the stainless-steel fridge that sat just beside his bookshelf. She opened it up, spotting the bottle of wine easily, eyes widening when she saw that it was already opened, the cork shoved half-heartedly back into the top._

_“It’s open!” she exclaimed, grabbing the bottle and turning around to smile brightly at Shownu. “We can put it back! He won’t even notice!”_

_“I’ll get the cups,” Shownu told her with a wicked grin, walking over and placing the key on Jackson’s desk. “You lock up.”_

_Soyeon nodded as she watched him exit, eyes wandering down his body on their own accord before she was staring at the bottle in her hands once more._

_Should we do this…?_

_The question was on her mind before she could shove it to the back, and she swallowed as her heart skipped a beat. Shownu was dangerous; someone she had an undeniable attraction to while spending a majority of her time denying it anyway. Was alcohol in this situation the greatest idea when things were starting to get a bit...tense with Jinyoung right now?_

_It’ll be fine, you’re not gonna finish off the bottle! It’s one glass…_

_Soyeon just needed one reason to say yes before she was smiling at her decision, standing up quickly and shutting the fridge door. She grabbed the keys off the desk, bottle in her other hand as she made her way out of Jackson’s office. Soyeon locked the door, a skip in her step as she moved back to her cubicle, spotting Shownu already waiting in there._

_“I got cups.”_

_He shot her an adorable grin as he held up two coffee mugs; one with cats all over it (Jiahn’s) and one in the shape of a unicorn._

_“This is all that was clean…”_

_“I call the unicorn!” Soyeon said playfully, and Shownu laughed as they traded, him handing her the unicorn mug while he took the wine bottle. “Sorry you’re stuck with the cats…”_

_“As long as Jiahn’s not mad,” Shownu was smiling playfully again and Soyeon giggled; she loved it when he got like this._

_They both sat in their office chairs again, rolling to her desk and setting their mugs on the surface. Shownu pulled the cork out of the wine bottle with ease, face concentrated as he poured wine for each of them._

_Soyeon noticed he filled both of them all the way._

_They grabbed their drinks, lifting them up and smiling at one another before taking a drink._

_“Cheers?” Soyeon asked, holding her mug out._

_“Merry early Christmas,” Shownu nodded, tapping his mug against hers before they both took a drink._

_Comfortable silence fell amongst both of them as they sipped the wine. It was very tasty; sweet but not too sweet, with a sharpness that had Soyeon wishing they had some cheese to compliment it. She found herself drinking it a little faster than she should, eyes darting to Shownu as he seemed to be doing the same._

_They both set their mugs down at the same time, giggling at the simultaneous action before Soyeon sighed._

_“Okay…” she turned her chair towards her computer, wiggling the mouse to wake it back up. “Let me try to write this ‘about me’ thing.”_

_“I’ll be here,” Shownu answered her, picking up his drink to take some more sips as he pulled out his phone._

_Soyeon moved to her section on the webpage, erasing her paragraph from last year and attempting to write a new one. She absent-mindedly reached for her mug, taking small drinks of the addicting wine as she thought about what she should say. Nothing was really different than last year, as far as traditions went…_

_You live with Jinyoung now...that’s something…_

_She bit her lip, wondering what kind of Christmas traditions the man had. The only thing she knew about was his large holiday party he threw every year, having to endure the one just the year before when they had first started dating. She had been impressed by the amount of people he was connected with, and the charming smile he kept on his face the entire night. Still, she didn’t think she had ever felt so uncomfortable, feeling a little low-class in her black dress as nothing but wealthy people surrounded her on all sides._

_Soyeon would be lying if she said she was looking forward to that every year._

_Shownu set his mug down, and she glanced at it to see it was completely empty. She raised her eyebrows in surprise, glancing down at her own wine and realizing that there was only about a tiny bit left. She had been sipping nervously as she thought, and she swallowed at the thought._

_“Want some more?”_

_She turned to see Shownu holding up the bottle, smiling gently at her as he poured wine in his own mug._

_“Alright, sure,” she consented, feeling a little guilty about it, but unable to resist Shownu’s smile._

_He was filling the mugs to the top again, and she wondered if he was doing that on purpose or if he just felt impolite filling them up halfway._

_It really could be either._

_He picked his mug back up, watching her over the rim of the cup as he drank. She felt her face grow hot at the way he was looking at her, something in his eyes she couldn’t read, but she tried blame the red of her cheeks on the alcohol._

_It’s just the wine…_

_Soyeon was taking another hearty taste of wine again, trying to distract herself. Maybe drinking wasn’t the best idea she ever had, but now she was doing it, and Shownu was still looking at her and she was very curious as to why he was even there with her in the first place._

_“Why did you stay with me?”_

_The question slipped from Soyeon’s mouth before she had time to stop it, and Shownu stopped drinking, setting his mug down with a quiet laugh._

_“Ah…” he scratched the back of his head, looking up at her shyly through his lashes. “I don’t know…”_

_“You just love the office that much?” Soyeon teased, ignoring the swoop in her stomach at that look he was giving her._

_Her teasing loosened him up as it always did, probably with the help of the wine, and he dropped his arm into his lap as he smiled._

_“I guess I just didn’t want you to be alone.”_

_The response was innocent enough, a slight shrug to his shoulders, his tone nonchalant, but Soyeon couldn’t shake the small thrill that shot through her body. His eyes weren’t leaving hers and she felt her face heating up, quickly grabbing her mug to keep her hands busy._

_“Don’t you want to be home with your family?” Soyeon asked after taking a sip, voice soft. “It’s Christmas Eve…”_

_“Ah yeah, well…” he finally looked away from her, eyes on his lap as he spoke. “I think I just...needed some space.”_

_Soyeon waited patiently for him to continue, feeling a pang in her chest, her concern for him rather strong as she watched him take his glasses from his face. He set them down, running a hand through his hair and sighing, finally making eye contact with her again. He chuckled nervously, sighing before he spoke._

_“My Dad, he uh…” Shownu was hesitating again, and Soyeon felt her stomach flip; why was Shownu so nervous? “He keeps talking about this guy he works with, business partner...his boss actually…”_

_“Is something going on?” She asked, watching him closely as he avoided her eyes._

_“Well, the boss, he has this daughter…” Shownu took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “And I guess my Dad and him had made a deal a while back, if his daughter turned 25 and had not found a husband…”_

_Soyeon’s heart was hammering in her chest now, not wanting to hear the rest, feeling like she knew where this was going-_

_“They want us to be engaged,” Shownu said quickly, swallowing hard after he said it. “An arranged marriage, I guess.”_

_It was so quiet you could hear a pen drop, Soyeon almost unable to process the words. The mug that still sat in her hands was trembling slightly and Shownu’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared at his hands in his lap._

_“My dad made the deal a long time ago, after Sooah was born,” his voice was barely above a whisper, his tone taking on a dark edge that Soyeon had never heard before. “As Sooah grew older, he was never worried, because she’s so pretty…”_

_Despite the way he said it, like he didn’t quite agree, Soyeon still felt a bit...annoyed by his compliment. She wasn’t the jealous type...what was wrong with her?_

_“And she hasn’t found a husband?”_

_It was the first time that Soyeon had spoken, and her voice was a lot rougher than she had intended it to be. She wasn’t the jealous type, and it wasn’t Shownu calling the girl pretty that was getting to her._

_No, Soyeon was getting really, really angry about something else entirely._

_“No, I guess she’s a little high maintenance,” he was clearly trying to joke, but neither of them laughed and he never even cracked a smile. “And she just celebrated her 25th birthday...My Dad brought it up to me a week ago and I just-”_

_He paused, looking like he was trying to figure out what words to say._

_“We argued, I stormed out, and I’ve been crashing at Hyungwon’s house the last few days,” he admitted in a rush. “But I’ve been thinking about it, and I really think I should just do it-”_

_“What?!”_

_Soyeon put her cup down harder than necessary, the wine splashing a little onto her desk. She hadn’t meant to do it, but she had reached her boiling point._

_“Soyeon-”_

_Shownu’s eyes widened a little at her reaction, glancing at the cup before looking up at her as she stood up._

_“That’s complete bullshit, Shownu, and you know it.”_

_Soyeon was not one to cuss, and the man knew this, swallowing hard as he stared up at her._

_“I don’t have a choice-”_

_“You do,” she insisted, feeling tears prickling at the corners of her eyes and hating it._

_Why am I so upset?!_

_“Soyeon, you don’t understand,” he was watching her wearily, setting his own mug down as he sat up straighter. “My Dad, if I don’t agree to this, he might lose everything.”_

_“Is that even legal?” Soyeon asked angrily, scowling at him._

_“Of course not,” Shownu replied with a shake of his head. “But when are true business deals ever legal? He can come up with something to remove my Dad from the company, and I won’t do that to him Soyeon. Not everything he’s done for me…”_

_His voice softened as he spoke, looking dejectedly at his lap. Soyeon took a deep breath, the anger ebbing a bit and being replaced by an intense wave of sadness. She collapsed in her chair from the weight of it, the pain in her chest intensifying as she searched the features of his face._

_“Shownu…” she all but whispered, reaching out without thinking and running her fingers along the skin of his forearm in a comforting gesture. “I’m so sorry…”_

_He looked at her touch before looking up at her, the distress evident in his eyes as he met her gaze._

_“It’ll be alright,” he told her, his tone contradicting the comforting words that he spoke. “I found a wife...at least…”_

_His eyes were boring into hers now, another unreadable emotion in them as Soyeon stared back at him. It was intense, too intense, her fingers still resting on the skin of his arm as her stomach twisted with unexplained emotion._

_Shownu will be engaged soon…_

_The tears she had felt before were now filling her eyes at their own accord, and she brought her hand away from him, not even sure why she had reached out in the first place._

_She was not normally a touchy person._

_Despite Soyeon’s attempts at hiding it, Shownu had seen she was about to cry, and he leaned closer as if it was a knee-jerk response._

_“I’ll be alright, Soyeon,” he all but whispered, his hand moving as if he was going to touch her before he thought better of it. “Don’t cry because of me...I’m gonna be fine.”_

_“I’m not, I’m sorry,” she lied, embarrassed as she quickly wiped the tears away. “I guess it’s the wine, makes me emotional…”_

_Shownu seemed to solve an internal battle with himself, finally reaching out and resting his hand on her knee._

_“Please don’t cry,” he said again, his touch making her look up to meet his eyes. “I don’t like it…”_

_He smiled comfortingly at her, and she laughed at his choice of words, looking up at the ceiling to keep the rest of the tears at bay._

_“It’s still not fair,” she said, using the sleeve of her sweater to wipe at her face. “But…”_

_“It’s not,” Shownu nodded, chuckling darkly. “But…”_

_Neither one of them seemed to be able to finish the sentence, instead just looking at each other, exchanging sad smiles._

_“What about you?” Shownu asked after a moment, sitting back and taking his hand from her knee._

_Soyeon felt cold._

_“Why are you staying here instead of just going home? Jackson would’ve let you bring the work laptop…”_

_She hesitated, picking at the strings on her sweater as she debated on telling him the truth. Of course she knew she could bring home the laptop- she had done it many times before- but she had wanted to stay behind tonight._

_She hadn’t really felt like going home._

_Jinyoung was working late, but he told her to text him when she got home so he knew where she was, assuming she would only be a couple hours. She had stayed at the office a lot later than usual, the time 11:30pm on her computer. After the third text from Jinyoung demanding why her work would make her stay so long, despite her explanations that it was her fault, she had put her cell phone away._

_“Oh, well-”_

_Soyeon could feel the light feeling moving through her body from the wine. She wasn’t drunk by any means, but she wasn’t sober either, a happy buzz vibrating through her veins as she decided that honesty was the best policy._

_“-I didn’t really want to go home...tonight…”_

_She trailed off, sneaking a glance at Shownu, who’s eyebrows crinkled in slight confusion._

_“With Jinyoung? Why not?”_

_It felt weird to her, hearing Shownu say his name, like they were characters in two different stories that didn’t belong together. She bit her lip, looking away from him again and reconsidering her confession. Soyeon felt wrong, dirty even, wanting to spill her darkest thoughts to Shownu. The way he was looking at her, like he cared so much, was too tempting though, and she found herself opening her mouth before she could give it another thought._

_“I don’t know, ever since I moved in, things have been a bit weird with Jinyoung.”_

_She said everything in a rush, unable to look at the man as she did so. He didn’t ask her any follow-up questions, seeming to sense her discomfort, and that drove her to keep going._

_“When I’m not home, he wants to know where I am,” she began, voice low as she spoke, still picking at the stupid strings on her sweater a little more violently. “Always. If I stop for coffee, grab something to eat, if I’m not home at the time I usually am...he texts me.”_

_She finally glanced up, Shownu’s eyebrows slightly raised in surprise._

_“If I grab my purse and wanna go somewhere…” Soyeon sighed before continuing. “He wants to know where I’m going. And of course, normally you say where you’re going, you know? Tell them where you’re going but Jinyoung…”_

_She paused._

_“He makes me feel like I have to get his permission. Like I’m not telling him, I’m asking him, and I...feel weird about that.”_

_“Well that makes sense…” Shownu was careful with his response, but there was a slight edge to his voice. “That you would feel that way…”_

_She chanced a look at him, and saw the contemplative look on his face, lips pressed together just slightly._

_“He lectures a lot too.”_

_It was like Soyeon just needed to get all of this off her chest, now that she had broken through the threshold. She could feel her voice raising just a little as she spoke, the fidgeting with her sweater strings becoming so violent that she was actually pulling them out of the material._

_“I need to eat healthier, I need to go to the gym, I need to buy name brand clothes because of the quality. Why don’t I have a savings plan? Why am I using my bank account, don’t I know that using my credit card and paying it off is how I can build my credit?”_

_She scoffed angrily, sitting up a little straighter in her seat as she looked at Shownu again, pulling the sleeves of her sweater around her hands._

_“Why do I walk on my tiptoes, don’t I know that’s bad for my feet and posture? I need to find a better place to work, the stocks in our magazine aren’t looking too good. ‘Just let me take care of the finances for now on Soyeon, I think we both know I’m the better one with money’.”_

_Shownu looked pretty taken aback by that last one, quickly hiding the scowl that had flashed across his face. Still Soyeon had seen it, and she wondered what Shownu thought of her for staying with a guy like Jinyoung._

_“He just cares, you know?”_

_She was backtracking, feeling incredibly guilty about her outburst. What was she doing, saying all these things about Jinyoung like this? Why was she telling Shownu of all people, when she knew damn well how she felt about him, whether she wanted to admit it or not._

_“He wants what is best for me, he just has an odd way of showing it, I guess…”_

_She watched him, seeing if he would at least nod, but he didn’t do anything, instead choosing to watch her closely. She was a bit put-off by his reaction, not used to seeing him so…_

_Serious._

_Soyeon looked down at her lap nervously, battling with the two conflicting sides of her brain. On the one hand, she was embarrassed that she brought the problem up in the first place, and spilled her feelings so completely like that. She was very good at keeping things under lock and key, very good at pretending things weren’t actually happening...so why did she feel the need to do that? And make Jinyoung look so bad?_

_And then there was the fact that Shownu cared...cared a lot in fact, it was written all over his face. Even though she knew it was wrong, she couldn’t help the butterflies that fluttered strongly in her stomach. He was so subtly protective, even in the short amount of time they had known each other, and it was these moments that reminded her how much she felt for the man, regardless of her habit of pretending those feelings weren’t there._

_“Jinyoung, he’s just a serious guy and so I think when he says those things, he’s just showing that he worries and that he cares.”_

_It was something Soyeon had practiced saying a thousand times in her own mind, praying for patience when she was with Jinyoung and he was acting like he did. He was not all bad...he was sweet to her, and took care of her…_

_She was with him for a reason._

_“He loves me, and you know-” Soyeon paused, hating that she did. “I love him too, so…”_

_“He might just be worried about losing you,” Shownu spoke quietly, but his tone was matter-of-fact. “Girls like you are really hard to find.”_

_Soyeon suddenly felt like the room was a thousand degrees, her heart racing in her chest as she felt a deep blush take over her cheeks._

_Stupid Shownu…_

_“I think if I were in his shoes though…” there was an edge to his voice again, a bite that Soyeon was not used to hearing come from the usually soft man. “I’d see that you are trustworthy enough to handle yourself. Otherwise, why would I be with you? Maybe...he’s probably just still figuring that out.”_

_Soyeon knew there was more Shownu wanted to say, his slight gnawing on his bottom lip and fidgeting in his seat being her indicators. She stared at him, unable to help it as she processed what he had said. It felt like Shownu was more aware of who she was and what she was capable of than Jinyoung was, despite the one knowing her way longer than the other. It sent an unexpected pain through her chest, a longing for Shownu that came out of left field as she looked at his face._

_He finally met her gaze, confliction in his eyes as he looked both concerned and…_

_Frustrated._

_She took a deep breath, exhaling loudly and looking at her lap as she tried to figure out what to say next._

_“I’m sure you guys will work it out,” Shownu saved the day again, the edge gone from his voice as he seemed to take control of his emotions once more._

_Soyeon looked up at him, nothing but a reassuring smile on his face as he met her gaze. She smiled back, appreciating his gesture, but feeling like she might need a little bit more wine._

_Besides, the more wine she drank, the longer she had to wait until she could drive home._

_“I guess I should get back to work,” she muttered, looking at her now black computer screen, sighing at the amount of effort she still needed to put forth._

_“I’ll stay until you’re done.”_

_He laughed a little under his breath after he spoke, and for some reason this broke the tension between them, making her laugh as well as she opened her computer up and typed in her password. All of her screens were visible once more, and she glanced at the clock, realizing it was 5 minutes after midnight._

_Soyeon grinned, grabbing her mug and turning to face Shownu, who had been watching her the whole time. He eyed her mug, picking his up as well and gave her a questioning smile._

_“Merry Christmas Shownu,” she said, holding her mug up._

_“Merry Christmas Soyeon.”_

_Following his words, he tapped his mug against hers, and they kept their eyes locked as they both took long sips of the wine._

_Soyeon wasn’t sure she had ever had better Christmas ever company_

 

“Hey dude.”

Soyeon jumped, spinning her chair around and coming face to face with a wide-eyed Jiahn.

“Jiahn!” She exclaimed, grabbing her chest and letting out a light laugh. “What the...you scared the crap out of me!”

“Sorry, sorry!” She had two coffee cups in her hand, holding them up in surrender as she giggled. “I didn’t know you were so focused…”

“Ugh, I’m not,” Soyeon sighed, glaring sideways at the computer screen. “I’ve written one sentence.”

Jiahn handed her one of the cups, and Soyeon’s smiled gratefully at her before taking it.

“Well, we haven’t really done a lot of interviews yet,” Jiahn reasoned as she pushed a straw into her own iced coffee. “There’s not much material…”

“Jackson wants two paragraphs,” Soyeon groaned, watching Jiahn roll her eyes.

“Look, just because he’s mad that someone grabbed Jiyoo’s attention doesn’t mean he has to walk around acting like the ‘Nightmare Before Christmas.”

“Jack Skellington was nice,” Soyeon giggled, watching Jiahn stick her tongue out at her.

“Whatever, Jackson’s being an ass,” she conceded, taking a long drink of her coffee and sighing. “I definitely need caffeine today…”

“Why’s yours so big?” Soyeon asked, noticing for the first time that Jiahn’s coffee was much bigger than her own; they usually stuck to just a medium amount.

“I don’t know...I’ve been tired lately,” Jiahn nodded, eyebrows furrowing a little as she looked at the contents of her cup. “Nauseous too...I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Are you sleeping?”

It was Soyeon’s go-to question when it came to her best friend; while she herself was bad about eating a proper amount, Jiahn was terrible about getting enough sleep. The girl was a bit of a scatter-brained busybody, finding a thousand other things to do besides sleep.

“Yes actually!” Jiahn giggled at the disbelieving look Soyeon gave her. “No, really! Too much, honestly! I’ve fallen asleep three nights in a row on the couch, one time I almost dropped the work laptop…”

Soyeon believed it.

“I don’t know, it might be my double-life,” Jiahn grinned, shaking away the worry as she held up the company’s digital camera. “Photographer and Copy Editor at your service!”

“Ah, I’m sorry Jiahn…” Soyeon felt bad about how hard her friend was working. “If you want me to find someone else-”

“Nah, I’m good,” Jiahn adjusted the camera strap on her shoulder, waving her coffee around to assure Soyeon it was okay. “Distracts me from the fact that I haven’t seen Yugyeom in a week...I should’ve just gotten laid again while I had the chance…”

“No, Jiahn, you did the right thing,” Soyeon laughed, getting up from her chair and putting her coat on. “If you would’ve done that-”

“Don’t worry, I know,” Jiahn’s voice was softer now along with her smile as she looked at her feet. “I’m glad we’re taking it slow...I uh...I really like him…”

“I know you do,” she smiled at her friend, watching the faintest of pinks spread across her cheeks. “Have you guys been talking?”

“Non-stop,” Jiahn replied, nodding enthusiastically. “I also dropped my phone on my face another night that I fell asleep on the couch…”

“Of course you did,” Soyeon giggled, grabbing her purse and pulling it on her shoulder. “Ready to go?”

She was standing closer to her friend now, and Jiahn got a better look at her face, eyes softening a little.

“Don’t worry, three weeks right? Shownu will be back, and you won’t have to worry about dealing with my sub-par pictures,” she joked, using the best friend intuition they both swore they had to figure out why Soyeon had been so distracted.

Her stomach flipped at the sound of Shownu’s name and she silently cursed herself, wondering when exactly the feelings had gotten this bad.

_After the masquerade party, after the dancing, after that kiss…_

“Psh, your pictures are not that bad,” Soyeon replied quickly, trying to shake her annoying thoughts from her mind. “I like them…”

“Jackson literally stole my camera yesterday and started looking through them,” Jiahn rolled her eyes, holding up the camera for emphasis. “And told me his three year old niece could take better pictures than I could-”

“Well that’s just Jackson,” Soyeon waved it off, moving around Jiahn to step out of her cubicle. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go,” Jiahn said excitedly, adjusting everything in her hands as she jumped over to stand by Soyeon.

They walked out together, Jiahn beginning to babble about her latest conversation with Yugyeom while her earlier words echoed in Soyeon’s head.

_Don’t worry, three weeks, right? Shownu will be back..._

  


** Jiahn: **

_**December 20, 2018, 6:30am** _

It had been two weeks since Jiahn had had her date with Yugyeom.

And three weeks and six days since I’ve gotten laid.

She groaned, running both hands down her face as she squeezed them shut, willing her pathetic thoughts to go away. Jiahn had been a little sexually frustrated lately, regretting more and more every day not pulling Yugyeom into her bedroom when she had the chance after their date. Of course, rationally, she knew she shouldn’t have, but as the weeks ticked by, she was wondering what “rational thinking” had ever done for her anyway. She blamed the frustration on the amount of stress she was under lately, assuming she just needed some kind of release.

Actually, she blamed everything on the stress lately.

She hadn’t felt herself in a couple weeks now, and was wondering if there was something truly wrong or if she was letting her anxiety take over again.

Still, she couldn’t deny the way her entire body protested as she sat up in bed. The sun had barely risen, and she scowled at it through her blinds, wondering why she ever signed up for a job that would make her wake up so damn early.

_Meow_

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Floofs,” Jiahn grumbled, throwing the covers off her legs and standing up slowly. “I’m going, I’m going.”

As she made her way to the kitchen, she was reminded of the time she had gone on a “gym kick” with Soyeon. It had been the beginning of the year, a New Year’s Resolution for both of them-

Typical, Jiahn rolled her eyes at the thought with a smile.

-and they had decided to start going to the gym on their lunch breaks. She had agreed, knowing she needed to tone up, and at first they had taken it easy.

Then Jiahn had gotten ambitious, suggesting they do a more intense workout, and Soyeon being the laid-back friend she always was, was down for the challenge. They had almost died on the multiple pieces of equipment they had to jump between, and Soyeon had told Jiahn it was one of the worst ideas she had ever come up with. She had wholeheartedly agreed with her best friend, apologizing as they limped to the car. Jiahn would never forget the way she felt the next morning; like she had been beaten to a pulp, ran over by a truck, and then thrown to the side of the road.

Soyeon had told her she was “being dramatic”, but it was the best way to describe it. As she poured the food into Mr. Floof’s bowl, she was reminded of the way she had felt that day; her entire body ached all over.

She wondered if she should eat something, opening up the pantry and staring at the oatmeal packets she usually had every morning for breakfast. Just picturing the mushy, light brown consistency of oatmeal had her already nauseous stomach turning, and she quickly slammed the pantry closed, deciding against breakfast like she had every day that week now.

Jiahn went through her morning routine, deciding against calling out- there was just too much to do- gave a quick pet, kiss, and wave to Mr. Floofs, and bolted out the door. She was running late as per usual, practically running to work despite every muscle in her body protesting against it. By the time she made it to the front doors she was completely out of breath, feeling sick to her stomach all over again and wondering if maybe eating would’ve been a good idea if she was planning on getting in some spontaneous morning cardio.

“Hey Jiahn!”

She jumped after pressing the up button on the elevators, turning around. It was BamBam, beaming as he pulled his headphones out of his ears and ran up to her.

“Hey Bam,” she sighed, giving him a small smile as she turned to look at the elevators once more. “What’s up?”

“Just another day at work,” he shrugged, standing next to her as the elevator doors popped open. “How are you and Yugyeom?”

She smiled automatically, a little embarrassed by her instant reaction and looking at her feet to hide it.

“We’re uh...we’re good,” Jiahn answered, trying to sound nonchalant as she added a shrug for good effect.

“Uh huh,” Bam replied teasingly, sliding his tongue across his teeth as he smiled, both of them stepping into the elevator. “I know you two talk non-stop...dude’s barely home as is and doesn’t even say hi to us anymore! He’s always on his phone!”

“Sorry about that,” Jiahn giggled, scratching the back of her head and feeling a little awkward. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”

“He’s always busy this time of year,” Bam explained with a sigh. “He leaves before I do and comes home right as I’m going to bed...The dance studio is pretty harsh on him, I always tell him that-”

“It’s for the recital,” Jiahn said, wondering if Bam knew. “You know, the Christmas one? He was telling me about it.”

Yugyeom had been apologizing ever since the day after their first date, his schedule more hectic than even Jiahn’s was as they tried to make plans for a second date. His dance class was doing the same Christmas recital they did every year, and Yugyeom was the lead teacher for it this year. It was a big deal for him, and he had been working so hard he barely had time to breathe, from what he had told Jiahn. As much as she wanted to see him again, she was glad he was busy; with the amount of articles she had to edit and the amount of times she was running with Soyeon for a new interview to take photographs, she also barely had time to breathe, and there was no pressure on either one of them to see each other.

Even though they both expressed on a regular basis how much they wanted to.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, he’s pretty excited about it,” Bam looked like he was struggling between being a supportive best friend and wondering what the big deal was. “Hey, how’s Soyeon doing?”

The question was completely out of left field, and Jiahn had to suppress a laugh, acting like she was about to dig something out of her purse.

“She’s good…” she replied hesitantly.

“Will you tell her we’re throwing a Christmas party at our apartment?” he asked quickly, as the elevator dinged, announcing their arrival on Jiahn’s floor. “I know she’s not typically into our parties, but a lot of people are coming this year. You can come too, if you want! I bet Yugyeom would like that-”

He wiggled his eyebrows, making Jiahn scoff and shake her head with a smile as the elevator doors opened.

“Yeah okay, I’ll let her know,” she told him, walking out and turning around to wave at him. “Bye Bam…”

“Bye Jiahn!” He waved back enthusiastically before hitting the basement button on the pad in front of him. “Hey, tell Soyeon I said hi!”

Before Jiahn could respond, the doors closed on him, and she laughed out loud, wiping a tear from her eye as she tried to keep it together. How she never realized until Yugyeom told her that Bam had a crush on Soyeon was beyond her.

_He’s got it bad…_

She took a deep breath, glad she had run into him; he was always there to make her laugh, and she needed that in times of high stress like this. With a smile still on her face, she pushed the door open to their office area, everyone in full work mode, conversations overlapping one another while Jackson roamed amongst the cubicles.

“Jiahn! You’re-”

“Late, yes,” Jiahn gave him a guilty grimace, looking at him through her lashes. “Sorry?”

Jackson tried to look serious, but gave up when he blinked during their impromptu staring contest, letting out a small laugh.

“It’s fine, but please get a move on with your editing,” he told her, slapping his hands together in prayer as he motioned towards her cubicle. “If Jaebum comes in my office one more time to ask me about it...”

“I’m sorry,” Jiahn did feel bad, chewing on her bottom lip as she made her way to the dual desk cubicle she shared with Jiyoo. “I’m gonna get a lot of it done today and tonight, I promise…”

“You look tired,” Jackson remarked, leaning against the wall right next to Jiyoo’s desk, the girl not even glancing up from her computer. “You alright?”

“I’m fine, I’m just…” Jiahn pulled her bag from her shoulder, plopping into her chair and turning to face him. “Feeling a little overwhelmed I guess…”

Jackson looked legitimately worried, uncrossing his arms and stepping inside just slightly.

“Hey, if you want some help, just ask Jiyoo-”

The girl in question finally looked up, and Jiahn’s eyes widened when she saw her eyes were red, nose a little pink on the tip.

“Thanks Jackson,” she tore her eyes from Jiyoo, giving him the most sincere smile that she could. “You’re an awesome boss...now go worry about somebody else.”

He grinned back at her, not even glancing at Jiyoo before hurrying to Hyungwon and Heonie’s area.

“Are you okay?” Jiahn asked the second Jackson was out of ear shot, searching the girl’s face. “What happened? Is Jackson mad at you?”

When their boss was around Jiyoo, usually the man had eyes for no one else but Her. His blatant dismissal of her presence had caught Jiahn off-guard, and she wondered if that’s why the girl was clearly crying.

“I don’t know,” Jiyoo’s voice was small as she sniffed, wiping a stray tear from her beautiful face. “He asked me why I was crying this morning, and when I told him, he told me I was being stupid…”

“Why were you crying this morning?”

Jiahn tried to keep her voice gentle, scowling in Jackson’s direction before turning back to the girl. Everyone knew how sensitive Jiyoo was- her feelings were easily hurt and she worried far too much- and they usually tried to take it easy on her. Jackson was usually supportive of this unspoken rule, so him being so careless made Jiahn wonder if he was trying to hurt Jiyoo’s feelings on purpose.

“I’m worried about Youngjae and I,” she answered tearfully, red-rimmed eyes meeting Jiahn’s. “He’s been sending me a gift every day, and he normally sends me a good morning text-”

Jiahn resisted the urge to gag.

“-but I didn’t hear from him this morning and I haven’t gotten anything…”

“Jiyoo, it’s eight in the morning,” Jiahn tried to reason with the girl, keeping her voice light as she resisted the urge to laugh. “I’m sure you’ll hear from him soon...”

“It just feels weird…” Jiyoo told her, looking legitimately worried as she tucked some hair behind her ear. “Do you think I did something wrong? Or he’s with another girl?”

Jiahn tried to picture the dorky, bumbling man that had asked Jiyoo to dance at the masquerade party being some kind of two-timing player.

She scoffed internally.

“Maybe he just has the day off…”

Jiahn was running out of things to say, wondering why she had decided to attempt socialization before she had a proper cup of coffee. Jiyoo seemed completely oblivious to her discomfort, giving her a watery smile before nodding slowly.

“You’re smart, Jiahn,” the girl said as she clicked the top button of her phone, checking for messages. “I guess I’ll just wait…”

Jiahn breathed out a quiet sigh of relief, turning to face her blank computer screen and glancing at the massive pile of hard copies sitting in her “to edit” basket. She sighed, running both hands through her hair as she rested her elbows on the desk, just sitting there for a minute.

Her mind wandered to Yugyeom, wondering what he was doing. She assumed he was teaching- he had an 8am class he taught on Thursdays he had told her about- and smiled slightly, imagining him. She imagined him being pretty good with kids, great really, with his friendly smile and goofy personality. She felt like she knew him so well even though they had only been on one date, their text conversations never ceasing, only pausing when they were sleeping or busy.

Jiahn had asked him tons of questions, like his hobbies besides dancing, his favorite foods, what he liked to do in his free time, and previous jobs he had had. He asked her the same things, also wanting more details on her family and past friends, the conversation forever flowing as they got to know each other in every way they could over text.

They constantly talked about what they would do on their next date, what they could do or where they would want to go. Yugyeom had told her that the following week, he was going to a conference in Busan, a big event his work did every year where dance instructors from all over South Korea collaborated together and shared ideas, also attending workshops and lectures. It was his first time being invited, and he was beyond excited, Jiahn just as happy for him.

She had to hand it to the guy; for only being 21, he was doing pretty well for himself, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t find that incredibly impressive.

He had promised that when he got back, they would see each other and have their anticipated second date. Jiahn was looking forward to it; she hated to admit it but she sort of…

Missed him.

_Ew, Jiahn you are pathetic-_

“You alright?”

Jiahn ripped her hands from her hair, cringing a little as she pulled on the strands and sat up straight. She turned to see Jaebum standing right next to her, two steaming cups of coffee in his hands.

“What?” She asked lamely, eyeing the cat mug that was clearly hers and noting the caramel colored liquid. “Yeah I’m fine...did you make me coffee?”

She was shocked, ripping her eyes from the mug to look up at that man, who was shrugging, avoiding her eyes.

“Well I just figured I was making a cup and Jackson told me you were tired this morning-”

Jiahn raised her eyebrows.

_Why is he being sweet right now?_

“-Soyeon told me how you like your coffee so…” he trailed off, setting the mug on her desk and cupping both of his hands around his own. “There you go.”

“Oh, uh…” she picked up the mug carefully, looking down at it before taking a tentative sip; it was perfect. “Thank you…”

She took another drink, welcoming the caffeine and filling the awkward silence that sat between them. Something was suspicious, very suspicious...Jaebum was not normally an overly sweet guy…

“Did you get around to editing those articles I gave you?” Jaebum tried his best to sound nonchalant before taking another drink of his own coffee.

Ah...That’s why he’s trying to butter me up. His damn articles…

“No, Jaebum, I’m sorry, I’ve got a lot on my plate,” Jiahn felt the exhaustion from earlier come back in full force as she glanced at her stack of unread articles. “My goal is to get through everything today.”

“Okay, because I’ve got two other ones to write, but I want to make sure the ones you have are good,” Jaebum was talking business now, looking serious. “I don’t know how those ones sound, and if I’m sticking with a theme, they all need to flow together-”

“The goal is today,” Jiahn repeated, a slight edge to her voice as her patience grew thin.

Jaebum had come everyday to her desk multiple times a day to check on his articles. She had been distracted by the kind gesture of coffee, and realized she should’ve known better.

“I know you’ve got a lot,” Jaebum sounded at least a little sympathetic, and Jiahn begrudgingly appreciated that. “But you know, I can’t really-”

“JAEBUM!”

Haeun came out of nowhere, making the man turn around while Jiahn looked over his shoulder, even Jiyoo looking up from her pity party to stare at the girl.

“What-”

“Will you come help me fix the toaster in the breakroom?” Hauen asked, batting her eyelashes as she linked her arm with his. “It’s not staying pushed down when I try to make my toast!”

“Go ask someone else,” Jaebum said bluntly, glancing at their interlocked arms. “I’m busy-”

“You fixed it last time,” Haeun was already pouting, and Jiahn rolled her eyes, taking a long drink of coffee and wondering if she had the strength to get through the day. “Please? I don’t think anyone else can do it.”

Jaebum stared at her for a long moment, looking incredibly annoyed before he sighed, shoulders slumping.

“Alright, it’s in the breakroom?”

“Yep!” Haeun answered happily, keeping her arm locked with his as she pulled him along, Jaebum almost spilling his coffee in the process. “I’ll take you there!”

He was scowling as he got yanked out of the cubicle by an over-enthusiastic Haeun, both Jiyoo and Jiahn watching as they went. Jiahn shook her head as Jiyoo checked her phone again, sighing loudly when there were still no messages.

Jiahn ignored the sigh, grabbing the red pen out of her little cup and picking up the first article off her large stack. She let her eyes run across the page, searching for any grammatical errors or suggestions she could make, chewing on the cap of the pen.

No sooner was Jiahn actually feeling like she was getting something done, there was a knock on the office door before it was thrown open, and Jiahn craned her neck over the wall of her desk to see what was going on.

“Pst! Jiahn!”

She cringed when she realized it was Bam again, creeping through the door, and immediately spotting her.

“Bam! What are you doing up here?” Jiahn asked, suddenly wondering if he was here to talk to Soyeon himself about his Christmas party; would he be that bold?

Soyeon had the luxury of being able to sink into her own world, being tucked away behind Hyungwon and Heonie’s desks, her headphones almost always in as she worked on her articles. Jiahn envied her, stuck with being right in the middle of the front door and Jackson’s office.

“Where’s Jiyoo?” Bam asked in a loud whisper, making the girl look up from her computer screen.

At that moment, balloons came bursting through the front door, Bam grinning from ear to ear as he moved out of the way. A second later, Jiahn could see the source of the balloons; it was Youngjae, smiling nervously as he searched for Jiyoo, holding a small teddy bear that the balloons were all attached too.

“Youngjae?!”

Jiyoo’s gasp was k-drama worthy as she jumped from her seat, tears already filling her eyes as she ran out of their cubicle and wrapped her arms around him. His face turned red as she pulled back, wiping the tears from her cheeks and looking down at the bear.

“You got me another bear?”

It was as if she had never received a gift in her life, Jiahn and Bam laughing simultaneously at her enthusiasm. Youngjae smiled, holding it up for her to see as the balloons bounced against the ceiling.

“The first one was named Jiyoo,” he explained softly. “After you. This one is named Youngjae after me, and there’s a surprise, look.”

Jiahn’s eyes widened.

DId he really name the bears after themselves? Like couple bears?!

Youngjae was suddenly pressing the bear’s chubby stomach, a singing voice coming from the inside and singing a lullaby Jiahn vaguely remembered from when she was a kid.

“My favorite song?!” Jiyoo seemed thrilled, taking the bear as if it was made of glass in both of her hands. “Is that you singing?”

“I made it at Build-A-Bear,” Youngjae replied, pointing at the tag on the bear’s foot. “They let me record my voice before I put it inside! Isn’t that cool?”

“Yes!” Jiyoo exclaimed, and Jiahn glanced nervously at Jackson’s door, hoping he was in a phone meeting and could not hear the commotion. “But I thought you were mad at me…”

“What? I can’t be mad at you,” Youngjae laughed nervously, running his hand down her arm as she frowned.

“You didn’t text me this morning,” her voice was sad as she looked up at him, and Jiahn had to stifle a laugh as she glanced at Bam, who was pressing his lips together as he tried not to smile.

“I was getting you this gift,” he replied gently, meeting her eyes and smiling tentatively. “I’m sorry…”

Oh god, Jiahn was definitely going to puke.

“Youngjae, dude,” the laughter was evident in Bam’s voice as he spoke, making the man turn around. “We’ve gotta go before Jackson sees, I’m not supposed to let you in here.”

“Oh, okay,” Youngjae nodded, turning to face Jiyoo; who looked devastated that he was about to leave. “I’ll see you tomorrow for our date?”

“Of course,” Jiyoo whispered, leaning up and pressing a hard kiss to his lips.

Jiahn cringed and looked away, not missing the surprised look on Youngjae’s face before her eyes were on the article she was editing.

She heard the door shut, listening to the balloons bounce against each other as Jiyoo moved back into their cubicle area. She sighed, trying to ignore Jiyoo as she pressed the bear’s stomach again, causing it to sing. She kept reading the same sentence over and over, distracted by the song and the slight nausea that she still hadn’t shaken from the morning.

She wanted to message Soyeon, assuming her best friend already had her headphones in and hadn’t heard the commotion, wanting to tell her all about it. Jiahn hated that they were on opposite sides of the workplace, but she supposed that was best so they wouldn’t distract each other.

Not that it was easy to get work done with a desk mate like Jiyoo.

The girl pressed the bear’s stomach again, and Jiahn felt her shoulders tense, wondering how many times she was going to have to listen to that stupid lullaby. She was irritable, she knew, and she wondered if she should go eat something despite the sick feeling in her stomach; maybe it would help.

Jackson’s door opened and Jiahn watched him walk out, looking around as if looking for something.

“Is someone singing out here?” He asked. “It sounds beautiful-”

“It’s my new bear!” Jiyoo exclaimed, jumping up from her seat as Jackson turned to look at her.

His eyes moved to all the balloons, widening as he followed their strings to the bear sitting in Jiyoo’s grasp.

“Where did it come from?”

Jiahn smacked her hand to her forehead; Was Jackson really that stupid?!

“Youngjae…”

There Jiyoo went again, saying his name like a sigh while she stared off into the distance, hugging the bear up against her cheek.

“Is that him singing?!” Jackson asked in alarm, glaring at the bear.

Jiyoo just smiled as she closed her eyes, nodding slowly to answer.

“It sounds awful,” he told her immediately, causing her eyes to shoot open. “Don’t play it again.”

“But you just said it sounded beautiful!” She protested, glaring at him.

“I thought someone was actually out here singing, I didn’t want to be rude,” Jackson lied smoothly. “But since they aren’t here, I can be honest; his voice sucks, I’m not a fan.”

“Jackson-”

“Alright guys!” Jackson cut Jiyoo off, walking into the middle of the office and spinning around. “I have a surprise for you!”

Hyungwon and Heonie poked up at the same moment to look over their desk walls at Jackson. Jiahn could see Jaebum looking out of the doorway of his open office, glancing over at Jackson with a bored expression.

“What is it?” Heonie asked, eyes bright with excitement. “Food?”

“Yep!” Jackson replied, grinning at them. “Grilled pork belly is on it’s way! I know it’s been shitty, so I wanted to do something special for you. I know, I know, I’m the best boss ever, it’s fine…”

Jiahn laughed, shaking her head at his joke.

“It’ll be here any minute, so feel free to dig in.”

He then headed towards the breakroom, no doubt stopping by Soyeon’s office to check her progress and let her know what he was having delivered. Jiahn turned back to her article, cursing herself for getting so distracted and wondering how she was going to concentrate. Another knock on the office door and Jiyoo was running over to open it, the catering man coming in with a large foil sheet pan.

“Pork Belly delivery?” The man asked gruffly, letting his eyes wander up and down Jiyoo’s body.

“That’s us!” She exclaimed brightly, seeming not unaware of the man’s gaze as she pointed to a table towards the middle of the office. “You can just set it right there.”

The man obeyed, giving Jiyoo one more once over before walking out. She practically skipped over, still on a high from her gift from Youngjae, and removed the lid from the sheet pan. Jaebum, Hyungwon, and Heonie were already getting up, heading towards the table and commenting on how good it smelled.

Jiahn wondered if she should grab some. It was unlike her to skip breakfast like she had been, and she definitely needed all the sources of energy she could get if she was going to get through her work today. With a sigh, she made her decision, getting up from her desk and making her way over to stand behind everyone in line.

She inhaled deeply, stretching her arms in the air to try to ease her aching muscles. She could smell the pork belly now, and her throat immediately tightened, her stomach turning at the almost rancid smell.

_What in the world did Jackson order?_

Jiahn wasn’t sure what was in the pan, but it sure as hell wasn’t pork belly, and it’s aroma was surrounding her like a suffocating blanket. Her nausea was in full force now, and she panicked as her stomach turned harshly, covering her mouth with her hand in surprise.

_Am I gonna throw up?_

Jiahn hated throwing up- it scared the crap out of her for some reason- and she breathed in sharply out of reflex, getting another whiff of the pork belly.

Oh yeah, definitely gonna puke.

She didn’t have time to think, turning on her heel and running out of the office area to the bathroom next door. It was a one-person bathroom, and she thanked the heavens as she slammed the door behind her, dropping to her knees in front of the toilet.

Dry heaving, that’s all that happened, and Jiahn realized there really wasn’t anything in her stomach to come up. She tried to take a deep breath, the air of the bathroom already settling her stomach as she couldn’t smell the pork belly anymore. Still she hovered there, wondering if more was coming.

_Do I have a stomach virus? Maybe that’s what it is, and that’s why I felt like such crap this morning…_

Oh God, Jiahn didn’t have time for this! She couldn’t afford to get sick when there was so much to do!

_Maybe you could tell Jackson? Just bring the articles home and work on them there?_

Jiahn considered the idea, sitting up a little from the toilet when she realized nothing else was happening. Her stomach felt fine actually, like she hadn’t just been gagging a minute ago, and she was startled when it actually growled, rather loudly.

_So I’m hungry now?_

She groaned, running a hand down her face, jumping when the door knob to the bathroom twisted open. Jiahn had forgotten to lock the door in her hurry, and her eyes widened when an unsuspecting Jiyoo walked in, humming the lullaby from her bear.

“Jiahn?”

Jiyoo’s eyes were as round as saucers as she spotted her on the floor, and Jiahn had to admit she probably looked pretty pathetic. She could feel some strands of hair sticking to her forehead from sweating just a few minutes before, and she knew she looked tired as is, probably looking even more exhausted after the past few minutes events.

“Are you okay?” she asked as the door swung closed behind her.

Jiahn immediately laughed, a nervous reaction as she ran a hand through her hair.

“Yeah, yeah, I just,” she felt like a deer caught in headlights, glad that at least it was Jiyoo and not someone she didn’t know from another area of the building. “....did that pork belly smell weird to you?”

She had to ask, wondering if she was the only one, or if maybe Jackson had just ordered a bad batch.

“No! I’m not telling Jackson this-” she scowled in the direction of the office, her tone growing bitter at his name. “-but it was actually really good! Did you get some?”

Jiahn shook her head, feeling like she should probably get up off the bathroom floor.

“It smelled really gross to me,” she didn’t know why she was admitting this; she just felt like she needed to tell someone about her body’s odd behavior. “I...thought I was going to throw up actually…”

Jiyoo was fixing her hair in the mirror, but turned to look at her in surprise.

“Did you?” she asked, glancing down at the toilet before looking back at Jiahn. “Are you okay? Do you need to go home?”

“No, no, I feel fine,” Jiahn put both hands up, her tone reassuring because she really was fine now, no matter how bizarre that seemed. “Just a false alarm…I’m hungry now actually.”

“Go get some pork belly!” Jiyoo told her enthusiastically. “Before Heonie eats it all! He kept asking if anyone wanted seconds!”

“Uh…” Jiahn’s nose wrinkled on its own accord at the thought. “I think I’ll just get something from the vending machines…”

“Jiahn…” Jiyoo was looking her up and down, her eyes narrowing slightly as she cocked her head to the side. “You’re not...pregnant, are you?”

“What?”

Jiahn didn’t mean to laugh out loud, but she did, rather loudly as she shook her head at the ridiculous notion.

“No, Jiyoo, I’m not pregnant,” she told her confidently, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I just woke up feeling weird today. It might be a virus or something…”

“Okay, just making sure,” Jiyoo giggled, and Jiahn was still grinning as she made her way to the bathroom door.

“Let me get out of here,” she said, opening the door. “Thanks for the laugh, Jiyoo, I needed that.”

Jiyoo giggled again, her pretty face alight with a beaming smile.

“Anytime!”

With a nod, Jiahn walked out, closing the bathroom door behind her and sighing.

 _Pregnant…_ she thought to herself, shaking her head and making her way to the vending machines on the other side of the building. _Yeah right._

 

**_5:15pm_ **

Jiahn sighed, running a hand through her hair as Jiyoo started packing up her stuff behind her.

“You staying late tonight?” She asked, Jiahn barely able to hear her over the piano music blasting in her ears.

She took a headphone out, a little disoriented as she glanced at the clock on her computer.

“Five already?” Jiahn asked, legitimately surprised. “No, I’m not staying late...I guess I lost track of time.”

“You haven’t talked to me in hours!” Jiyoo complained, pouting pathetically. “I’ve been sad!”

“I’ve got a lot to do,” Jiahn reasoned with a laugh, stretching as she started gathering up her articles she still had to complete. “Music was the only way to focus…”

“I know,” Jiyoo sighed.

Jiahn briefly wondered what it was like to be the nothing but beautiful face of the company. The girl was literally there to run Jackson’s errands, and since he wasn’t speaking to her, Jiyoo didn’t have anything to do all day. Despite the suggestion, Jiahn had opted out of asking Jiyoo for help.

Editing was not her strong suit.

She stood up from her chair, ready to talk to her bestie. She had vowed to leave Soyeon alone, knowing the girl needed to focus as much as she herself did, and figured silence on both ends was better for both of them. But now, it was after work, and she wanted to know how much Soyeon had seen today.

Gathering her folder with her articles and grabbing her bag, she waved at Jiyoo as she left, both of them excited that tomorrow was Friday and Jiyoo hoping there would be more free food. Jiahn locked her computer, threw her bag over her shoulder, and made a beeline right for Soyeon’s office.

“Are you going to Bam’s party?”

Heonie was resting his chin on the wall that separated his and Hyungwon’s desk, eyes bright with curiosity as he waited for an answer. Hyungwon shrugged, packing up his leather bag without looking at the man.

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“You should go!” Heonie seemed excited and unaware of Hyungwon’s complete disinterest. “Maybe we could pick up some chicks!”

Jiahn rolled her eyes, laughing under her breath as she walked around their cubicles.

Freaking Heonie and picking up chicks…

She rounded the corner, Soyeon pulling her headphones out of her ears with a sigh, turning to Jiahn as she walked into the cubicle.

“Hey,” Jiahn smiled at her, watching as she stuffed the headphones in her purse. “Did you get a lot done today?”

“Yes actually,” Soyeon seemed surprised as she started saving her files, a slight smile on her face. “I’m proud of myself.”

“Me too,” Jiahn replied, holding up her folder. “I’ve only got a few more to edit, and I’m just gonna do them tonight.”

Soyeon started locking up, putting some papers in her laptop bag while Jiahn looked around, glancing at the calendar hanging on the wall. She smiled; the calendar was a bright and colorful cartoon unicorn calendar, an out of the blue gift Jiahn couldn’t resist buying for her. She spotted a small red dot on one of the days; December 7, exactly two weeks ago from the date they were on, and her eyebrows furrowed.

“Is that red dot for your period?” she asked, turning to Soyeon, who looked up and glanced at her calendar.

“You mean our period,” Soyeon giggled, looking back at Jiahn. “Since we’re in sync and all...and yes...since you don’t pay attention.”

Jiahn let out a weak laugh, her eyes darting back to the calendar, eyes focusing on the date again.

_Two weeks ago…_

“You’re always like ‘Soyeon are we starting soon? I can’t stop eating!’” Soyeon was teasing, too preoccupied with her bags to notice Jiahn’s widening eyes. “So I decided to start marking it, just to know, I guess…”

Everything Soyeon was saying was true; Jiahn had never been good about keeping track of that stuff, just going off the tell-tale signs and whether her best friend’s was on its way. Her heart was hammering in her ears now, stomach twisting a bit as she turned to Soyeon again.

“You’re awesome, thanks bestie,” Jiahn tried to keep her voice casual. “So you’re tracking is accurate and everything? No mistakes?”

She laughed afterwards, acting as if she was teasing Soyeon back and not actually praying there was a mistake.

Because Jiahn had definitely not started yet.

“Yep, literally started on the day of the red dot,” Soyeon sighed, rolling her eyes as she finally pulled both bags on her shoulder. “I hate being a girl.”

“Yeah,” Jiahn swallowed hard, tucking her folder under her arm to avoid looking at the girl. “Me too…”

It felt like someone had pulled a rug out from under Jiahn, her entire world tilting on its axis as her heart pounded loudly in her ears.

_Shit...Shit...Shit…_

“Ready to go?” Soyeon sounded far away, already leading the way out the door, her back slightly to Jiahn.

“Y-Yeah, let’s go,” Jiahn replied, cursing herself for stuttering and hoping Soyeon didn’t notice.

She didn’t seem to, continuing walking as Jiahn stared at the back of her head, trying to take some deep breaths.

_Don’t panic, Jiahn, when’s the last time you went to the Gynecologist? Like five years ago? Maybe it’s just an issue with your system, maybe you need to go…_

She felt slightly better, realizing they were standing in front of the opening elevator doors. Jiahn was definitely spacing out, and Soyeon noticed, raising her eyebrows at her as they stepped into the elevator.

“You okay?” She asked, getting a good look at Jiahn’s face. “You look scared…”

“Oh, no,” Jiahn laughed, eyes darting to her feet as she tried to act natural. “I’m just stressed...I’ve been editing all day, I don’t want the ones I’m bringing home to be half-assed, you know?”

It was a believable enough lie- Jiahn had some perfectionist qualities- but Soyeon still narrowed her eyes as if wondering if she was telling the truth.

Soyeon had a knack for that.

“Alright…”

The elevator opened back up, both of them stepping out simultaneously as Jiahn tried again to breathe.

_The gynecologist...you’ll call them first thing in the morning, let them know something weird is going on with your body...it’ll be okay, just…_

Still, she couldn’t stop herself from doing the math, her mind racing against her rational thoughts. She had started at the beginning of November, which means it had been about six weeks since her last cycle, and four weeks since-

Her heart skipped a beat, and she had to force herself to keep walking as Soyeon pushed open the double doors that led to outside.

_Yugyeom_

“Do you want to hang out tomorrow night?”

Soyeon broke through her thoughts, grinning as they stopped just outside the doors. They went opposite ways, Jiahn’s apartment much more low-class than Jinyoung’s, and always ended up talking for quite a few minutes before finally parting. Today was no different, and Jiahn realized she needed to get a grip or Soyeon was going to notice and she didn’t know if she could do that right now.

Saying it out loud made it more real.

“Yeah, lets do it!” Jiahn agreed, forcing herself to smile and nod. “Want to karaoke??”

They both loved to sing, a guilty pleasure of theirs, and the thought had Soyeon so happy, she was too distracted to notice Jiahn’s strained facial expression.

“Yes, we haven’t done that in forever!” She exclaimed, her phone ringing loudly over her voice.

She fished it out quickly, and Jiahn watched as she eyed the name, exhaling before hastily answering it.

“Hey babe, are you off work already?”

Jiahn knew if Jinyoung was on the phone she should probably split; the man didn’t call to chat, he called to find out where Soyeon was.

It irritated the crap out of Jiahn.

“Yeah, I’m leaving right now, I just got caught up, Jinyoung…”

She sounded stressed, smile fading from her face as she stared at the sidewalk.

“No I’m not talking to Jiahn-“

She glanced up, and they locked eyes, Soyeon mouthing the words “sorry” to Jiahn.

Jiahn shook her head, giving her a thumbs up and a smile before waving goodbye; she knew their conversation was over.

Soyeon waved back before turning around, walking quickly towards her apartment.

“No, I’m not lying, I really was busy-“

Jiahn rolled her eyes, adjusting her bag as she walked in the opposite direction; Soyeon deserved so much better.

Still, her best friend’s relationship problems did little to distract her from her own situation that was taking up the forefront of her mind.

_Look, let’s just breathe and think about this rationally…_

She tried to remember that night with Yugyeom, tried to remember at any point them mentioning protection…

Jiahn cringed; she could remember a lot of things from that night, but any mention of responsibility…

She growled under her breath, smacking her hand to her forehead and wondering how she could possibly be so stupid?!

_Deep breaths, deep breaths, this doesn’t mean anything for sure…_

Jiahn was walking fast, hands shoved in her pockets, and she stopped short at the convenience store just a couple blocks from her house. She hesitated before making her decision, pushing the door open and waving at the girl behind the counter.

“Jiahn!”

She squeezed her eyes shut, freezing in the aisle she was heading down. She forced a smile on her face, turning on her heel and facing the counter once more.

“Minha!” She tried to sound enthusiastic. “How’s it going?”

Jiahn loved Minha, she did. The girl was young, just shy of 18, and was always chipper, even though Jiahn felt like she was the only one who worked there. Tiny in size and stature, she was always an energizer bunny, talking a mile a minute while she “forgot” to scan some of Jiahn’s snacks, winking at her when she rang up her items.

Minha had been chatting her up since the random time her and Bam had walked there together, him wanting to finish telling her some wild story and offering to walk her home. She usually enjoyed Bam’s company, and so she agreed, stopping by the convenience store to grab some food. The moment Minha had seen him, her eyes had gotten so big Jiahn had to keep herself from laughing. Bam had walked off to grab a soda and Minha had beckoned her over, Jiahn giggling as she did so.

“Is that your boyfriend?” The girl had whispered, making Jiahn wrinkle her nose automatically.

“Uh no,” Jiahn had told her quickly. “Why, you interested?”

The two of them had talked on occasion, talking about their days as Minha checked Jiahn out at the register, but in that moment, when Minha’s cheeks turned bright red and Jiahn gave her a playful smile, they had graduated from friendly acquaintances to friends.

That had been almost three months ago, and she knew the question that would come from Minha’s mouth before the girl said it.

“Are you going to any of BamBam’s parties coming up?”

Her eyes were bright with excitement as she bounced up and down behind the counter, waiting impatiently for Jiahn’s response.

Minha had this genius plan that when Jiahn finally went to one of Bam’s parties he kept inviting her to, she would tag along, and that’s how they would meet. The poor girl had barely been able to speak the day that Bam had come into the store, and Minha wanted to fix that and “show him how cool she was”.

“Uh…” Jiahn scratched the back of her head, feeling tired all of the sudden; she wasn’t really in the mood for this. “I’ll find out if he has one coming up…”

She glanced behind her, the toiletries section just within her view and felt her stomach twisting tightly with anxiety. Jiahn hadn’t thought about the fact that she would know someone here, and what would they say when they saw her buying...those tests?!

“Okay, yeah, just let me know,” Minha told her excitedly as Jiahn started walking down the aisle again, knowing the girl was just going to keep talking no matter what. “But you’ve gotta give me enough time to plan, you know? I need to go out and buy an outfit, and then get a haircut, it’s been a while-”

Jiahn glanced over at the girl, who was talking loud enough to carry across the empty store, adjusting the cookie boxes displayed on the counter and not even looking in Jiahn’s direction. She took this opportunity to inspect the pink boxes, cringing a little at the price.

_How many am I supposed to be buying? 1…? Why are there so many 3-packs? Is that the normal amount?!_

She couldn’t believe she was doing this, picking up a three pack of...tests with shaking hands, trying to come up with a white lie as she moved to the candy aisle for why she was buying what she was. She grabbed three different chocolate bars- she couldn’t decide- before moving to the counter, figuring the sooner she got out of there the better.

“-think that I’m cute, you know what I mean?”

Jiahn’s eyes widened, realizing she hadn’t listened to anything Minha had said in the last few minutes.

“Of course he’ll think you’re cute,” Jiahn kept her answer vague, hoping that would work as she nervously put all of her stuff on the counter. “You’re adorable, who wouldn’t?”

“Aww!” Minha swiped the pink box, throwing it in the bag without even looking at it, and Jiahn breathed out a subtle sigh of relief. “You’re so nice to me! Do you really think so? I mean, I’ve got a lot of freckles on my nose, and I think some guys don’t like that and-”

Jiahn was tuning her out again, watching as she swiped each of the chocolate bars and dropped them in the bag.

_If I can just pay and get out of here, we won’t even have to talk about it…_

“-tells me I should just be comfortable in my own skin and that’s how you really win over a guy’s heart,” Minha finished with a bright grin, glancing at her screen for the first time. “Okay, Jiahnie, your total is-”

Her eyebrows furrowed and Jiahn felt all the color leave her face as Minha peeked inside the bag.

“Jiahn, are you-?”

Her eyes were wide, clearly spotting the pink box.

“They’re for my sister,” Jiahn cut her off quickly, not wanting to hear the word right now. “I uh...she’s nervous about it, I don’t know, I told her I’d pick some up for her…”

She laughed, the sound a little too high-pitched as she ran a hand through her hair.

“Isn’t your sister my age?” Minha asked, concern written all over her face as she ate the lie right up. “So young…”

_Damn me for being so open, WHY DO I TELL EVERYONE MY LIFE STORY?!_

“Uh yeah…” Jiahn cringed, fishing out her debit card and handing it to Minha. “I think she’s just being paranoid, you know, it’s probably something else.”

_Let’s hope so_

She bit her lip at her own thoughts, taking the card back from Minha and stuffing it back in her wallet.

“Well tell your sister good luck!”Minha told her happily, double-bagging the items for discretion like the sweetheart that she was before handing it to Jiahn. “And let me know about Bam okay?”

“I will,” Jiahn tried to keep any irritation out of her voice as she gave the girl a tight smile. “Bye Minha...take it easy okay?”

“Don’t worry, I always do!”

Jiahn laughed at that, giving her one last wave before stepping out into the cold night air again.

_What a lie...she has more energy than me. Not that I’ve had any energy lately…_

Jiahn’s steps were bigger this time, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be home. The bag she was carrying was so light, but to her it felt like a million pounds, her knuckles white with how tightly she was holding it. Her apartment building finally came into view, making her heart race even faster as she burst through the doors.

She skipped the elevator, needing to work off her nervous energy as she pounded up the stairs two at a time. She ignored the fatigue in her muscles, welcoming the distracting burn as she finally made it to her floor, practically running to her door. With trembling fingers, she used her key to unlock her apartment, pushing inside and slamming the door hard behind her.

_Okay you are really freaking out Jiahn, just calm down…_

She tried to listen to herself, breathing in and breathing out as Mr. Floofs circled around her feet.

_Meow Meow Meow_

“I know, floofs, I got it, you’re hungry,” Jiahn ran a shaky hand through her hair, throwing the awful bag on the couch. “Just shut up already.”

She yanked her purse off of her shoulder, throwing it on the kitchen table and cringing when she heard her text tone go off.

_Yugyeom_

Jiahn reached for the bag of cat food, trying to ignore the pain in her chest from the anxiety attack she was pretty sure was already on its way. Barely paying attention, she poured the scoop into Mr. Floof’s bowl, accidentally pouring some of it on his fur.

“S-Sorry, baby…”

Great she was stuttering now.

Jiahn threw the scoop in the bag, putting it away as she watching Mr. Floofs eat his food, not even phased by the pellets on his back. She would’ve normally laughed at that, but instead her eyes were glazed over, nothing but the sound of her racing heart in her ears.

She started pacing, moving out of the kitchen and into the living room, eyeing the bag as if it was a bomb that would go off at any moment.

Just take them, she reasoned with herself, forcing her body to walk over to the bag. At this rate, you’re gonna have a freaking heart attack from anxiety…

Her text tone went off again, making her jump three feet in the air.

Probably Yugyeom again.

They had been texting off and on all day, despite Jiahn needing to focus. He had been pretty busy himself, so she hadn’t been too distracted, and glancing at her clock on the well, she realized he got out of his class he taught 20 minutes ago.

It felt wrong to text him, dirty somehow with the new fear she had brewing in her mind. The realization that she had completely missed her cycle without even realizing it. That she had missed the subtle signs- exhaustion, loss of appetite, constant sexual frustration- and was now staring at a box of...tests, wondering if Jiyoo’s prediction in the bathroom was right.

_“Jiahn...you’re not-”_

_UGH_

She stormed over to the couch, grabbing the bag angrily and rushing into her bedroom, throwing the bathroom door open. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror- eyes-wide, hair disheveled, cheeks flushed- before slamming the bag on the counter, staring at the box inside. Upon further inspection, she realized it was three individual pink boxes saran-wrapped together, a sticker on the front announcing that it was a “value-pack”.

She scoffed.

With trembling fingers, she ripped the plastic off, the three boxes falling to the counter loudly, and she picked one up quickly, reading the instructions on the back.

_It’s not rocket science, Jiahn, just pee on the fucking stick and wait for the results_

She knew she was stalling, and with another sigh she ripped the box open, taking out the white plastic test. She swallowed hard before turning her back on the mirror, using the test as directed and trying to keep the test steady despite how badly her hands were shaking. When she was done, she set it on the counter, immediately standing up and beginning to pace.

_Meow_

Jiahn had left the bathroom door open, and Mr. Floofs walked in, seeming aware of how stressed out she was. He started rubbing up against her legs, looking up at her with big green eyes as if asking her what was wrong. She didn’t take her eyes from the test as she leaned down, blindly petting his fur as she waited with baited breath.

Nothing was happening, and she picked up the box, reading farther down on the instructions to see how long she was supposed to wait.

_Three minutes_

She growled in frustration, walking out of the bathroom for some air and more pacing room, running both hands through her hair. She hadn’t thought up until this moment what she would do if it was positive. Was she going to tell Yugyeom?

_Of course, you’re going to tell him, what’s wrong with you?_

She shook her head at her own thoughts, wondering how that would even work. He was so young, so much younger than her, and was just getting established in his job. They had only been on one date, and now they were going to be parents together? Forever?

_You’re getting ahead of yourself, Jiahn, you don’t even know the results_

She sat down on the couch for a moment, trying to ignore the knots in her stomach, almost like harsh cramps as she waited. Then she was standing back up, checking the microwave clock to see how much time had passed.

_One minute left_

Jiahn couldn’t wait any longer, heading hurriedly back into the bathroom, eyes immediately falling on the test. There was something on the little white screen now, and leaning forward, she could see two faded pink lines that were slowly coming into view.

_Two lines, what do two lines mean?_

She quickly picked up the box, knocking her hand towel onto the ground in the process. Her eyes scanned the box, a loud ringing in her ears when she read the instructions.

_Two lines means…_

“No,” she muttered to herself, grabbing the next test box and ripping it open, immediately dumping the test into her hand. “False positives happen all the time-”

Jiahn knew she was talking to herself, hardly caring as she quickly used the next test, putting it right next to the first one rather clumsily. She had to leave the bathroom again, the small area making her claustrophobic as she moved to her bedroom.

Needing something to do, she started picking up the clothes off her floor, putting them in to the hamper and proceeding to make her bed. She was doing it the fancy way, the way she never had it usually, tucking the sheets in and pulling the comforter completely over the pillows. She arranged her many stuffed animals in a perfect row, leaning against the mound created by her pillows, straightening all the fluff on each of them.

Her chest was beginning to hurt, and she focused on her breathing again, running one hand through her hair while the other pressed into the skin above her breasts, moving in slow, methodic circles. The panic was rising in her throat like bile, burning her esophagus, and she quickly moved to the living room next, arranging the cushions on her couch and picking up bits of trash that were on the coffee table.

Mr. Floofs was following her again, watching her with curious eyes.

_Meow_

“I’m fine,” she told him, laughing weakly as she grabbed some cups off the counter and turned on the kitchen sink. “I’m fine, really, I-”

She glanced at the clock again, realizing it had been another three minutes and bolted into the bathroom, leaving the kitchen sink on. In the doorway of the bathroom, she came to a halt both hands on the door frame as she stared at the tests from a distance. Jiahn swallowed hard, taking small, hesitant steps into the bathroom as her eyes never left the two white sticks.

_No...No, god, please no…_

“Shit!” Jiahn cried out, the second test identical to the first; two bold and thick pink lines on each little screen. “No, no, I- this can’t be happening-”

Jiahn could barely get the third box open, tears brewing in the corners of her eyes.

“Open!” She screamed at it just as the cardboard came apart, the test clattering to the floor.

She grabbed it, letting the tears fall as she used the final test. She couldn’t even bank on the best two out of the three anymore, even if this last one turned out to be positive.

_If it’s negative, there’s still a chance_

She was delusional, she knew this deep down, but she wanted to hold onto that small bit of hope as she practically threw the last test on the counter to join the other two. She immediately left the bathroom, groaning when she realized the water was still running in the kitchen. She ran in there, picking up where she left off, choosing to handwash the dishes as the scalding water practically burned her hands. The sharp pain was nice; a distraction from the full-blown panic attack she was currently having.

When each cup was meticulously washed and dried, she took a peek at the microwave, realizing with a jolt that another three minutes had gone by already.

_Holy shit, time moved fast_

Jiahn was hesitant this time, each step she took towards the bathroom feeling heavier than the last. The thumping of her heart was so loud in her ears, so hard in her chest, that she thought for sure if she were to look down, she would see it popping out like some kind of cartoon. She ignored the pain that shot through her arm, through her head, and through her chest all at the same time, knowing that was anxiety and not a heart attack, no matter how much it felt like it was.

She entered the bathroom, choking on her own breath when her gaze fell on the third and final test.

Two bold and bright pink lines.

_Positive_

“No,” Jiahn said weakly, leaning in to get a better look, hands gripping the counter. “No, there’s gotta be a mistake…”

But she knew deep down, that there was no mistake.

Her and Yugyeom weren’t thinking that night, too wrapped up in the moment, wrapped up in each other to remember the basic aspect of fucking sex education class. Jiahn had been too busy, too distracted by her work life to notice she had skipped a whole goddamn period, and had neglected to pick up on the very obvious signs that had been glaring in her face for weeks.

The fatigue.

The lack of interest in food.

It all added up.

She couldn’t stand in the bathroom, with the three tests sitting there as if mocking her, and she ran out of there, heading straight to her phone. She made it the kitchen table, pulling the device out of her purse, feeling like she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs as her breaths came out in silent gasps. Her entire stomach was cramping up now, another round of tears rolling down her face before she had the chance to stop them. She saw the two texts from Yugyeom sitting on her lock screen, sending a sharp pain through her temple.

**Yugyeom:** _Hey, finally got done with the class_

**Yugyeom:** _I just talked to my boss and she said we’ll be back in Seoul from the conference around noon next Friday...want to get lunch together? Or you could come to the Christmas party Bam’s throwing at our place?_

She couldn’t look at those texts right now, couldn’t think about them as she unlocked her phone, maneuvering to Soyeon’s name with shaky fingers. She pressed it before immediately putting the phone to her ear, bouncing on her feet as she listened to the ringing.

“Hello?”

Just the sound of her best friend’s voice had a quiet sob slipping from Jiahn’s throat, and she covered her mouth with her free hand as she told herself to keep it together.

“Jiahn?” Soyeon sounded worried, voice a little more high-pitched as she spoke. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Soyeon…”

It was all Jiahn could choke out as more tears streamed down her face and she looked up at the ceiling, trying to take deep breaths.

“Jiahn, hey,” Soyeon was clearly trying to keep the panic out of her voice as she spoke softly. “What’s going on, you’re scaring me. Is it Mr. Floofs?”

Jiahn let out a weak laugh, the humor not really in it as she tried to find her voice through the muddled panic in her brain.

“I’m sorry, I’m o-okay, I think, I just-“

She pressed her lips together as more tears fell down her face, and she backed up until she collided with the kitchen wall, leaning against it.

“Are you hurt?” Soyeon sounded scared, and Jiahn knew she owed it to her best friend to spit it out before she had her own anxiety attack.

“No,” Jiahn answered her quickly, voice squeaking a little as she continued. “I’m not hurt, I’m-“

She started sliding down the wall, the weight of the forbidden word pulling her down as she landed harshly on the tile.

Bringing her knees to her chest, she squeezed her eyes shut, forehead resting on her legs.

“Soyeon...I’m pregnant.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Mentions of Cheating, Sexual Content, Abortion (There is not actual abortion, just a mention of it in conversation), and Anxiety

 

** Soyeon: **

_**December 28, 2018, 4:45pm** _

Soyeon growled, running both hands through her hair as she gripped it at the roots. How many days in a row was she going to sit here and stare at this computer? How many hours was she going to spend with her eyes glazed over, deep in thought about nothing to do with the articles she was already behind on?

_How long is it going to take before I stop missing Shownu so much?_

She thought that time would make it easier. Whoever said “time heals”, obviously didn’t have a Shownu in their life. Because instead of time making it easier, it just reminded Soyeon a little more each day how much she relied on him, how much she had him around to keep her focused…

How much she needed him.

She quickly took her hands from her hair, scowling as she turned in her chair. She took her eyes from the screen, her vision a little blurry as she took a look at the calendar.

Three days.

Soyeon didn’t want to acknowledge this, this ache, that she had for Shownu.

The longing that pulled on her, a tight lasso around her heart, almost constricting her breath.

Still, she tried to reason with herself, compartmentalize the way she felt about him. Having time away from him gave her more time to think, more time to theorize, as to what kind of feelings she actually had for Shownu.

The first thing she had to admit to herself, is that Shownu was really, really hot.

Soyeon wondered if maybe, it wasn’t so much that she had feelings for Shownu as much as he was just really attractive to her and that, combined with the alcohol that night, as well as the air of mystery, had impaired her judgement.

And maybe, afterwards, seeing him at work, and remembering that, had confused her into thinking she had feelings. Things with Jinyoung had been tense for a while, and the sex just wasn’t as good; they lost that seductive air they used to have.

Shownu had given her that.

So when she saw him and every touch electrified her skin, every look he gave her had her heart skipping a beat, and every sweet thing he said had her melting...

Maybe it was just the excitement of it all, of someone in the office that was different, and was a build up to the devastating finale that was the masquerade party.

And now, Soyeon was missing Shownu because she needed closure and she felt guilty, and if he was there then they could talk about it, move on, and she could get back to focusing on being with Jinyoung and maybe put a lid on the complicated box that was Shownu.

_You’re so full of shit, Soyeon_

She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut because she couldn’t deny the pang in her chest at the thought of letting Shownu go.

_This is wrong, Soyeon...you shouldn’t be having these thoughts..._

Sure Shownu was sexy as hell, but that wasn’t exactly break-up-with-your-boyfriend material. Yes he was sweet, charming, and a total dork- something she loved about him- but that didn’t mean that she could just let Jinyoung go like that. Not after all the years they spent together and the time she had invested into their relationship.

Shownu was just a spur-of-the-moment, stupid decision, and she was blinded by the thrill of it all, making her think she had real feelings for him.

This is what she had come up with in his time away.

_You know it’s not like that…_

She was still staring at the calendar, mind wandering once again as she remembered a time when she was sitting in the exact spot she was in now, Shownu reminding her exactly why she could never figure out exactly how she felt about him…

 

_Soyeon was typing on quickly on her computer, the clacking of the keyboard echoing loudly in the newly-empty office. It was after 5, 5:30 to be exact, and she had finally gotten inspired. She was completely focused, lips pressed together as she typed, and she paused for just a moment to inspect her work._

_Her eyes scanned the page, reading over what she had written so far and analyzing it to see if it was what she was going for. Her phone went off suddenly, the ringtone blaring in the silence, and she jumped, turning quickly in her chair to find it._

_She dug the phone out of her purse that was sitting on her desk, sighing when she saw the name on the screen._

_Jinyoung._

_Of course he was calling; their apartment was only a 15 minute walk from the office, and if he was already home, and she wasn’t there, and dammit she forgot to text him-_

_“Hey babe.”_

_Soyeon tried to sound as sweet as possible as she answered the phone, chewing on her bottom lip._

_“Soyeon, where are you?”_

_She swallowed hard, her stomach immediately twisting at his tone. To most, Jinyoung would just sound concerned, maybe a little irritated, but in a worried, I-care-about-you-because-I’m-your-boyfriend kind of way._

_But Soyeon knew better; she knew that Jinyoung’s little patience that he had was gone._

_“I had to stay late, Jinyoung,” she sighed, the great, inspirational mood she was in deflating out of her like a popped balloon._

_“Why didn’t you text me?”_

_Jinyoung was careful, quiet when he spoke, and it sent a shiver down Soyeon’s spine._

_“I should have-” why did Soyeon feel like a small child being lectured by her father? “-I’m sorry, I just got caught up in my writing-”_

_“When I come home and I don’t see you, what do you think happens?” Jinyoung sounded like he cared now, but if Soyeon could see his eyes, she knew it would tell a different story._

_“You’re worried?” Soyeon guessed._

_“Right, I’m worried, and I think something’s happened to you,” Jinyoung replied, a dash of condescension in his tone. “Then I find out you’re sitting at work, chatting with your friends while I’m at home, thinking the worst-”_

_“No one’s even here at the office with me,” she sighed, exasperated with him. “I just have an article I need finish up-”_

_“They don’t pay you overtime, and yet you’re staying after hours, on your time, our time, to work on something they should be paying you for?”_

_How is it that Jinyoung always made her feel like the dumbest person in the world?_

_Tears were prickling the corners of her eyes because she was so tired of having this conversation with him; this argument that writing is an art form and it doesn’t always hit you between 9 and 5._

_“I couldn’t focus today, and I have a deadline,” she was explaining, again, and she felt some angry tears slip down her face. “I had some inspiration 10 minutes before I had to leave, so I thought I would take advantage-”_

_“And you never thought you should text me, or call me, or let me know?”_

_“You’re always angry,” Soyeon’s voice was barely above a whisper as she said the words, letting them slip out before she could stop them. “So I thought-”_

_“No, Soyeon, you actually didn’t think at all.”_

_Jinyoung was turning nasty now, clearly already on edge, and her pointing out something he did wrong had been the straw that broke the camel’s back._

_Go figure._

_“What-”_

_“You spend all day at the office, working with all those people who probably haven’t worked a serious day in their lives, and you can’t get anything done because of it,” she could hear his expensive shoes hitting the wood floor underneath him as he paced. “Then you have to stay at work, during the time we could be spending together, so that you can get some work done, and yet you’re not getting the money and recognition you deserve-”_

_To anyone else this probably would’ve been sweet in a weird way, but Soyeon knew that it was only like that on surface level; Jinyoung was just angry that he didn’t have the control._

_And she hated that she knew that._

_“I get plenty of recognition and I make enough money-”_

_“Not enough to sacrifice this much of your time,” Jinyoung had a finality to his words, leaving no room for argument. “You really need to get a new job.”_

_His statement was sitting on a fine line between suggestion and demand and it had Soyeon’s stomach twisting in knots, anxiety chewing on her from the inside._

_“I like my job here, Jinyoung,” she tried to sound strong and level-headed as she spoke. “This job makes me happy.”_

_“So you are happy spending so much time away from me?”_

_“That’s not what I said-”_

_“Well that’s what you mean when you say that.”_

_Soyeon was so frustrated she was shaking, more tears streaming down her face as Jinyoung went on._

_“We can discuss this later; just finish what you’re doing and then come home. Please.”_

_The “please” at the end was desperate, like he was hurt by the situation, and not angry, and it confused Soyeon like it always did when he flipped on her like that._

_“Okay I will.”_

_“Bye, Soyeon.”_

_His voice was soft as he hung up, not waiting for her answer back._

_She scoffed, slamming the phone on her desk and letting her face fall into her hands. The warm tears soaked into the dry skin of her palms as she tried to calm down. Her heart was hammering in her chest, both from anger and a little bit of fear, though she wasn’t quite sure what she was scared of._

_She heard a noise, immediately lifting her head up and perking her ears. A soft click of a door that she knew led into the office, and she groaned internally._

_Great, someone’s back._

_She listened to the quiet footsteps, subconsciously ducking her head a little in a feeble effort to hide. She noticed her lamp was on, cursing herself, but before she had a chance to try to subtly turn it off, she spotted a figure standing right by the wall of her cubicle._

_“Soyeon?”_

_She turned towards the voice, Shownu’s voice, without really thinking about what she looked like in that moment._

_“Hi,” she gave him a short wave and half-hearted smile, and the easy-going grin that was on his face immediately fell when he looked at her._

_“Are you okay?” He asked, taking a couple steps closer and entering her cubicle hesitantly. “Why are you crying?”_

_He was looking at her with such concern in his eyes, searching her face and speaking gently, and it was like a dam broke in Soyeon’s already weak facade. She opened her mouth to answer him, but a small, almost silent sob escaped from her mouth, and she immediately buried her face in her hands again._

_I’m shaking, when did I start shaking?_

_She wasn’t sure, the tears overcoming her as she tried to keep her breathing even. Soyeon wasn’t even sure why she was so upset; Jinyoung was angry yes, but he would eventually get over it, right?_

_I just have to be better about letting him know where I am and not staying late after work. If it makes him unhappy, then I don’t need to be doing it, even if I do have work to-_

_“Soyeon…?”_

_A warm hand was on her back, rubbing the space between her shoulder blades and softly brushing the strands of hair that were sitting there. She immediately relaxed under the touch, taking a shuddering breath._

_“I’m sorry,” she said weakly, when she was able to speak. “I just got really upset…”_

_Shownu’s hand left her back and she almost whimpered at the loss before she heard him moving to stand in front of her. Both of his hands were resting gently on her knees, and she slowly moved her hands from her face to see him crouching in front of her._

_“What happened?”_

_His voice was soft, a catch in his throat she had never heard before; he looked worried._

_“I just-” she took another deep breath, trying to get a grip as she ran a hand through her hair. “I got into a fight with Jinyoung.”_

_A flicker of something Soyeon couldn’t read flashed across his face, and she saw him adjust a little in his crouching position, as if antsy._

_“What happened?” Shownu repeated, looking down at his feet before staring up at her again._

_Soyeon hesitated, wondering if she should tell him. She always felt guilty, talking about Jinyoung to other people for some reason._

_Especially to Shownu._

_Still, locking eyes with him, her resolve was crumbling, and she found herself opening her mouth for the second time without thinking it through._

_“He’s mad that I stayed after work.”_

_Silence fell between them, and Soyeon watched Shownu’s perfect eyebrows furrow just slightly._

_“It’s only 5:30…” he said carefully, glancing at the clock before looking back at her._

_“I forgot to tell him,” she was defending him again, looking down at her lap as she spoke. “I usually let him know, you know, when I’m running late. I didn’t think about it, and he got...worried. I was just caught up in my article-”_

_“Did you tell him that?”_

_Shownu’s voice was a little rougher than she was used to, but his face was still gentle as he looked at her._

_“I-” she swallowed. “Yeah, I did, and then he told me that he was worried and that I shouldn’t be staying after when we don’t get paid overtime-”_

_“That’s…” Shownu trailed off, pressing his lips together as if contemplating his words. “Not fair to you…”_

_“He thinks I need a job where I don’t need to stay after, or if I do, I get paid for it,” Soyeon continued bitterly, and she heard Shownu sigh before standing up. “Which I understand, you know, because it interrupts time with him-”_

_“Is that what he said?”_

_Soyeon looked up at him; while Shownu’s voice had not gotten any louder, the sharp surprise in his question had her heart racing a bit as they locked eyes. He didn’t look just worried anymore- he looked frustrated- and stuffed his hands in his pockets before leaning against the wall behind him._

_“Yes,” Soyeon admitted, her voice getting a little more edgy with every word she spoke. “That’s why we were fighting, because I told him I liked the job and he thought I meant I liked not spending time with him.”_

_Suddenly, Soyeon was standing up, because it wasn’t fair, and she could feel another round of tears brewing in her eyes, which just frustrated her even more._

_“He said he wants me to get another job,” she continued, choking on her words a bit as she spoke, and she just couldn’t bring herself to look at Shownu. “Something that would allow us to spend more time together, but I don’t want to get another job, I-”_

_She cut herself off; she didn’t mean to sound like a whiny child, and she certainly hadn’t meant to spill her entire situation to Shownu like she was. But it was out there now, and this wasn’t even the first time she had done this, and the tears fell down her face when she realized just how much she was keeping all of this bottled in._

_Leave it to Shownu to be the one that cracks through her thick walls._

_“I’m sorry, Soyeon-”_

_Shownu had stepped away from the wall, and was taking a couple steps closer to her, eyes never leaving her face._

_“-you don’t deserve that.”_

_“I love my job,” she wasn’t sure why she was still talking, but she needed to, hastily wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I love all of you, I don’t want to leave-”_

_“You don’t have to,” Shownu’s hands were holding her upper arms, caressing them really as he spoke with a slight urgency in his voice. “If you love it here, then you should stay.”_

_Soyeon sniffed pathetically, his comforting words sending a rush of emotions swelling in her chest._

_Stupid Shownu..._  
_“I do stay late a lot…”_

_Why was she defending Jinyoung? She just wasn’t sure; it was like her mind had moved to autopilot again and she couldn’t reach the switch._

_“-I don’t blame him for being upset-”_

_“He should understand that as a writer, you’re going to need to work on things outside of business hours,” Shownu spoke calmly, fingers now caressing her skin as he began to move his hands up and down her arms in a gentle manner. “Having a girlfriend who’s in that kind of career means you make sacrifices like that.”_

_She didn’t say anything, a little too focused on the goosebumps that were rising on her skin from his touch._

_Stupid, stupid Shownu…_

_“He’s a businessman,” Soyeon tried weakly, her heart not really in the defense. “I think he just doesn’t think about it sometimes…”_

_“Does he know you’re this upset?” Shownu asked, and this time, the distress in his voice was undeniable._

_She looked up at him, her eyes locking with his and he reached up to tuck some hair behind her ear._

_“I don’t know-”_

_She was surprised she was able to speak, her heart was racing so fast in her chest._

_Shownu had never stood this close to her before._

_Never touched her so lovingly like this before._

_“Probably.”_

_The word was soft, a whisper in the little air between them, and she was afraid to look at his face when she answered._

_“That’s not right, Soyeon. Someone who loves you shouldn’t try to control you that way.”_

_Shownu was right, of course, because she would’ve given the same advice to anyone else, but when it was her it felt different. There were so many reasons why she loved Jinyoung, why she had fallen for him, and yet she couldn’t shake that their relationship wasn’t healthy anymore._

_More tears._

_Her throat tightened, and she felt another small sob pull from her throat, barely audible but still there. Her vision blurred, her shoes she was staring at turning fuzzy as more moisture pooled into her eyes. Another sigh from Shownu, and she almost yelped in surprise, feeling his arms wrap around her in a gentle hug._

_He smelled good, too good, his scent intoxicating as her face was directly in front of his chest. Then he was holding her against him, slight pressure on her back from his hands and she was burying her face in his shirt without thinking about it, the tears falling down her face once more. They were silent as they hugged, Soyeon subconsciously holding the fabric of his button-up while she let her emotions take the front wheel for once._

_As she stood there in her cubicle, crying silently, but harshly, into Shownu’s shirt, she wondered if she was crying more for Jinyoung…_

_Or more for him._

 

“-finally FRIDAY!!!”

Soyeon’s eyes focused again, and she shook her head a bit, startled by Heonie’s loud cry of excitement.

“You’re going to the party, right Hyungwon?”

She could hear the squeaking of Heonie’s office chair as he was, no doubt, leaning over the wall of their cubicles again to talk to the taller man.

“I think so,” Hyungwon replied, sounding like he didn’t really care either way.

Soyeon practically jumped from her chair, hand running through her hair as her eyes widened.

Party.

She had temporarily forgotten, forgotten about the holiday party she had been dreading since sometime around Halloween.

Jinyoung’s Christmas Party.

It was tonight.

Soyeon grabbed her duffel bag that had been sitting in the corner of her cubicle all day, throwing it on her shoulder before quickly locking up her computer. She was glad the party didn’t start until six, and she was thankful she had told Jinyoung she wouldn’t be home until 5:30; it gave her a little more time to get ready and mentally prepare. It was one of the few times Jinyoung had been completely understanding, not even batting an eyelash at her announcement of coming home late. While she found the behavior suspicious, she wasn’t about to test her luck, so she had taken advantage and simply thanked him with a spontaneous kiss on the cheek before heading to work that morning.

Scooping up her purse and pushing her chair in, she moved to Jiahn’s desk, wondering if her best friend would be willing to help her get ready.

“Who’s going to Bam’s party?”

Jackson came out of his office just then, looking around with a grin on his face as he loosened his tie.

“I am!” Heonie told him, hand in the air as he threw his laptop bag over his shoulder. “Hyungwon too.”

“Jae?” Jackson turned towards Jaebum, who was typing on his phone, glancing up at the sound of his name with widened eyes. “You going?”

“What?” He asked, looking completely lost and Soyeon stifled a giggle.

“Okay, so _he’s_ not going-”

“I’m going!” Jiyoo was adjusting her purse on her shoulder, sweeping her beautiful hair out of her eyes as she smiled at Jackson. “Youngjae-”

“Anyone else?”

Soyeon scowled at Jackson before looking at Jiyoo, watching the girl’s face fall.

“There’s no one else even in the office; Haeun went home early,” Soyeon told Jackson with a roll of her eyes, making her way around everyone. “Is Bam’s party even supposed to be that big?”

“Youngjae told me they don’t have a lot of room in their apartment,” Jiyoo told Soyeon, already seeming to shake off Jackson’s rudeness. “They weren’t really planning to do much, just serving some drinks, playing some games-”

Soyeon was moving into their dual-cubicle now, spotting Jiahn, who was staring down at an article on her desk, pen between her teeth.

“-didn’t think Bam was going to invite so many people,” Jiyoo continued. “I think Youngjae’s mad actually, because he didn’t want to throw a big party this year-”

“Sounds like a buzzkill,” Jackson remarked, walking out with Hyungwon, Heonie, and Jaebum. “Alright, I’ll see you guys there tonight!”

Jiyoo scowled at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest as the door closed behind the four men. She huffed, turning to face Soyeon, who was glancing at Jiahn nervously; the younger had not flipped a page of the article in several minutes, and she wondered how long she had been sitting like that today.

Jiahn had not handled the news of her pregnancy very well.

When she had called, Soyeon had rushed over, only to find Jiahn sitting on the floor of her kitchen, head between her knees, not even looking up as Soyeon pointed out that she left the door unlocked. After she had finally gotten off the kitchen floor, Jiahn had insisted she did not want to talk about it, begging Soyeon to watch Titanic with her (a comfort movie of Jiahn’s) and her friend had looked at the screen without ever watching. She had eventually dozed off on the couch, and Soyeon had covered her up with a blanket, falling asleep in Jiahn’s bed and spending the next morning convincing the girl to eat some breakfast.

For the rest of the week, Jiahn had been alternating between keeping so busy she could barely breathe, to staring off into space for an unhealthy amount of minutes, never seeming aware of when it was happening.

It seemed that today it was the latter.

“-not even that many people coming, so I don’t know why Heonie and Jackson are getting all excited,” Jiyoo was completely oblivious to Soyeon’s spacing out as she went on, talking fast. “As far as I know, I’m the only girl coming. Plus, Yugyeom is gonna be home-”

Jiahn’s pen clattered onto her desk at the sound of the man’s name, and the girl sat up straight as she ran both hands through her hair. She seemed to realize what she was doing, turning around and smiling weakly.

“Hey Soyeon, how long have you been standing there?”

“Not too long,” she giggled, trying to hide her concern as she searched her best friend’s face.

Dark circles, disheveled hair, indentations in the skin below her lip that let Soyeon know she was continuously biting on it, fidgeting fingers, and an oversized sweater.

Jiahn looked exhausted.

“Okay guys, well I’m gonna go home and get ready!” Jiyoo seemed thrilled at the thought, prancing towards the office door as she waved at them both. “Wish me luck tonight!”

They both waved at her as she skipped out the door before turning to look at eachother.

“What exactly are we wishing her luck for?” Jiahn asked. “Getting laid? I’m pretty sure she’s gonna get some...poor Youngjae probably doesn’t know what to do with something like that.”

“Well he must be better than we think,” Soyeon laughed, shaking her head at her best friend. “She’s still with him and completely crazy about him so…”

Jiahn looked thoughtful before cringing at her own mind, shaking her head again before her eyes dropped to Soyeon’s duffel bag.

“Where are you going?”

“Jinyoung’s party remember?”

Soyeon hadn’t meant to sound so exasperated by the idea, but she honestly thought this might be the first time in her life that she wished she was going to Bam’s party instead of going home.

“Oh! Right…” Jiahn sighed, standing up from her desk and gathering her things. “Sorry, I forgot…”

“It’s no big deal,” Soyeon reassured her quickly, holding up the duffle bag. “Wanna help me get ready?”

 

 

Once Jiahn had gathered her things, they made their way to the small one-person bathroom, Soyeon immediately running her fingers through her hair to try to fix it the best she could. She had decided to go simple, knowing she wouldn’t have much time to get ready after work anyway. Leaving her hair straight, and doing her makeup before she went to work that day, all she really had to do was touch-up and put on her dress.

Jiahn was sitting with her, the lid of the toilet seat down as she sat on top of it, staring at the bathroom wall. Soyeon had pulled her makeup bag out, grabbing the mascara and twisting the cap off.

“Are you going to Bam’s party?”

Soyeon didn’t want to mention Yugyeom outright- it seemed to short-circuit Jiahn’s brain- and instead tried to start light.

“I think Yugyeom-” Jiahn swallowed hard. “-wanted me to go, yeah.”

Soyeon focused on putting the mascara on her eyelashes, almost messing up at her friend’s mention of the man’s name; maybe Jiahn wanted to talk about it?

Up until this point, the only information Soyeon had been able to gather from her best friend was that the two were texting each other still, but Jiahn had not told him yet.

“I kind of wish I was going too,” Soyeon sighed, finishing up both eyes and inspecting her reflection in the mirror. “Jinyoung’s party better not be as bad as the last one.”

Soyeon cringed at the memory; Jinyoung had put her in charge of cooking all the food, and she accidentally burnt the meat, Jiahn secretly running to a takeout place down the street and ordering enough meat to feed the partygoers and no one suspected a thing.

Well, except Jinyoung.

“I’m sure Jinyoung got catering this year,” Jiahn giggled, and Soyeon was relieved to hear it; her best friend was still inside the shell of a person she had been lately. “Don’t worry about Bam’s party; he’s just over-hyping it as usual. Yugyeom-”

Jiahn stuttered again.

“-told me that it’s not going to be anything special. Just alcohol and stuff.”

“So you’re going?”

Soyeon was slipping out of her work clothes, pulling the dress on over her legs as she eyed her best friend. She didn’t want to bring up the “pregnancy” word, but she wondered how much fun Jiahn would have without any drinks, a suffocating secret, and spending time in the presence of the man she had to spill it to.

“I told him I’d stop by,” Jiahn sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I’m at least gonna take Minha over there; she’s been talking about meeting Bam for months.”

Soyeon smiled at as she slipped her arms into the sleeves of her red dress; Minha was adorable and she liked the thought of her with Bam.

They suited each other.

“Zip me up?”

Jiahn got up, and Soyeon watched her in the mirror as she zipped the dress up quickly. They looked at each other in the mirror, and Soyeon could see the subtle worry on Jiahn’s face.

“You look pretty,” Jiahn complimented her, trying for a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Thanks,” Soyeon smiled back, trying to read her best friend as silence fell between them.

They were still looking at each other for a moment, and Soyeon could see Jiahn already fidgeting with her fingers again.

“Have you told him yet?”

Soyeon wasn’t trying to be pushy, but it was one of the few times she was putting on her “might-as-well-be-your-big-sister-hat” and trying to get Jiahn to see reason.

She couldn’t hide this from Yugyeom.

“No…”

Jiahn’s eyes were immediately on the floor, fingernails in her mouth as she bit them nervously.

“Jiahn…” Soyeon sighed softly, torn between wanting her best friend to be reasonable, and wanting her to realize that this is real and not something she can run away from.

Not when there’s a real human being living inside of her.

“I know, I-” Jiahn looked like she was about to cry, meeting Soyeon’s eyes again in the mirror. “I’m planning on doing it tonight.”

Soyeon’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, and she turned around to face her best friend, searching her face.

“You sure, even with the party and everything?”

“I can try to get him alone,” Jiahn told her, sounding like she had been thinking about it for a while. “I thought maybe...if he wanted to, we could just talk about it maybe on the way home or something…”

Soyeon nodded; this was good...Jiahn had a plan.

This meant she was acknowledging that this was real.

“You sure you don’t want to come with me and rescue me from the bore of rich people parties?”

Soyeon was trying to lighten the air, knowing Jiahn didn’t do well with tension, and was pleased to see a smile on the girl’s face, a reluctant chuckle falling from her mouth.

“Yeah I think I’ll pass,” Jiahn shook her head, still grinning as she helped Soyeon gather up her things. “Unless you need me-”

“I’ll be fine,” she waved her off instantly, letting Jiahn put the last of her things in the duffel before Soyeon was zipping it up, putting it back on her shoulder again.

“Yeah, you will be,” Jiahn agreed, opening the door for Soyeon before both of them walked out, heading towards the elevators. “You’ve been to enough of these.”

“Right-”

Soyeon nodded, pressing the down button and smiling easily at her best friend.

“It’s my third one; what’s the worst that could happen?”

  
 _ **7:00pm**_  


“I told her if she doesn’t start investing in stocks, she’s going to be the poorest one in the family.”

Soyeon stood next to Jinyoung who was laughing with the rest of the people in their little circle, and her smile and light chuckle were convincing despite her internal cringe.

“I’ve taught her too much in her life for her to end up like that, so it breaks my heart…” Soyeon watched the heavy-set woman as she tilted her champagne flute in a slow circle, the liquid swishing with the movement. “I don’t want that reputation at family get togethers-”

Soyeon thought she might puke, a master at keeping her face neutral as she internally shook her head. What was the “poorest one in the family” for these people? The smallest mansion? Only enough for three sports cars instead of four?

She guessed she would never understand.

Jinyoung’s parties- which he didn’t throw very often thank goodness- were always filled with the worst kind of people in her opinion. High-class, snobby people, usually middle-aged or older, their conversations just passive aggressive jabs at each other while they kept fake smiles on their faces. They were all impressed with Jinyoung of course; a businessman at such a young age, who’s net worth challenged, if not exceeded, theirs and so handsome too.

Soyeon had been dealing with that kind of company and conversation all night.

At first, it had been alright. She had quickly decided to take over preparing the food, and even though the catering staff was there, she made a lame excuse about “wanting to make sure everything was alright in her kitchen” (she never called it her kitchen), and then stayed locked in there. The catering crew were professional, but when the doors of the kitchen closed, they were a little more laid-back, making quiet jokes as they set everything up, laughing together while Soyeon joined in, feeling at ease.

But then it was time for her to enter reality, and she was eating amongst people who told her over and over how lucky she was. She would smile and agree and Jinyoung would link his arm with hers, and they would make what looked like loving eye contact. They would go on to tell her how beautiful she was, and Jinyoung would agree instantly, because if he didn’t talk about it openly, how could he continue to come off charming?

Even when Soyeon talked about her job when prompted, they never seemed too interested in that. Writing was not a job that made you a lot of money, nor was working at an online magazine worth a conversation really.

So it always went back to her looks.

“I think with kids, you just have to let them find their way,” Jinyoung was replying to the woman, and Soyeon didn’t have any idea how long she had been spacing out; thank goodness the interested facial expression had stayed locked on her features. “My father taught me everything he knew, but he couldn’t force me to make my decisions; that was all up to me.”

How was it that Jinyoung could say something so...conceited and yet sound so humble while he was doing it? Soyeon looked at his face, and he briefly glanced over at her, a soft smile on his face.

“I can only hope my daughter becomes as successful as you, dear,” the woman was resting her hand on his forearm before glancing at Soyeon. “Or she just finds someone like you like Soyeon has; you must feel so lucky, dear.”

And there it was again; Soyeon thought she might be on the fifteenth time now that someone had told her how fortunate she was.

Was she not worth anything else to these people? Was the world really all about getting rich or finding someone who is, just so you could have enough Won to bathe in and then talk about it with other people? Did they not see the value of anything else in life?

“I do feel lucky,” Soyeon replied mechanically, but her gentle smile and nod of her head had the woman convinced. “Jinyoung is a great man. Excuse me, I’m so sorry.”

She bowed politely, unlinking her arm from Jinyoung’s as she headed to the kitchen.

She just needed to breathe.

Soyeon never enjoyed these parties much, but this year in particular was really getting to her. She wasn’t sure if it was a build-up of her frustration with Jinyoung lately, or maybe she just had a little too much champagne tonight.

I knew I shouldn’t have grabbed that third glass.

The problem was, not only were all of Jinyoung’s networking friends here- because they could never be just friends with Jinyoung- but his family was here too. Thankfully, after they had eaten, his parents had settled on the couch in the living room, and she was able to grab some alcohol while still looking socially acceptable.

While Jinyoung’s father was stoic and calculative, wearing expensive suits and watching with eyes so similar to Jinyoung’s, his mother was the real hassle. An opinionated woman who hadn’t worked a day in her life, her mentality was so old-fashioned that it made Soyeon’s skin crawl to think about it. She had had to endure all the subtle insults she got to enjoy every year:

“Soyeon, honey, I need to give you the name of the shampoo I use so your hair will look more sleek.”

“I’ve still never heard of the Entertainment Enquirer, are they a reputable source? They’re paying you enough, aren’t they, dear?”

“A woman of your beauty shouldn’t have to work so hard!”

Or Soyeon’s personal favorite: “Well hopefully when the Entertainment Equity or whatever it’s called, goes under, you won’t have to deal with that anymore and we can start spending time together! Maybe getting our nails done?”

She sighed, leaning against the counter and watching as the catering staff wiped down every surface, cleaning up for the night, and chatting quietly amongst themselves. She felt a little better, listening to their talk about weekend plans and jokes about who had dropped the most sheet pans on their gigs.

How was it that she felt more comfortable with the people serving them than being served?

Because you aren’t cut out for this, Soyeon

She looked at the ceiling, ignoring her thoughts and trying to remember that the party only had an hour left. His parents, again, were tucked away on the couches, and she only had to get through a few more long, drawn-out conversations for a little while longer.

Thankfully, Soyeon was very good at playing her part.

There was a light tinkling sound, and Soyeon faced forward again, realizing it was coming from the living room. The light murmur of conversation had died down a bit, and her eyebrows furrowed, walking out of the kitchen to see what was going on.

Jinyoung was standing at the center of the living room, his champagne flute in his hand as he hit it gently with a small spoon, creating the noise Soyeon had just heard.

He was calling everyone’s attention.

Soyeon had no idea what was happening- Jinyoung wasn’t usually a speech maker- and watched as the people around her noticed her arrival, smiling at her and splitting like the red seas, Jinyoung at the end of the aisle. HIs parents were still sitting on the couch, smiling warmly at him, and Soyeon couldn’t help but feel her stomach twist uncomfortably.

_What is going on?_

It seemed that everyone around her already knew, all alternating between looking at Jinyoung and looking at her, excited grins and hushed whispers surrounding her on all sides.

“Soyeon,” Jinyoung’s tone was kind, hand held out as he smiled at her. “Come here.”

She forced her legs to move, to walk casually to the man as she plastered a loving smile on her face. When she was close enough, she placed her hand in his, and he wrapped his fingers around it gently before looking around.

“As you all know, Soyeon has been in my life for almost three years now,” he began, and she watched as they all nodded in acknowledgement. “They have been the best almost three years of my life.”

Soyeon knew her heart should be melting, that she should be squealing internally and falling in love with his words, but this wasn’t Jinyoung. Not the real Jinyoung. This was Jinyoung the Showman, and she had no idea what was about to happen, her heart racing frantically in her chest.

She did not necessarily trust him.

“When I first saw her, I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world,” he locked eyes with her, and she let out a bashful laugh as if they had planned this scene in advance, and she thanked god for improv in her high school theater days. “Our first date, I was hooked, and I knew I wanted to make her mine; I don’t like to share.”

It was meant to be a joke, his tone light, and everyone laughed softly around them. But Soyeon was still looking into Jinyoung’s eyes, and she could’ve sworn there was something deeper to his words than that.

_Shownu_

What an inappropriate time to think his name, Soyeon thought to herself, eyes darting to her and Jinyoung’s hands that were still clasped together.

Suddenly, Jinyoung was placing his champagne flute on the end table right next to him, and the room grew silent as he reached into his pocket with his free hand.

_Oh no_

Soyeon tried to keep her face under control, tried to hide the pure panic in her eyes as he slowly lowered onto one knee, a little black box in his hands. She couldn’t do this, not in front of all these people, not after everything that had happened between them, after everything she had done-

“Soyeon, you’re still the most beautiful woman in the world to me-”

Jinyoung was opening the box, a silver band with a large diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds sitting inside. Her surprise was authentic now as her mouth turned into a small “o” before she was chewing her bottom lip, feeling her face get hot.

“Oh she’s so red-” Someone muttered under their breath affectionately while another giggled.

She was so embarrassed that it felt like the room was spinning, and she thought she might throw up everything she had just consumed that evening. Time had slowed down, nothing but the sound of her pounding heartbeat and the feeling of her twisting stomach registering in her brain.

Soyeon felt like she couldn’t breathe as Jinyoung held the box a little straighter, eyes locking with hers as he opened his mouth to speak again.

“Will you please do me the honor of marrying me?”

She might have actually stopped breathing now, her heart working overtime to push what little oxygen she had around in her body. The pain in her chest- anxiety, guilt, anger at being put on the spot- was so overwhelming she needed to make a conscious effort not to double over.

Soyeon was aware of every single person in the room, including his parents on the couch, and knew every all of them were staring at her, burning holes into her dress. She knew she needed to answer, not hesitate, because that would make things worse and the last thing she needed to do was make things worse.

She felt like a deer caught in headlights, a cornered gazelle that didn’t have a way out, while Jinyoung was the lion, smiling up at her in a way that was not as charming as it probably looked to most.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

Still, she couldn’t stand there forever; nothing good would come out of a delay, and with so many people surrounding her, she felt she didn’t have much of a choice anyway.

So yes, Jinyoung definitely knew what he was doing.

“Oh,” Soyeon breathed; while her thoughts were long, only a few respectable seconds had gone by, looking normal from the outside. “I...yes. Yes, I will…”

Soyeon then watched as Jinyoung slipped the ring slowly on her finger, ignoring how cold the band felt and smiling lovingly at him.

The perfect mask.

 

** Jiahn: **

_**December 28, 2018, 10:00pm** _

Jiahn thought briefly of her best friend, wondering if Soyeon’s smiles were as fake as hers were as she tried to seem upbeat at Bam’s party.

She wasn’t sure what was worse; hanging with a bunch of rich bitches with their noses in the air while trying not to spill food on her dress or fake laughing as everyone else got progressively drunk around her and she fielded drink offers all night, making lame excuses that didn’t sound convincing even to her own ears.

She still thought she would choose the drunk people at the party.

Besides, she wasn’t the only one not wasted; Yugyeom, once he noticed she wasn’t drinking, had been taking it slow all night.

“-told Jiahn that I thought you were cute and it took her three months to introduce me!”

Minha was loud, almost too loud, probably the drunkest out of all of the small group as she sat next to Bam. The man had his arm around her, smiling at her adoringly as she spoke.

“You’ve liked me for three months?” He found the whole thing pretty fascinating, and finally tore his eyes from Minha to look at Jiahn, who was sitting across from them on the arm of the couch. “Jiahn! You’re the worst wing woman ever!”

He was teasing of course, and she couldn’t help but laugh as the pair giggled, Minha leaning more into him as she took a drink from her beer bottle.

Jiahn had gotten ready for the party, deciding on jeans and a t-shirt since it was casual anyway, before stopping at the convenience store to grab Minha. She had given the younger notice as she requested, and the girl had decided on a cute dress, curled her hair, taken the time to do her makeup, and was even wearing heels.

She made Jiahn look like the chaperone dropping her daughter off at a school dance.

Still, she knew Yugyeom didn’t really care about stuff like that, so she wasn’t insecure really when they had arrived together, glad she had brought Minha along for the long walk. While Jiahn was usually a talker, she had too much on her mind, and so Minha easily jumped into the open position, talking fast about how she should say hi to Bam and some conversation starters that were sure to get them connected by the end of the evening.

And it seemed her theories had actually worked.

“Youngjae, I’m fine, stop feeding me!”

Jiyoo was giggling, and Youngjae laughed as he took a chip from his bag and held it in front of her mouth.

“You’re too drunk,” Youngjae lectured, but it was half-hearted as he took a small drink of his own Soju bottle. “I don’t want you getting sick.”

“Why are you so sweet to me?” Jiyoo cooed, and Jiahn tried to hold back her vomit.

They both giggled again as she opened her mouth, letting him give her the chip and Jiahn climbed off the arm of the sofa, needing to get away from Newlyweds 1,2,3 and 4.

She was so glad her and Yugyeom were not like that.

Jiahn snuck off to the kitchen, looking for the man in question and wondering if he would let her help him now. He had lost a game of rock, paper, scissors (Jiahn found out from Bam that he loses a lot, which made her giggle) and was stuck doing the dishes after they made a big pot of ramen to share amongst them all.

Yugyeom was still at the sink, sleeves rolled up as he rinsed what looked like the last of the dishes off, hair hanging slightly in his face. He was concentrated on his task, not noticing her yet, and she took the second to admire him.

He was cute, too cute for her if she was being honest, but he seemed to like her and she really liked him so maybe she was just really lucky?

That’s probably why she felt so bad.

Jiahn had not really wanted to think about being... _pregnant_.

Once she had gotten over the initial shock, it was much easier for her to pretend like it wasn’t happening. That’s how it felt really; like she was watching a movie of someone’s life turning into a trainwreck.

She didn’t want to acknowledge that it was hers.

So when it came to Yugyeom, she couldn’t imagine dumping that burden on him. She didn’t want to be the one to wipe the constant smile off his face, the smile she thought she might already be in love with.

_Seriously pathetic, Jiahn…Well you definitely ruined that with your current situation..._

Yugyeom seemed to sense her presence after switching off the water, turning to the side and grinning automatically when he saw her. She couldn’t help but smile back, despite her inner turmoil; his happiness was infectious.

“Will you let me help now?” she asked playfully, already walking towards the still-wet dishes that were laid out on the drying mat.

Once he had lost the game of rock, paper, scissors, he had insisted she enjoy the party when she tried to help, offering to make her a drink and forcing her to stealthily reject the offer. He had looked at her as if sensing something was off, but had instead decided to give her a quick hug before leaving her alone to hang out with the mushball couples.

Jackson, Hyungwon and Heonie had left to go for a walk and “find some dessert”, barely sober enough to walk through the door, and no one had seen them since.

Jiahn kinda wished she would’ve gone with them.

“Yeah, I guess,” Yugyeom laughed, handing her one of the dish towels. “I just need to dry now.”

“It’s so mean they made you wash all the dishes like this,” Jiahn sighed, looking at the monstrous pile of bowls, spoons, pots and pans, wondering how one meal could create such a disaster.

“They always do that,” Yugyeom replied with a smile, playfully glaring over his shoulder. “Bam thinks it’s hilarious how often I lose rock, paper, scissors…”

She shook her head, moving to stand next to him and picking up the first bowl in the pile. They were silent at first, comfortable with no words for a moment while they worked quickly but efficiently together.

Jiahn picked up another bowl, glancing over at Yugyeom while he dried a pan.

Was this what their life would be like? Would they stay together, after they had the...baby, and be spending their evening washing dishes, exhausted because they can’t get any sleep? Would they be smiling or would they be sad? If he stayed with her, would he regret it? Regret that he had been so young and had so much to do and yet he was stuck at home living a domestic life while-?

“You okay?”

She realized she’d been drying the same bowl for quite a few minutes now, and she jumped a little at the sound of Yugyeom’s voice.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” she laughed nervously, setting the bowl down and noting how badly it was shaking; had he seen that? “Just...tired, I guess…”

She couldn’t look him in the eyes, even though it wasn’t a total lie; Jiahn was tired.

The problem was, she knew why.

“Are you sure?”

He brushed some hair softly from where it was hanging in front of her face, tucking it behind her ear. She looked up at him, heart fluttering a little as his hand trailed gentle down the strands.

“You seem off.”

Jiahn was never good at hiding her emotions- she was terrible at it actually- and she should’ve known better than to come to this party and expect to have everyone fooled.

“I think maybe I should go,” she said it hesitantly, struggling between wanting to be with Yugyeom and knowing it was no use. “If you want, we could just hang out tomorrow, after I’ve had some sleep?”

She was already gripping onto the idea like a lifeline; twenty four more hours to get herself together and practice what she was going to say. She had been trying to figure out how she was going to get him alone all night, her heart not really in it because she was so nervous. Waiting until tomorrow would give her more time to mentally prepare for his reaction and mentally prepare for her own, and avoid reality for just one more day before the gravity of the situation pulled down on them as strongly as she suspected it would.

“Let me walk you home.”

Yugyeom immediately threw the towel on the counter, already making his way around her.

“Oh no, you don’t need to do that-”

Jiahn couldn’t handle how sweet he was, she didn’t deserve it, not when she had this nuclear bomb’s worth of information that she was clinging onto, letting him live blissfully unaware-

“I want to,” he grabbed her free hand, pulling slightly towards the exit. “It’s a long walk and it’s dark out.”

Jiahn would’ve normally joked that she was a strong, independent woman with a decent punch and cat-like instincts that didn’t need him to protect her, but the way he was looking at her so kindly made her just sort of nod as she set down her towel, allowing him to pull her out of the kitchen without argument.

When they entered the living room, Jackson, Hyungwon, and Heonie were piling in, front door still open as Bam yelled out in excitement at their arrival.

“Jackson!” He cried, jumping up as Minha let out a hiccupy laugh, still sitting cross-legged on the carpet. “You’re the best boss ever, you know that?”

Jackson laughed as he pulled Soju bottles out of his plastic bag, handing two of them to Bam.

“And you’re the best employee ever,” Jackson fished something out of his wallet, handing it to Bam. “Thanks for trusting me with your credit card-”

“Bam!” Yugyeom laughed out loud, watching the exchange as Bam stuffed his card back in his pocket.

He chuckled, shrugging as he waved off Yugyeom’s concern.

“Jackson’s my boss,” he flung his arm around the shorter, who was still grinning like an idiot as he opened his own bottle of Soju. “He wouldn’t screw me over.”

“I thought you guys were getting dessert,” Jiahn was thankful for this distraction, giggling as she watched Hyungwon calmly handing Soju bottles to the rest of the party.

He must’ve picked up on Jiahn’s lack of drinking all night, not even offering her a bottle before moving to Yugyeom, who denied it with a smile and a shake of his head.

_Great, we’re already Mom and Dad_

She cringed at her own thoughts, watching as Bam sat back on the floor with a smiling Minha. She felt disconnected to everyone all over again, like she was so much older than the rest of them, and she realized with a jolt that she kind of was.

Especially Yugyeom.

He squeezed her hand as if sensing her discomfort, but he was still laughing at Bam as he maneuvered slowly to the front door.

“I’m gonna walk Jiahn home,” he told the room as a whole.

“I’m sorry guys,” Jiahn felt guilty as she looked at everyone, feeling weirdly like a burden even though she had no idea why. “I’ll come to the next party, I’m just tired, I think-”

“You’ve looked rough for like a week,” Heonie said, and Hyungwon whacked him over the head. “What?! I’m just saying, she looks exhausted!”

Yugyeom turned to look at her, his eyebrows furrowed slightly at this new discovery.

_Great_

“You look rough everyday, Heonie,” Jackson said smoothly without missing a beat. “Bye guys, be safe.”

There was a lot of shouting and waving as they made their way out, Jiahn shutting the door behind them, their conversations still audible outside. Yugyeom and her looked at each other, laughing as they shook their heads.

“They’re going to get you evicted,” Jiahn said as they began walking, still hand in hand.

“Our neighbors must be really cool because we’ve been here for two years and they’ve never said anything,” Yugyeom told her. “Otherwise, yeah…”

They were on the sidewalks now, the cold air making Jiahn’s breaths come out in white, wispy puffs. Another bout of silence, and Jiahn was focusing on how comfortable it was as they walked together. This was only the third time they had hung out together, and she found it a little crazy how relaxed they were with each other already. There was no awkward tension with the hand holding or the hugs, no need to keep up constant conversation, and she wondered if it was because they had done everything in the total wrong order.

_Can’t get more comfortable than sex-_

“So you’ve been tired all week?”

She could tell Yugyeom was trying to be nonchalant as he asked, but the slight concern on his face was a dead giveaway as he turned to look at her.

Jiahn swallowed hard, eyes darting from his as she let out another nervous chuckle.

“Uh-”

She knew this was the perfect opportunity, the perfect window for her to jump through.

_Just open your mouth and say it. Tell him you have something to tell him, that you’ve been tired because you took a test, three tests actually, and it turns out you’re-_

“It’s just been a busy week,” she breathed out, watched the white breath-clouds dissipate in front of her face. “Holiday time is just insane and I’ve had a lot on my plate.”

_That’s an understatement_

She scowled at her own thoughts, shaking her head and turning back to smile at him.

“Don’t worry about it-”

He looked like he was going to open his mouth to argue, so she kept going.

“How was your conference? Tell me about that!”

“It was amazing,” Yugyeom breathed, looking straight ahead, a one-sided grin on his face, and seeming effectively distracted. “I learned so much, not just about teaching, but just a lot of dance stuff in general. There was this one dance instructor, I made friends with him at one of the workshops, he-”

Jiahn let him talk, trying not to giggle at how cute he got when he was excited. Yugyeom may be taller and manlier looking than most 21 year olds, but he was still young, and she could see it when he smiled, when he talked to her about the things he loved, when he paused with a nervous laugh when he was trying to think of the words he was trying to say.

Her heart ached as she looked at Yugyeom; she didn’t want to take that happiness away from him.

What was going to happen, when she told him the news and he was forced to make a decision that not even she wanted to make? What was he going to do when he realized that they weren’t happily dating anymore, they had a baby now, and everything in their lives would be about that?

Would he want to stay? Would he run? Would he be angry with her, break it off with her?

What about the baby? Would they have custody rights worked out, have her child spend every other weekend with Yugyeom, leaving the rest of the time with her?

Would they lose the small amount of relationship they had built with each other, Yugyeom always seeing her as “Jiahn and the baby”?

“Jiahn?”

“What?” She was startled, turning to look at Yugyeom, who was watching her closely. “I’m sorry, what did you say? I missed that last part…”

“I said we should go to Busan sometime,” Yugyeom didn’t sound angry, just confused as he repeated himself slowly. “I think it would be cool, and I know how much you love the beach…”

She smiled, the expression just a little too tight. She did love the beach, and she couldn’t imagine a better person to go with. Feet in the sand, holding hands like they were now as they watched the waves. Eating at restaurants that had decks and trying to keep their food from flying away, getting a little tipsy off alcoholic drinks that were just a little too expensive before sneaking to the beach at night, making out with the sea as their backdrop, praying they didn’t get caught.

But then she thought about what it would be like now, how she couldn’t have those alcoholic drinks, and soon wouldn’t be able to wear cute swimsuits. They’d be spending the time there knowing it would be their last vacation as free adults and that impending doom would lay heavy on them as they tried to enjoy their time.

She didn’t realize she was frowning until it was too late, and she quickly looked away from Yugyeom, facing forward and realizing they were walking to the front doors of her apartment building.

_God, how long was I spacing out on him?_

She could feel the tears burning the corners of her eyes as Yugyeom pushed the door open for her, letting go of her hand so she could walk in front of him. She felt cold without it, and that thought had her throat constricting harder.

They were getting to the finish line, and she was running out of time before she would need to tell him.

_I don’t want to do this, I really don’t want to do this…_

The panic was rising, hot and fast like bile, sitting just above her chest, and she tried to just remain calm. It wasn’t until the elevator doors closed that she realized they had stepped into it and she could feel Yugyeom watching her.

“Jiahn, I know something’s wrong.”

She couldn’t look at him, swallowing hard as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

“There’s not, I’m just tired-” her voice was shaking though, and she could feel her resolve slipping as Yugyeom took a step closer to her.

“You seem sad, not just tired.”

The elevator dinged, before the doors opened, announcing their arrival- it was like she hadn’t even felt the movement of the elevator. Jiahn walked forward and down the apartment hallway, still unable to look at Yugyeom as he followed behind her. She knew that if she saw the kindness in his eyes, the worry in his expression…

She would definitely start crying.

“Jiahn, you can talk to me…”

_God, why does he have to be so fucking sweet?!_

“I’m fine, Yugyeom, really, I-I just, you know, like I said, j-just-”

She couldn’t talk right anymore, digging through her purse for her keys as they approached her front door.

Why is my apartment so close to the elevators? Why don’t I have more time?

She shakily pulled out her keys, finding the apartment one and stopped in front of her door.

“Jiahn.”

There was a hand on her shoulder as she pushed the key into the lock, and she froze, her head falling forward a little as she squeezed her eyes shut.

“Do you not like me anymore? Did I do something wrong?”

Her chest ached, because of course he thought it was him, and that he was the wrong one, when really-

“I know we went on that one date and then I got busy,” he took his hand from her shoulder. “I probably should’ve made some time-”

“Yugyeom.”

Her voice was quiet, but he heard it, silencing immediately as she slowly turned around.

This was it, she couldn’t back out now, she just needed to say it.

She finally faced him, not even trying to hide the tears that were sitting on the rims of her eyes as she looked up at him.

“I-”

Jiahn was hesitating, again, the words right there on her tongue but refusing to come out, and he was watching her, concern evident on his face as he searched her features.

“Jiahn, what’s-?”

“I-” she exhaled in frustration. “- _can’t_ tell you here.”

She flipped back around and quickly turning the key already sitting in the lock. She ran her trembling fingers through her hair, facing him once more.

“Come inside...please?”

“Yeah...sure…”

His voice trailed off as he followed her in, pushing the door open for her as she led the way.

_Meow Meow Meow_

“Hey buddy.”

Yugyeom greeted the cat as he walked right past Jiahn, rubbing against the man’s legs and getting fur all over his black pants. The door closed behind Yugyeom and he secured it in place before leaning down to pet Mr. Floofs.

The familiar smell of her apartment, the slight hum of the refrigerator, her favorite blanket sitting in a ball on her sofa…

All of it should’ve been comforting, but instead she just found it more intimidating. Like what she was about to do was more real in there than it was in the hallway or on the sidewalks outside somehow.

She grabbed the bag of cat food off the fridge, almost dropping it as she pulled the scoop out hastily.

_Meow!_

Yugyeom was forgotten as Mr. Floofs made a beeline straight for his food bowl, nose already digging into the pellets before Jiahn could even stand up straight. She adored her cat, even when he was annoying about his food and acted as if she had never fed him in his life, but nothing could distract her from the sharp pains in her chest that could only be the sign of yet another anxiety attack.

_Breathe, Jiahn, just breathe_

Yugyeom was standing awkwardly in the middle of her living room, watching her closely as she put the food bag on top of the counter, trying to be subtle about inhaling and exhaling as deeply and slowly as possible.

“Jiahn, what’s going on?”

He ran a hand through his hair as he looked at her, clearly stressed as he took a couple steps closer to the kitchen.

“Please sit down, you’re making me nervous.”

She started biting on her nails as she watched him move to sit on her couch, only glancing behind himself for a moment before his eyes locked right back on her face.

“Well you’re making me nervous,” Yugyeom said carefully, watching her walk in front of the coffee table, facing him with round, hesitant eyes.

Jiahn was just staring at his face, watching as he rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward to look at her. She knew she didn’t have any more time to waste, that this moment was being dragged out for too long, and if the roles had been reversed, she probably would’ve strangled Yugyeom by now.

She quit nibbling on her fingernails, lowering her hand slowly as her eyes never left his, heart beat loud and fast in her ears.

“Jiahn, please, just tell me what’s-”

“I’m pregnant.”

Silence.

That was all Jiahn got as her eyes darted to the coffee table, already filling with tears.

“What?” Yugyeom’s voice was barely above a whisper, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

Her stomach was twisting into hard knots as she opened her mouth, voice catching in her throat.

“I’m pregnant, Yugyeom.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, tears rolling down her face because she had been dreading this moment for a little over a week, and now it was happening and she didn’t want it to be happening. Jiahn wasn’t prepared for this, she hadn’t had enough time, and now she had to dump the whole thing on Yugyeom-

“You’re sure?”

The question caught her off-guard, and she looked up automatically, locking eyes with him once more. His eyes were wide, a slight scowl on his face as his hands were folded tightly together.

“I- yes, I’m sure,” she stammered, watching him look sharply away from her, scowl growing deeper. “I t-took three tests a week ago, and then another two the other-”

“A week ago?!”

Yugyeom had stood up so fast it made Jiahn jump, immediately looking at the man as he glared at her.

“What do you mean ‘a week ago’?! You’ve known all this time and you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m sorry,” Jiahn crumbled a little under his anger, shoulders sagging as more tears fell down her face. “I didn’t know how to tell y-”

“Shit,” Yugyeom ran both of his hands through his hair, gripping it slightly at the roots as he started pacing. “Dammit, Jiahn-”

“I should’ve told you as soon as I found out, I’m sorry,” Jiahn forced herself to speak through the tears, the weight of his frustration feeling like a brick on her chest; it seemed his words were finally starting to sink in.

“So the whole time I was at the conference-?” Yugyeom finally looked at her, not even finishing his question as they locked eyes.

“I found out the Thursday before you left,” she all but whispered, swallowing hard. “I didn’t realize how late I was until I saw Soyeon’s calendar, and…”

She trailed off, watching as his face slowly turned from angry to horrified, looking away from her again as he stared at the floor.

“Shit…”

“I’m sorry,” Jiahn didn’t know why she was apologizing, but she felt like this was her fault somehow, and she had this bizarre urge to hug Yugyeom even though he looked less than huggable in that moment.

“It’s not just your fault, Jiahn,” Yugyeom’s voice was quiet as he spoke, digging his wallet out of his back pocket.

She watched as he opened it quickly before pulling out a small foil packet, groaning in frustration as he stared at the ceiling.

“Dammit, what the hell was I thinking-?”

That must be his emergency condom or something.

Normally, Jiahn would’ve jumped on the chance to make a joke about something like that, but she couldn’t find the humor in anything when she watched the man in front of her slowly crumble under the intensity of this news.

The news that she had dumped on him.

“I wasn’t thinking either, Yugyeom,” she didn’t want the man to beat himself up, like this wasn’t a two-person operation. “I should’ve mentioned something, told you I wasn’t taking birth control…”

He finally looked at her again, hair falling in front of his forehead and eyes round, making him look…

Scared.

“I don’t know what to do.”

His words were soft, hovering in the three feet of space between them as they just stared at one another.

“I…” Jiahn hesitated. “...don’t either…”

She bit her lip as she watched Yugyeom move slowly back to the couch, sitting on the very end of the cushion as he looked down at the floor between his legs. They stayed like that for a moment, not even Mr. Floofs making a sound, as if he knew the intensity of the situation as he sat quietly on the kitchen table.

Jiahn’s mind was reeling as she thought hard, wondering…

What exactly were they going to do?

It brought her back to her thoughts earlier, about custody of the child or domestic life with Yugyeom. If they kept the baby, one of those would inevitably be their future. Did he want that? Did she want that? They hadn’t had enough time to know each other, learn about each other inside and out like most people did. The two of them had grown close, but close enough to raise a baby together? Their baby together?

“We could...always put it up for adoption?”

Jiahn’s suggestion was like adding smoke to the silence, thickening the tense air tenfold as Yugyeom lifted his face to look at her. His brow was furrowed, eyes still a little bigger than normal as they locked eyes once more. She couldn’t tell how he was feeling as she thought about what adoption would actually entail; an entire pregnancy, nine months of doctor’s appointments and preparation, and then giving birth to a little person that was a complete combination of her and Yugyeom, just to give it away to someone else.

Although Jiahn wasn’t really excited about the baby, she couldn’t imagine going through all that and being okay.

Yugyeom looked about the same, slight hesitation in his expression as he seemed to be thinking about it. Other than keeping it, the only other alternative was-

“I can’t get an abortion,” the words slipped from Jiahn’s mouth before she could think about it. “I just...I can’t.”

“I would never-” Yugyeom looked a little disturbed by her words, shaking his head a bit. “Why would you even say that?”

“I just wanted you to know,” Jiahn told him quietly, shrugging as she ran a hand through her hair. “Just in case-”

“I wouldn’t ask you to do something like that, I wouldn’t _want_ you to-” Yugyeom sounded offended as he stood up, turning away from her as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Another suffocating silence fell between them, neither seeming to be able to look at the other.

“I’ve gotta go,” Yugyeom was running a hand through his hair again, glancing at the door and still avoiding Jiahn’s eyes. “I can’t…”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence, and she felt the knots that were already in her stomach tighten at his words, eyes wide as she looked at him. He was already walking towards the door, and Jiahn felt her body unlock as she ran towards him, watching as he slowly reached for the door knob.

“Where-” Jiahn could feel the pain in her chest again, sharp and agonizing as her throat constricted. “Where are you going?”

The words came out in a much more high-pitched tone than Jiahn usually used, and she fought the urge to reach out and grab his arm.

_Please don’t leave me_

“I’ll be back,” he finally turned to look at her, hand still on the door knob, and she could see slight moisture in his eyes before he quickly faced forward again. “I just...need some air.”

Jiahn didn’t say anything, feeling frozen as he pulled her front door open, the squeak falling deaf on her ears as all she could hear was the dull ringing in her head. Yugyeom stepped out, glancing at her for just a second over his shoulder before he was pulling the door closed behind him, the click echoing loudly along the walls of her apartment.

She stared at the door for a long moment, as if somehow that would bring him back, still as a statue as she waited. It was like Jiahn expected Yugyeom to burst back in with a detailed plan of what they should do and a reassuring smile on his face, telling her that he would take care of all of it. Or better yet, she was hoping he would bring in some fake pregnancy test boxes, telling her it was some elaborate prank he had cooked up with Minha’s help at the convenience store and she wasn’t actually pregnant.

But instead, she was staring at a door that was still shut, that wasn’t opening again, and had to face the reality that Yugyeom had left.

And he might not come back.

A choked sob slipped from her throat at the thought, and she let her face fall into her hands, shoulders shaking with the weight of her stress. Her cries were soft, but pained as she let the tears fall freely down her cheeks, fingers trembling as she tried half-heartedly to wipe them off. The pain in her chest was too much to handle, and she rubbed slow, soothing circles into the sternum area as she tried to breathe, willing herself not to have an anxiety attack right now.

There was no way that was good for the baby.

The thought scared her all over again, because it wasn’t just her anymore, it was this little living being inside of her too, and if Yugyeom left, she would be all alone and she couldn’t do this alone, didn’t want to do this alone-

_You have Soyeon_

Soyeon.

Jiahn wasn’t one to run to people when she was upset, but she was terrified of the cards she might have just been dealt; that Yugyeom wanted nothing to do with the situation and that she really was about to become a single mother from a stupid, stupid one night stand.

She rushed to her purse that was sitting next to Mr. Floofs, and the cat nuzzled his nose into her shoulder. She petted him, finding comfort in his fluff as she fished out her phone and brought it to her ear. She hoped the party was over at this point- it was 9:30, and she could’ve sworn Soyeon said the party ended at 8- and almost gasped in surprise when her best friend picked up.

“Hello?”

Jiahn’s ears perked immediately; something was wrong with Soyeon.

“Soyeon,” Jiahn’s voice was raspy as she spoke, and she cringed a little. “Are you okay?”

“Jiahn,” Soyeon breathed, sounding concerned. “Yes, I’m fine, I just- are you crying? What happened?”

It was like the night she found out she was pregnant all over again, a fresh round of tears filling her eyes at the pure, unabashed concern laced in every one of her best friend’s words.

“Soyeon, I told him, and-”

She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath.

“-he left-”

“What?!” Soyeon’s tone was sharp as she spoke, and Jiahn gripped the phone tighter. “What do you mean he left? Like told you he didn’t want-?”

“N-No, he says he’ll be back, that he needs some air…” Jiahn explained quickly, realizing her pessimism was shining through to her own words. “But I don’t know Soyeon, what if he doesn’t come back?”

Her voice squeaked a little on the last word, stomach flipping at the thought.

“He’ll come back, Jiahn,” Soyeon’s voice was much softer now, speaking gently into the phone, seeming to relax instantly after Jiahn’s correction. “You’ve had a week to sit on it, and he’s just received the news, think about how you felt-”

“Like I wanted to run away,” Jiahn whispered, eyes squeezing shut. “I wanted to be someone else and pretend the whole thing wasn’t happening. He can do that, Soyeon, he can pretend he doesn’t know me, but I can’t-”

“He’s not that kind of person,” Soyeon sounded sure as she spoke, and Jiahn was jealous of her pure confidence in the situation. “From what you’ve told me, he does not seem like that kind of guy…”

Jiahn sniffed, letting Soyeon’s words sink in for a moment. When she was upset and the situation involved herself, not others, she tended to think the worst. That’s where her best friend shined in her life. Soyeon was much more positive, and it always soothed Jiahn to hear a better alternative when it seemed her brain could not think of one.

“I don’t want to like...lose him you know?” she breathed into the phone, feeling silly about her confession as she pressed her lips together for a moment before continuing. “I’ve- uh- I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, he feels different to me, and now I had to fuck it up by-”

“This isn’t your fault, Jiahn,” Soyeon reminded her softly, repeating exactly what Yugyeom had said to her just fifteen minutes ago.

“I know we did all of this in the wrong order, but I feel a connection with him- which sounds weird I know- but I feel like I’m instantly comfortable,” Jiahn ran a shaky hand through her hair as she spoke. “I know we just met, and we’ve only been on one official date, but we talk non-stop, you know? And I-”

Jiahn knew she sounded insane, shaking her head back and forth as she cut herself off from saying anything else crazy. Soyeon stayed quiet, knowing Jiahn needed to talk and being the wonderful listener that she was.

“Even if he comes back-” she had to hold on to the possibility to keep herself from completely breaking down. “-we have such limited options. Either we give it up for adoption, we keep it and stay together and try to make that work, or we don’t stay together when we keep it, we have to trade off days with a custody agreement-”

“It doesn’t have to be so black and white like that,” Soyeon interrupted. “Why do you have to combine dating life and baby life?”

“What?” Jiahn’s eyebrows furrowed as she adjusted the phone on her ear. “What do you mean?”

“Look, you really like Yugyeom, and I think he really likes you, but that doesn’t mean you have to get married and live the ‘domestic mom and dad’ life just because you have a baby together...you’ve got a lot of time before that baby is born.”

“What do we do?”

It was one of those moments where Jiahn remembered that Soyeon was older than her, like an older, wiser big sister she had never had growing up, and she was forever grateful for that.

“Keep dating,” Soyeon suggested, almost businesslike as it sounded like she was pacing back and forth on the other end. “Keep doing what you guys were doing, like nothing’s changed.”

Jiahn stayed silent, listening intently.

“If Yugyeom wants to be a part of the baby stuff- and I have a feeling he does- you guys can do baby stuff; go to doctor’s appointments, buy the nursery stuff, talk about your plans…” Soyeon trailed off, taking a breath before continuing. “But you don’t need to meld those together until you’re ready. The baby will not be here for 9 months...you guys have a lot of time to figure it out.”

It was like Jiahn had dumped out a simple jigsaw puzzle, but just couldn’t seem to separate the end pieces from the middle ones. Soyeon had taken the top and bottom of the jigsaw box, sorting the middle and end pieces with ease and handed the two ends of the box to her with a reassuring smile.

“You...really think that would work?” Jiahn asked hesitantly, already glancing at the front door.

“I think you should at least try it,” Soyeon told her. “I think it’s the best option you’ve got right now.”

“You’re right,” Jiahn was slowly nodding, moving to the couch and covering up with her favorite blanket. “What do I do if he doesn’t come back?”

Jiahn couldn’t shake the fear, chewing on her bottom lip as she waited for Soyeon’s response. The older paused as if thinking hard.

“Give him time,” Soyeon’s voice was soothing as she finally answered her. “He’s a young guy...this is scary for him too. Try watching something to distract yourself, or read a book...do you want me to come over?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Jiahn realized her best friend was probably exhausted, the guilt sitting heavy in her stomach like a rock. “I can let you go so you can rest, I’ll just...watch the Titanic or something…”

“Okay,” Soyeon sounded hesitant. “If you think you’re gonna be alright-”

“Don’t worry,” Jiahn could feel more tears brewing in her eyes, and she tried to keep her voice steady as to not worry her best friend even further. “You’ve made me feel a lot better…”

It was true; Soyeon’s words had lessened the pain in her chest and she finally felt like she could breathe again.

“Okay...I love you Jiahnie…”

She smiled for the first time in a while, the expression feeling almost foreign on her face.

“Love you too, Soyeonie…”

They hung up shortly after that, Jiahn turning up the volume on her phone before setting it on the coffee table.

_Just in case he calls…_

She wrapped her blanket tighter around herself, inching her body down the length of the couch until her head landed on her couch pillow. She was scrunched up in a ball, staring blankly at the black TV screen as she focused on keeping herself calm.

_All you can do is wait, Jiahn...Just give him some time…_

 

_**11:45pm** _

There was a light knocking sound, and Jiahn sat up quickly, hair flying in front of her face.

_Did I fall asleep?_

She never did that.

This pregnancy thing was weird.

“Jiahn?”

Yugyeom’s muffled voice was on the other end of her front door, and she registered what had woken her up in the first place. She used her fingers to push her dark strands out of her face clumsily, thrashing around to get the blanket off of her as quickly as possible.

Once she was free from the fabric, she practically ran to the door, running both hands down her hair to smooth it out a little before opening it up.

“Yugyeom.”

She hadn’t meant to say his name like she had, but she was just so excited he was there, both hands behind his back as he looked up at her nervously through his lashes.

“Are you okay?”

Jiahn realized she probably looked like a mess, knowing if she looked in the mirror she would be staring back at a complete disaster.

Just like my life

She giggled internally at her own dark sense of humor, backing up so that Yugyeom could come in.

“I’m okay,” she told him softly, watching as he walked in hesitantly. “I…”

But she wasn’t sure how to end the sentence, and they both stared at each other for a long moment.

“Yeah…” Yugyeom took one hand from behind his back to scratch the back of his head.

Jiahn was still looking at him, a little amazed that he was actually there. She couldn’t let herself fully believe Soyeon’s words until she saw him again; she was weird like that.

He looked sheepish as he held out his other hand, a dark chocolate with almonds candy bar in his grip and an unsure smile on his face.

“Chocolate?” Jiahn couldn’t help but laugh, taking the bar from his hands slowly. “For me?”

“It’s your favorite right?” He asked, eyes darting to the candy before looking back at her.

“Yeah, actually…” her smile was genuine and she sniffed a little, astonished that he had remembered that when she only casually mentioned it forever ago during a text conversation. “Thank you so much…”

_God, Jiahn, are you really getting emotional over a damn candy bar?_

“I’m sorry,” Yugyeom whispered, and she locked eyes with him as he continued. “I didn’t mean to leave, I just-”

“It’s a lot,” Jiahn couldn’t stand the pained guilt that took over his face, immediately needing to erase it. “I get it, I know…”

He nodded and they were silent again, Jiahn messing with the wrapper of her candy bar.

“If you don’t want to stay-” she forced herself to say the words, still picking at the chocolate. “I understand-”

“I’m staying,” Yugyeom cut her off, a slight finality in his tone as he spoke. “Why do you say things like that? Of course, I’m going to stay…”

“I meant with me,” Jiahn’s voice was small as she spoke carefully. “I get you wanting to stay for the baby, but if you don’t to stay with me-”

She felt silly, saying these words out loud, but she couldn’t just blindly go about her life without hearing some confirmation on how he felt, no matter how he felt.

Jiahn wasn’t sure if that made her pathetic or not.

“I knew what you meant,” Yugyeom’s voice was softer now as he reached out and tucked some hair behind her ear, forcing her to look up at him. “I’m staying.”

If Jiahn were watching this scene in a movie, she would’ve looked over at Soyeon and pretended to barf, giggling at the cheesiness and saying something like “ _Nobody says that in real life!_ ”

Now that she was faced with the words directed at her, she could feel her face burning, and she leaned her cheek just slightly into his touch, laughing out of pure nervousness.

“That was corny,” she muttered.

“It was…” He agreed with a chuckle.

He still looked nervous, still looked uneasy, still looked young, but he had come back and that was what mattered.

They stood there for a moment, Jiahn feeling something like relief washing over her.

Yes she was pregnant.

Yes there was a baby inside of her.

But Yugyeom was staying.

She wasn’t alone.

“I have an idea,” she spoke hesitantly, closing her eyes a little as Yugyeom’s fingertips dragged absentmindedly down her face before he let his hand fall back to his side. “If you wanna hear it…”

If there was anything that Jiahn clung hard to in a time of crisis, it was logic and a plan. Despite her scatterbrained nature and her overall clumsy demeanor, Jiahn was a solid planner, and it had been her safe haven growing up in the madness that was her life, especially when she started living on her own.

So with Soyeon’s sorted jigsaw pieces, Jiahn could easily build the frame of the puzzle before filling the middle, and this somehow made her feel like she had control over the situation.

Like everything might be okay.

“Okay…” Yugyeom gave her a one-sided grin, looking weary as he waited. “What’s the plan?”

Jiahn motioned for him to follow her, and they both sat on the couch, getting comfortable and facing one another.

Jiahn took a deep breath.

“I know that we’ve only gone out on one date, and we’ve only been talking for like a month or so,” she began, watching him carefully for a reaction. “But I really like you-”

She swallowed a bit, feeling awkward confessing like that.

“-and I wanted to keep dating you. Even after...all of this.”

“I liked you too, JIahn, I _do_ like you,” Yugyeom told her, giving her a small smile.

It was his turn to get a little shy, running a nervous hand through his hair as his eyes darted from hers.

“So, I think maybe...we should continue dating,” Jiahn said slowly, heart fluttering at his reciprocated feelings being spoken out loud like that and trying to focus. “And keep it separate from the whole- uh- baby thing.”

There was a pause as Yugyeom looked at her, dropping his hand from his hair.

“You mean like, pretend it’s not there?”

He looked confused and a little taken aback, eyebrows furrowed.

“Well yes, but-” she watched him open his mouth in protest, closing it as she smiled at him slightly. “Then we also have baby life.”

Another moment of silence, and Jiahn started chewing her lip nervously.

_Maybe he won’t go for it...I can’t believe I just said ‘baby life’-_

“So you want us to keep everything separate so that it doesn’t get too complicated,” Yugyeom was slowly putting the pieces together, looking at her for confirmation.

“Yes, that way we can still get to know each other without it being all about, you know...the kid.”

Jiahn watched him mull it over in his head, nodding slowly.

“So what do I do?” He asked, looking a little embarrassed about having to ask. “With the whole...baby side of things?”

It was the first time he had said the word, and Jiahn watched him hesitate, trying not to giggle; they both had that in common.

“I don’t know really,” she shrugged, realizing she hadn’t thought much about it. “I guess come to the appointments if you want? Although you don’t have to really...I don’t even know how many there are-”

 _What the hell_ do _guys do while the chick is pregnant? Get them food in the middle of the night? Give foot massages? I’m not gonna bring all that shit up right now-_

“I can come,” Yugyeom told her quickly. “I don’t mind.”

“Alright,” Jiahn nodded, smiling at him; he was too nice. “Well I guess that’s that.”

He returned the smile and they stared at each other for a moment, Yugyeom leaning towards her on the couch.

“You still want to go on that second date with me?” Jiahn asked playfully, trying to break some of the tension that had been stuck between them all night; she hated it.

“Yes,” Yugyeom laughed, reaching out to play with the fingers of her hand that was resting on the couch cushion. “If you still want to.”

“I think we already established that we like each other,” Jiahn all but whispered, laughing lightly and scooting just a little closer as she let him continue to play with her hand. “I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation…”

Yugyeom chuckled under his breath, and she looked away from their hands to meet his gaze, realizing how much closer they had gotten to one another. She could see the slight redness of his eyes and wondered if he had cried at all. She immediately reached up, swiping some hair off his forehead as she caressed his cheek.

It honestly surprised Jiahn how touchy she had immediately gotten with Yugyeom as well. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the way they met, how comfortable he made her feel, or that she just really, really liked him.

Either way, she marveled at the smoothness of his skin under her touch, wondering once again, how she had gotten lucky enough to meet someone like him.

“Are you okay?” Jiahn whispered, the question heavy with the amount of meaning it held.

“I’m fine,” Yugyeom was sliding his hand up her arm in a comforting gesture, but the feel of his hands on her skin was still electrifying for her, filling the air between them with static. “Are you?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” she breathed, realizing their lips were just inches apart.

_When had that happened?_

“Good.”

It was the last word he spoke before Yugyeom was pressing his lips against hers, hand sliding up her shoulder and caressing the side of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. She let a hand thread lazily through his hair as she turned her head, deepening the kiss for just a moment and almost losing her breath at the amount of feeling she was putting into it.

Yes, Yugyeom was hot, but he was more than that to her, even more so after what they had just gone through, what they were about to go through, together. He hadn’t run away, he had come back, and was willing to work with her and be there for her and it meant so much more to Jiahn than she thought she could ever express.

She broke the kiss, pressing her forehead against his as she took a deep breath.

“Thank you,” she told him softly, eyes fluttering open to see a slight smile pull on his lips.

“For what?” he asked, both of his hands now moving to rub gently down her back.

“For not leaving.”

She hadn’t meant to be quite that honest, but it was out there now, and Yugyeom was pushing on her back to move her towards him, and she adjusted, resting her head on his shoulder.

Jiahn wrapped her arms around him instantly, letting her eyes slip closed as she revelled in the feeling that Yugyeom seemed to bring her.

For the first time since this whole fiasco had happened, Jiahn actually felt…

_Okay._

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Sexual Innuendos, Mentions of Cheating

 

** Soyeon: **

_**December 31, 2018, 7:00am** _

“Soyeon! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Soyeon cringed at the loudness of Jiahn’s voice, carrying in the winter air as they walked together down the sidewalk. It was early, too early, and the few people that were walking by them glared at Jiahn, who didn’t seem to notice.

“You were upset about Yugyeom, I wasn’t going to-”

“Wow, am I the worst best friend or what?” Jiahn was hanging her head, shaking it back and forth as she spoke. “I knew something was wrong, I could hear it when you answered, but I was too-”

“Jiahn, it’s fine,” Soyeon tried not to laugh; she expected this exact reaction from her best friend. “I don’t know that I would’ve been able to talk about it anyway...I’m glad I got some time…”

She looked down at her bare left hand, knowing her engagement ring was still sitting snugly in the zipper pocket of her purse.

She wasn’t quite ready to wear it yet.

“So he proposed to you in front of all those people?” Jiahn seemed to have relaxed now, but still looked like she felt guilty as she lowered her voice. “Or was it after the party?”

“It was during,” Soyeon sighed, tensing at the memory of just three days before. “Jiahn, it was awful. He got everyone’s attention and then it was like they all knew he was going to do it, like it was planned and they were all staring at me-”

“Holy shit…”

“-and then he got down on one knee and asked me, so of course, you know, I said yes-”

“Right, like you had a choice,” Jiahn said bitterly, glancing over at Soyeon and quickly softening the scowl on her face. “I mean- not that you would’ve said no- you know, I know you love him and-”

“I honestly don’t know what I would’ve said if we were alone.”

Soyeon hated admitting that out loud, but saying it to Jiahn was different from saying it to anyone else. She knew her friend was trying to cover her tracks, trying to be respectful of Soyeon’s feelings for Jinyoung no matter how much Jiahn disapproved, but Soyeon wasn’t sure what her feelings were anymore.

And that conclusion couldn’t have come at a worse time.

Jiahn stayed quiet as she opened the door of the coffee shop, both of them rushing in to get out of the biting chill of the winter morning. Soyeon had suggested they get coffee together before work, wanting to tell Jiahn the news in person and also wanting to hear about the whole Yugyeom thing. She had, of course, gotten a few texts from Jiahn, but as soon as they met up that morning, she had demanded to know the details. Then, Soyeon had to admit her engagement, and Jiahn had flipped her lid.

She wasn’t sure if her best friend was more upset about not knowing or how it had happened.

Jiahn knew Soyeon hated public proposals.

So why didn’t Jinyoung?

_Oh he knows...but a non-public proposal means he doesn’t have as much control over your answer_

“What are you gonna get?”

Jiahn’s simple question pulled her from her dark thoughts, and she shot her friend a tight smile before looking up at the menu.

“I might just get my usual caramel macchiato…” she said thoughtfully, looking at the menu before glancing over. “You?”

“Same thing, and I’m going to get an extra shot of espresso,” Jiahn told her, already inching towards the counter. “I don’t know what I’d do without caffeine…”

Soyeon giggled, letting her friend order first, while something was gnawing at the back of her mind. She watched the young barista come up to the counter, smiling brightly at Jiahn who gave a loud “Hello!” to him as he seemed to be unlocking the register.

The man was handsome, looking almost unreal as he greeted her back. He seemed smitten, eyes moving very quickly down her body while she looked up at the menu; Jiahn was probably totally aware of how good-looking this guy was and was trying to avoid looking at him directly.

“Um, okay, can I get the caramel macchiato, grande, please?”

Nothing made Jiahn happier than ordering coffee, and Soyeon watched as the guy laughed at her enthusiasm, eyes crinkling just slightly; he looked to be about 21-22.

_How does she always attract the young ones?_

“Oh, and, I’m sorry, can I get an extra shot of espresso?” Jiahn seemed embarrassed as she fished out her wallet from her purse. “It’s Monday, you know-”

The guy nodded in agreement, both of them laughing together as he watched her pull out her card. While his laugh seemed genuine, hers seemed rather nervous, and she almost dropped her card handing it over. He didn’t seem to notice though, taking it gently from her fingers.

_Ah, Mr. Young Barista, she is taken I’m sorry, and she’s preg-_

“Oh, Jiahn!”

Soyeon’s mind kicked into high gear and she suddenly realized what had been poking at her brain. She rushed to the counter, smiling apologetically at the barista- good god he was even more cute up close- and he stood with the card in mid-air, about to swipe it. His eyes darted between the two of them as Jiahn turned around, eyes wide.

“Wha-?”

“You can’t drink caffeine, remember?” Soyeon spoke as subtly as she could, not wanting to share Jiahn’s business with this young man if she didn’t have to.

“What do you mean I-?” it clicked, and Soyeon could practically see a light bulb flicker above Jiahn’s head as her smile immediately fell. “Oh…”

She looked so sad that Soyeon almost let her have it, but she knew it wouldn’t do her any good.

“Um,” Soyeon turned to look at the guy, who seemed thoroughly confused by their conversation. “Can we get that...decaf, maybe?”

“Oh, uh, sure…” the guy used his free hand to make adjustments on the register while Jiahn’s eyes somehow got even bigger.

“Decaf?” She choked out after a moment, finally able to speak. “Soyeon, I- I’ll just skip the espresso, but I can’t-”

“Jiahn-”

The barista paused again, wondering whether he should change it, and Soyeon shot him a quick smile and a nod, telling him to go ahead.

“You’ll just have to drink it, okay? I’m sorry…”

Jiahn opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, knowing she couldn’t argue. She looked completely dejected as she scooted to the side for Soyeon to order. The older glanced at her for a minute, trying not to laugh before coming up to the register.

“Hi, I’ll actually have the same thing, but not decaf, and I’ll skip the shot of espresso, please,” Soyeon smiled kindly at him, appreciating his utmost patience with their early morning drama.

His eyes darted to Jiahn, who looked pathetically sad as she waited, before turning back to Soyeon.

“Um, is this order together, or-?”

“Yes, I’ll pay.”

Jiahn seemed to come alive at that, head snapping to the side as she started to protest.

“No, Soyeon, you don’t-”

Soyeon ignored her entirely, handing the guy her card as he handed her Jiahn’s. She grinned playfully at her younger friend before grabbing her receipt. They moved to a table right by the counter so they could wait for their coffee, Jiahn collapsing into her chair with a sigh.

“I can’t believe I can’t drink coffee!” Jiahn’s was speaking normally, but it was still audible, the man sitting near them on his laptop raising an eyebrow at her. “Is there anything good that comes out of pregnancy?”

Soyeon snorted as she handed her best friend her card, a woman who had just walked in scowling at the back of Jiahn’s head. Thankfully the barista seemed to be scooping ice out of the cooler and didn’t hear what she said.

“You’ll be alright,” Soyeon told her with a roll of her eyes, still smiling. “I know it sucks, but you’ll get used to it, I doubt you need as much caffeine as you’re drinking anyway-”

“I would not be nearly as spunky and hilarious without caffeine,” Jiahn muttered, rubbing her temples. “I hate being pregnant.”

“Hey, at least you’re saying it out loud now, right?” Soyeon tried to be positive, poking Jiahn playfully on the forearm, and she smiled reluctantly.

“Yeah, yippee for-”

“Jiahn and Soyeon!”

The man’s call out of their names interrupted Jiahn’s sarcastic comment, and they both jumped from their seats.

“I’ll get them,” Soyeon told her, watching as Jiahn struggled with her second bag full of unedited articles as it slipped on her shoulder.

She made her way over, the barista already turning to wipe down his area. She glanced at the side of his face, noticing the slight pink on his cheeks as he actively avoided looking in their direction.

_So cute…_

Grabbing the coffees, she went back to their table, and Jiahn grinning at her before they made their way quickly out the door again.

“Okay, I hate the cold,” Jiahn put her hood over her head, the fur almost completely covering up her face. “Wanna move to Fiji?”

“Yes please,” Soyeon giggled. “Have some hot coffee, it’ll help.”

She lifted the cups up, moving them around in her hand to check which one was which. Her eyes widened when she saw a name and number written on one of the white cups, right beside the checkmark next to “decaf”.

“Oh my gosh, Jiahn!” she was excited, hurriedly turning the cup back around to show her best friend. “Look! He gave you his number!”

“Who?” Jiahn asked stupidly, moving her hood back a little so she could see. “That hot barista guy?!”

“Yes!” Soyeon tilted the cup to glance at it and read the name out loud. “‘Eun Woo’ it says!”

“No way…” Jiahn seemed legitimately shocked, taking the cup like it was made of glass as she stared at the name. “But why-?”

“Because you’re cute, funny and gorgeous,” Soyeon cut her friend off, not wanting to hear it. “That’s why.”

Jiahn looked like she was about to argue, but thought better of it, smiling in surprise before slowly taking a sip from the coffee.

“How do you think he’d feel if I told him I was knocked up?” She asked after a moment, already giggling at her own question. “Think he would still find me gorgeous?”

Soyeon laughed out loud, imagining the man’s facial expression.

“Yugyeom’s cuter than him anyway,” Jiahn grinned as she said it, and Soyeon pressed her lips together; she didn’t know if she agreed, but her best friend was so smitten it was adorable. “Ugh...You know, I had to tell Jackson I’m pregnant…”

“Oh God…” Soyeon cringed as she imagined Jackson’s reaction. “How did he take it?”

“He made a joke about me getting laid of course,” she couldn’t help but laugh as she answered. “Asked me who the lucky guy was and then told me to just let him know when I’ve got appointments.”

“Why is he the coolest boss ever?” Soyeon asked with a chuckle.

“No, he’s not that great, because he told Jiyoo,” she continued, throwing her hands up in the air and almost spilling her coffee. “She freaking texted me on Saturday and I guarantee you by the time we get to the office, the whole place will know...”

Soyeon felt sympathy for her best friend, watching her scowl as she drank her coffee. Jiahn was already a little emotional, but with the pregnancy, it seemed that had increased by quite a bit, and the stress of everything wasn’t helping matters.

“Are you going to tell Jackson about...you know…?” Jiahn hesitated, and Soyeon felt her heart skip a beat.

Right.

She was engaged to Jinyoung.

_You know Soyeon, normally people are happy about engagements_

She had been successfully distracted by Jiahn, chatting and getting coffee and not thinking about Jinyoung. Now her stomach was sinking all over again, heart sitting somewhere between her throat and her chest as she swallowed hard.

“I don’t want him telling Jiyoo,” she finally answered, looking down at her coffee cup with a sigh. “I don’t want everyone in the office to know...I haven’t even told my parents…”

Her voice was sad as she spoke, and Jiahn picked up on it, pushing her hood completely off her head a she turned to look at her.

“Soyeon…” Jiahn’s voice was gentle and hesitant, and Soyeon squeezed her cup a little harder. “Are you... _okay_ with this?”

Soyeon shut her eyes for a moment before slowly opening them, pulling on the collar of her shirt.

“You said you didn’t know what you’d say if you were alone…” Jiahn was treading dangerous waters and she knew; Soyeon recognized the care her best friend was putting into each word. “I...I mean, you know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do...right?”

She knew Jiahn was just trying to help, to be brave enough to be a good friend when it was easier to pretend this stuff wasn’t happening, but right now, Soyeon wanted to pretend. She didn’t want to face all this before she was even done with her macchiato.

Still, she realized that this conversation was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not. Either she needed to have this conversation with Jiahn now, while she was alone and drinking coffee, or she had to wait until her next inevitable mental breakdown over the whole thing.

Soyeon almost chose the latter.

“I know that,” she finally answered, her voice small. “I just...don’t know how I feel right now about...Jinyoung.”

Jiahn nodded, not looking as shocked as she probably should have by that information, and Soyeon felt a pang in her chest.

_Am I that obvious?_

“Soyeon…” Jiahn was speaking timidly again, and Soyeon braced herself for the next invasive question; they were really doing this weren’t they? “Why are you with him?”

The question sat heavy in the cold air between them, and Soyeon could see the younger fidgeting nervously with her coffee cup and coat pockets.

In a way, Soyeon clung to the question, almost wanting to answer it just to justify her feelings. Saying the reasons she loved Jinyoung out loud might remind her why she was going through all this for him, and make her feel better about the engagement.

Make it feel like it was worth it.

“When we first got together, things were very different,” Soyeon began with a sigh, and she saw Jiahn immediately turn to look at her. “You remember...he was absolutely perfect.”

“He treated you like royalty,” Jiahn said slowly, nodding. “I remember; the gifts, the flowers, all that…”

“And when I was with him, he was also so sweet-”

Soyeon continued, going back to a time when the “Forget Me Not” flowers- her favorite- would sit on her desk, fresh and smelling wonderful every week. Jinyoung was very good at remembering things like that.

“-We would go on dates, he would hold my hand and tell me how pretty he thought I was, and we could talk for hours about all sorts of things, intelligent things, because Jinyoung is so smart.”

Jiahn hummed in agreeance; there was no denying that.

“He read over my writing and always gave me praises, bought me books, took me to plays…” Soyeon trailed off, a lump in her throat as she shifted gears. “But then...he started to change.”

Both girls were quiet for a moment, listening only to the sound of their footsteps on the sidewalk.

“He started worrying too much,” Soyeon kept going after taking a deep breath. “He started to spend more and more time with me, seeming like he was almost scared if I was without him-”

She pulled on the collar of her shirt again.

“-But he was still sweet, and so I thought he was just being protective, and you know, I can deal with protective…”

Soyeon took a long drink of her macchiato.

“So when he asked me to move in, I felt lucky; he was successful, he seemed like he really cared about me, and I felt like we had a connection, you know?”

She could feel the tears prickling the corners of her eyes, and she saw Jiahn reach out, sliding her hand gently on her forearm before pulling away again.

“I know,” she said quietly. “You did have a connection, you weren’t wrong Soyeon…”

“But then things got really out of hand with his worrying,” she tried not to cry, biting her lip for a moment before continuing. “And Jinyoung slowly turned into you know...what he is. I didn’t- I thought he was just worried about me, like I was saying, I didn’t think he would get worse-”

Soyeon stopped, taking another deep breath.

“I’m staying with him because the Jinyoung I knew might still be in there,” her voice was barely above a whisper. “And we’ve been together for too long for me to just give up on him like that.”

Jiahn nodded slowly, taking a drink of her coffee as Soyeon brushed away the tears that had escaped from her eyes.

“Whatever you want to do, I’m here for you,” Jiahn told her, reaching out to lock her pinky with one of her hands. “Okay? You wanna get married? Let’s do this. You want to...think about it? I’ll be there so we can map it out like a business meeting. You want to pretend like nothing’s happening? I’ll be there with a bottle of wine and the Sims 4-”

Soyeon laughed, squeezing Jiahn’s pinky with her own.

“It’s going to be okay,” Jiahn told her gently. “Whatever you decide to do.”

Soyeon sniffed, nodding and happy she had her best friend in that moment; she was always grateful she had Jiahn in her life.

They were approaching the front doors of the office building, pinkies still locked as Jiahn pushed the door open.

“I knew you two were dating!”

Jackson’s voice came from right behind them, and they whipped around at the same time, watching the well-dressed man grinning playfully at both of them.

“You wish, Jackson,” Jiahn said with a roll of her eyes, both girls giggling as they untangled their fingers. “I thought you had meetings today?”

“I’ve gotta grab something from filing,” he grabbed the door, using his hand to push it open as they moved inside, Jackson right behind them. “I’m already running late, but they’re looking for our financial reports from two years ago-”

He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Anyway,” the shit-eating grin was back, and Jiahn and Soyeon exchanged nervous glances. “Don’t leave early today; I want to see everyone before they leave at 5, alright? Especially _you_ , Jiahn; we gotta talk.”

“Okay…” Soyeon answered slowly.

Jackson was already backing away, looking over his shoulder at the door for the stairs.

“I’ll see you guys then!” he told them before turning on his heel, practically running to the door.

“You’re not gonna tell us why? Why _especially_ me?!” Jiahn called after him.

He just gave her a thumbs up before disappearing behind the door.

“Why does he have to be so vague?” Jiahn asked with a shake of her head.

Soyeon giggled as they made their way to the elevators, hitting the up button and waiting for it to open.

“Guys! Hold the elevator door open for me!”

Jiyoo was running in at full speed, still somehow gorgeous with her hair flying behind her and flushed cheeks, holding a huge box with a bright smile on her face as she got closer. Jiahn did as she asked, holding her hand in front of the elevator doors after they walked in, Jiyoo screeching to halt when she joined them.

“Whoo!” She exclaimed, adjusting the box in her hands and almost dropping it. “Thanks guys!”

“Jiyoo, what is this?” Jiahn giggled, placing her hand under the box, saving it from clattering to the elevator floor. “It looks heavy…”

“It’s from Youngjae!” Soyeon watched the girl’s eyes light up at his name, and she stifled a laugh. “It’s a water cooler for my desk so I can stay hydrated!”

“What?” Jiahn finally removed her hand as Jiyoo seemed to have a better grip on the box. “We have a water cooler in the breakroom…”

“Yeah but it doesn’t make the water as cold as I like it,” Jiyoo sighed, looking down at the box. “I’ll have to ask today if Shownu can fix it since-”

_OH MY GOD_

Soyeon felt like someone had cut the elevator cords and they were descending at top speed down to the basement. She knew Jiyoo was talking, knew Jiahn was glancing nervously at her out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn’t hear anything but the pounding of her own heart.

Shownu was coming back today.

How was it that she somehow forgot? She had been staring at her calendar for so many hours sometimes at work that the blocks would actually be etched into her retinas when she closed her eyes, and yet somehow she had forgotten.

_I mean, you had a lot going on this weekend, Soyeon..._

Still, now she was unprepared.

“-that water is really good for you, and I totally agree of course,” Jiyoo was completely unaware of Jiahn’s uneasy side glances at Soyeon. “He’s so smart, honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve him…”

Jiahn rolled her eyes with a smile while Jiyoo wasn’t looking as the elevator doors opened wide. Soyeon was almost afraid to take a step, feeling a little weak, but she forced herself to do so, following behind Jiahn.

“What kind of coffee did you guys get?”

Jiyoo led the way inside, smiling at both of them as she looked over her shoulder.

“Oh just caramel macchiatos,” Jiahn took the conversation wheel, probably knowing Soyeon was incapable of any words as she tried to catch her breath. “Mine’s decaf…”

_Is Shownu here now? We’re kind of early, maybe I have some time..._

Jiahn was opening the door so Jiyoo could get inside, and Jaebum was walking right by, wrinkling his nose at them.

“Decaf?” He asked, looking confused as Jiyoo walked right past him to their little cubicle, setting down her cooler. “What’s the point of coffee if you’re gonna get decaf?”

Soyeon was finally getting her equilibrium back, the initial shock of what she had forgotten ebbing just slightly as she glanced at Jiahn. To her horror, her best friend looked down at her coffee, the corners of her mouth pulling down into a shaky frown; a tell tale sign that Jiahn was about to cry.

Jiyoo saw it too, slamming her hand on her water cooler box as she flipped her hair and looked at Jaebum.

“How could say something so heartless?” Her voice was louder than normal, and Jaebum’s eyes widened in alarm. “She can’t have regular coffee, she’s pregnant-”

Soyeon felt like if this was a sitcom, the entire audience would’ve gasped as Jiyoo let the cat completely out of the bag.

_Well...if Jaebum didn’t know before, he sure does now..._

Jiahn’s shoulders slumped as Jaebum turned to look at her, mouth dropping open.

“You’re pregnant?”

“You don’t know what people are going through!” Jiyoo was still in a rage, cheeks pink as she scowled at the man. “You don’t know their situations! You can’t just make rude comments like that! What if she were allergic to caffeine?!”

Jiahn ran a hand down her face, turning away from Jaebum to put her stuff on her desk. Soyeon caught a glimpse of her face, spotting a few stray tears running down her cheeks.

She looked more angry than sad, maybe even a little embarrassed.

“I-” he must’ve seen the same thing, looking uncomfortable as he took a few hesitant steps towards their cubicle, ignoring Jiyoo’s glares as he looked at Jiahn. “I didn’t know, Jiahn, uh-”

Jiahn just shook her head, not looking up, and Soyeon realized she should probably step in.

“Uh, it’s fine, she’s fine,” Jaebum turned to look at her, Jiahn glancing at her as well with a silent thank you with her red eyes. “Maybe you could get some chocolate...from the break room?”

Jiahn was smiling now despite her distress, and Soyeon felt a little better knowing she could cheer up her best friend; these hormonal imbalances with random crying for silly reasons were gonna be the death of both of them.

“Uh…” for once, Jaebum didn’t look like he wanted to argue, seeming like he welcomed an excuse to get out of “angry-estrogen” zone. “Yeah, I’ll...be back...”

“You need to get her the biggest one we have in there,” Jiyoo snapped at him, hands on her hips as her eyes followed his movement. “Shame on you…”

Jiahn snorted with laughter despite her tears as Jaebum hurried away, and Soyeon pressed her lips together, turning to a still-steaming Jiyoo.

“Hey, Jiyoo, let’s take a walk, alright?” Soyeon motioned for her to follow her to her desk. “I wanted to ask your opinion on one of my articles anyway.”

“You want my opinion?”

It was like she hadn’t ever been angry, her eyes lighting up as she smiled brightly at Soyeon.

“Of course,” the older replied sweetly as Jiyoo quickly made her way out of the cubicle, following Soyeon as she began to walk. “I hope you like it.”

She was trying to save her best friend, knowing if Jiyoo would’ve stayed, she would’ve been overbearing to the point of suffocating, making sure Jiahn was okay. Plus, Jiyoo was a distraction, and Soyeon could really, really use a distraction right now.

They walked around Heonie and Hyungwon’s desks, both men focused on their tasks for once in their lives, and Soyeon couldn’t help but glance over at Shownu’s office. The door was closed, light still off, and she wondered how she would handle it once he got there.

_Should I say hi? Can I do it?_

“OH MY GOSH!”

Soyeon was just entering her cubicle, jumping a foot in the air at Jiyoo’s exclamation.

“What?!” She asked in alarm, looking around before turning to face the girl.

“Soyeon, I forgot- oh my gosh, I can’t believe I forgot!” Her eyes were bright with excitement as she moved into Soyeon’s cubicle. “Your engagement!”

Jiyoo was beaming at her, hands covering her mouth as if trying to suppress a giggle as Soyeon stared at her for a beat too long. She knew she should say something, but she felt like she couldn’t move.

_How did she know?_

“Youngjae told me about it!”

It was like Jiyoo had read her mind, sitting on the edge of Soyeon’s desk as she continued.

“He works for the catering company Jinyoung used- isn’t Youngjae so fancy?- and he was there for the whole thing!”

Soyeon wracked her brain, trying to remember a recognizable face in the catering crew, but she was drawing a blank. She realized that, even though she had heard about Youngjae, she’d never actually seen him.

Just her luck.

“I went to his house on Saturday, you know, just to visit-” Jiyoo winked at her as she put emphasis on the last word, and if it would’ve been any other situation, Soyeon probably would’ve laughed. “-and when I got there, Bam was just sitting on the couch all sad. I asked Youngjae what was wrong with him, you know, ‘cause usually Bam is so nice and super hyper and stuff! So that’s when Youngjae told me you got engaged on Friday and Bam wasn’t taking it well...did you know he liked you like that?!”

Soyeon was finally unfreezing from her initial surprise, setting her coffee down before turning back to Jiyoo.

“I had my suspicions-“

It was true; Bam always seemed pretty excited when she was around, but she had always thought it might just be his puppy-like personality.

“-but Jiyoo, who all did you tell?”

The younger didn’t seem to pick up on Soyeon’s anxious tone, smile turning playfully guilty as she ran her hand through her hair.

“I know it’s your news, don’t be mad, but I couldn’t help but tell a few people in the office-”

Soyeon could feel her stomach twisting into tight knots at her words, heart racing a little in her chest.

“I came in early to organize Jackson’s papers for his meetings today, you know, since he’s finally talking to me again,” she continued with a huff. “And then he came in and was just talking to me, like we used to, and so I just had to tell him, I mean we all just adore you and we’re so happy for you-”

Maybe the girl did pick up on Soyeon’s anxiety; she sounded a bit nervous as she spoke.

“-so then of course, Haeun walked in without knocking and heard the whole thing-”

Soyeon groaned internally; the gossip queen.

_Fantastic_

“-but I made them swear,” Jiyoo’s voice got louder as she stood up from the desk. “-they wouldn’t say a word to anyone! Jackson said he-”

But Soyeon wasn’t listening anymore.

Shownu was standing in front of his office door, camera bag slung over his shoulder, hair a little disheveled, digging his keys out of his pocket. It was like she had blinders on, everything around her fading into blackness as she stared directly at him.

He was putting his key in the lock when he seemed to feel her eyes on him, and he looked up, finally meeting her gaze.

Soyeon was hit with so many emotions, it was actually hard for her to differentiate between all of them. Her heart was racing, like she had just run a mile, and the knots in her stomach were slowly easing up, replaced with butterflies that had her almost leaning over from their intensity.

Warmth, that was the next thing she could feel, like Shownu was the sun and she was a lot colder than she realized, blanketed in happiness she couldn’t explain. The way he was looking at her, a gentle smile pulling at the corners of his lips and a brightness in his eyes that hadn’t been there just seconds before, almost took her breath away.

Shownu lifted his hand, waving slightly at her and she waved back, laughing a little at the cute gesture, and she heard his soft chuckle, like his voice was the only one in the office. He was staring at her again, smile still on his face and she could feel her cheeks burning red as she looked back.

He finally turned away, and Soyeon felt herself exhaling, not even realizing how tense she was. Pushing the door open, he walked inside, leaving it cracked behind him and disappearing into his office.

“-don’t think it’ll be anything to worry about, to be honest, I’ll talk to him.”

Even though it felt to Soyeon like time had actually stopped moving, it hadn’t at all; Jiyoo had been talking the entire time, and she hadn’t heard a word of it.

“Uh, thanks Jiyoo,” Soyeon was trying to remain calm, a little alarmed by her reaction to seeing Shownu again.

_Nothing happened, he just waved at you! What is going on?_

“Do you think Jae actually gave Jiahn the candy bar?” Jiyoo asked curiously, so oblivious to any emotions Soyeon was having.

“Maybe you should check,” Soyeon said, trying to keep her voice steady as Jiyoo looked over her shoulder. “Just to make sure…”

“Good idea,” Jiyoo winked at her, making her way out of the cubicle.

She stopped before she made it all the way out, a bright smile on her face.

“Congratulations again, Soyeon!” She said sweetly, gripping the wall of the cubicle. “You’re going to be so happy with Jinyoung.”

“Yeah,” Soyeon turned away, eyes glazing over as she stared down at her desk, “I should be…”

 

**_4:45pm_ **

It was almost time to go home, and Soyeon had had nothing but hot tea to drink and a couple chocolate squares to eat all day. Her headphones had been in since the moment Jiyoo had left her cubicle, tuning out the world as she tried in vain to actually concentrate.

But Soyeon’s thoughts were far away from celebrating Christmas and various traditions.

It seemed all she could think about was Shownu.

Stupid, stupid Shownu.

_He’s not the only one who’s stupid_

She couldn’t believe that she had actually convinced herself that it was just Shownu’s hotness that had her feeling how she did about him. That somehow, with the distance, she had been delusional enough to believe that once he came back, things would be easier somehow, and that her feelings were just short-lived.

You never believed that.

Well, she had wanted to.

Soyeon turned to stare at her purse; she had yet to take out the ring and slip it on her finger. Every time she put it on it felt heavy, and she knew exactly why.

“I...I mean, you know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do...right?”

Jiahn’s words from earlier echoed in her mind, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

Did she really have a choice?

What would happen, if she told Jinyoung she needed time to think about it? If she told him she thought they were rushing into things? If she asked him if he felt the tension that had been slowly building in their relationship? The difficulties that had arisen and the space she had been subconsciously putting between them?

_I’m pretty sure he’s completely aware of that, Soyeon_

“Hey.”

She whipped around in her chair, heart already jumping in surprise at his familiar voice.

Shownu’s voice.

_Okay, Soyeon, seriously, you-_

“Hey,” she smiled, her eyes on his handsome face as he leaned on the doorway of her cubicle.

They just looked at each other for a moment, both laughing at the tension as neither of them knew what to say. Soyeon felt a fluttering in her stomach; she had missed his laugh so much.

She had missed him so much.

“So how was your trip?” Soyeon asked, trying to fight back the feelings for Shownu that were stronger than she had expected, gripping on to something normal. “Was it fun?”

“Uh,” he rubbed the back of his neck, a light chuckle slipping through his lips before answering. “Boring...actually. I wish I would’ve been at work.”

“Really?” She giggled at his answer, already feeling the slight bit of awkwardness dissipating; it was always like that. “Oh come on, it couldn’t have been that bad…”

“No, really,” Shownu dropped his hand, messing with the rolled up sleeves of his shirt. “I don’t think-”

“ATTENTION ENTERTAINMENT ENQUIRER EMPLOYEES!”

Both Shownu and Soyeon exchanged shocked expressions before turning their heads towards the source of the noise. It was clearly Jackson’s voice, and Soyeon hopped from her chair, following close behind Shownu as they walked around Heonie and Hyungwon’s cubicles.

The two men were sitting in their chairs, smiling at Jackson, who was standing in the centerspace of the office with a green glass bottle in his hand. Shownu looked over his shoulder at Soyeon as she moved to stand next to them, both looking a little confused.

“Jackson, what’s going on?” Jiyoo asked with a laugh, standing up as Jiahn mimicked her. “Why are you yelling?”

“I know I’ve been gone all day, but I didn’t forget everything we need to celebrate this week,” he grinned at all of them, most still looking a little confused.

Soyeon felt her stomach flip nervously.

Jackson knows about the engagement.

Still, he wouldn’t tell everyone right? Jiyoo said she made him swear not to tell.

_Wasn’t she going to say something about Jackson though?_

She couldn’t remember; she had been distracted by Shownu.

Go figure.

“What, that we survived a Monday?” Jiahn teased, pulling her headphones out of her ears. “Are we celebrating you giving us a paid week off?”

“I’m down,” Heonie looked pumped, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and Hyungwon chuckled under his breath, rolling his eyes at the man.

“Absolutely-” Jackson paused. “Not.”

A few of them laughed.

“First off, Happy New Year team, I’m going to say it early since we all have the day off tomorrow-”

Heonie and Jiyoo whooped excitedly.

“Second off, I just want to welcome back my favorite man in the office, Shownu!”

Everyone clapped except Heonie, who looked deeply offended by Jackson’s comment; Jaebum just rolled his eyes and Hyungwon didn’t even look like he heard it.

“Hey!” Heonie snapped. “I-”

“Shownu, buddy, it’s good to have you back,” Jackson spoke over the other, walking towards Shownu with a bright smile. “It’s been weird without you.”

“Thanks…” Shownu looked embarrassed, smiling at Jackson before turning to look at everyone, eyes stopping on Soyeon. “I missed you…”

There was a pause, and it felt like Soyeon’s heart stopped, her eyes never leaving his.

_Did he just-?_

“All of you.”

Shownu tore his eyes away from her, and she swallowed hard, trying to remain normal while her face burned bright red.

_Dammit, stupid blushing…_

“We missed you too, dude,” Jackson’s eyes darted between the two of them, face thoughtful before he turned away.

Soyeon glanced sideways at Shownu just as he was looking at her, and they both quickly turned away.

She noticed the faintest of pinks on Shownu’s cheeks.

Ugh.

She hated how cute he was.

_Why is he doing this to me?_

“Another thing to celebrate-“ Jackson made his way over to Jiahn, who looked embarrassed as he threw his arm around her shoulder. “Is miss copy editor over here-“

“Oh God, Jackson, please don’t-“

She buried her face in her hands, and Soyeon felt sorry for her best friend.

Geez, Jackson, maybe she doesn’t want the whole world to know just yet...

He didn’t look even remotely affected by her reaction, shaking her a bit with a smile before turning back to everyone.

“-is pregnant!”

Jiyoo immediately squealed, jumping up as if she had been holding the reaction in all this time.

“Oh my gosh, Jiahn, the baby is going to be so cute!”

“Thanks,” Jiahn’s voice was muffled by her hands, and Jackson laughed.

Soyeon wondered if she was going to need to talk to Jackson later about this- how embarrassing for Jiahn!- but stopped when she saw Jackson gently removing her hands from her face.

Jiahn’s face was bright red, eyes on her feet, but she was totally smiling.

“I told you it wouldn’t be that bad!” Jackson exclaimed, still grinning at her as he let go of her hands. “It’s easier for me to tell them than you, I know you-”

“Still, did you have to bring the grape juice?” Jiahn was giggling, motioning towards the bottle in his free hand. “Everyone could’ve had champagne, I’m fine without it-”

Soyeon raised her eyebrows in surprise.

 _So Jiahn and Jackson discussed this? He_ did _say he wanted to talk to her..._

Jiahn seemed unsurprised by Jackson’s announcement, laughing as her blush faded, Jiyoo talking her ear off about planning a baby shower.

“No man gets left behind at this office!” Jackson took his arm from her shoulders, thumping his chest with his hand. “We all-”

“Uh woman,” Hyungwon interrupted, smirking. “Jiahn’s not a man.”

“Thank you, Hyungwon,” Jackson’s scowled a little in the taller’s direction. “Anyway, you guys are driving soon, so grape juice will have to do.”

“I’ll get the cups!” Heonie announced. “Haeun, wanna help?”

It was the first time Soyeon had even noticed the girl, leaned against the wall right next to Jaebum’s office, Jaebum himself standing in the doorway. Haeun looked surprised, glancing around before looking over at him.

“You wanna come help us, Jae?” she asked, voice sickly sweet like it always was when she talked to him.

“No,” Jae answered her flatly, not even glancing in her direction. “I think you guys got it.”

Soyeon pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh as Haeun huffed, Heonie moving out of his cubicle. Soyeon had to step to her right, her arm bumping into Shownu’s as Heonie moved by.

“Sorry,” she muttered, smiling up at Shownu and he returned it, but didn’t move away from her.

Soyeon swallowed hard, unable to find the will to move her body; to take a step back to where she was originally standing. His arm against hers was warm- even though it was light and both of their arms were clothed- and sent a jolt through her body as if electrocuted. There was her damn heart again, thumping hard in her chest as she faced forward, avoiding his eyes. She almost jumped when she felt his fingers brush ever so gently against hers. She froze where she stood, letting her fingers curl just slightly into his.

Soyeon glanced sideways at him, and saw the height of his cheek bones; he was definitely smiling.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Jackson called after Heonie and Haeun, and Soyeon could hear them stopping behind her. “I’m not done yet guys.”

Soyeon’s already racing heart stuttered for an entirely different reason as she stared at Jackson. To her horror, he was looking right at her, grinning from ear to ear as he walked forward.

_No, no, no…_

She glanced at Shownu again, not really seeing him before taking a step away, their hands slipping away from each other.

Soyeon spotted him turning to look at her out of the corner of his eye, and she pressed her lips together, unable to meet his gaze.

“Our hot _Soyeon-ie_ over here-” Jackson’s grin was mischievous as he pointed at her. “-is officially off the market.”

A beat of silence followed his words, Soyeon’s shoulders slumping on impulse as she stared at her feet. There was a sharp pull on her chest as she avoided everyone’s eyes, face burning once again.

_Why Jackson? Why in front of Shownu…?!_

Someone cleared their throat behind her, and she was surprised by Jaebum’s voice.

“Um, isn’t she already with that one guy? Jinyoung?”

She cringed at his name, wondering if Jackson would just look at her and let it go.

“Yes, but-”

_Why did I ever say Jackson was a good boss? He’s horrible, a terrible person-_

“Soyeon got engaged this weekend.”

Jiyoo’s shout of excitement was barely heard over the ringing in Soyeon’s ears. She felt her whole body tighten, tension coming off of her in waves as she tried to breathe.

_Act normal, Soyeon, you have to keep it together_

She forced herself to look up, locking eyes with Jiahn across the room. Her best friend looked angry, mouth open as she stared at the back of Jackson’s head. Soyeon gave a small, short shake of her head, telling her to leave it; it was too late to take it back now.

She could feel Shownu’s eyes on her, and she tried to avoid them as best she could. Still, the pull of them and her need to see his reaction was too strong. She turned to him, and her stomach immediately sank.

She wished she hadn’t.

The first evident emotion on Shownu’s face was shock; his smile was gone, mouth slightly open, the corners of his lips pulling down. His eyebrows were raised, a crease in his forehead that gave away the sadness she was sure he wasn’t meaning to show her.

The worst part though, was his eyes.

Shownu had always had expressive eyes, and this situation was no different, tearing at Soyeon’s heart so terribly she thought she might double-over from the intensity of it. She could see pain, pure, unadulterated pain in his brown orbs, as if she had betrayed him.

She felt like she had in a weird way, like they were together, and she had cheated on him and _why_ did she feel this way?!

“ _Now_ I can go get the cups!”

Heonie’s exclamation behind her made her jump, and suddenly everyone’s voice in the room was at full volume again.

“-pop it open like champagne, can we do that?” Jackson had moved to Jiyoo, a gentle smile on his face as he watched her unwrapping the foil off the top.

“That’s not how it works,” he told her with a chuckle, taking it slowly from her hands. “We just twist it off like this, see?”

Soyeon glanced at Jiahn, who was making her way around Jackson, watching Soyeon with a hesitant expression. Her eyes darted to Shownu, and Soyeon wondered if Jiahn could see everything that she could see.

“So where’s the ring?”

Haeun was standing on her left side, making Soyeon jump in surprise again. She automatically looked down at her empty left hand again.

“Uh-”

She couldn’t help it- she looked at Shownu again, and his eyes were on her hand as well. He glanced up at her, eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion, his eyes questioning as she quickly turned away.

_I can’t do this right now_

“Freaking Soyeon-” Jiahn was laughing, looking at her friend affectionately as she turned to a surprised Haeun. “-forgot her ring at home! Jinyoung called her and everything-”

 _Nice touch, Jiahn, Jinyoung would_ definitely _call me if I left it behind_

“-but she’s not used to it yet so,” Jiahn shrugged, locking eyes with Soyeon for just a moment before turning back to Haeun. “Shit happens.”

Haeun smirked, moving to hand Jiahn and Soyeon cups before moving to stand in front of Shownu.

He shook his head as she held the cup up, and Soyeon looked at him again despite knowing she shouldn’t, and saw him looking at his feet, swallowing hard.

Shownu was refusing to look at her now, but she did not miss the despair on his face.

It was still very much there.

“Bet it’s huge,” Haeun said with a snort, nodding towards Soyeon’s hand, making Jiahn scowl.

“Bet it’s none your business,” she snapped back, and Soyeon’s eyes widened.

_DAMN JIAHN AND THESE PREGNANCY HORMONES_

Her best friend was usually a spitfire, but-

Jaebum walked up right at that moment with his own stack of plastic cups, chuckling lightly at Jiahn’s comeback. Haeun’s eyes darted to him before they narrowed, turning back to Jiahn.

“ _What_?” She asked, tone nasty as moved her hair from her shoulder. “I’m just _saying_ , Jinyoung’s rich so-”

Jiahn opened her mouth, to say something else, but Jae put a hand on her shoulder, and she turned around in surprise to see who it was.

“Haeun, uh-” He took his hand from Jiahn’s shoulder as quickly as he had put it there, pointing behind his back with his thumb. “Maybe we could pass out some….chocolate...too?”

Soyeon and Haeun were both staring at the man like he had two heads, while Jiahn’s jaw dropped open.

Jaebum was not a mediator and he _never_ asked Haeun to do _anything_ with him.

“Oh, um, y-yeah,” Haeun seemed to be recovering, moving past Jiahn without even glancing at her. “Good idea, Jae, you’re...so _thoughtful_ …”

He walked beside her, not sparing Soyeon or Jiahn a second glance before walking away.

“Uh…” Jiahn began.

There was the sound of a door shutting, and both of them turned to see Shownu’s back, keys jingling as he locked his office.

_When had he gone in there?_

It was like her brain was so desperate for a distraction, so adamant on not facing Shownu and reality in general, that she clung to any minute thing that could take her away from it.

He walked right past both of them, lips pressed together as he adjusted his camera bag on his shoulder. Soyeon watched him, seeing if he would look at her, a pain in her chest when she realized he wasn’t looking back.

That he didn’t _want_ to look back.

“Hey Jackson, is it cool if I get out of here early?” Shownu’s back was to her now, and Jackson looked up as he finished pouring Jiyoo’s grape juice.

“Yeah sure, it’s almost five anyway.”

Jackson shrugged, and Shownu nodded slightly at him, making his way to the office door.

No one noticed the catch in Shownu’s voice as he asked Jackson to leave. No one saw the way his shoulders fell as he walked towards the door, looking at his feet, something he never normally did.

No one noticed the way Shownu’s hand hesitated, frozen on the door knob, or the way he turned around, eyes finding Soyeon like they always did in the sea of chatting, happy people.

No one saw the anguish on his face, the hurt in his eyes or the pain in his expression as he locked eyes with her for just a second.

But Soyeon did.

And as Shownu finally turned away, opening the door and leaving quickly as if dying to get out, Soyeon felt her throat constrict, hot tears burning the corners of her eyes before she could stop them. She looked at the ceiling, hoping no one was watching her as she tried to keep her composure.

 _I’m sorry, Shownu_ , she thought to herself, pressing her lips together as she stared at the door once more. _I’m so so sorry…_

 

** Jiahn: **

_**January 4, 2019, 6:00pm** _

Jiahn was pacing her apartment, nervously biting on her thumbnail as she listened to the ringing of her phone on the other end.

“Dr. Jamee’s office, this is Kaylee speaking!”

Jiahn jumped, almost dropping the phone as she adjusted it on her ear.

“Oh! Hi!” She took her thumb from her mouth, running a hand through her hair. “Um, hi, sorry, um-”

“Are you okay sweetie?” Kaylee asked, sounding genuinely concerned, and Jiahn willed herself to take a deep breath.

Dammit Jiahn, you’re just making a freaking doctor’s appointment, GET IT TOGETHER

“Oh, yes!” Jiahn laughed nervously. “Thank you, I’m just- I’m p-pregnant, and I think I need to make an appointment?”

She cringed, squeezing her eyes shut.

_Could you be any more lame?_

“Oh well that’s wonderful dear!” Kaylee sounded more enthusiastic than Jiahn thought she could ever get about pregnancy. “Congratulations!”

“Ha! Thanks…” Jiahn smiled; this lady sounded a lot like her grandma and it was oddly comforting. “It’s my first time, I’m not sure how this really...works…”

She wondered why she had never been prepared for this kind of thing. Why, somehow, she had made it to her mid-20s and didn’t know a thing about baby stuff. Even Soyeon had known more than her, and usually they were in the same boat when it came to this kind of thing.

Her best friend had been the one pushing her for a couple weeks now to make an appointment. So finally, after coming to grips with the fact that she was indeed pregnant, she had found someone online who had Saturday hours. The doctor seemed nice and her picture was pretty, so she was going to give it a shot.

“Well, you’ve called the right place!” Kaylee told her cheerfully, and Jiahn laughed despite herself. “We’re gonna start with the basics; how far along are you?”

Jiahn stopped pacing, looking down at her stomach.

“Um…”

“Do you know about when the baby was conceived?”

She cringed, looking up to stare at her unmade bed, remembering exactly when this...baby was conceived.

“Er...November 23rd, I think…”

_There’s no denying it was November 23rd, Jiahn_

She willed her brain to shut up.

“Okay, so you’re about six weeks along, good, good…” she sounded like she was typing something into the computer while Jiahn stared down at her stomach again.

_I’ve been pregnant for six weeks?!_

“Well, just in case you were wondering, your baby is the size of a blueberry!” Kaylee told her happily. “We’ll need to schedule your first visit and ultrasound, which will be a bit long because we’ve got a lot to go over.”

Jiahn was still staring down at her stomach, lifting her shirt to look at the bare skin underneath.

_A blueberry?_

“What time of the day or day of the week works best for you, dear?”

“O-Oh right, uh…” Jiahn let go of her shirt, letting it fall into place as she shook her head a bit.

_Focus_

She went over her work schedule, making an appointment for the following week, and gave Kaylee her email so she could get all the paperwork she would need to fill out. She felt accomplished, hanging up the phone with a smile on her face, collapsing onto the couch.

She was aware of how her whole body flung harshly into the cushions, sitting up a little straighter as she looked at her stomach again.

“Did that hurt?” She asked out loud. “Does it hurt when I do crazy stuff like that? I know I’m kind of reckless sometimes...”

Jiahn couldn’t believe she was sitting here talking to her own stomach, that there was something in there.

_The size of a blueberry…_

Her stomach didn’t look any different- no one would ever know from the outside that she was pregnant- and yet she felt like she was coming to terms with the fact that something was indeed inside of her. She tentatively put her hand there, feeling super awkward as she did it.

“This is weird, little dude, I’m not gonna lie,” she said, looking down and laughing at how ridiculous she felt. “You’re a blueberry, did you know that? Like the chick from Willy Wonka! I mean, you haven’t seen that movie yet but...I’ll show it to you.”

She giggled again.

“Like that would be the first movie I’d show you, yeah right...” she ran both hands through her hair as she leaned back, staring at her small DVD collection sitting next to her TV. “Your first movie should be the Titanic...it’s a little long, we can take breaks if you need it, you know, to eat and stuff…”

She stared at her ceiling thoughtfully, eyebrows furrowing.

“Uh, how often do y’all eat?” she asked, looking back down at her stomach. “...Anyway, Jack and Rose, their love story can be annoying, but it’s intense, you know? Mommy will teach you all about th-”

She froze, frowning a little as she sat up straight.

_Mommy?_

There was a knock on her door, and she stood up quickly, becoming more and more aware of how often she jerked her body around in sudden movements.

“Sorry,” she whispered, looking down again before walking at a reasonable pace to the door.

She pulled it open, Yugyeom standing on the other side with both of his hands in his hair as he was leaned over, trying to fix it.

“Hey!” She greeted him brightly, and he straightened quickly, taking his hands from his hair, and leaving it a little messy.

“Hey!” He laughed, eyes moving down her body for just a second. “You answered so fast…”

She turned around, biting her lip as she quickly locked the door before facing him again.

“I’m just excited,” she told him with a shrug, then realized how...honest that was. “I mean…”

“Don’t worry, me too.”

Yugyeom took her hand, giving her a one-sided grin before pulling her slightly down the hallway.

“How do you feel about shopping?”

_**6:45pm** _

“I thought you told me you weren’t much of a shopper?”

Yugyeom was laughing, letting her practically drag him along to the bookstore that was straight ahead, multi-colored Christmas lights lining its windows that they hadn’t taken down yet.

Jiahn had thought their next date would be awkward, with the whole pregnancy bomb being dropped and all. But surprisingly, after some small talk and jokes she couldn’t help making, the tension had slowly dissipated.

“It’s different with bookstores,” Jiahn was giggling as they approached the front door. “I thought it would be like, clothes shopping or something...”

“What?” Yugyeom asked in disbelief. “Why would I take you on a date to go clothes shopping?”

“I’ve had weirder dates,” she answered, glancing over at him, hand on the door knob. “Do you like bookstores?”

“Yeah, actually,” he told her with a shy grin. “I like to read.”

She felt her heart flutter a bit, shaking her head with a surprised chuckle.

“Of course you do.”

She twisted the knob, pushing open the door, and her eyes immediately lit up as she looked around.

Yugyeom had decided to take her to a small shopping district across town. It wasn’t like ones Jiahn usually went to, with department stores galore, and buildings three to four stories tall. This was a small business district, with every little building looking like houses that were attached together.

The bookstore was no different, a mom-and-pop shop, smelling of cedar wood and warmer than it probably needed to be inside. There was a staircase to their left, leading to a loft that they could see a bit of by looking up. Straight ahead were bookshelves of all heights and widths, small hand-written signs telling you which genre was which.

“Okay,” Jiahn turned to Yugyeom, who was looking around with bright eyes. “What’s your favorite kind of book?”

“You pick,” he told her, lifting their held hands to point straight ahead. “You’ll know better than me.”

Jiahn immediately pulled him towards the back, eyes on the sign marking the “Mystery” section.

“How do you know, though?” she teased, turning back to grin at him. “I could’ve read, like, one book in my life.”

“You’re a copy editor,” Yugyeom laughed. “That wouldn’t make any sense.”

_Touche, Yugyeom_

Jiahn spent the next ten minutes showing the man every mystery book she had ever read, coming across new ones that she got caught up reading the synopsis’ on. He started catching onto her style- psychological thrillers with a dash of romance, bonus if they are supernatural- and let go of her hand to start looking with her.

“Hey, what about this one?” Yugyeom was in a different row of bookshelves, and she hurried over to him, putting down the James Patterson book she had been inspecting.

She rounded the corner, spotting him on the side opposite of her, standing in the middle of the aisle as he looked down at the book he was holding. His hair hung in his face just slightly, and he seemed concentrated as he opened it to the first page.

_Yah, why is he so goddamn handsome?_

She swallowed, walking towards him and bumping her arm against his.

“Which one is this?” She asked him.

He looked up at her, immediately smiling as he closed the book, flipping it over so she could read the back.

“It seems pretty cool,” He told her as Jiahn took the book. “It’s a cool concept.”

“‘The Doppelganger’,” Jiahn read out loud, immediately smiling as she looked back up at him. “I’ve read this one. You’ve got good taste; it’s completely underrated and pretty good.”

“Really?”

She handed it back to him as he turned it over in his hands again.

“Are you going to get it?” She asked curiously.

“Nah,” he shook his head, placing it back on the shelf. “Maybe another time.”

“Want to look upstairs?” Jiahn wiggled her eyebrows playfully at him, making him laugh.

“What’s up there?” He was already taking her hand before she lead the way again, the cashier behind the register giving them a small smile as they passed.

“I don’t know, but it looked pretty cool.”

Jiahn was pulling him up the staircase now, both of them laughing a lot more than they really should be just going up the stairs. It wasn’t busy in the bookstore at all, and so when they made it to the top, it was completely empty.

“Wow,” they both breathed at the same time.

Jiahn was definitely not wrong about it being cool.

The loft was the kids section as she had suspected, and there were half-size book shelves in a semi-circle around a large rug that took up a majority of the wood floor. The rug was a large world-map, and each book-shelf had a letter of the alphabet painted on it, stuffed to the brim with picture books. The ceilings were higher than they looked, paper-made tree branches covering up its surface complete with green paper leaves. It was dark except the white string-lights they had somehow they had threaded throughout the branches, giving it a warm and beautiful glow.

“This is amazing,” Jiahn whispered, feeling odd speaking at full volume in such a sacred place. “I want my whole house to look like this.”

“It’s like a treehouse,” Yugyeom agreed, both of them walking together onto the rug and looking down at the shelves. “This is so cool…”

She yanked gently on his arm, giggling as she moved to sit down.

“Come sit with me,” she was cross-legged now, her butt hitting the floor and forcing him to lean down with her grip on his arm.

Yugyeom smiled, immediately coming to sit next to her, both of them scooting until their backs hit one of the bookshelves. Jiahn grabbed a few plush pillows that were thrown on the floor to use as backrests before they were leaning against them, sighing simultaneously as they looked up at the lights.

Jiahn felt nervous suddenly, like she wasn’t sure if she could lay her head on his shoulder or not, even though she wanted to.

_You guys literally fell asleep together naked in your bed, Jiahn. I think you can lay your head on his shoulder_

She scowled at her own crude thoughts, looking over to see him still staring up at the lights, exposing the smooth expanse of his neck. She wasn’t sure how someone could be completely adorable, yet completely sexy at the same time, but Yugyeom had somehow accomplished this, and she felt her stomach fill with unexpected butterflies.

Scooting over tentatively, her arm pressed against his, and he immediately looked down at her. He smiled as they locked eyes and she smiled too, swallowing nervously before laying her head very gently on his shoulder.

She heard him chuckle before resting his cheek on top of her head just as gently. Jiahn closed her eyes automatically, willing her racing heart to calm down.

_You’ve got it bad, Jiahn_

“How are you?” Yugyeom asked, voice just above a whisper. “With the whole…”

He trailed off, and Jiahn pressed her lips together to keep from smiling.

“We’re not supposed to talk about that, remember?” she teased, turning to look up at him, forcing him to lift his head.

He looked down at her, grinning guiltily and making her laugh as she rested her head back on his shoulder.

“Right,” he said, laying his cheek back in her hair. “Sorry. I forgot…”

“Everything’s fine,” she answered him, no longer able to suppress her smile. “Nothing to report...pretty boring actually.”

He chuckled at that and they fell into another comfortable silence.

“Talk to me,” she said after a moment, barely recognizing her own voice it was so quiet. “I’m always talking...I wanna know more about you…”

Another soft laugh from him.

“What do you wanna know?”

She thought for a moment, trying to ignore how comfortable she felt with him like this.

It was sort of freaking her out.

“What’s your favorite color?” she asked, despite knowing it was lame.

“Black and yellow,” he answered instantly.

“What?” Jiahn giggled at his unexpected answer. “Like a bumblebee?”

They both laughed at that, Yugyeom resting a little more completely on her head.

“Yeah like a bumblebee, I guess,” he said softly. “I like both colors...I don’t know why but... I think they’re cool.”

_Why is he so interesting?_

They were silent again, Jiahn too relaxed to even come up with another question to ask him. She could feel her body getting tired again, cursing this whole pregnancy thing.

“You tired?” Yugyeom asked after a moment, reaching his hand out slowly and grabbing hers.

_How did he know?_

“A little,” she admitted. “But I’m fine, seriously. We should probably get up though…I could sleep here…”

It was true; between Yugyeom’s comforting scent and the low-lighting, Jiahn really could fall asleep in that bookstore. She had found over the past few weeks, that the key to getting her energy back with this baby in her, was to find something to get energetic about.

And she wasn’t about to turn into an old lady on this date.

“Alright,” Yugyeom laughed as she lifted her head off his shoulder, standing up first.

He held his hand out for her to take, and she smiled up at him as he pulled her up, landing with a bounce on her feet.

“Come on,” she giggled, an idea popping into her head that had her grinning from ear to ear. “Let’s see if they have a music store.”

They were stomping down the stairs, a youthful excitement exuding from both of them as they practically ran out the door.

“Thanks for coming in!” The cashier called.

“Thank you!” They yelled over their shoulders simultaneously, laughing as the door swung closed behind them.

Jiahn stopped, bouncing on the balls of her feet with Yugyeom right next to her, both shivering a little in the cold and scanning the row of little shops on each side of them. They looked like gingerbread houses, all decorated with Christmas lights and dusted with white snow. The streets were fairly empty, everyone inside to keep warm. She was about to give up, her shivering getting more intense despite Yugyeom’s warm hand in hers, when she spotted a sign with bright red music notes splayed across its surface.

“Music!” Jiahn called loudly, Yugyeom laughing as she pulled him along.

It wasn’t hard for him to keep up with her- his legs were ridiculously long- but he stumbled a bit as she practically ran, filled with energy like she had wanted. She loved music stores; just the atmosphere of them was cool enough for her.

She hurriedly pushed the door open, and it was evident that they were burning incense in there. The store was a wide open space, large wooden crates on platforms holding records and CD’s in alphabetical order. Posters of different individual musicians and bands filled every surface of the walls, making the area seem smaller than it really was.

With the light piano music playing on the speakers, living room lamps the only source of light, and plush armchairs put in random places throughout the area, the store was very homey.

“Look!” Yugyeom pointed straight ahead, and Jiahn stood on her tiptoes to see a white grand piano sitting in the very back corner of the building.

“Do you play?” Jiahn dropped back onto her feet, looking up at him curiously.

“Yeah, a little bit,” he replied with a tentative smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

_Of course he does...DAMMIT JIAHN, HOW DID YOU FIND THIS MAN?!_

“Do you want to look at it?” she asked him, returning his smile as she wiggled her fingers against his in their clasped hands.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

He squeezed her hand, leading the way as they weaved in between all the crates. Yugyeom let go as both of them sat together on the piano bench. They just stared at it for a minute; it was so shiny and glossy, like it had been polished an hour before they sat down, and Jiahn couldn’t help but reach out and touch it.

The key was just as slick as she thought it would be, and she pressed down on a few more keys, messing around as she played an impromptu “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”.

“You play too?” Yugyeom asked, eyes widening in surprise as he turned to look at her.

“I mean, I know _how_ to play,” Jiahn felt a little embarrassed, immediately taking her hands from the piano. “I’m not very good though-”

“I’m sure you’re fine,” his voice was gentle, and she felt her stomach twist into small knots. “Play for me?”

She could feel him looking at her, and she turned to face him, unable to help the nervous laugh that slipped from her lips as they locked eyes.

There was no way Jiahn was going to deny his request with the way he was looking at her, like she was the only girl he’d ever seen or something.

She could feel her heart racing in her chest.

“Y-Yeah, I’ve got one I like to play sometimes…”

He scooted over, making room for her to sit in the middle as she placed her shaky hands on the piano. She played her memorized piece- a simplified version of Fur Elise- gaining confidence the farther she got into the song. By the time she got to the ending notes, she was smiling, pressing her fingers on the final notes with a flourish and turning to look at Yugyeom.

He clapped immediately, and she shoved him playfully.

“Oh my god, stop,” she giggled, hardly recognizing her voice; was it always this girly? “I’m not that great.”

“It sounded good to me,” Yugyeom shrugged, sitting straight again after her shove. “Want me to play?”

She nodded enthusiastically, and he laughed before he was moving to the center of the piano bench, Jiahn making room for him. He played a quick but beautiful piece, and she swallowed hard as she looked at him, eyes darting from the side of his face to his fingers on the piano. He seemed to be enjoying himself, a slight smile pulling on his lips as he played, leaning into the music just slightly and moving his hands to accompany the faster piece.

When it ended, Jiahn stood up to clap, making Yugyeom laugh as he slowly took his fingers from the piano.

“Wow,” she told him enthusiastically, beyond impressed. “Our kid is going to be a musical genius.”

The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she pressed her lips together on instinct as she watched him get up from the piano bench. He turned to look at her, a teasing grin on his face that had her backtracking quickly.

“Right, right, right,” she put her hands up, shaking them around to emphasize her point. “Not talking about that…”

“It’s okay, Jiahn-”

“Wanna go look somewhere else?”

It was suddenly hot in the music store, stifling really, and Jiahn needed some air, embarrassed beyond comprehension by what she had just said.

_Baby life. Dating life. Baby life. Dating life, Jiahn! Keep them separate..._

They walked out together in silence, and even though she knew Yugyeom told her it was okay, she felt like it wasn’t.

Jiahn didn’t want to mess this up.

“So,” she began as they made their way outside, the cold air hitting the skin of her face sharply. “When did you start playing the piano?”

“I’ve been playing since I was a kid,” Yugyeom answered quickly, and it was like he knew she needed to talk; like he knew she was regretting her slip-up and just needed to move along. “I took lessons for most of my life until I got to college.”

“Really?” Jiahn was distracted by that, envious of the man as they walked along the deserted sidewalks. “My mom only let me do lessons for six months! That is really cool, did you do any competitions?”

“A few,” he nodded, smiling at her enthusiasm. “I didn’t win anything though...”

Something caught Jiahn’s eye, a pair of sunglasses in a window of one of the shops, the lenses in the shape of suns. They were placed on a mannequin head, a large pirate hat on top, complete with a gigantic feather.

“Wow!” she exclaimed, stopping to step closer and seeing her wide-eyed reflection in the window. “Wanna go inside?”

“Yeah sure,” Yugyeom followed her line of vision, eyebrows raising as he too, looked at the display. “Is that a pirate hat?”

“Yes,” Jiahn grinned, hand already twisting the doorknob to the shop. “Yes it is.”

A bell rang above their heads, announcing their arrival to the nearly empty store. The building was similar to the bookstore, a set of stairs leading up to a loft, one cashier’s desk at the front that was currently empty, and a large display of sunglasses on the ground floor.

Jiahn was looking up above at the loft, spotting another almost identical pirate hat on display, and immediately turned to Yugyeom. He had been checking out the loft as well, tearing his eyes away when he spotted her staring. They both laughed before making an unspoken decision to head up the stairs.

When they got to the top, she noticed how much higher the ceilings were compared to the bookstore. The walls were filled with built-in mahogany bookshelves, hats of all shapes and sizes on display. There were a few coat stands as well that sat in the open space, holding more traditional hats like bowlers and fedoras.

She made a beeline straight for the pirate hat, yanking it off the shelf and putting it on her head.

“Do I look like I’m going to steal your treasure?” she asked playfully, whipping around to look at him.

He laughed out loud, and she glanced in a full length mirror to her left, realizing how ridiculous she looked. She grabbed it off her head as he walked closer, whacking him on the arm with it, and making him jump back with more giggles.

“Don’t make fun of me,” she pouted, handing him the hat. “You put it on, let’s see how great _you_ look.”

She was being sarcastic of course, but when he put the hat on his head, he looked a lot more handsome than she had anticipated. Sort of like a lanky, but attractive, Zorro. He looked in the mirror as she looked with him, and she rolled her eyes, pulling the hat off his head.

“Of course you look great in it,” she muttered, unable to hide her smile as Yugyeom chuckled behind her.

Jiahn put the hat back, fluffing the large feather on top of it. She turned around, watching Yugyeom walk around one of the hat displays, trying to figure out what he wanted to try on next. He was super hot, and it distracted her a bit, but she realized that beyond a physical level-

 _Though there’s a lot to explore there_ , she reminded herself.

-there was still so much she didn’t know about the man as a person. She couldn’t believe she’d had sex with the guy and just found out his favorite color that day.

_I mean usually you don’t stay with your one night stand, Jiahn…_

“So...,” Jiahn ignored her thoughts, watching Yugyeom look up at her with widened eyes. “Can I ask you some questions? Maybe we could get to know each other a little bit better than we already do…?”

Her cheeks were suddenly burning at the playful smirk on his face, and she realized how that sounded as he looked at his feet.

_Damn us two and our stupid perverted minds_

“You know what I mean!” She giggled, unable to suppress her laughter as she watched him let out a small chuckle. “I want to know more about you, you know? Like, okay, what do you like to do besides read and play the piano? And obviously dance...”

“I like plays,” Yugyeom told her with a shrug, picking up a fedora and checking it out. “Movies...I’ll watch any movie, really. What about you?”

He placed the hat on his head, and she immediately smiled.

Not his best look.

“Um,” she tried not to giggle as he quickly looked in the mirror, laughing lightly at his reflection. “I like plays too, musicals in general. I like to play video games, and I like some movies, my favorite’s the Titanic-”

“The Titanic?” Yugyeom turned around to look at her, smiling in surprise. “Really?”

“It’s a great movie!” She protested, snatching the fedora out of his hand and trying it on, cringing at her reflection. “I love it! It’s a classic!”

“Okay, okay,” he put his hands up in surrender, but his shaky voice as he tried to keep in his laughter gave him away completely. “I’ll watch it with you some time.”

Jiahn felt her stomach flip a little at the sweet gesture, annoyed that even the simplest promises of a “next time” got her excited.

“Okay, it’s your turn…” she reminded him, putting the fedora on the hook and moving back to the shelves in the wall. “What do you want to know about me?”

Yugyeom hummed thoughtfully as Jiahn scanned the different hats on display.

“What’s your favorite season?” He asked as she pulled a large, billowy sunhat off the shelf.

“The in-between seasons,” she answered immediately, turning around to look at him with the hat in her hands. “I love spring, and I love autumn. It’s the perfect temperature, the outside is always super pretty, and it’s a break from the extreme temperatures of winter and summer.”

Yugyeom nodded, watching as she pulled the sunhat tight over her head. She looked up, unable to see due to the flaps in the hat sitting in front of her eyes.

“How do I look?” Jiahn asked excitedly, only able to see his feet as he walked forward.

“I can’t see you,” he laughed, and she watched him stand right in front of her before lifting the flaps of the hat back.

She looked up as he moved it out of her face, smiling down at her. She exhaled nervously, a shy grin coming before she could stop it as she bit her lip.

_Ugh so cute, I can’t…_

“So, I _shouldn’t_ buy it?” She joked, making him scoff with a shake of his head.

“You’re already clumsy enough,” he told her, letting go of the flaps. “I don’t think we need to add to it.”

“Yah!” she ripped the hat off her head, throwing it to the ground as she scowled at him the best she could, despite not actually being mad. “We aren’t close enough yet for you to make fun of me like that!”

“We’re not?” He was giving her a one-sided grin, and she swore every time he did it, she died a little inside.

Today was no exception.

“No,” she was only half-heartedly arguing, moving to the first hat she spotted on the display between them and taking it. “Here, try this on.”

He took it with a dark chuckle, and she hated him for it, knowing her cheeks were probably bright red.

_Stupid Yugyeom…I don’t even blush..._

The hat was a top hat, and when he put it on, it made him look taller than he already was. She giggled, shaking her head as he quickly took it off, looking down at it in his hands. She spotted the snapbacks, her eyes falling on a bright white one with gray accents.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, running over to them and grabbing it, immediately walking back towards Yugyeom. “Try this on.”

He didn’t hesitate, tossing the top hat to the floor before pulling the new snapback on his head. Looking up at her he grinned, turning his head slightly to the side.

“Does it look good?” He asked, unable to see in the mirror from the angle he was at.

“Uh…”

It looked good, too good really, and she swallowed as a slight smirk started to creep on his face again.

“Sexy, honestly…”

_Honesty’s the best policy, right?_

He laughed softly, pulling it off his head and placing it on hers. She looked down at her feet, embarrassed again as she turned the hat sideways.

“Do I look like a rapper?” she asked, trying to ease the static tension that had bloomed unexpectedly at her comment.

“Let me see.”

She looked up at him automatically, and he smiled, reaching out to turn the hat backwards on her head. He took a few steps closer with the movement, and she could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“Hmm,” the hum was deep in his throat and Jiahn wondered why she had even noticed that in the first place, her heart starting to pick up speed in her chest. “I could see it...actually…”

His hands were still on her hat, and he slowly slid them down, fingers running gently through the strands of her hair. She couldn’t look away from him, suddenly wanting to kiss him more than anything else. She took a quick step forward, closing the little distance between them, watching him lean slowly toward her face-

“Hey guys, you still up there? I’m about to close up!”

They jumped apart instantly, Jiahn ripping the hat from her head as she tried not to laugh.

“Yes sir!” Yugyeom called, leaning down to pick up some of the hats they had dropped.

“So sorry!” Jiahn spoke in the direction of the loft railing. “We’ll be out of your hair in just a moment!”

The shop owner grunted something neither of them could hear, and they worked quickly and silently, putting all the hats away. Without a second glance, they hurried down the stairs, yelling a quick “Bye, thank you!” before heading out on the sidewalks outside once more.

They both let out the laughter they had been holding in, and they looked at each other as they finally calmed down, both breathing heavily as they walked.

“Any more questions?” Yugyeom asked, still smiling brightly.

“Okay, so we have to be honest in these questions,” Jiahn told him with a sense of importance, trying to keep a straight face. “What do you like more, cats or dogs?”

“And I have to be honest?” Yugyeom repeated, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Yes.”

“Um…” he glanced nervously at her before facing forward. “Dogs.”

“What!” Jiahn exclaimed. “How could you say that?!”

She was teasing of course, and he laughed as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I had to be honest!” Yugyeom told her. “Dogs are nicer! And easier to train…”

“But cats are so _fluffy_ ,” Jiahn frowned pathetically, making the man chuckle again.

“I guess I don’t need to ask what you would pick.”

“Mr. Floofs is the light of my life,” Jiahn told him, smiling at the thought of her kitty. “Our love knows no bounds.”

He was laughing again, shaking his head as they walked past a bar at the end of the street.

“Want to grab a drink?” he asked, slowing down and nodding towards the front door. “We could make it quick…”

“I…” Jiahn hesitated, smiling and cringing at the same time. “Can’t...remember?”

“Oh!” Yugyeom’s eyes widened in realization, and he hit his forehead with his hand. “Right, sorry…”

She giggled, taking the hand he had just used and threading her fingers through his.

“Don’t worry, I would’ve said no anyway...work tomorrow, you know?”

Jiahn swung their hands back and forth a little, turning to smile at him.

“Want to keep asking questions?”

_**10:00pm** _

Jiahn ignored the hardness of the wall that was pressing uncomfortably into her back, too focused on her fingers that were currently threading through Yugyeom’s hair. She gripped it at the roots, using it to turn his head just slightly to the side as his lips pressed hard against hers.

She was starting to wonder if her apartment door was a new aphrodisiac, like chocolate-covered strawberries or oysters or something.

They had continued asking questions for the whole walk to her apartment, finding out each other’s favorite animals, best and worst dates they ever had, what kind of students they were in school and who they voted had the best Korean fried chicken.

But then the questions had gotten flirty (Jiahn _may_ have asked him in a mostly-joking but also kind-of-serious-and-vulnerable moment if he actually liked her...) and by the time they had gotten into the elevators, Yugyeom had snuck a quick kiss on her lips when she wasn’t looking. It was supposed to be cute, but Jiahn had been craving it all night, and ended up turning around to kiss him a little harder, only interrupted when the bell dinged, and the doors opened up on her floor.

Next thing she knew, she was attempting to say goodbye, her back just centimeters from the wall as she held both his hands in hers. They had grinned at each other, and she couldn’t help put pull him closer, telling herself she would just go in for a hug.

But obviously Jiahn wasn’t being honest with herself, because the second her back had hit the wall and Yugyeom was so close, she hadn’t been able to resist, wrapping her arms around his neck as she brought him down to continue their activities from the elevator.

Jiahn let her hands wander from his hair, caressing the sides of his neck before sliding down to grip his broad shoulders. One of his forearms was leaned on the wall for leverage to her right, the other hand trailing through her hair and down her arm in a way that had delicious shivers running down her spine. She couldn’t breathe, everything just a little too intoxicating and she broke the rhythm of their lips that was picking up speed, inhaling sharply.

Her breath came in shaky as her hands loosened their grip, playing with the fabric of his shirt. Yugyeom sounded out of breath as well, immediately resting his forehead on top of hers as she attempted to talk.

“Okay, new question,” she whispered, letting her hands trail down his upper arms. “Do you wish you could come inside?”

_Wow, Jiahn, really?_

She couldn’t resist, her lust overpowering any shame she should probably have as she waited for his answer. Their “be honest” rule had been in tact all night, and she knew he was very aware of that.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Yugyeom answered with a trembling laugh, and it sent an electric shock through Jiahn every time she realized she was not the only one affected by this.

“Me too…”

Jiahn let her fingers curl into his shirt a little tighter, wondering if she could just pull him in her apartment. Just unlock the door, take him into her bedroom like she had fantasized about since the night they met and relieve a little bit of the stress she had been under lately.

_Mr. Floofs will probably meow your ear off until you feed him...you can just shut the bedroom door…_

“Should we?” she swallowed hard after asking, voice so quiet she wondered if Yugyeom actually heard her.

Her heart was hammering in her chest as she looked up at him, suddenly feeling very warm in that apartment hallway. She wanted it _bad_ , more than she realized until the offer was out there, and she felt Yugyeom lean in closer to her.

Jiahn let her eyes slip closed as he pressed a slow kiss to her lips, turning his head to deepen it again. They both hummed simultaneously, and she felt her stomach flip as she pulled him a little closer by the shirt.

Was this his answer? Were they doing this? Was she finally going to-?

“Ah, Jiahn…” Yugyeom breathed, breaking their kiss and speaking with their lips just centimeters apart. “Why are you doing this to me?”

She rubbed her nose against his, pressing her lips to his for half a second before pulling back again.

“Doing what?” she asked innocently. “You don’t wanna come in?”

She knew now that he did, and she loved to tease, wondering how much he would let her do that tonight-

“I _do_ , I just-” there was a soft, frustrated growl that slipped from his throat before he spoke again. “I promised Bam I’d look at his stupid video game tonight with him, and then I’ve got an early morning class to teach at work…”

_Work_

Right, it was a weeknight, and Jiahn still had articles sitting on her kitchen counter to edit. She sighed, knowing he was right and wondering how she, at five years older than him, was being told that they had to stay responsible.

Maybe the age difference wasn’t as crazy she thought.

“No you’re right,” she let go of his shirt, caressing his shoulders before brushing his hair gently from his face. “We shouldn’t...we should probably take it you know... _slow_ anyway…”

_Who’s idea was that again?_

Neither of them moved, Yugyeom letting his hand wander down the side of her face before his fingers were back in the strands of her hair, absentmindedly playing with it. He was still close, too close, and Jiahn leaned up to press her lips chastely against his on instinct.

He kissed her back just as softly, and then she was turning her head all over again, moving her mouth almost lazily against, wondering if she had ever actually craved someone this much before…

There was a loud scratching on the inside of her apartment right by the front door.

_MEOW...MEOW…_

Jiahn groaned, taking her lips from Yugyeom’s as she let her head hit the back of the wall in frustration.

“Wow, he knows we’re out here?” Yugyeom laughed as he turned to look at the door.

“Of course,” Jiahn replied with a roll of her eyes. “When he’s hungry, Mr. Floofs turns into a freaking superpowered animal. He knows when someone is here to feed him.”

He chuckled again and Jiahn exhaled loudly, knowing they needed to say goodbye or they would be doing this dance all night.

She could only say no so many times.

“I guess I should go inside…” she said, the disappointment in her voice too obvious to miss.

Yugyeom immediately stepped backward, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he smiled sadly at her.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “I _would_ , I-”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jiahn cut him off with a shake of her head and a reassuring smile. “You’re the responsible one…somehow. I’m five years older than you!”

Yugyeom laughed at that, smirking a little as he looked at her through his lashes.

“Yeah, _Noona_ , how come you’re less responsible than me?”

_Why! Oh my god, Yugyeom, are you trying to kill me?!_

“I gotta go...”

She hurriedly dug into her purse as he laughed behind her, trying to hide her suddenly hot face. When she found her keys she snuck a peek at him, seeing that playful, one-sided grin on his face as he watched her.

“Yugyeom!” she exclaimed, embarrassed and wondering what she had just unintentionally started. “Stop!”

“Okay, okay, _Noona_ , I’m sorry…”

She smacked a hand to her forehead, feeling more affected by the nickname than she should.

“ _Goodbye_ , Yugyeom,” Jiahn said pointedly, making him laugh out loud as he stood up a little straighter.

“Goodbye, Jiahn,” he was being good again, giving her a sincere smile.

“I’ll see you next week?” She asked, biting her lip.

“Yeah,” he nodded, taking a few steps backward. “Next week…”

She waved at him and he waved back, hesitating before finally turning around. After she thought he was out of earshot, she exhaled loudly, letting her forehead fall against the door as she unlocked it.

_Who the hell invented responsibility?_

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Mentions of cheating and sexual encounters

 

** Soyeon: **

_**January 9, 2019, 6:00pm** _

“What days are you going to be home this week for dinner?”

It was a simple enough question, and Soyeon supposed that with normal couples, the words wouldn’t have quite so much toxicity. But she knew that her relationship was different, and that her answer to this question was guaranteed to get a rise out of Jinyoung.

They went through this almost every Wednesday.

“I’m honestly not sure…”

Jinyoung had made it a tradition that every Wednesday, after the two of them got off work, they would go grocery shopping together. When the man made a commitment he stuck to it, and so every Wednesday, Soyeon was forced to go with him and watch every female employee smile at him bright enough to light up the whole store. She got to watch them slip him early discounts as he thanked them with a sneaky smile and wink, charming the pants off of them (literally) so he could get money off groceries he could clearly afford.

But there was nothing worse, in Soyeon’s opinion, than being asked the same question every single Wednesday of her life.

If she was going to be home for dinner.

As if her life was truly just a nine to five like Jinyoung’s was, and she never had meetings or anything to do at dinner time.

“What do you mean you’re not sure? It’s after Christmas now...”

Jinyoung’s tone wasn’t angry yet, just mildly annoyed, as he turned to look at her, pushing the cart along.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything…” she was tentative as she spoke, knowing this was sensitive territory; every word was important. “We’ve got New Years Resolution articles and then meetings regarding the theme of the magazine for next year…”

“You’re entertainment right?” the man’s tone was bordering on mockery as he gave her a small smirk. “What theme could you guys have? Entertaining people?”

“That’s not-” she sighed, not even bothering to explain as she turned away from his handsome face. “Either way, I have to attend the meetings, so…”

“It’s absolutely ridiculous that they even give you a set shift.”

Jinyoung was shifting gears, turning into “Businessman who’s giving an important presentation” as they made their way through the produce section.

“They say come in at 8 and you leave at 5, give you a salary, not hourly, and expect you to work overtime, free of charge.”

Soyeon pinched the bridge of her nose, lagging behind so she was just barely out of his view; she did not want to deal with this today.

“It’s not ‘free of charge’, Jinyoung, they log it when I ask them to-”

“There are times that you don’t ask them to?”

He stopped, ripping off a plastic produce bag as he began inspecting the red apples in front of them. The man wasn’t looking at her, but he didn’t have to; Soyeon knew the expression that was on his face.

She knew he was frustrated.

“When I take longer than anticipated on an article, or I don’t get the work completed that’s expected of me…” she began slowly, trying to keep any bite out of her tone. “I don’t log it. It’s not fair to them to pay me overtime for something I was too distracted to complete-”

“So what are you doing all day?” Jinyoung finally tore his eyes away from the apple in his hand, dropping it with the three others he had already bagged. “What is making it so that you can’t get your work done?”

_Shownu_

It was not something she wanted to admit out loud; she could barely admit it to herself.

And yet, it was completely true.

It had been a week now, since Shownu had found out about her engagement. Since he had walked out on their office celebration, fooling everyone but her as he got out of there as quickly as he could. The memory of the look on his face caused pain to shoot through her chest everytime, the image even sneaking into her dreams a couple nights that following week.

He had always been a distraction- with their flirty banter, innocent touches, and constant jokes- but that was nothing compared to how it was now. She couldn’t think about anything, her mind a million miles away, finger weighed down by the engagement she didn’t want as she tried desperately to type up her articles. Her heart hurt every time she got a two sentence email from Shownu, practical and straight to the point since they were working together again.

He was avoiding her, and it was destroying her from the inside out.

And by the way that Jinyoung was looking at her, raising an inquisitive eyebrow, his dark eyes piercing into hers, like he could read her…

Well, it was almost like he _knew_.

“I don’t know what’s distracting me,” she finally answered, running a hand through her hair as she took the apple bag from his grasp, needing something to do with her hands. “I think I’m just all over the place with the holidays and you know...everything else…”

Soyeon hoped talking about the engagement might help ease the pregnant pause that had followed his question. She hoped Jinyoung would take the bait, satisfied that she was talking about it, because she honestly _hadn’t_ been, and the man had not hesitated on pointing it out.

“Hmm…” his calculative stare was always so intimidating, and he looked thoughtful as he pushed the cart along, expecting her to follow.

And she did.

Like always.

They were in the dry foods now, and she knew the man had his eyes set on the “Organic” aisles of the grocery store. She was not against this- Soyeon felt eating healthy was important- but there were a few things she considered her guilty pleasures that she wanted, _needed_ to pick up.

She turned to her right, spotting the cookie aisle and smiling immediately; her favorite ones were in plain view, her chosen brand of ginger snaps, and it looked like they were on sale-

“You’re not getting those cookies again, are you?”

Soyeon stopped short, turning around to see Jinyoung smiling teasingly at her. It would’ve been cute if she thought it was actually a joke.

“They’re on sale,” she told him, but she could feel her shoulders sinking; she knew what he was going to say.

“Do you need those?” he asked, tone _reasonable_ , like he cared as he turned his head slightly to the side. “You know those really aren’t good for you at all…”

Soyeon supposed that some girls would feel lucky to have a man like Jinyoung; he would be a lifesaver when it came to sticking to a diet. But she wasn’t interested in dieting- her body was fine, and obviously Jinyoung felt the same way, so why did he have to do this every time?

Still, she suppressed the anger that was ready to boil over, exhaling sharply as she made her way back to join him. There was no good argument for buying cookies, and Jinyoung was not a “guilty pleasure” kind of man.

She would just have to make a private trip back on another day.

They made it to the organic aisle, Jinyoung talking about different meals they could try putting together as he stacked things very meticulously into the cart. She listened half-heartedly with glazed over eyes, trying not to space out too much as she nodded at the appropriate moments.

It seemed every time she was with Jinyoung, it was like this now.

Ever since that fateful night with Shownu- that stupid, masochistic, amazing, _sexy_ night with Shownu- Soyeon had felt a hard shift in her feelings for Jinyoung.

Their relationship had been getting rocky as soon as she had moved in with the man, if she was being honest, but she always thought it was just them getting used to one another. She hadn’t expected the problems to get worse, the fights to grow in number, the suffocation of Jinyoung to surround her like a thick fog she couldn’t wave away as more and more time had gone by.

Soyeon had gotten in too deep, a burier, _not_ a facer, simply ignoring the dense atmosphere around her as she pretended it wasn’t there. As long as she could see, she told herself, as long as there was still warmth and love there as she held tight to Jinyoung’s hand, she would be alright.

The Jinyoung she had met would still be there.

But then, on the night of the masquerade party, she had let go. Soyeon had let go of his hand in anger at yet another fight between the two of them. The warmth wasn’t there, and before she could wait for the fog to clear, she was searching again, with shots of Soju and the air of mystery that came with a masquerade party and the darkness of the club.

She hadn’t meant to grab someone else’s hand, she just hadn’t been able to see.

And once she realized it was Shownu’s, the man who was always there to give her unexpected light in the darkness, she found she couldn’t control her fingers any longer.

She couldn’t get herself to let go.

Soyeon didn’t have a free hand anymore, _both_ hands grasping his like an unintentional lifeline.

It was dangerous, and scary, and Soyeon was burying it all again, picking up the shovel she relied on so heavily in her life, hoping if she dug a hole big enough, she could drop Shownu into it. She could let go of his hand- his _engaged_ hand- and get back to the way things were.

With him gone for a month, she had almost succeeded, almost deluded herself into thinking that Shownu was a phase, until Jinyoung had proposed.

All the while, she thought holding Jinyoung’s hand and letting go of Shownu would be the answer. But with Jinyoung’s hand in hers again, bringing a diamond ring with it, the ice was back, the numb and the cold, taking away the fire that just Shownu’s fingertips brought to her skin.

Soyeon had to put down the shovel; she was the rope now in a game of tug of war, stuck in a battle of fire and ice as she had each hand in one of theirs.

And she knew damn well who’s hand she wanted to let go of.

“Alright, I’m going to run to the restroom,” Jinyoung handed her his list, giving her one of his charming smiles he was so good at. “Think you could grab the bread for me?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you in the bakery.”

She returned his smile, fingers trembling a little at her thoughts as she grabbed the shopping cart. He nodded at her, turning on his heel and heading down the aisle towards the front of the store.

It was like Soyeon didn’t know there was tension until Jinyoung was gone, and she felt a weight lift off her shoulders as she sighed. Staring down the aisle long after he rounded the corner, she finally shook her head a bit, snapping herself out of her own thoughts and heading to the bakery.

Soyeon was walking back down the main aisle, slowing down as her eyes found the cookie section again.

_I’m getting my cookies_

She made an executive decision, parking the cart at one of the endcaps for the aisle before making her way to the ginger snaps. She picked the bag up, smiling down at it before figuring she might as well pick up some chips while she was there- the healthy ones Jinyoung liked so much to maybe lessen the blow of her cookie decision.

Heading to the other end of the aisle, she turned the corner, only to run smack into a warm body, almost falling backwards on their impact.

“Whoa, oh my gosh!”

Strong hands gripped her upper arms to keep her from falling, and her heart skipped a beat as she immediately recognized that voice. His fingers stayed on one of her arms as he leaned over, using his free hand to pick up her bag of cookies before standing up straight again to face her.

“I am so sor-”

She looked up, swallowing at Shownu’s face so close to hers, watching his eyes widen as he realized who she was.

“Soyeon,” he let go as if burned, taking a large step back and immediately scratching the back of his neck.

“Hey Shownu…”

She tried smiling at him, and he gave her a quick, half-hearted grimace before his eyes were darting elsewhere.

It was the most they had said to each other since the announcement of her engagement.

“I uh, I haven’t seen you much this week…” she knew it was lame, but she could already see the way he was looking over his shoulder, like he was in a hurry.

Like he wanted to leave.

“Oh yeah, you know…” his hand had never left his neck, now sliding up to fidget with the hair on the back of his head. “Just a lot of catching up to do…”

Soyeon couldn’t handle how uncomfortable he looked, like they weren’t even friends, and she looked away, eyes on the bag of cookies tucked underneath his arm.

She could feel a lump in her throat, like she wanted to cry, and she hated it. This wasn’t Shownu, this wasn’t her…

_This isn’t us…_

“Well, I’ve got to, uh…”

She looked up at him again, his eyes seeming to accidentally lock with hers. She watched him swallow hard, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder as he took a small step backwards.

“I’ve got to go cook dinner…”

Shownu was never really great at lying to her, and this was no different, as he bit his lip at the clear awkward tension between them.

Soyeon felt like she was choking, just the way he had stepped back sending her heart into a panicked frenzy. She pulled absentmindedly on the collar of her shirt, trying to breathe normally, feeling like a rubber band had tightened around her windpipe.

Shownu was leaving because he didn’t want to be near her right now. The thought alone had the corners of her eyes prickling with tears.

Shownu _always_ wanted to be near her.

She knew it was the engagement. She knew that ever since that stupid party, things had changed, a barrier had broken that neither of them had time to address. And now they were here, stuck in this black, emotional hole where Shownu was trying to get away and Soyeon wanted anything but for him to go.

“Shownu-”

He was taking another step away from her and she grabbed his forearm on instinct.

_Don’t go, please…_

“-the engagement-”

She didn’t know why she was saying it, the word that they had unspokenly deemed forbidden, right there in the middle of the grocery store. He pulled his arm from her hands, eyes widening as he took another step back and she looked from her empty hands to his face.

It was back again, the pain that had haunted her dreams. The betrayal, the hurt, the sadness that was prominent on every feature of his face.

“-I didn’t know…” her voice broke on the last word, hands dropping to her sides. “I didn’t know he was going to do that...”

Her voice was barely above above a whisper as she spoke, eyes never leaving his as she pleaded with him to believe her.

“It was at his Christmas party, in front of everyone, he s-surprised me-”

Shownu could see it, the way she was falling apart at the seams. He could see the way the corners of her lips were pulling down into a shaky frown, the step she took forward, needing to be closer. He could hear the trembling in her voice and the slight sniffle as tears filled her eyes before she could stop them.

She watched his eyes soften as he looked at her, his eyebrows raise in slight surprise as he reached out just slightly. His voice was gentle as he spoke, swallowing hard.

“Soyeon-”

“There you are!”

Soyeon felt her whole body go rigid, knowing exactly who that was, pushing her abandoned cart down the aisle.

“You left the cart out there,” his tone was teasing, playful, and so _not_ the way he had been with her all night as he approached.

“Jinyoung,” it was all she could manage, smiling weakly at him as she glanced back at Shownu, who was looking wearily between the two of them.

“Ah,” Jinyoung turned to look at Shownu, smiling politely at him before looking down at Soyeon. “Who’s this?”

“Oh-”

Soyeon felt like she was waking up from a dream, shaking her head just slightly as she forced a giggle for good effect.

“-right, well, this is Shownu...he’s my photography partner.”

She had to work to say his name naturally, not let her voice catch as she motioned towards him. Shownu was on his best behavior, smiling politely at Jinyoung and holding out his hand to shake.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you,” Shownu said, Jinyoung taking his hand and shaking, grip a little firmer than necessary. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you as well…”

While Shownu’s comment was truly small talk, Jinyoung’s had an acidity to it that made Soyeon cringe internally.

“All good things, I hope?” Soyeon could see how awkward Shownu felt, guilt twisting in her stomach.

_Why did Jinyoung have to show up now?!_

“Excellent things,” Jinyoung replied, his smile faltering a little as he looked at Soyeon. “I hear you’re engaged, too?”

He intertwined his fingers with Soyeon’s left ones, holding her hand up for emphasis.

Soyeon was 99% sure he was specifically showing Shownu her ring on purpose.

“Oh-” Shownu seemed caught off-guard, looking at the ring with furrowed eyebrows for a split second before looking back at Jinyoung. “-yes, I...her name’s Sooah, we’ve been engaged for a bit now-”

“When’s the wedding?” Jinyoung asked, again, his tone polite and polished as he watched Shownu’s eyes dart to hers.

“We, uh-” he looked like he didn’t want to say, and Soyeon felt her stomach sink all the way to her feet.

_Have they chosen a date?_

She had always held onto that, in the dark, horrible thoughts at the back of her mind. Held onto the fact that Shownu _hadn’t_ chosen a date.

Like in some sick way, that meant his engagement wasn’t actually real.

“-we chose a date during the family trip,” Shownu finished, tearing his eyes from Soyeon as he smiled again at Jinyoung. “Looks like it’ll be sometime in the fall of this coming year.”

Jinyoung turned to her at the wrong time, and she was unable to hide the shock on her face. She looked away, her heart pounding in her chest at this latest news.

_The fall of this coming year_

It was official.

“Funny, I think that’s what _we_ were discussing,” Jinyoung let go of her hand, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and looking down at her with a loving smile. “Fall’s a great time of year for that kind of thing, don’t you think, babe?”

Soyeon started a little at the pet name he hadn’t used on her in a _long_ time, itching her nose to hide her expression before smiling back at him.

“Yeah, it won’t be too hot if we decide to have it outside.”

She was lying of course- Jinyoung and her had never discussed a wedding date at _all_ \- but she knew that if she didn’t play along, everything between her and Shownu would be more obvious than it already was. She knew Jinyoung could sense the tension, and she knew he knew that there was an important conversation going on between the two of them.

That they were hiding something.

It was written all over his face as he looked between them both, smile just a little too smug, arm just a little too tight around her.

He was being territorial, practically peeing on her like a dog and a fire hydrant, and she was playing right along, heart too heavy at the latest news from Shownu to fight it.

 _They chose a date on their family trip...it’s actually happening...it’s_ real _…_

And before she could stop it, she was imagining this Sooah that she had never met, gorgeous and laughing with Shownu’s parents as they all had dinner together. She imagined them talking about the wedding, Sooah holding onto Shownu’s arm and smiling up at him as she told him she wanted something in the fall. She could see him looking back at her, and there was pain in Soyeon’s chest as she pictured it, seeing him smile at his parents as he told them fall sounded good to him.

Even though she knew that it didn’t go down that way, and she knew how Shownu felt about the engagement, the fact of the matter was, it was real. They had chosen a date.

Shownu was going to get married.

“Well, we should probably get going…”

Soyeon had been staring at her feet, and she looked up, eyes immediately locking with Shownu’s on their own accord. He was looking at her with an expression she couldn’t read, giving Jinyoung a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes as he nodded at the man.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta get going too,” he moved his arm to wave at them, a crinkling as he almost smashed the bag of cookies in the crook of his elbow from earlier.

Soyeon looked down at them, remembering those cookies were the whole reason she had bumped into Shownu in the first place.

“Oh, Soyeon,” he held them out to her now, and she took them, fingers accidentally grazing his in a touch that was too brief to cause so much warmth. “Don’t forget your cookies. I know you like those…”

The last sentence was an afterthought as he nodded, and she smiled reluctantly at the sweetness of it. They were locking eyes again, and she could see the questions in his brown orbs before he was looking back at Jinyoung.

“Oh yeah, Soyeon, you should go ahead and get those,” Jinyoung was smiling down at her, taking the cookies from her hand gently and placing them in the cart. “You deserve them; I know you’ve been working hard this week…”

Shownu watched the exchange, looking like he felt just as uneasy as Soyeon did in that moment.

_So much for the cookies not being good for me, Jinyoung_

“Alright, well…” Shownu looked like he wanted nothing more than to get out of there now, taking a hesitant step backward. “I guess I’ll see you guys later. It was nice to meet you, Jinyoung.”

“Nice to meet you too, Shownu,” Jinyoung nodded at him, already using his arm on Soyeon’s shoulders to turn them around.

She let him lead the way, feeling deflated somehow, like a snapped rubber band, broken and useless as she turned her back on Shownu. She couldn’t resist giving him one small wave, looking over her shoulder as Jinyoung finally let go to push the cart again.

Shownu was still backing away, seeming surprised she had turned around, lifting his hand up without waving it back and forth. She saw the way his eyes darted between her and Jinyoung, eyebrows furrowed in a scowl he had most likely been hiding since the moment Jinyoung had opened his mouth.

He looked concerned, _worried_ even, as his eyes stayed locked with hers.

Soyeon suddenly wanted nothing more than to run to him, to beg him to call off his engagement, and ask him to save her.

Save her from the bad choices she had made that were swirling completely out of her control.

But she couldn’t.

Jinyoung was by her side, pushing the cart along and no doubt watching her every move as she stared back at Shownu.

Shownu had decided on a wedding date, his arranged engagement turning into a _real_ engagement, and he would be married by the end of the year.

So she forced herself to tear her eyes away from Shownu, forced herself to face forward and flash Jinyoung the most convincing smile that she could, because he was indeed watching her every move.

Before they left the aisle, she reached into the cart, grabbing the half-smushed bag of cookies and putting them on a shelf on the endcap.

She wasn’t so sure she liked ginger snaps anymore.

 

** Jiahn: **

_**January 12, 2019, 1:00pm** _

“Thank you sweetie, now just take a seat right over there, we’ll be calling your name shortly.”

It was Kaylee, the same lady from the phone, and Jiahn gave her a small smile and a nod before turning back to the waiting room chairs.

The day of her appointment had come faster than she thought it would, and to say she was nervous was an understatement. Everywhere she looked was baby; parenting magazines, pregnancy tips framed and hung up on the wall, pamphlets about everything from breastfeeding to the dangers of toys made in others countries and Jiahn had no idea how much there was that people thought about when it came to babies.

_Was she doing this wrong?_

She took her phone from her purse, checking the screen and still finding nothing from Yugyeom. She sighed softly in frustration, running a hand through her hair as she locked the device. A woman sitting on the opposite side looked up at her over the “Breast is Best” pamphlet she was reading, and Jiahn quickly turned away.

Yugyeom had said he wanted to come to the appointment as soon as she told him she made it, and yet here she was, they day of, and the man was nowhere to be found. She had reminded him just the night before- 1:10pm, Yugyeom, at the hospital on the first floor- as they were falling asleep over text, and he had told her he wouldn’t forget.

But now it was five minutes ‘til, and he still hadn’t showed up.

_Should I call him?_

Jiahn chewed on her bottom lip nervously, clicking the lock button again and lighting up her screen. After a moment’s hesitation, she finally made her decision, pressing the screen a few times before she was calling Yugyeom, putting the phone to her ear.

It rang three times before he picked up, and she was surprised by how loud it was in the background.

“Yeah, no I know,” Yugyeom was talking to someone else, laughing before greeting her. “Jiahn! Hey!”

He sounded so happy, so cheerful and relaxed as he spoke, and for some reason, this pissed Jiahn off. She was sitting here alone in this waiting room for an appointment she didn’t want to go to, honestly scared, and she could clearly hear shouting and laughter coming from Bam and Youngjae in the background.

“Yugyeom…” she tried to keep her voice low despite her frustration, keeping in mind where she was. “Did you forget?”

“What?”

She heard the squeak of a door, the background noise ceasing, and she realized he probably stepped into his bedroom.

“The appointment, Yugyeom,” the edge was there now, she hadn’t been able to reel it in, and the same lady from earlier was peeking over her brochure again. “I’m here in the waiting room, it literally starts in like five-”

“Oh my god, _shit_ ,” Yugyeom was so loud, Jiahn wondered if anyone else could hear him through the phone. “Jiahn, _crap_ , I forgot…”

“No kidding,” she would’ve been entertained by the frantic shuffling she could hear in the background, maybe even a little giggly, if she wasn’t so on edge at that moment. “Don’t worry about it, I don’t think you’ll make it in time…”

Brochure lady was not even bothering to pull her perfectly made-up eyes away from Jiahn now, one sculpted eyebrow raised in obvious judgement. Jiahn swallowed hard, eyes darting down to her feet.

She was so embarrassed, and so upset that she was going to have to do this alone.

Jiahn did not want to do this alone…

“No, I can make it,” Yugyeom sounded like he was running around in the background, door squeaking again, and Jiahn could hear Bam and Youngjae in the background once more. “The hospital is only five minutes away from here, I’ve got ti-”

“No, seriously, Yugyeom,” Jiahn was pinching the bridge of her nose, trying not to yell over his fast talking. “You’re not gonna make it on time, and if they call me back there before you get here, then you’ll come all this way for nothing. I just- you can come to the next one, okay?”

She could feel tears prickling the corners of her eyes, wondering if she was actually going to be this emotional for the whole pregnancy.

“No, Jiahn, I’m getting my shoes on now-”

“I’ve gotta go, I’m sorry.”

Jiahn hung up the phone, feeling Brochure lady’s eyes burning into her like lasers. She swallowed hard, trying to keep her tears at bay as she picked up a random magazine to keep her shaking hands busy.

She was so irritated, and she wondered if she would be a little more tolerant of Yugyeom’s lateness if she wasn’t so goddamn terrified. But he wasn’t coming now, and she had to do this alone, and she hadn’t been prepared for that.

Jiahn wasn’t sure why she was surprised. After all, Yugyeom had found out he was going to be a dad, what? Three weeks ago? He was still getting used to it all.

She opened up the magazine to a random page, decorated with pictures of the pregnancy stages along with small descriptions as the baby got bigger and bigger inside of the woman. Her eyes scanned the article without looking, trying to tell herself that everything was going to be alright.

_You can do this alone, right? You’re a big girl, why do you need Yugyeom?_

A few more minutes went by as Jiahn started bouncing her leg nervously. Her eyes darted to the clock on the wall, before glancing back at the magazine, realizing she had never turned the page. She was getting even more nervous, knowing they were going to call her name at any moment.

There was a commotion outside the automatic doors, hard footsteps on the tile floor that echoed into the waiting room. Both the two receptionists at the front desk, Brochure lady, and Jiahn stared at the automatic doors as they slid open, and someone came bursting in, completely out of breath.

Jiahn’s heart jumped in her throat when she recognized the tall man; that was definitely Yugyeom.

“Jiahn,” he immediately looked at her, panting as he put his hands on his knees. “I can’t believe I made it…”

He looked just as surprised as everyone else was by his arrival, looking around and smiling guiltily at the receptionists.

“I’m sorry,” he told them, bowing a little in respect before standing up straight. “I didn’t mean to run in like that…”

“You’re just fine, honey,” Kaylee was smiling brightly at him like a proud grandma, looking at Jiahn as if thrilled to know that he was hers. “You made it just on time…”

Jiahn could finally move her legs, standing up and making her way to him, feeling Brochure lady’s eyes on her the whole time.

“Here, come on,” her heart swelled with emotion as she took his hand, so touched that he had actually run all the way here. “We can sit down ‘til they call us…I can’t believe you actually got here...”

She smiled up at him, and he smiled back, pushing some sweaty hair off his forehead with his free hand. Jiahn hadn’t known how happy she would be to see him, to have him there, until he was, and she swallowed hard before looking away again, biting her lip.

They were just about to sit down, Yugyeom letting her pull him to the seat, when a nurse opened the door to the back, holding a clipboard.

“Jiahn?”

She jumped, immediately turning to look at the woman with wide eyes.

“Oh! That’s me…”

The nurse smiled at her, motioning for her to come through the door, and Jiahn held a little tighter to Yugyeom’s hand as they made their way past the nurse, headed down the back hallway.

It looked narrow and sterile, and Jiahn could feel her heart hammering in her chest as they followed the nurse. The walls were painted a light baby blue to create a more calming atmosphere, but Jiahn couldn’t be soothed.

She had no idea what to expect.

In retrospect, she realized she could’ve probably looked up what to expect. But with the after-holidays rush at work, she was drowning in articles as per usual, and she hadn’t made time to do her research.

_I really need to invest in a planner_

They rounded the corner to a wider space, a semi-circle desk on their left and doors on the other walls, chairs with magazine racks in between.

“Alright, we’re gonna be right here in room four,” the nurse smiled over her shoulder, and Jiahn let go of Yugyeom’s hand as they walked single file into the room.

She was so nervous and she had no idea why; what exactly did she think was going to happen? Torture? Unexpected surgery?

Jiahn ignored the medical chair, sitting next to Yugyeom in the waiting chairs as the nurse shut the door behind them. She sat down in her rolling stool, setting down her clipboard and typing a few things on her computer.

She turned around, clapping her hands and looking between the two of them.

“You guys look nervous,” her smile was kind as she cocked her head to the side, and both of them laughed softly. “First time?”

Jiahn glanced at Yugyeom, both of them smiling embarrassingly at each other before she turned back to the nurse.

“Uh...yeah…”

She wasn’t sure what she should say.

_Well ma’am, this guy sitting next to me was at the club when I was on a mission to get laid, and I guess I forgot all about the basics of protection, because we ended up coming back to my apartment and having sex without even thinking about a condom, and well...here we are…_

Jiahn had a feeling that might be a tad inappropriate.

“Don’t worry,” she told them, voice comforting. “It’s all pretty easy today. We’re gonna take some blood, do a couple tests, ask some questions, and then hopefully we’ll be hearing the baby’s heartbeat!”

Jiahn’s eyes widened at the last part, turning to Yugyeom on instinct, who looked just as shocked by this information as she was.

_The heartbeat?_

“I’m gonna start with the questions, okay? Make it a little easier…”

They nodded, finally looking away from each other and turning back to the nurse.

She had a list pulled up in front of her on the computer screen, and began reading down the line. A lot of the questions were things Jiahn had already answered on the paperwork, including questions about Yugyeom’s family history that she had had to awkwardly text him.

Things got a little more uncomfortable when the questions dipped into personal territory, like her last date of her menstrual cycle and how often she was sexually active.

“So this was your first time in six or seven months?”

The nurse seemed completely unperturbed by the question as she was turned towards the computer screen, clicking a few things with her mouse.

“Um…” Jiahn laughed as she looked at her lap, face burning hot with embarrassment. “Yes…”

“And only one other partner?”

The nurse either didn’t seem to care about Jiahn’s humiliation or didn’t notice, but she started playing with her hands, very, _very_ aware of Yugyeom sitting right next to her.

They hadn’t exactly talked about her previous sex life yet.

“Y-Yes.”

She could hear Yugyeom shifting in his seat, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him; it was too much.

 _Please tell me_ you’ve _only had two sex partners and one of them is me_

Somehow, Jiahn doubted that.

They, thankfully, moved right along, and it was more questions for Jiahn.

“Do you smoke?”

“No,” Jiahn answered immediately, wrinkling her nose.

“Any drug use?”

“Uh, no.”

“Alcohol?”

Jiahn hesitated, turning to Yugyeom, surprised to see he was already looking at her. There was a gleam of amusement in his eye, no doubt, both of them thinking about the party that had started this whole mess. She giggled before turning back to the nurse.

“Yes, but I haven’t had any drinks since I found out.”

The nurse nodded, clicking a few more buttons before getting up from her stool and turning to face them.

“The doctor will be in here soon to do some physical tests…” she hesitated, eyes darting from Jiahn to Yugyeom before looking back at her. “You’ll want to put on the gown-”

The nurse nodded her head towards the hospital chair, a light-blue gown folded neatly in the seat.

“-there’s chairs outside as well...if you need them to wait…”

She and Yugyeom nodded simultaneously, muttering a quick “thank you” before the nurse was closing the door behind her.

A beat of silence followed her departure, and Jiahn pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. After about ten seconds, it was no use, and she laughed out loud as she finally turned to look at Yugyeom.

He looked just as embarrassed as she felt, a smile on his face as her laugh seemed to be infectious.

“Okay, that was awful,” she stood up from her chair, feeling a little too fidgety to be sitting down any longer. “What the...why did I even fill out paperwork?”

“I have no idea,” Yugyeom answered, shaking his head with a light chuckle.

Jiahn ran a hand through her hair, looking down at the gown and grinning mischievously.

“So…”

She couldn’t help it; she had to joke. Humor was the only way for her to deal with this level of awkwardness.

“How sexy do you think I’ll look in this gown?”

She held up the blue material, letting it unfold slowly as she winked at Yugyeom.

“Oh my god,” he covered his face with his hands, laughing loudly as he stood up. “I’m not staying for that.”

“Why not?” Jiahn was giggling through her teasing, putting the gown on the chair as she watched him walk to the door.

“Goodbye, Jiahn,” Yugyeom tried to sound annoyed, rolling his eyes for good effect, but the persistent laughter that caught in his throat and his crinkly-eyed smile was a dead giveaway.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Jiahn knew she was being ridiculous, grabbing his arm gently before he could speed out the door. “Yugyeom...wait…”

The playful grin on her face turned into a soft smile as her eyes met his.

“Thank you,” she told him, voice quieter now. “For uh...for coming. You really didn’t have to.”

“It’s okay,” Yugyeom tucked some hair behind her ear. “I wanted to.”

She felt unannounced butterflies fill her stomach, anything she was about to say stuck in her throat. He smiled as if he knew the effect he had on her before turning around, walking out the door.

Jiahn just stood there, staring at the closed door as she tried to level out her breathing.

_Why the fuck is he so charming?!_

She was still confused as to how she had gotten so lucky.

**_2:00pm_ **

The physical tests were as awful as Jiahn presumed they would be, but the doctor was so nice about everything that it made her feel less alone. Once they were over, Dr. Jamee entered a few more things into the computer before turning back to face Jiahn, a gentle smile on her face.

“Is that your boyfriend out there?”

The way she was smiling made Jiahn think she probably already knew, but she nodded nonetheless.

“Yeah, that’s him,” she laughed nervously, fiddling with her fingers.

_So Yugyeom’s your boyfriend now?_

They’d never talked about putting a label on it, but she supposed for an easy explanation, “boyfriend” would do.

Jiahn wasn’t sure how appropriate “Baby Daddy” was for their situation.

She suppressed a giggle at her own thoughts, watching as Dr. Jamee looked at the door.

“Do you want him in here for the next part? We’re going to be talking about the baby just a little bit more before we do the ultrasound.”

“Oh, uh…” she glanced at the door as well, stumped for a moment.

_Yugyeom wants to be a part of that right?_

Jiahn could’ve slapped herself.

_Why the hell else is he here?_

“Yeah, sure, let me get him.”

She was dressed now, the doctor letting her change privately while they made sure they got all the blood they needed earlier.

She opened the door, Yugyeom sitting in one of the chairs, reading one of the only magazines that were available to him; parenting ones.

Jiahn didn’t let him know she was there, not at first, as she watched him legitimately read an article, looking interested in it. It was sweet, bringing on a weird sensation in her stomach she wasn’t prepared for as she smiled at him.

“Hey,” she said after a moment, watching him look up in surprise.

“Hey,” he smiled somewhat guiltily, immediately shutting the magazine. “My phone died, so I was just…”

Jiahn pressed her lips together to keep from laughing, motioning behind her.

“You can come in now if you want,” she told him. “I think they want to talk to both of us again.”

He nodded before following her in the room, sitting down in the chair he had been in earlier. She sat on the hospital chair again, and they grinned at one another before turning back to the doctor.

Dr. Jamee talked to them about all sorts of things, too many things, regarding the development of the baby and how the rest of Jiahn’s pregnancy would pretty much go. She learned what she could and couldn’t eat, how many appointments she was going to have, normal symptoms of pregnancy, and what to watch out for.

Yugyeom was actually listening, resting his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward in the chair. Jiahn caught herself looking at him more than the doctor, captivated by his complete care about this whole situation. He was so mature, honestly more mature than she was in this moment, as he nodded, eyes darting to meet hers every once in a while with a small smile.

Jiahn just really hoped all this information was going to be written down for her somewhere.

“I think that’s about it,” Dr. Jamee looked between the two of them, eyebrows raised. “Any questions for me before we get you guys to the ultrasound room?”

Jiahn was just shaking her head- she could barely keep up with all the information as is- when Yugyeom shifted a little in his seat.

“I, uh, I was just wondering…” he rubbed the back of his neck as Jiahn and Dr. Jamee both stared at him. “Can she have the baby...uh...here?”

Jiahn’s eyes widened at his question; she hadn’t even thought about where she would have the baby.

“If you want to,” he turned to her, looking nervous as hell as he smiled tentatively. “I just- It’s right next to the dance studio and my apartment, so-”

“No, no, that’s…” she was a little speechless, her heart doing strange things in her chest as she felt like she was seeing him for the first time. “I mean, that’s fine…”

Dr. Jamee seemed to sense the moment, smiling as she stood up from her stool.

“We actually pass the birthing unit on our way to the ultrasound room,” she told them gently, opening the door and motioning forward. “Do you guys want to go check it out?”

_**2:45pm** _

Jiahn was laying flat on her back, turning her head automatically to look at Yugyeom who had settled in the chair next to her.

They had checked out the “birthing unit” which was fancy, and sort of homey, despite the fact that it was in a hospital. Jiahn didn’t really know what she was looking for- were there certain aspects of a “birthing unit” she was supposed to care about?- and told Dr. Jamee it looked fine to her.

She hadn’t missed the small smile on Yugyeom’s face.

They were moved to an ultrasound room, and the tech took over, Dr. Jamee saying goodbye and letting them know they could call anytime with additional questions. She had handed over a pretty hefty packet- thank goodness- with everything they had talked about, and Yugyeom had held onto it for her as she was instructed to, once again, get in another hospital chair.

The technician was setting up a small device, unwrapping cords and rolling it closer to where Jiahn was laying down. She had seen the ultrasound screens enough on TV to know what it was, but she still watched curiously as the tech worked diligently with the equipment.

“Okay,” the woman smiled at her, pointing at her shirt. “Go ahead and lift that up for me, sweetie.”

Jiahn did as she was told, rolling up her shirt and giggling nervously as she looked at Yugyeom again. He chuckled under his breath, eyes moving from her to her stomach. She didn’t have time to feel self-conscious- even though it still didn’t look any different- because the tech was pulling out a big bottle, flicking open the cap.

“Alright, this is going to be cold…”

Even with the warning, Jiahn jumped a little, another small laugh escaping her throat as the tech giggled at her, pouring a light green gel on her bare skin.

“Alright…” she had a small, white wand in her hand, pushing firmly into Jiahn’s stomach as she moved the cold substance around. “Let’s find your little blueberry…”

Jiahn bit her lip, feeling nervous as the wand moved around and around. Then, as if someone had turned up the volume on the device, she could hear a steady thrumming.

A heartbeat.

“I think we found it…” the tech said softly, and Jiahn saw Yugyeom lean in just slightly.

Jiahn could see it on the screen, just a small white circle in a larger black space.

“There it is!” the tech’s voice was cheery and excited as the heartbeat became louder, and Jiahn bit her lip, her own heart hammering almost in time with the baby’s. “Looks healthy, strong heartbeat…”

The tech was entering some more information into the computer, muttering to herself as she kept the wand on Jiahn’s stomach.

Jiahn finally tore her eyes from the screen, turning to look at Yugyeom as the baby’s heartbeat still echoed in the small room. He was staring at the screen, so many emotions in his eyes; excitement, fear, worry, curiosity…

Jiahn felt the exact same way.

“Don’t cry.”

Yugyeom had turned to look at her, and she hadn’t even realized she was tearing up until she felt one lone droplet slip down the side of her face.

You’re such a sap, Jiahn

She laughed, sniffing a little as she moved to wipe her face, and Yugyeom smiled warmly at her. There was something deeper in the way he was looking at her, something more, and she felt her stomach flip unexpectedly at the intensity of it.

“I’m sorry,” she broke the silence between them, laughing again as she was overcome with so many emotions. “I just...there’s a baby in there…”

It was probably the lamest thing she could say in that moment, but it all felt so real to Jiahn now, and she couldn’t find the right words to express how she felt.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom laughed, making her laugh, as he moved some hair from her face. “Yeah there definitely is…”

He looked away again, and Jiahn watched him stare at the screen once more.

To her surprise, Yugyeom looked really…

_Happy_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Mentions of cheating and Heavy sexual content

 

** Soyeon: **

_**January 15, 2019, 4:15pm** _

Soyeon sighed, an alert popping up in the bottom half of her computer screen.

Another email from Shownu.

She used to get happy about them, excited even, when she heard the little bleep that told her she had a new email in her inbox. Her heart would skip a beat when she saw Shownu’s name, skimming past the important stuff to read his “P.S.” notes he always wrote just for her. An inside joke or a sarcastic note, the “P.S.” notes were guaranteed to make her laugh, and she looked forward to them on her busiest days.

She hadn’t seen a “P.S.” note in a while.

She felt void of emotion, almost numb as she clicked on the email, unsurprised by the two sentences that were written above the attached pictures.

Let me know which ones work best for the article. I’ll add them to the template.

He hadn’t even bothered to sign his name this time.

Soyeon scrolled through the pictures, not really looking at them as she tried hard not to cry.

It had been like this all week; either she wasn’t feeling anything or she was feeling entirely too much.

It had been a week since she had seen Shownu at the grocery store; a week since they had spoken any other way but email. The messages were always short and concise, only saying what they had to to get the project done and nothing more.

It was driving Soyeon crazy.

She had spent so much time in her cubicle- usually she was always floating around the office- that people were starting to tease her. Jiyoo had told her she was as “dedicated and antisocial as Jaebum” while Heonie kept making jokes that he missed “seeing her beautiful face” while Hyungwon rolled his eyes and laughed.

Meanwhile, Shownu felt more like a long-distance business partner, locked up so much in his office that it reminded Soyeon of when the room was used for filing. The door was hardly ever opened and she never went in there.

Back when Bam was in the office and she didn’t know Shownu.

Back when her life was easier.

_But not better_

Soyeon wasn’t even going to try to arguing with herself.

She picked the first two pictures that mildly caught her attention, sending them to Shownu as attachments with a one-sentence message:

**These ones look the best.**

She sent the email without a second thought, pushing her keyboard forward so she could lay her head on her arms on the desk.

They had been working on the same article since the beginning of last week; a story about trash pick up in the park. It was mundane really, and Soyeon had been forced to interview an elderly woman who spoke for hours about nothing related to her questions. The woman sat at the park feeding the birds everyday, and was tired of watching so much trash being thrown into the grass. She started a program where her grandchildren gave free lemonade to anyone who would help pick up the park.

_Oh, Soyeon, the story isn’t that bad_

She knew she was being dramatic, but she also knew the huge hole that was missing, that was making her feel this way.

Her stupid photographer.

Shownu, who had told her that he would photograph the woman separately, and that she could go on without him for the interview.

Through email of course.

And that’s exactly what they had done, Shownu volunteering to put the template together online for their meeting with Jackson.

Soyeon glanced at the clock, realizing their meeting was actually in just a few minutes. She sat up straight in her chair, her heart already pounding in her chest.

This was the first time she would be speaking to Shownu since the grocery store.

The man had gone to great lengths to make sure he did not need to talk with her; he was the first one in to the office in the morning, and the last one to leave at night, his door always closed. Soyeon hadn’t had the guts to say anything to him- what would she say?- and Shownu certainly wasn’t going to say anything…

But now he didn’t have a choice.

She heard his office door open up, immediately standing on impulse as she looked at him over her cubicle wall. He locked eyes with her, staring for a quick moment before turning away, a piece of paper clutched in his hand before he was out of Soyeon’s view.

She made her way quickly out of the cubicle, following behind him as her eyes wandered up and down his body on their own accord. Even from the back he was handsome to her, with broad shoulders, beautiful tan skin, his sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms-

Jackson opened the door to his office right as Soyeon approached, smiling good-naturedly at Shownu before he turned to Soyeon.

“You guys ready?”

They both nodded, Shownu holding up his piece of paper. Jackson eyed it with a raised eyebrow, looking skeptical. Nonetheless, he moved out of the way, motioning for them to come inside. Soyeon tried to keep a reasonable distance between her and the man, swallowing hard as she heard Jackson’s door close behind them.

It was odd really, how Jackson’s office was so big and yet, with the door shut, it felt like Shownu’s entire aura was surrounding her on all sides. Soyeon couldn’t look anywhere but him- the back of him actually, as he had yet to turn around- and she swallowed hard as she watched him place the piece of paper in the center of the desk.

Jackson came around, sitting down in his rolling chair as he laid his elbows on the wood. He rested his head there, staring down at the one sheet of paper for a long time, looking like he was thinking hard. Soyeon moved to stand next to Shownu now, both of them positioned on opposite corners of the desk as they watched Jackson.

They still hadn’t looked at each other.

“Guys,” Jackson sighed heavily, finally looking up at them with a slight scowl on his face. “What the hell is this?”

He motioned towards the paper, and Soyeon looked down, cringing a little at what Shownu had printed out.

It was one printer sheet of paper, Shownu simply printing his template from online that he was using and bringing it in to Jackson. Soyeon knew their boss didn’t like that very much; he was a very hands-on sort of guy.

If Soyeon would’ve been paying better attention, she could’ve caught it before they came in.

Nice going, Soyeon

“It’s the template,” Shownu sounded like he already knew there was no use for an explanation, his tone nervous. “I put it together on the computer and-”

“Shownu, man, come _on_ ,” Jackson stood up from his seat, motioning towards the paper with a scowl. “When have you ever brought in something like this before?”

Neither of them said anything, both unsure what to say.

“We’re an online magazine,” Jackson continued when no one answered him. “We re-arrange, we meddle, we adjust until we have the perfect template. Then we make it online. Am I right?”

They nodded in silent agreement, and Soyeon felt so humiliated.

What the hell were they doing?

“So, Shownu, please go print me the pictures you took, and Soyeon-” she looked up, locking eyes with her exasperated boss. “-go print out your article and let’s do this the proper way...okay?”

They didn’t need any more direction than that, both turning on their heels at the same moment, heading to obey Jackson’s orders.

Making it to the door at the same time, Soyeon instinctually looked at Shownu to see who would go first. He was already looking at her, seeming a little nervous about their close proximity, taking a step back.

“You can go ahead,” he opened the door for her, moving out of the way.

It was like Soyeon had forgotten the sound of his voice.

She knew it was stupid, but her heart fluttered at the smooth, soft tone he used when he spoke to her. Soyeon nodded, thanking him in a quiet voice that was barely audible as she scurried in front of him.

Her stomach was flipping at the unexpected interaction with him, and she hated it, hurrying back to her cubicle to print her article. She used trembling fingers to unlock her computer, quickly finding the document she needed and pressing ‘print’. She heard her desk printer whirring, and grabbed the two sheets of paper while they were still hot with black ink.

Rushing back into Jackson’s office, she beat Shownu, and she breathed heavily.

“I’ve got it printed,” she said to Jackson, walking towards his desk as he glanced up from his phone. “I’m sorry…”

The man looked at her, his earlier frustration ebbing away at the look on her face.

“Soyeon...are you okay?”

 _No, I’m not okay_ , Soyeon thought desperately, knowing her cheeks were flushed with emotion, eyes getting a little watery. _Shownu refuses to talk to me, I can’t focus on anything, I’m so guilty, all the time, and I can’t shake it-_

“I’m fine,” her answer was automatic, almost robotic as she immediately looked away. “Just a lot going on-”

Soyeon heard footsteps behind her, her whole body tensing immediately. She was standing in the middle of the desk, giving Shownu no choice but to stand close to her as he set down his freshly-printed pictures.

“Here you go, Jackson.”

Even somber, Shownu’s voice was like butter, and Soyeon felt her heart skip again in her chest, running a hand through her hair as she tried to get a grip.

They both stood there for a moment, an awkward silence sitting between all of them as Jackson raised his eyebrows expectantly. This was the closest Soyeon and Shownu had stood next to each other since the day of the engagement announcement. Since just the small brush of his fingers had made her giddy with excitement, unable to forget the smile on his face as he looked at her-

“So…” Jackson’s patience was thin, but there were worry lines on his forehead as he looked between the two of them. “Show me what you’ve got.”

His words seemed to kick both of them into gear, and they leaned in at once, immediately reaching for the sheets of paper to arrange them accordingly. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough room for them to do this without touching, and Shownu’s hand brushed across the back of Soyeon’s on accident as he reached for one of his pictures.

The touch was so small, so _minute_ , and yet Soyeon could feel fire where his fingertips had landed, a warmth she was craving so bad she could hardly stand it. She pressed her lips together as they both pulled their hands back, dropping their papers simultaneously.

“Sorry,” Shownu muttered.

“It’s fine,” Soyeon glanced at the side of his face, but he wasn’t looking at her, wiggling his fingers like he was stretching them out.

_Can he feel the fire too?_

There was a pause before they were leaning back in, moving very carefully around one another as they arranged the pages of the article and the pictures.

In a normal meeting, Soyeon and Shownu were tripping over one another with words. They usually spent a day or so picking out pictures together, printing them out and arranging them on Shownu’s platform he kept on his desk. They would mess around with the colors, giggle at the silly pictures that Shownu took, and make jokes about Soyeon’s grammatical errors Jiahn was sure to tease her about it when she edited. They would walk into Jackson’s office with bright and confident smiles on their faces, arranging the pictures and article like a well-oiled machine, proudly standing back and looking at their boss before grinning at one another.

Soyeon missed that so much.

They hadn’t spoken a word to one another, hadn’t discussed the layout even once, and it showed as they desperately tried to arrange the papers while also avoiding touching one another. Soyeon finally grew frustrated, leaving the article straight and pulling back with a small sigh.

Shownu turned to look at her, the first time in a while that he had made an effort to even glance her way, and his eyes widened as he sensed her irritation. She swallowed hard when his eyes met hers, and it seemed to be too much for the man, immediately getting back to arranging the pictures.

He had printed out the background color too- a large sheet of navy blue- and put the pictures in a very typical, run-of-the-mill, not Shownu circle around the words of the article. He didn’t even angle the pictures, just kept them straight up and down, creating a rectangle frame around Soyeon’s written words, the navy blue giving a dull effect to the already stale layout.

Shownu stood back, running a hand through his hair as he looked down at their finished product.

Soyeon hated it, and she could tell Shownu did too, and she cringed when she heard Jackson let out another frustrated huff.

“Soyeon-”

She looked up from the ends of her hair she was playing with, eyes wide.

“Shownu-”

She saw the man standing too close to her look up as well, lowering his hand from his own hair.

“What’s going on?”

A silence sat heavy in the air as neither one of them spoke.

“Soyeon, it took you two weeks to write this article, and you’ve only got two pages of material,” Jackson turned his attention to her, and she swallowed hard as she brought her hands behind her back, fidgeting nervously with her fingers. “You haven’t even turned it in to Jiahn for editing yet, and this is set to post on Monday.”

She felt a rock sit in the pit of her stomach, weighing her down as she nodded. Soyeon knew she needed to say something, but it seemed her vocal cords were temporarily unavailable as she struggled with the ashamed blush that was spreading across her cheeks.

“Shownu, why the hell did you take pictures separately?” Jackson had turned to the tall man now, scowling a little as he motioned towards the photos. “This lady is 70 years old, and you made her make a second appointment for photography. I can see it written all over her face that she’s not happy, and we’re supposed to be convincing the public that this woman is excited about her project…”

Soyeon glanced at the pictures; the woman really _did_ look unhappy.

Did Shownu not notice? How had she herself not caught that?

“I’m sorry-”

Her heart throbbed at the complete defeat in his voice, and she couldn’t help but look over, watching the way he hung his head.

“Don’t be sorry, Shownu, I just-”

Jackson stood up from his desk, tone softening as he looked between the two of them.

“What’s going on? Did something happen? Did you guys get in a fight?”

Soyeon felt her hands begin to shake, both her and Shownu actively avoiding one another’s eyes, neither knowing what to say.

“Because you guys used to be the dream team, my most reliable employees, but _this_ -” Jackson didn’t seem to need an answer from them, pointing at their layout. “This is not you guys, and I can’t have you cracking on me right at the beginning of the year like this…”

They both nodded simultaneously, Soyeon finally finding her voice.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted lately,” she spoke softly, chancing a look at Jackson, who was watching her with concern. “Just a lot going on...I’ll add more material to the article and get it in to Jiahn by Friday…”

“Thanks, Soyeon,” Jackson’s irritation was slipping away as he looked at her, voice gentle. “I know there’s a lot going on in your life, with the engagement and all-”

It was like Jackson had known he set a bomb in the room- “engagement”- looking wearily between her and Shownu.

“-but I was actually going to scrap this story altogether. I’ve found something bigger that I wanted to assign to you two.”

Soyeon saw Shownu’s neck snap up, knowing he was just as surprised as her by this news.

“I need you guys to pull yourselves together, because there’s a big story on a mysterious creature washed up on the sands of Busan, and we might be one of the only magazines in Seoul who’ve gotten word of it.”

Soyeon raised her eyebrows, stomach twisting a little.

_Busan?_

“My friend down there, she tipped me off,” Jackson continued, moving back to his desk and stacking up the pieces of their abysmal layout. “I’m sending you down there on Thursday and you’ll be staying overnight so you can investigate.”

_Shit_

“I’ve done a lot of your work for you, Soyeon, I set up some interviews, so you’ll just need to meet them there,” he seemed unaware of the palpable tension that sat heavily between his two employees. “I’ve gotten you guys a hotel, it’s a nice one too, right on the beach-”

_Oh no. Oh no no no…_

Soyeon could feel her heart pounding hard in her chest, moving to pull on the collar of her shirt nervously.

“Can you guys handle it?”

Jackson looked between the two with slight concern.

“I can ask Jaebum to go…” he was hesitant again, eyes lingering on Soyeon’s face, and she was sure she looked terrified. “If you’re too busy, or need a break-”

“No.”

Soyeon could feel Shownu looking at her again, and she tried to ignore him as she continued.

“I’ll be fine, I can handle it.”

Jackson analyzed her face for a moment before nodding, turning to Shownu.

“You up for it too, buddy?”

A pause, the beat of silence sitting heavily between the two of them as Soyeon couldn’t help but look at the man again. He glanced at her, their eyes meeting and sending a jolt through her entire body. There was so much written in his eyes that she couldn’t read, and before she could look any deeper, he was turning back to Jackson.

“Yeah, that sounds good to me.”

_**5:00pm** _

Soyeon knocked on Shownu’s office door, her hands trembling as she waited for his response.

Once they had agreed to the trip, Jackson had shooed them away, telling them to get to work on whatever they needed to before they left Thursday morning and throwing away their papers they brought in. Shownu had immediately gone to his office and shut the door, while Soyeon had walked with heavy footsteps to her cubicle.

But after a few moments sitting in her rolling chair, and then standing up again to pace, she realized that they couldn’t do this any longer. This wasn’t just about _them_ anymore, this was about their _job_ , and Soyeon wasn’t about to be labeled incompetent because the two of them couldn’t get over it and work together.

She told herself this was the _only_ reason she was marching to his office, heart so loud in her ears that she could barely hear the voice she longed for on the other end of the door.

“Who is it?”

Soyeon didn’t bother telling him, half expecting Shownu to run and lock the door before she could get inside. Instead, she twisted the knob, boldly walking in and shutting the door behind her.

Both of her hands were pressed against the wood as the latch clicked, and Shownu was arranging pictures on his desk, looking up in surprise at her entrance.

He took his glasses off with his free hand, setting them down on the desk and locking eyes with her for just a moment. She took a few brave steps forward, like a magnet longing for its opposite pole, unable to stop until she was standing on the other side of Shownu’s desk.

He had watched her every move, and she saw the nervous bob of his adam’s apple as he quickly turned away, busying himself with the organization of his pictures once more.

She hadn’t missed the pain that flashed across his eyes though.

“Shownu,” her voice was barely above a whisper, shaky, as she tried to be the bigger person. “We _have_ to talk.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

His tone was formal, _too_ formal, tacking on honorifics and sounding nonchalant as he stacked photos into two separate piles on his desk.

It pissed her off.

“Shownu, this is exactly-” she struggled with her words, the frustration evident in her voice as she took another subconscious step forward. “We haven’t talked since you got back, I just- what is going on?”

He froze, looking directly at her again. Soyeon held his gaze despite the stutter of her heart, stomach twisting nervously at the intensity of his gaze. His eyes were so expressive- sad, angry, pained- and they stared at one another for a moment, the silence sitting heavy between them.

Shownu finally turned away, the five seconds he had looked at her feeling like five years as he ran a nervous hand through his hair.

“We’ve been busy, and I’ve had a lot to work on…”

The excuse was so lame, such a lie, that it made Soyeon scowl at him, a definite bite in her voice.

“We’ve never been too busy to make quality work, Shownu.”

Another pause.

The air between them was thick with tension, and she watched him continue to stack the photos, seeming like he wasn’t going to answer her at all. This irritated her even more, so _sick_ of being ignored by him, and she tried to tell herself this was all just for work.

“We’ve always been on top of our layouts before our meetings with Jackson,” Soyeon continued, feeling like she needed to keep talking, unable to handle the quiet. “Always discussed something, instead of emailing each other back and forth-”

She ran a hurried hand through her hair, feeling the way her fingers trembled against her scalp as she watched him pull open his desk drawer, still not looking at her.

“That was a _trainwreck_ , and Jackson could see it, he threw the whole thing away!” Soyeon was getting herself worked up with every word she spoke as he set one stack of photos into the drawer. “We can’t keep doing this, we have to communicate-”

Shownu slammed the drawer closed hard, the loud pang of metal making Soyeon jump as she immediately stopped talking.

“You’re engaged, Soyeon.”

He finally looked at her, almost glaring as he locked eyes with her once more. The pain in his eyes was so evident, so raw, that Soyeon could feel a hard pang in her chest, like she was punched.

But in front of that pain, there was anger, so much anger directed at her, and she felt her shield come up before she could stop it, a deep scowl on her face.

“So are you,” she snapped back nastily. “What’s the difference?”

Shownu looked taken aback by her response, scoffing under his breath as he threw down the photos he was holding. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it with an audible snap, turning away from her, his shoulders stiff with tension.

Soyeon knew why he was upset, knew that the elephant in the room was yet to be addressed and with a hammering heart and a knotted up stomach, she spit out the words that had been running through her head over and over for weeks.

“We need to just forget about what happened,” her voice was a lot more final, a lot more sharp than she thought possible when it felt like her tongue was made of lead. “The kiss, we have to just pretend it never happened-”

Shownu turned to her slowly, eyebrows raising out of their scowl to show a much deeper emotion, as he stared directly at her. His eyes were dark, and Soyeon hadn’t realized how close she had subconsciously moved to him until it was too late. Their bodies were a mere two feet apart, and she realized she could feel the heat radiating off of his body. It was hot, _too_ hot, the way he was staring at her, eyes moving from hers to wander to her lips.

It was more arousing than it should be, the way he was looking at her, almost hungrily. Her whole body was rigid as she couldn’t take her eyes from his face, throat tight with the buzzing energy between them, the pull that was on her body as his eyes kept moving down. She followed his lead, gaze taking in the perfection that was his face, moving lower to admire the broadness of his shoulders, the bronze tone of his smooth skin-

Shownu had a hand on the desk, and she watched his fingers curl in just slightly, as if tensing up before his eyes were snapping back to hers.

“I don’t see how we can do that.”

Soyeon felt all the air leave her lungs, torn between arousal and despair at his words. He didn’t want to forget and neither did she, but it came at a cost, a cost she wasn’t willing to pay. She would rather forget than lose him entirely, the thought already bringing tears to her eyes.

“What do you mean?”

Her voice was more broken than she meant it to be, her emotions beyond the boiling point as she stared back at him.

“You’re engaged, Soyeon, I’m engaged,” Shownu ran a hand through his hair, his anger slowly replaced with worry, desperation as his eyes darted from her face. “What we did, it was-”

He couldn’t finish the sentence, his voice strained, and Soyeon was frustrated again, angry that it had come to this between them and there was seemingly nothing they could do about it.

“I know, it was wrong-”

Shownu looked up again, something in his eyes she could not read, but she couldn’t bring herself to keep looking after her next words.

“But we can’t turn back time. We have to move on. We’re both getting married, so-”

It pained her to say it, everything in her body begging her to stop, and she knew now more than ever that her feelings for Shownu were real, they were strong, and she couldn’t deny them anymore, no matter how much she wanted to.

Shownu’s exhale was loud, frustrated before he spoke.

“Oh yeah, so you’re just going to marry Jinyoung?!” He was near yelling, and Soyeon had no choice but to look at him, his voice demanding her attention. “Why are you _with_ him, Soyeon, you don’t even _like_ him!”

Her eyes widened at the rage in his voice, something she’d never heard from him before as he ran another frustrated hand through his hair. His face was conflicted, showing both pain and frustration as he bit the inside of his cheek, looking like he was trying to calm down.

His reaction confused her, enraged her really, because he had no right to be angry at her. Who was the one who was engaged first?!

“Well you’re one to talk, look at you!” Soyeon pointed at him, not even denying his accusation of how she felt about Jinyoung, too blind with anger. “You hardly know this girl, and yet you’re signing up for an arranged marriage like it’s...it’s fucking medieval times, or something!”

Shownu rolled his eyes with a huff, taking another step closer to her.

“That’s different,” he insisted, his anger ebbing away as he looked her in the eyes again, voice catching in his throat. “My dad and I, we don’t have a choice, you _know_ that-”

“Don’t lie to yourself, Shownu,” Soyeon’s reply was quick, his close proximity overwhelming as she found she couldn’t take a step back from him. “You _always_ have a choice.”

“I’m not the only one lying to myself, Soyeon,” Shownu’s tone was so much lower, so much quieter, and yet his words resonated loud and clear in her ears. “You have a choice too.”

Her eyes filled with tears, and she cursed herself for not being able to look away from his searching gaze. The scowl was gone now, and they were close, so close, the invisible rope he always unknowingly held yanking on her core. The concern on his face wasn’t fair, _killed_ her, because he couldn’t be worried about her. He couldn’t care about her and still be so sweet when they were in this situation.

She wanted him so, so bad and she couldn’t have him.

There was a rattling as someone turned the doorknob, and they both whipped around in surprise.

Bam came walking in, nodding his head to a beat they could hear from where they were standing, both headphones in. He looked up after closing the door behind him, yanking out an earphone as he grinned at both of them.

“What’s up guys,” his voice was too happy for the tension in the room, and Soyeon cringed a little. “Hey Soyeon! Sorry to barge in, it still feels like my old office-”

He was adjusting some papers in his hand as he talked.

“-I think I actually left something in here from like, forever ago…”

“Hey Bam…”

She was surprised she had a voice at all, her chest hurt so bad.

He seemed to be catching on now, that something wasn’t quite right, his eyes darting from her to Shownu, who was too bad at suppressing his emotions in that moment to hide how upset he was.

“You guys, uh...okay?”

Bam seemed genuinely concerned, hitting a button on his headphones to silence the music and taking the other earpiece out slowly.

_We probably look wrecked_

Soyeon glanced back at Shownu, whose cheeks were slightly flushed, lines on his forehead, eyes dark with both anger and sadness. She could feel them again, the tears in her eyes that had never left, never dried up, and they were threatening to spill over now in front of everyone.

She needed to get out of there.

She needed to breathe.

She needed to get away from Shownu, who was looking at her in a way that had her long to touch him, hug him, seek out the comfort she knew she would get from him.

Soyeon needed some space.

“No, no, we’re fine,” Soyeon’s voice was surprisingly level, calm even, as she looked back at Bam. “I was just leaving.”

He still looked unsure, but she ignored him, making her way back around the desk and letting her eyes focus on the wood of the door. Bam moved out of her way, his eyes never leaving her face, but she couldn’t handle the pressure of meeting his gaze.

She couldn’t fake a smile right now.

Soyeon turned the knob, the silence heavy around her as she slowly pulled open the door. As much as she didn’t want to, she looked over her shoulder, Shownu locking eyes with her instantly.

Her heart skipped a beat at the raw emotion on his features, the confusion in his eyes and the hand running through his hair that she could see shaking all the way from where she was standing.

She gulped, turning back quickly as the tears finally spilled over, looking down at her feet. She prayed no one would walk by, closing the door with a light click behind her.

Soyeon had no idea what she was going to do.

 

** Jiahn: **

_**January 16, 2019, 4:45pm** _

“I hope Friday’s date is as good as last weekend’s was…”

Jiahn’s eyes lifted up from the article on her desk she was working on, glancing at her clock.

Jiyoo had been talking about Youngjae for almost thirty minutes straight.

“He took me bowling, did I tell you that?”

Jiahn was glad her back was turned so Jiyoo couldn’t see her face as she rolled her eyes, praying for patience.

“I think you did,” she muttered, trying not to sound too annoyed. “Something about bowling, or-?”

“Yes!” Jiyoo exclaimed excitedly, and Jiahn’s sigh was lost in the volume of the younger’s voice. “Gosh, he was so sweet…”

_Here we go…_

Jiahn was happy for Jiyoo, she really was, but she also had a job to do. She didn’t get the luxury of coming in and doing odds and ends for Jackson when he remembered she was there. JIahn had a shit ton of articles to edit, deadlines, and Jaebum breathing down her neck as per usual. She had been trying to focus, but when Jiyoo talked about Youngjae, it seemed whatever common sense she had went out the window, too busy staring off into space with stars in her eyes.

“I still don’t know if he let me win or not- I’ve always been really good at bowling, you know- but I did, and he was happy for me-”

Jiahn felt her shoulders sag in defeat, clicking her red pen closed and dropping it into her cup.

_She’s on a roll, there’s no use…_

“-he gave me a high five and then took me to the other side of the bowling alley...Did you know that place has karaoke?”

“Yeah, I knew that,” Jiahn tried to sound interested as she stuffed all of her papers inside her bag, even though she had heard this story three times already.

“Well we went there, and the man sings like a dream…”

Jiahn couldn’t help but laugh at the dramatic sigh that slipped from Jiyoo’s lips, turning in her chair and facing the beautiful girl.

“It’s just so…” Jiyoo was smiling, hands folded in her lap as she tried to think of an appropriate word. “ _Sexy_.”

Jiahn pressed her lips together to suppress her smirk, picturing Youngjae when he had come in with the teddy bear and balloons.

“No, really,” Jiyoo’s eyes widened as if the topic was super serious, biting her lip worriedly. “Do you think it’s bad that we’ve already gone all the way? I told my sister and she seemed really upset about it since we’ve only been together for a couple months…”

“You’re asking the wrong person,” she replied, grinning mischievously. “I slept with a dude the first night I met him, and now…”

She trailed off, motioning to her stomach that hadn’t changed in the slightest, making Jiyoo giggle.

“Honestly, I think it’s worth it, because Jiahn…” Jiyoo leaned in closer, but her voice never got any quieter. “He is so good.”

It took everything Jiahn had not to snort out loud with laughter, settling on an amused smile as Jiyoo was looking dreamily off in the distance once more.

“He just knows what he’s doing and knows just where to touch me, if that makes sense, and-”

Jiahn cringed a little, trying to think of a polite way to ask Jiyoo to _please_ spare her the details. She saw a movement behind the younger, realizing Jaebum was walking towards their cubicle. He was, no doubt, going to ask Jiahn if she had finished editing his article like the go-getter that he was, and she wasn’t sure how to warn him about what he was walking in on.

“-always thought vanilla sex was kind of boring, you know, like there’s no spark-”

Jaebum was within earshot now, looking confused as if he wasn’t sure he had heard Jiyoo right.

_Run Jaebum! SAVE YOUR EARS!_

Jiahn made eye contact with him just as he approached the doorway of their cubicle, Jiyoo too far gone in her story to notice.

“-does this thing with his hips, it’s crazy, the amount of control he has, and I’ve never felt anything like it-”

Jaebum looked horrified, realizing he hadn’t heard wrong, eyes wide as he turned to stare at the girl.

“Um, Jiyoo?”

Jiahn cut her off, smiling uncomfortably as she pointed at the man standing right behind her. She stopped, turning around and yelping in surprise when she saw Jaebum.

“Jae!” she exclaimed, cheeks a little pink. “Why are you listening to our conversation?”

“Believe me, I did _not_ want to hear that,” he shook his head back and forth as if hoping that would erase his memory. “I’m scarred for life…”

Jiahn snorted with laughter; now he knew what she went through every day.

“Hey! You’re just jealous because you’re not as good in bed as Youngjae is,” Jiyoo huffed, getting up from her chair to start packing up her stuff.

“I’m _not_ worried,” Jaebum’s smug grin was undeniable, and Jiahn rolled her eyes.

_So full of yourself, Jae_

Before Jiyoo could reply, her mouth open with a scowl on her face, Jiahn spoke.

“Why’d you come over here? Asking about an article?”

Jaebum’s smugness immediately left his face as he scratched the back of his head, looking a little guilty as he smiled at her.

“I was hoping you might’ve finished it…”

Jiahn exhaled loudly, giving him a pointed stare.

“When have I _ever_ edited an article and not told you the _second_ I was done?”

He didn’t say anything, shrugging as he messed with the hair on his head.

“Get off my ass, will you?” she asked, giving him a playful smile so he would know she was only half serious. “I’m going to get it done. Who are you trying to impress? Jackson?”

At the mention of Jackson’s name, Jaebum’s whole demeanor changed, the frustration undeniable as it flashed across his face. He dropped his arm to his side, and she raised her eyebrows, exchanging a look with Jiyoo.

“What’s wrong?” Jiahn asked, watching him closely.

“Nothing,” the man’s answer was immediate and unconvincing.

“Look,” Jiahn stood up from her chair, pulling her bag more securely on her shoulder as Jae looked at her again. “No one’s fooled. So you should probably tell us now before Haeun finds out and tries to cheer you up herself.”

Jaebum looked over his shoulder on instinct, as if fearing Haeun would be standing right behind him, and Jiyoo giggled.

“I’m just-” he paused, huffing a little, seeming annoyed he had to say how he was feeling out loud. “I thought I was going to get the next travel article...I’ve been telling Jackson I need a change of scenery for months…”

Jiahn’s mind immediately went to her best friend, who was probably packing right at that moment, no doubt worrying about how the next few days would go with Shownu.

To be honest, Jiahn was worried too, especially since Soyeon had called her bawling her eyes out just the night before, telling her all about the fight she had with Shownu. The tension was strong between the two, and Jiahn had wondered how in the world Soyeon was going to explain to Jinyoung how she was going on a business trip with another man.

“ _I’ve told him I’m going with Haeun_ ,” Soyeon had explained, one step ahead of Jiahn. “ _Hopefully there’s no issues…_ ”

Jiahn hoped there weren’t either.

“I’m sure you’ll get to go on the next one,” Jiyoo tried smiling at Jaebum. “We usually have travelling articles once every few months.”

He nodded, but didn’t look entirely convinced, and Jiahn felt a little bad for the man; he had told her a few times when checking in on the status of his article how he was hoping to go somewhere. He always seemed nonchalant, like he was just looking for a topic of conversation, but she knew if Jaebum was bringing it up multiple times, he cared a lot more than he was letting on.

“I’ll see if I can find something cool going on outside of Seoul for us to write about,” Jiahn offered without really thinking, watching him turn to her with a slight grin, looking surprised. “I’ll show it to Jackson and see what he thinks...okay?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, laughing a little.

“Now quit moping around,” she teased; she really couldn’t stand to see anyone sad, Jaebum included, even if he was a little pushy at times. “There’s far worse things in life.”

He shook his head back and forth, still grinning as he gave her a muttered “thank you”. Then he was walking away, seeming almost embarrassed by the conversation, and both she and Jiyoo watched him go before the younger was turning back to look at her.

“So…?” Jiyoo had an excited twinkle in her eye as she smiled slowly at her. “You seeing Yugyeom again tonight?”

Jiahn smiled back at his name, wondering when she had turned into _that_ girl.

“Yeah,” she replied, pulling her bags on her shoulder. “Yeah, I am…”

**_7:00pm_ **

Jiahn adjusted the pillows on her couch, watching Mr. Floofs open an eye to look at her as he laid curled on her favorite blanket.

She was a little nervous; this would be the first time she would be having Yugyeom over at her apartment since...the masquerade party.

Of course, she had brought him in to drop the whole “I’m pregnant” bomb on him, but those were completely different circumstances. He was coming over for a _date_ this time, and she swallowed nervously as she glanced at her bedroom, door ajar, bedside lamp still on.

_Don’t jump the gun, Jiahn...you guys are taking it slow remember? He might not want to...I mean he literally spent last week with you at a damn prenatal appointment..._

She cringed at the thought, hoping that hadn’t actually caused him to look at her differently, the fear never entering her mind until just then.

_Okay, fine, make a move if you want to so you’re not wondering, but just try to take it sl-_

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ **

Mr. Floofs ran towards the door, beating her to it as she hurriedly twisted the knob, throwing it open.

“Hi,” she grinned at him, using her foot to block the cat from running out the door.

“Hey,” he smiled back, adjusting the pizza box he was balancing in one hand, holding the cans of soda he was gripping in the other. “I brought food and drinks.”

“Thanks,” she told him with a giggle, backing out of the way and letting him in, shutting the door behind him. “What kind of pizza did you get?”

“Pepperoni,” he replied as she led the way to the living room, taking the box from him and setting it on the coffee table. “I looked it up; people who are pregnant can eat it.”

Jiahn laughed out loud just as she was lifting the lid off the box, almost tipping it over.

“Why were you looking that up?” she asked, turning to look up at him as he smiled embarrassedly.

“Well the lady at the appointment said some red meats were bad so…” he trailed off, shrugging a little as he bit his lip, setting down the can of sodas next to the pizza box. “I just wanted to double check…”

Jiahn’s smile faded as she stared at him, eyes widening a little in surprise.

_How had he remembered that?_

And just like that, butterflies were fluttering hard in her stomach as she watched him pop the cans out of their plastic holder, suddenly shy.

She didn’t deserve him, she really didn’t.

“Thank you,” she told him softly, standing up and walking around the coffee table to sit down on the couch. “Why are you so nice to me?”

He laughed at that, shrugging again as he sat down next to her, grabbing a can and handing it to her.

“I know I said beer, but I felt weird drinking by myself,” he admitted as she took the can. “Sprite’s okay, right?”

“It’s perfect,” she replied, opening the can slowly. “You’re awesome.”

He swallowed, still smiling bashfully as he opened his own can of soda staring at the TV screen.

“So what movie are we watching?” he asked, turning to look at her.

She grinned, leaning forward to grab the remote.

“Titanic.”

_**9:00pm** _

“Look, all I’m saying is, Jack’s my type,” Jiahn explained, pointing at the TV screen before taking another sip of her soda. “He’s got that rule-breaker thing, but he’s also super sweet, and adventurous...but handsome…”

They were about two hours into the movie, and she had gotten a little more comfortable on the couch. Yugyeom was sitting on the middle cushion, her legs spread across his lap as she laid sideways, hugging a pillow to her chest with one hand, can of soda in her other.

“I’m not surprised, I’m just saying, he’s not the brightest,” Yugyeom said with a grin, putting his own drink down as he held onto her legs so they wouldn’t slip off his. “I thought you liked guys who were kind of smart?”

“Well why would I be dating you?” she asked, and he shoved her knees playfully. “I’m kidding! You’re a genius. Do you like Rose?”

Yugyeom shook his head, frowning a little.

“Not my type,” he told her with a shrug. “She’s a little too boring for me.”

“Agreed,” Jiahn nodded, watching him for a moment before speaking again. “Did they graduate your class at work yet?”

They had been texting about it all week, about how he was expecting a new batch of kids and had to say goodbye to the old ones, and how sad he had been about it.

“Tomorrow,” he looked down at his hands, sighing a little. “They have a ceremony and I’ll get the new ones on Monday.”

Jiahn felt a stutter in her chest, touched by how much he adored his class. For someone who didn’t think he would like working with kids, he sure did get attached.

“It’s cute that you care so much,” she told him softly. “I’m sure they love you.”

She meant it; with Yugyeom’s adorable smile, high-energy, and love for the job, she couldn’t imagine that they wouldn’t.

“I just know how nervous some of them were with me,” Yugyeom explained, absentmindedly running his hands along the fabric of her leggings. “I want them to feel good in their next class too.”

The way he was moving his fingers on her legs was sending a subtle shiver up her spine, a teasing game they had been playing all night, and Jiahn wasn’t sure Yugyeom knew one hundred percent what he was doing. Even with the topic of conversation being as delicate as it was, she couldn’t help swallowing heavily as she tried not to focus too hard on his touch.

“I completely understand,” Jiahn nodded, willing herself to ignore his hands as she watched him look up at her. “I had the same experience a few years ago when I worked at a daycare…”

She ran a hand through her hair, as Yugyeom watched her, looking curious.

“I worked in the twos room and there was this kid named Dohyun...He had some heart issues and had never gone to daycare before,” Jiahn continued, remembering the messy-haired boy with chubby cheeks and round, almond-shaped eyes. “Every time his mom dropped him off, he cried for hours-”

Yugyeom cringed as Jiahn paused, still remembering how much Dohyun had struggled at the beginning.

“-he would cry so hard he’d go hoarse and I started getting really worried for his heart,” Jiahn admitted, playing with some thread on her pillow. “Plus he wasn’t eating much...but then one day his mom mentioned in passing how much he loved dinosaurs…”

She smiled at the memory, Yugyeom’s eyes still on her face.

“So I was walking to work, and I passed this little card shop I always used to see on my way, and in the window was this little blue dinosaur…”

Jiahn could remember walking in, a spur of the moment decision as she quickly grabbed the stuffed animal from the display, asking how much it was.

“I got to work and took it slow, just sitting with him like I always did- he never liked to be held- and pulled out the dinosaur to show him,” she laughed a little under her breath before continuing. “He looked at it, and actually stopped, but then he was crying all over again, harder than before, and I thought I messed up-”

Yugyeom’s hand moved just slightly on her leg again, and she looked up to see him watching her with a soft smile on his face.

“-but then I hid it, and he watched it disappear, you know how kids do that, their eyes get all big and stuff,” Jiahn imitated the expression, pulling a laugh from Yugyeom. “After that I gave it to him again and he took it and stopped crying.”

“Wow,” Yugyeom finally spoke. “That’s great.”

“Yeah,” Jiahn felt a little shy as she finished the story. “I didn’t know we would get so attached to each other, but we did, and he was constantly on my lap or hugging me before he said goodbye-”

There was a lump in her throat as she continued and she cursed herself for being so emotional.

“I had to quit though, you know, because I just didn’t make enough money…” she sniffed as her eyes watered a little, and she felt silly. “And I was pretty sad to leave him so...you know...I get it…”

She looked up at the ceiling, annoyed at the tears.

“Sorry,” she laughed, avoiding Yugyeom’s gaze as she wiped away some stray droplet. “This is so stupid...I think pregnancy makes me cry a lot.”

“It’s not stupid,” he told her gently, chuckling softly. “I feel the same way…”

“They had a social media page, so even after I left, I got to see him grow up a bit,” Jiahn told him, grinning as she remembered all the pictures. “It was weird, I was attached to him like he was my son or something…”

Yugyeom nodded and they were silent for a moment as she thought about what she said.

“You know they told me while I was getting my tests that I can get a blood thing done to find out if it’s a boy or a girl,” she said quietly, watching his eyes widen a little in surprise.

“Really?” he asked, voice just as hushed.

She smiled with a nod, glad to see he seemed as curious as she was.

“What do you think it’ll be?” she asked after a moment.

“You want me to guess?” he asked with a laugh, and she nodded excitedly.

They weren’t supposed to be talking about this, not on “dating life” night, but it seemed it was seeping through the cracks like it always was, and Jiahn was too interested in Yugyeom’s answer to reel it back in.

He stared at her for a long moment before smirking, eyes darting to her stomach for a moment before moving back to her face.

“I think it’s a girl.”

“Really?” she was surprised, sitting a little straighter on the couch. “I think it’s a boy! I mean I kind of _hope_ it is...boys are way easier…”

“What?” Yugyeom asked in disbelief, turning a little more on the cushion to face her, hands still gripping her legs. “No way. Girls are much easier. I know...I work with kids.”

“Uh no, boys don’t whine,” she told him, and she watched him scowl playfully at her. “And boys don’t cry as much-”

“That is _not_ true!” Yugyeom exclaimed with a laugh, shaking his head back and forth before smirking at her. “You know, maybe you’re just worried because _you_ were high maintenance as a little girl…”

“Hey!” Jiahn protested, pulling her legs from his lap and tucking them underneath her on the cushion as she got closer to him. “I was not high maintenance!”

Yugyeom was laughing as she took the pillow she was holding, going to hit him in the chest, but he was too quick. He blocked his upper body, hands in front of his face as the pillow collided with his forearms. She giggled, and he took his hands away, looking up at her through his lashes.

“I’m just saying,” he was smirking a little, and Jiahn was annoyed by how attractive she found it. “Maybe that’s why you’re so worried about having a daughter…”

Jiahn was closer to his face than she had been all night, pillow limp in her hand as she grinned back at him. His teasing was turning her on for some reason, and with the close proximity of their bodies, she was considering climbing into his lap.

_I can do that right…?_

The atmosphere had changed significantly in the room now, the mood somehow going from serious, to goofy, to now a little flirty, and Jiahn wondered how the two of them always managed to do this.

It was still nerve-wracking for her, making a first move, but she pressed her lips boldly against his anyway, wanting to wipe the smirk off his face.

Yugyeom responded immediately, his fingers passing delicately across the skin of her cheeks before he was running both of them through her hair. She sighed, wondering if she would ever get enough of this guy, dropping her pillow and listening to the light puff as it hit the ground.

She had meant the kiss to be playful, maybe just a quick, chaste peck to shut him up so she could playfully tell him she was right. Jiahn wasn’t expecting the spark to reignite in her veins the second their lips met, but then again, with the way they had been sitting and his less than innocent touches on her legs, she thought maybe this was a little more built-up than she had realized.

Next thing she knew, she was turning her head to the side, hoping for more, craving more, and he obliged, deepening the kiss with her as she increased their rhythm. The position she was in was awkward, her whole body turned sideways to accommodate the kiss, and she tested the waters, letting her tongue run hesitantly across his bottom lip.

Jiahn should’ve known he wouldn’t argue, parting his lips with a light hum as she explored the inside of his mouth she was starting to know so well.

_Okay, yeah, I can definitely do this_

Before she lost her nerve, she scooted forward, keeping their mouths together the best she could as she climbed into his lap. He was surprised, breaking their kiss as his hands automatically rested on the outside of her thighs, looking down as she positioned herself.

The movie was forgotten, their cans of soda on the coffee table, the serious discussion of a few minutes ago lost in the feeling of Jiahn’s brave first move.

She was fueled by his positive reaction, pressing her lips to his again before she was moving to his jaw, loving the way he tilted his head to the side automatically for her. She heard his breath hitch as she reached his ear, and she grinned before biting the cartilage lightly.

“You’re finally inside my apartment, you know,” Jiahn wasn’t sure where her courage was coming from- it always seemed to be this way with him- but she reveled in the goosebumps that rose on the skin of his neck. “Do you want to…?”

Jiahn trailed off, running her fingers down his upper arms as she started kissing the skin of his neck. She could feel Yugyeom sinking more into the couch, exhaling sharply as her tongue came out to lick the spots she had just kissed. He was running his hands up her thighs, sliding them across the curve of her ass before gripping her hips lightly.

“How are you like this?”

Yugyeom’s voice was strained as he spoke, a chuckle of disbelief mixing with a light moan as she nipped where his neck met his shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

Jiahn was barely paying attention, her focus on the task at hand. Now that she had him, she couldn’t seem to help herself, memories of almost two months ago clouding her vision as Yugyeom became putty in her hands. They might do this, they might _actually_ do this, and her whole body was buzzing with anticipation.

“I mean- at the doctor- you, _ah_ -”

She grinned, unclamping her teeth from a sensitive spot on his neck, letting her tongue run along the indentations. He tasted just a little too good to her, and he was a little _too_ much, but her eagerness for more and confidence from his reactions was enough to keep her going.

“Sorry, what was that?”

Jiahn was teasing him, breath brushing past the wet spot on his skin as she spoke, causing him to shiver just slightly underneath her. The grip on her hips tightened and he laughed again, the sound strained as his head fell back on the cushion of the couch.

“You said you’ve only-”

She loved how breathless he was, caused by _her_ , and she pulled the fabric of his shirt to the side, eyes on his exposed collarbone.

“-been with two guys...and one of them was _me_.”

Jiahn froze.

She couldn’t look at him, all the confidence she had rushing out of her like the air in her lungs as she sighed, gripping the material of his shirt still in her hand. Her forehead fell on his shoulder, embarrassed by his words, and she let out a small chuckle from pure nervousness.

“ _Yugyeom_ ,” she groaned, burying her nose into the skin of his neck. “Why the hell did you have to bring that up?”

“What?” he sounded amused, one of his hands running up her back as he laughed. “It’s not a bad thing, I just…”

He trailed off and Jiahn could’ve died; why did they have to talk about this now of all fucking times?!

“I didn’t want to tell you,” she muttered, so glad she didn’t have to look at his face in this moment.

“Why not?”

Yugyeom must’ve caught on to how embarrassed she was, his tone a little softer as he ran his hands down her back, a loving gesture that was relaxing her a bit.

“I didn’t want you to think I was inexperienced, and you know…” she wasn’t sure how to put it, so she went for bluntness. “Not good.”

“I wouldn’t have had any idea,” he told her, sounding a little impressed. “I was completely surprised when you told the doctor…”

“Really?”

Jiahn lifted up now, shocked by his words. His hands slipped to her sides again as she looked down at him, a small smile on his face.

“You didn’t think-” she stuttered, biting her lip for a second before continuing. “I mean you didn’t know I was like... _new_ really, to a lot of stuff?”

One particular moment was looming in her mind, the first time she had _tried_ such a thing, and she swallowed hard, wondering if he would mention it.

“Not at all,” he told her, sounding sincere,as his eyes wandered past her face to watch his own hands move up and down the curve of her hips. “Everything was... _really_ good.”

Jiahn felt a jolt of electricity at his words, biting her lip nervously again before she was saying her next thought out loud, unable to stop it.

“Even the blowjob?”

Yugyeom laughed a little, eyes coming back up to meet hers.

“I mean…” his smile was one-sided, playful as he answered her. “I obviously liked it...so…”

Jiahn couldn’t get over how fast he could go from sweet to sexy as hell, the look on his face making her stomach flip.

“That was my-” she paused, letting go of his shirt and fixing it back on his shoulder as she avoided his gaze. “-f-first one, so…”

“What?”

His legitimate shock was flattering, and she felt herself giggling as she finally looked at his face again, her eyes locking with his widened ones.

“Yeah, I, um...I’ve never given one before.”

“Wow, uh, well…” he seemed almost aroused by this, hands moving to her outer thighs again as he shifted underneath her. “It was, I mean...I was really your only one?”

Jiahn laughed out loud, gaining her confidence back at the reaction she had _not_ expected from him.

“Yes,” she pressed her lips against his, catching him off-guard before pulling away. “My ex wasn’t a fan, and since you’re the only other…”

Yugyeom stared at her for one brief second before he was closing the distance between them once more, kissing her hard. Her hands were in his hair on instinct, running through the dark brown strands as she kept up with his hasty rhythm. His hands were everywhere- dragging up the top of her thighs, rolling past her ass, following the arch of her back, and then coming back down to squeeze her hips- and she scooted closer, moving her hips against his.

She swallowed the moan that slipped from his throat as their mouths stayed moving together, grinding against him once more as she got excited all over again. She was tired of waiting, knowing they were supposed to take it slow, but _dammit_ , people only took it slow when they didn’t know what they were missing! Jiahn had already been there, already made it to home plate, and she couldn’t stand hovering there on first or even second base for any longer.

She needed more.

Jiahn pulled on his hair, taking her mouth from his as he groaned, letting her move his head to the side again.

“Can we go?” The seduction in her voice was lost a little in her desperate need, moving her hips against his again as she spoke in his ear. “Please?”

“Jiahn…” Yugyeom’s voice was rough, head falling back against the cushion as he spoke. “I don’t think... _ugh_...what about the...?”

Jiahn looked down at her stomach, not needing him to finish the sentence

_Oh yeah. Little dude._

“I’m sure it’s fine,” she didn’t see how it could be a problem- had they said anything about that?- her memory not the best as she looked at the way Yugyeom was positioned underneath her; she knew he wanted it as bad as she did. “Come on... _please_?”

Jiahn couldn’t believe she was begging, but then again, she could; the forbidden thoughts were there almost every time she was with him.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

It was the second time he had asked her that question, sounding a little breathless as she pressed a few more kisses to his neck.

“Doing what?”

She boldly slid her hands underneath the fabric of his shirt, fingers skirting across the skin of his torso as she nipped at the exposed skin of his shoulder. He arched his back a little into her touch, sighing loudly.

Jiahn could feel how hard he was underneath her now, and she couldn’t help running her hand along the zipper of his pants, listening to him hiss in pleasure.

“I- we _shouldn’t_ -”

Yugyeom was making a valid point, and she wasn’t going to do something he didn’t agree with, so she let her hand run along the bulge again, feeling the way his hips lifted just slightly off the couch.

“Okay, okay,” her tone was playful, mind wandering in a different direction as she slowly slid her body away from his hips. “Can I do something else instead?”

Before he could answer, she was climbing off of his lap, slowly lowering to the ground until her knees hit the hardwood.

_A lot more graceful than last time, Jiahn, good job_

His hands sat on either side of his lap as he lifted his head, watching her with widened eyes. She grinned, looking away from him as she unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Jiahn wasted no time, fingers wrapping around his erection as she moved her hand slowly up and down.

It was hard for her to be too nervous or hesitant when she could see how Yugyeom was affected.

His reaction was instant, hips moving up just a bit as a low whine ripped from his throat. She couldn’t get over it, how responsive he was, and wanted nothing more than to wreck him. It was a second chance, a second try at giving a blowjob, and she couldn’t think of anyone better to tell her what she was doing right and wrong.

He was so perfect for her.

Still, as eager as she was, the only thing she liked as much as making a guy come undone under her fingers was the build-up before hand. So instead of scooting back like she wanted to, she held off, twisting her wrist on a upward stroke and watching the way he bit his lip, arching his back again.

“Yugyeom…” she was trying to tease, but the shaking of her voice was undeniable; he was affecting her too. “You didn’t answer me…”

He knew what was coming, knew what she wanted to do, and it was keeping him on edge as he lifted up to look at her again, opening his eyes.

“I-”

She was wicked, she couldn’t help it, squeezing a little as she moved her hand up again, doing the twist move he loved so much.

“- _ugh_ , Jiahn-”

Her name on his lips like that sent another spark of pleasure through her body, and she bit her lip, trying to keep her composure.

“Can I?” her voice was barely above a whisper, fearing she would give away her crumbling dominance if she spoke any louder. “Do you want me to?”

She was so close to his dick that every word she spoke sent a breath ghosting across it, and Yugyeom let his head fall back again, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“ _Yes_ -” he would’ve sounded almost angry if his voice hadn’t cracked, impatient with need. “I- go ahead. _Please_.”

That was enough for her; she might die before she could get to the good stuff if he kept this up.

She swallowed, reminding herself she had done this before, letting her tongue run up the underside of his erection like she did last time. It had the same effect, Yugyeom scooting down a little on the cushions as he moaned, back sinking into the couch.

Jiahn felt her heart skip a beat.

Opening her mouth, she took in just the head first, remembering to run her tongue along the rim of it. His hands reached for her hair, gripping the strands a little as he exhaled sharply. She wanted to smile, but instead she covered her teeth with her lips, lowering her head so she could take more of him into her mouth.

It wasn’t as difficult as last time, setting her jaw in the right position, and she could care less anyway, wanting nothing more than to bring more sounds from the man underneath her.

Jiahn closed her lips around him, sucking lightly and letting her tongue lick tentatively along the length of it. She wasn’t disappointed as she moved her head up and down, multi-tasking the best she could as Yugyeom groaned underneath her with a pull to her hair.

“Y-Yeah,” Yugyeom was arching off the couch, and she immediately put both hands on his hips so he wouldn’t choke her. “ _A-Ah_ , I-“

She wasn’t sure he knew what he was saying, and she loved it, flattening her tongue now as she took as much of him as she could in her mouth.

It wasn’t the most comfortable position in the world, but she hardly noticed as she moved up and down, listening to the whine that caught a little in his throat.

Still, it wasn’t ideal for the long term, and she couldn’t move very fast, so she improvised, adjusting her position. Using one arm to hold his hips down, she wrapped her free hand around the base of his dick, lifting her head and letting her tongue drag along the length of him as she did so.

Jiahn moved her hand in rhythm with her head, licking around the rim of his head again just to hear the choked moan she knew it would bring out of him.

This was fun, _too_ fun for how much work it was, and she felt pretty empowered for someone who was literally on their knees.

“That’s g-good, Jiahn, _yes_.”

She had twisted her wrist again in an upward movement, just experimenting, and she felt Yugyeom grip her hair again as he spoke breathlessly.

His direction was exactly what she needed; as confident as she felt in the moment, she was still inexperienced, and any praise she got was another note she could file away for later.

She removed her mouth from him to give her jaw a small break, letting her tongue drag up his erection, taking some breaths of fresh air.

Jiahn looked up at him for the first time, swallowing hard at the scene before her. His head was thrown back, hair disheveled as he gripped it at the roots- she hadn’t realized he only had one hand in her own hair- back arched off the couch...

He was almost too sexy for her to handle.

Yugyeom lifted his head, and she realized she had stopped moving. His eyes met hers, and she could see how dark they were, watching her with such a smoldering look that it felt as if _she_ was being dominated and not him.

 _But really_ , she thought to herself, tearing her eyes away from his and caressing the head with her tongue once more. _That’s not far off from the truth._

Taking him into her mouth felt more natural now and she immediately wrapped her hand back around the base. Jiahn knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, the desperate moan falling from his lips her biggest indication.

Jiahn was trembling, she could feel it in her entire body, high off Yugyeom’s every reaction. The pulls on her hair, the sounds that echoed off the small living room walls, the heavy breathing of them both as it felt like they were locked in a pleasurable bubble…

She thought she could honestly die happy.

Picking up the pace, she kept a more steady rhythm now, knowing she had teased him long enough. Her hand moved up with her mouth, and she moved her wrist in the way he liked on the downward strokes, sucking a little for experimental purposes.

Whatever she was doing was working, Yugyeom moving his hips against the restraint of her arm.

“ _Ah_ , b-baby, just _keep_ -“

He didn’t finish the sentence, voice catching as she ran her tongue along his slit, and she smiled a little at the way it silenced him.

Yugyeom was gripping the roots of her hair, groaning as she continued to move steadily up and down. He was really close now, Jiahn could sense it, and she wondered what exactly she was going to do once he came.

He hissed, as she started sucking again.

“Jiahn, I-I can’t-“ he was trying to warn her, hips bucking up as he moaned. “I’m gonna-“

There wasn’t enough time for her to think about it, the warm liquid shooting into her mouth. His hands had loosened from her hair, no doubt to give her a chance to pull back, but she didn’t realize until it was too late.

All she could do was swallow, and she did so quickly, trying not to cringe too much at the bitter taste.

“Jiahn,” Yugyeom was breathing heavily, lifting up as she pulled back, giggling at how dirty she felt. “You didn’t have to- I tried to _warn_ you…”

He was watching her with wide eyes, running his hand through his hair that was already a mess.

“It’s okay,” she found she didn’t mind as much as she thought. “I...kind of liked it.”

Yugyeom stared at her for a full thirty seconds before he shook his head a bit, scoffing under his breath. She watched him as he fixed his pants, leaning forward and reaching down to grab her wrist.

“Come here.”

Yugyeom pulled lightly, standing up from the couch as she stood up with him. Jiahn felt tired but good, letting him lead the way to her bedroom.

As soon as she saw her bed, Mr. Floofs curled up in the corner, asleep, she felt not just tired, but _exhausted_.

She climbed onto the mattress, laying down on her back with a loud sigh. Yugyeom smiled at her, looking amused. He climbed on top, knees on either side of her legs, hands pressed into the mattress to hold himself up.

He was so close, and Jiahn couldn’t help it, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down. Her lips captured his, moving slowly, _lazily_ , enjoying the floaty feeling only kissing him could bring her it seemed.

One of Yugyeom’s hands was sliding up her leg, fingers sneaking to her inner thigh as they continued kissing. It felt good, _really_ good, and sent pleasurable shivers down her spine.

Still, Jiahn could feel the warmth of Yugyeom’s body right above hers, and it was so inviting, so comforting, and she found herself just wanting to hold him, despite how much bigger he was than her.

“Yugyeom,” her voice was soft, breaking their kiss and running her fingers softly through his hair. “You don’t have to...”

He had been looking down at his hand on her body- and God help her, in any other situation she would’ve been too turned on to breathe- but looked up with confusion in his eyes at her words.

“You don’t want me to-?”

He pulled his hand tentatively from her leg, looking almost nervous as he searched her face.

“I’m fine, really, just…” she ran her hands down the back of his neck, pulling him towards her again. “Snuggle with me? Please?”

He laughed lightly, moving his hand up to brush some hair off her face.

“Are you sure?” he asked, looking concerned.

“Positive,” she smiled up at him. “Lay on top of me, it’s nice…”

Jiahn had always been weird like that- she was always more comfortable with some weight on her, and usually it was Mr. Floofs.

“Jiahn…” Yugyeom was hesitant, looking down at her stomach with a worried scowl. “What about…?”

_He’s going to be such a worry-wart Dad..._

He trailed off, and she giggled, making him look back at her again with wide eyes.

“It’s _fine_ , Yugyeom,” she soothed, fingers petting the hair on the back of his head while simultaneously trying to tug him closer. “Please?”

He chuckled again, the soft way he was looking at her making her heart skip a beat.

“Okay,” he consented.

He lowered himself slowly on top of her, adjusting so that most of his weight was on the mattress by her side, his head and torso on top of her. She ran her fingers through his hair, eyes immediately slipping closed as she felt her whole body relax underneath him.

They laid there in silence, and Jiahn could feel herself slipping in and out to Yugyeom’s steady breathing. There was a sound next to her, purring, and she opened one eye to see Mr. Floofs sitting right next to her. His wide green eyes watched her expectantly, bottle-brush tail swinging back and forth behind him.

“You can come,” she told him, and Yugyeom lifted his head to look at the cat, laughing under his breath when he saw how close Mr. Floofs was.

The cat turned from Jiahn, eyeing Yugyeom curiously before moving towards him instead. Jiahn was torn between feeling betrayed and amused, watching as he climbed onto her legs and curled into a ball, making sure his paws were resting on Yugyeom’s legs.

Yugyeom looked at him for a moment, a slight smile on his face as he laid his head back on Jiahn’s chest.

“Cats aren’t that bad,” she whispered into the darkness, his dark strands slipping lazily in between her fingers. “I’m going to convert you.”

“I doubt it,” Yugyeom told her, and she could feel him grinning. “But Mr. Floofs is okay…”

It was quiet once more, Mr. Floofs’ loud purrs the only sound in the room. She kept drifting off, hands stuttering their movements in Yugyeom’s hair, and the thought of him leaving caused a lump to form in her throat that she didn’t want to acknowledge.

“Yugyeom,” her voice was barely audible, opening her eyes to look down at the man and swipe some hair off his forehead. “Stay with me…”

She watched his eyelids flutter at her touch, and he sighed softly.

Jiahn knew she was crossing a boundary; it was one thing to mess around, but he had never spent the night other than when they met. She wasn’t sure if she shouldn’t have asked or if it was too soon, but she wasn’t thinking straight in her sleepy haze.

All she knew is she was comfortable, completely and totally comfortable, and she might cry if Yugyeom left her in that moment, already shivering at the thought of the cold it would leave behind.

His arm was draped across her body, and she felt his fingers curl as he pulled her in for a small hug, cheek snuggling a little into her chest.

“Okay,” he whispered.

She smiled, lifting up to kiss his hair, before letting her head fall back on the pillow. He was smiling again, she could feel it, and she let her eyes slip closed as she ran her hands slowly through his hair again.

It didn’t take Jiahn very long to slip into a much needed sleep.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings!
> 
> Cheating and Heavy Sexual Content

 

** Soyeon: **

**_January 18, 2019, 10:30am_ **

Silence.

Soyeon had been sitting in the car with Shownu in almost complete silence for two hours straight.

They had both arrived to work at 8:00am just like any other day, except Jackson was handing them the keys to the company car, the company credit card for gas and food, and sending them on their way. They were forced to fake smiles as they avoided touching each other, walking side by side, or even looking at one another as they headed out the door.

Small, strained, and necessary words had been exchanged, discussions about who would drive and if they needed to grab anything to eat or drink. After that, there was nothing else that needed to be talked about. Shownu was quick to turn on the radio, and not a word had been spoken since then.

Soyeon looked out the window, just the landscape outside telling her they were getting closer to Busan; everything was so much more lush and green. She wasn’t sure what they were going to do about working together if they couldn’t even speak. It killed her, that this is what it had come to; that they could actually sit in a car together for this long and not have a single conversation.

That their relationship was this damaged.

It had been two days now since their argument, though that didn’t mean that Soyeon wasn’t still pissed. But the truth was, it wasn’t so much that she was mad at Shownu anymore as much she was mad at how unfair it all was.

Why did she have to meet Shownu after she was already with Jinyoung for so long? Right after she had moved in with the man?

Why did Shownu have to be so noble and agree to an arranged marriage, all because he felt he “didn’t have a choice”?

Why did Soyeon have to feel like she also didn’t have a choice?

She glanced at the GPS; 20 minutes until they would be at the beach they were meeting their first interviewee at.

Shownu must’ve thought she was looking at him, because he glanced in her direction, and the two of them made awkward eye contact for what would be three times now since they had started driving. Soyeon watched him swallow hard before he was quickly turning to face forward again, hands tightening on the wheel.

She felt her stomach twist, a hard knot forming as she glanced back out the window again.

Why did they both go to the masquerade party, and she didn’t even think to see if the man was him? What was she thinking, seeking out a one-time fling with anyone anyway, alcohol or not?!

Why did it have to be Shownu?

Why did it have to be so...amazing?

Shownu cleared his throat, and it actually made Soyeon jump; there hadn’t been any noise but the radio in so long.

“Soyeon…”

The slight hesitation in his smooth voice had the knot in her stomach reaching painful levels as it tightened even more. She looked over, and he was glancing between her and the road with worry lines creased into his forehead.

“About the other day-”

He wiggled his fingers on the steering wheel before gripping it firmly again, seeming nervous, making Soyeon nervous.

“-I’m sorry...for that…”

A tense silence followed his words as Soyeon struggled to find something to say; she felt frozen in her seat, lips glued shut no matter how much she knew she needed to respond.

“I just care about you,” Shownu went on, eyes locking with hers for a moment and sending her heart rate through the roof before he was looking forward again. “You’re one of my best friends…”

Soyeon could feel that pull again, that longing for him at his words, smiling as her chest swelled with emotion.

“I care about you too,” she could finally speak, her voice a little softer than usual as she continued. “I’m sorry as well, I just...I was stressed-”

She played with the ends of her hair, finally looking away from the side of his handsome face.

“-stressed about my work performance and everything...you know how much I care about that…”

Shownu was nodding, she could see it in her peripheral vision.

“I know,” his voice was almost lost in the music it was so quiet. “I care about our performance too...I, uh-”

He lifted one hand from the steering wheel, and she watched him run it through his hair before continuing.

“I’m sorry we let it effect that.”

_It_

Soyeon knew exactly what _it_ was…

She couldn’t say anything, voice lost again as she watched him grip the wheel once more.

“It’s in the fall right?” Shownu’s voice was strained as he spoke about their forbidden subject, the it, and Soyeon felt a pang in her chest as her head snapped up to look at him. “The, uh...w-wedding?”

Soyeon didn’t miss the hesitation in his voice, the forced nonchalance towards the subject, but she admired his bravery.

_He wants to fix this_

“I- yes,” her voice wavered a little as she responded, heart racing in her chest. “I guess so…”

Shownu was nodding again, and she watched his face. He refused to meet her gaze, eyes locked on the road, and she watched the nervous bobbing of his adam’s apple as he seemed to be thinking really hard about something. He was so handsome to her; it was so distracting she almost couldn’t look at him.

“Are you…” he paused, walking on eggshells with every word that he spoke. “...happy?”

Soyeon immediately looked at her lap, fidgeting with her fingers as she tried to open her mouth and respond.

Under normal circumstances, a girl who was engaged to her boyfriend of almost two years, a man who was wealthy and successful, would be responding with an enthusiastic “Yes!”, smile as bright as the sun.

But unfortunately for her, life just wasn’t that easy, and with every beat of her hammering heart, another second of silence passed that was answering the question on its own.

She could see Shownu glancing over at her, but she couldn’t find it in her to look at his face. A sigh slipped from her lips, and she forced herself to stop fidgeting with her fingers.

“I think so.”

Her voice was a lot more broken than she had meant it to sound, the honesty of her answer weighing heavy in the air of the car as Shownu looked at her again.

No, Shownu, she felt a small lump in her throat, swallowing quickly to try to suppress it. No, I’m not happy…

“That’s good,” he didn’t believe her, the question in his voice speaking louder than his words. “If you’re sure…”

“I am,” Soyeon was quicker this time; she couldn’t afford to admit the truth right now. “I’m sure.”

She finally locked eyes with him, and he seemed to be searching her face, looking for something more. Soyeon shot him a small smile before facing forward again, knowing he would find exactly what he was looking for if she stared back any longer.

“Well...good,” she saw Shownu turn towards the road once more, and he was calculative with his next words, careful as he spoke. “I hope he...I hope he treats you right. Because girls like you-”

They looked at each other at the exact same time, and Shownu pressed his lips together before quickly facing forward.

“-they’re hard to find. He should know how lucky he is...to have you.”

The sincerity in his voice hit her right in her very core, stomach flipping as she smiled down at her lap. It was a sad smile, one without true happiness as the meaning of his words hit her like a stab to the chest.

His blessing...it’s like he’s giving me his blessing…

“You too,” Soyeon needed to get rid of this blanket of tension, it was suffocating. “S-Sooah-”

She could barely say the name.

“I hope she is good to you. You are...so _sweet_ Shownu and-”

The lump was back in her throat.

“-any girl would be...lucky...to have you, too…”

Soyeon hadn’t realize how much she had felt that, how much she meant that any girl would be blessed beyond anything they could imagine if they had Shownu in their lives, until she was speaking it out loud. She didn’t want to acknowledge it, the gnawing pain that the girl who would have him wouldn’t be her, it never would be her, and she was giving her blessing right back to Shownu.

They were like two teenagers at prom, never met, never spoken until that fateful night. Shownu had approached her as the slow dance song began and for the last year, she had kept her arms firmly around his neck, ignoring the growing tension and the undeniable chemistry as they stayed locked in an embrace. But they had messed up, they had crossed the line, given in to temptation, and they had to remind themselves they weren’t really at the dance together; they had other dates, and they couldn’t stay in that dance forever. They’re true dates were back, with outreached hands and expectant looks, and at the same time, they were forced to take those steps back until they were no longer holding one another.

The song had ended.

She turned away from him, too overcome with emotion at that moment, cheeks burning red. The GPS caught her eye once more, and she realized they would be at the beach in five minutes. Soyeon was thankful for the distraction, blinking a few times to keep her tears at bay as she hurriedly dug through her bag by her feet.

She pulled out the paperwork Jackson had given her last minute; their itinerary for the day. Soyeon wasn’t much of a schedule person, and she had been so focused on the palpable tension between her and Shownu for the last few hours that she hadn’t glanced at anything. She saw that their first interview was for 11:30, then they had a break for lunch before they were conducting two more interviews, one at 1:30pm and another at 4:00pm.

It was going to be a long day.

“You ready for this?”

Soyeon needed to put some normalcy back into the atmosphere before they got out there; she wasn’t about to fail another project because the two of them couldn’t put aside their emotions again.

Shownu looked at her, a smile on his lips for the first time in...a very long time. The simple gesture took her breath away as she watched him turn back towards the road, making a right turn as the GPS suggested.

She forgot how happy it made her to see him happy.

“When’s the first interview?”

His voice was normal, the most relaxed it had been in a while, and Soyeon felt a weight lift off her chest that she hadn’t even known was there.

“11:30,” she replied quickly. “Should be fun, right? Interviewing on the beach?”

We’re going to be alright, Soyeon told herself, watching as the smile never left Shownu’s face. He doesn’t want to lose you either…

He laughed a little before finally answering.

“Yeah,” his voice was thoughtful as he looked straight ahead. “Should be fun…”

**_7:00pm_ **

For the most part, their prediction had been completely correct.

Soyeon was walking on the beach, the sun setting behind the curve of the ocean, staring at the beautiful pinks and deep purples that decorated the sky. It was chilly this time of night, and as her hair whipped in the sea winds, she shivered, pulling her jacket a little tighter around her body.

After every interview, each person they had met had to go through a photo shoot with Shownu. Natural beauty only the ocean and white sandy beaches could bring, made the man’s job so much easier. He simply had them look at the water or stand in front of the sun, always taking one serious and one smiling picture with some candid shots as well.

Every interviewee loved him, his good-natured smile and patience with the less-than-photogenic charming the pants off of them. Soyeon had seen it many times before, the way Shownu operated, and she found herself fighting down the butterflies every time she was watching for too long.

They had been exhausted by the end of the third interview, Shownu running to grab snacks from the local food trucks while she typed fiercely on her laptop, thankful for it’s long battery life. She had recorded all the interviews of course, but she wanted to format them nicely so she wouldn’t have to go back and read her less-than-legible handwriting.

Inspired by the change of scenery, the escape from her suffocating life, and the wide open spaces of the beach, Soyeon was suddenly motivated to make up for her last few projects that had been way less than what she was capable of. Shownu had been supportive, making sure she was eating and drinking, but giving her space, content to take pictures of the world around him or stare unseeingly into the waves as they crashed just centimeters from their feet on the beach.

They spent hours like that; just the two of them in between interviews, talking when they had something to say and falling into comfortable silence when they didn’t.

Like they used to.

It was as if their conversation in the car and the two and half hours from home had let them hit the reset button. They were having conversations again, laughing again, helping one another with their work and easing into their old selves once more. The tension was mostly gone, replaced with the love that only close friends could harbor, with teasing remarks and exchanged smiles that made Soyeon feel whole again.

That made her feel happy.

She closed her eyes for just a moment, facing the sea as she smelled the salt in the air. It was getting darker by the minute, and she couldn’t believe she had spent the whole day on the beach talking to people and getting paid for it.

She felt so incredibly lucky.

“Okay, Soyeon, now just…” she looked over, watching him adjust the lens on the camera before bringing it back to his face. “Turn a little to the left, so we can see more of the front of you.”

Soyeon obeyed him instantly, smiling as he gave her a thumbs up.

Once the last interview was over, Soyeon had asked if they could take a walk on the beach before checking into their hotel. It had been a long day, and her laptop had finally died after she made sure to save everything she had worked on. Shownu had agreed quickly, and as they walked together, he had asked her to do a photoshoot.

“The sunset is perfect for pictures,” he had explained, looking a little nervous as he rubbed the back of his neck. “We could do some silhouette shots if you want...jeans and a jacket are great for that kind of thing. Especially with your hair…”

And then his eyes had wandered to her dark brown strands, looking at her like she was a work of art he was directed to assess, and Soyeon had said yes without hesitating, reminding herself to breathe.

Soyeon didn’t mind having pictures taken of her, especially if it was Shownu. The man valued a good candid shot, preferring her to be as natural as possible while he did all the work. She was more than happy to oblige, revelling in the soft sand as it enveloped her bare feet, letting her thoughts run away with her.

Out there on the beach, with the open skies, glassy waters, and sounds of the crashing waves, her life didn’t seem so hard. She wasn’t thinking about Jinyoung and how many times he had probably texted her on the phone she left in the car. Soyeon wasn’t thinking about the flutter in her chest when she looked at Shownu too long or the way the man’s skin positively glowed in the winter sun.

Life was different in a new place, it was easy to take on, and Soyeon had a sense of contentment inside her that she hadn’t realized she had so desperately needed.

She had seen the same feelings lying in Shownu as well, with a brightness in his eyes and a smile that could light the night sky every time he laughed. He was less hesitant, more take-action, not a line of stress on his face as he continuously clicked his camera, enamored by the beauty that surrounded them.

“It’s cold, Shownu!” Soyeon whined playfully, scrunching her nose at him as he took yet another picture of her walking. “The water is freezing my feet!”

The tide had come closer, and she had started to cringe every time a wave came crashing to the surface of the beach.

“Just a few more,” he told her, lowering the camera as he walked towards her. “We could do some farther from the water?”

“Okay,” Soyeon smiled at him, and he immediately smiled back, a fondness in his eyes she couldn’t ignore as she led the way up the sand.

Most of the beach-goers were gone for the day without the warmth of the sun, and Soyeon found herself collapsing into a sitting position on the soft sand with a sigh as she looked around the empty space around her.

“Take some of me resting,” she told him as he stood next to her, letting her head fall into the sand. “Since you’re making me work after I already worked.”

Her eyes had slipped closed, but she opened an eye to look at him with a teasing smirk, and he laughed under his breath as he crouched down, camera lifted once more.

“I think you like it.”

His playful reply was low and she felt her heart skip a beat at the sexy tone in his voice.

She supposed she would never not find Shownu attractive, but it had been that way since the moment they met. You could still be friends with someone you thought was gorgeous...right?

_Sure, Soyeon_

Her mind’s sarcastic reply had her smiling despite herself, amused by her thoughts, high off the carefree aura of the beach as she felt the squishy sand mold to the contours of her body. It was more comfortable than she thought it would be, and she could feel the tension in her muscles from standing and running around all day.

Arching her back, she dug her head into the sand, arms above her head as she stretched out her whole body like a cat. She groaned a little, not realizing how truly wound tight she was, and she opened her eyes to look at Shownu, about to make a joke about ruining his shoot.

She was stopped short though, when she saw his eyes wandering down the dramatic curve of her body. His eyes were a little wider than usual, and he bit his lip for a second before letting it go, gaze wandering slowly back up to her face.

They locked eyes, and she felt her heart pounding excitedly at the way he was looking at her.

Like she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

“We should check in to the hotel,” Shownu’s voice was a little strained when he spoke, eyes darting to his camera as she gave his head a slight shake. “I think I’ve got enough pictures.”

Soyeon should’ve known all the tension would never be gone.

They had parked the company car at the hotel, deciding to check in after the day’s work was done and it was a short walk to the parking lot. Shownu unlocked the car, insisting on carrying her overnight bag for her while she pulled Jackson’s reservation papers out, thanking him with a shy smile.

The front desk worker was an older gentlemen, listening to 80’s rock music while he stacked some complimentary water bottles on the front counter. The hotel was locally owned and small, but had a small-town vibe to it that made Soyeon feel comfortable.

“Hello,” she waved at the man as she and Shownu approached, and he smiled back instantly as he looked between the two.

“Why hello,” he replied cheerfully, reaching over to his radio and turning down the volume. “How can I help you folks today?”

“We have a couple reservations,” Soyeon replied, unfolding the paperwork and laying it on the counter. “Under Jackson Wang?”

“Ah,” the man took the glasses sitting on top of his head and put them on, squinting a little as he read the paper. “No problem…”

He typed a couple things into the computer, humming along to the music and turned his back on them to grab a couple keys. Soyeon looked behind her at Shownu, and they exchanged smiles at the friendly old man before she was facing forward once more.

“Alrighty,” he took out a key sleeve, slipping two cards inside. “You guys will be in room 115, just go straight down this hallway and to the left-”

“I’m sorry,” Soyeon’s heart skipped a beat as she looked at the key sleeve. “I don’t mean to interrupt but...aren’t we supposed to have two rooms?”

The man’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked between the two before turning back to his computer.

“Jackson Wang?” he asked for verification.

“Yes,” Shownu answered, coming closer to the counter as he watched the man.

“I’m sorry guys…” the man looked hesitant as he put his glasses on his head once more. “There’s only one room on this reservation…”

Soyeon felt like someone had pulled a rug out from under her feet, looking at Shownu without thinking about it. He looked uneasy, swallowing hard as his eyes darted from the man to Soyeon’s face.

“Oh, um…” he glanced at the key sleeve in her grip. “Well, is there anyway I could buy another room?”

“No, Shownu-”call

She didn’t know why she was telling him not to, didn’t know why she wasn’t letting him solve this problem, but she couldn’t find it in her to let him pay for another room. The thought of sharing a room with him was...nerve-wracking, yes, but this place seemed expensive considering it was right by the beach, and she wasn’t about to let him spend that kind of money because of Jackson’s mistakes.

“It’s not a big deal,” Shownu was already pulling out his wallet, shifting their bags around. “I can take care of it-”

“That’s a lot of money, I just don’t think-”

But then their eyes were meeting again, and she knew that it wasn’t about the money. This whole situation wasn’t about the hotel room, or the space they might need, or the amount of privacy they required.

No, whether they wanted to admit it or not, the two of them sharing a room together had her stomach doing somersaults, her chest feeling warm, and it was all very, very…

_Dangerous_

“H-How many beds are there?” Shownu had ripped his eyes away from hers, turning to the man who was watching them with a wide-eyed expression.

“It’s one king bed,” he replied, squinting at the computer before turning back to them. “There is a couch though, if you...need it…”

_One bed_

What the hell was Jackson thinking?

“I’ll just get another room,” Shownu told him with a quick smile, taking his card out of his wallet as he spoke. “How much would it-?”

“Shownu,” Soyeon put her hand on his without thinking, stopping him from handing over the debit card. “It’s...It’s fine…”

The tension was palpable between them, Shownu looking down at her fingers that were still wrapped gently around the top of his hand. The questions in his eyes were ones that Soyeon didn’t want to answer, unsure what exactly she was doing. She pulled away quickly, taking a step back just as he was clearing his throat.

“Alright,” Shownu said slowly, putting his card back in his wallet and finally tearing his eyes away from her. “I guess I’m okay then. Thank you so much, sir.”

“Yeah,” the man was giving them a speculating look, making Soyeon feel awkward. “You kids have fun now…”

She cringed as Shownu adjusted the bags again on his shoulder, leading the way.

They followed the man’s instructions to the room, neither of them saying anything to each other. Soyeon could feel her poor heart racing for what felt like the thousandth time that day, knowing this was a very, very bad idea.

Why was she not letting him get another room?

_It’s too expensive_

How come she wasn’t buying one herself, or offering to split the cost?

_He wouldn’t agree to that_

Why didn’t they call Jackson, see if he could buy them another room real quick with the company card?

_Jackson’s probably busy_

She wasn’t making excuses, it was _true_! Jackson was notorious for not answering his phone after seven...

_Sure, Soyeon_

Somehow her mind’s sarcastic reply wasn’t nearly as funny to her as before.

They stopped in front of their door, and Shownu stepped out of the way so she could unlock it. She couldn’t look at him as she slid the card in the lock, twisting the knob and leading the way inside.

The room was indeed, nice, with high ceilings, light blue paint, decorated with light wood furniture and beach landscape pictures on the walls. The bed was a California King, with a thousand pillows on its surface and a big, fluffy comforter. The wall facing the ocean was hardly a wall, mostly a window that went from the floor and to the ceiling. The curtains were pulled opened, giving them a gorgeous view, a small couch obstructing the bottom part of the clear glass.

She made a beeline straight for the piece of furniture, sitting down on the cushions as she faced Shownu.

“This is comfier than I thought,” she admitted, sinking into the couch a bit as she let her head fall back. “I’m stealing some of those pillows though.”

She was hoping she could take the tension away, being laid-back about the whole thing despite the uneasy feeling in her stomach. It may have worked if it weren’t Shownu, who was already shaking his head as he set her bag carefully on the mattress next to them.

“Soyeon, you’re not sleeping on the couch,” he told her, not leaving it up for debate as he looked at her. “I’ll sleep there.”

“Shownu, you’re like, six inches taller than me,” Soyeon argued despite his tone as she sat up. “You’re not even gonna fit-”

“I just…” Shownu looked a little shy as he looked around the room. “I can’t have you sleeping on the couch…”

He was so goddamn sweet, she couldn’t stand it, chest fluttering a little at the softness in his voice.

“Alright fine.”

She decided to agree, because the alternative might be Shownu turning around and buying another room, and for some reason that did strange things to her insides that she didn’t want to acknowledge. So instead, she ran a hand through her hair as she tried to keep herself from thinking too hard, only to snag her fingers harshly as she got to the bottom of the strands.

“Ow,” it was unexpected, and she wiggled her fingers gently as she tried to pry them from her hair. “Dang it…”

“What’s wrong?” Shownu had walked over, putting his bag next to the couch and looking up at her in concern.

“My hair’s all knotted up from the beach,” Soyeon grumbled.

_Great_

Soyeon’s hair was thin and silky, and for the most part, incredibly easy. But on days when it was tossed around by the wind, it got so knotted it up that it was practically a project to brush through it; her hair took forever to untangle.

“You’re always getting knots in your hair,” Shownu was teasing again, the gentle smile on his face making her feel like the temporary hiccup in their otherwise perfect day was non-existent.

“Shut up,” she replied, her own mouth curling into a playful smile as she got up from the couch. “Let me take a shower...I’ll just use a lot of conditioner.”

Shownu was still grinning after she had grabbed her shower stuff, looking over her shoulder and waving before shutting the door behind her.

Soyeon immediately turned on the hot water, slowly taking her clothes off. It felt wrong, dirty somehow, to be so naked so close to Shownu. There was only a thin wall between them, the door still sitting unlocked as she glanced at her reflection in the mirror.

She didn’t lock it.

As she stepped under the steaming shower, she cleaned up quickly before working in as much conditioner as she could with her travel bottle size. She tried not to think about the fact that Shownu could walk in at any time. All he had to do was twist the knob, take a few bold steps in, and there would be nothing in between them but the glass shower door that did a poor job of obstructing his view-

_Why didn’t you lock the door, Soyeon?_

She refused to answer or even acknowledge the question, rinsing out her third dose of conditioner before finally turning off the water. She grabbed a towel from the shelf, drying off quickly and pulling on her pajamas. She had thought she would be alone, packing nothing but a pair of comfy shorts and a tank top…

_It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing_

Right.

She used the towel to wipe off the mirror after drying her hair as gently as she could. She was able to see her reflection for just long enough to grab her hairbrush before it was fogging back up again.

Soyeon huffed, wiping the mirror again as she began brushing with quick, sharp strokes to work out the knots.

Steam made her reflection vanish once more.

She sighed, dropping her hands before looking over her shoulder at the door. After a moment’s hesitation, she walked over, twisting the knob and pushing it all the way open. Shownu was sitting on the bed, back against the headboard with his camera in hand. It seemed he was looking through all the pictures he had taken, head snapping up when he saw Soyeon.

“I need to air out the bathroom,” she told him, wondering why he had such a guilty expression on his face. “Sorry…”

“No problem,” Shownu was shrugging, adjusting a little on the bed as he watched her.

Soyeon felt something she couldn’t explain as she stood in the doorway in her baggy pajamas and still ratted-up hair.

_Comfortable_

Turning around and ignoring that thought entirely, she moved back to the sink, wiping the mirror for the final time. She could see Shownu’s legs in the mirror, still spread out on the bed as he continued to look at the camera.

_Jinyoung would cringe if he ever saw me wearing something like this to bed_

Soyeon got to work on her hair, going as gently as she could, cringing when she got to the particularly nasty knots. She was making progress, but it was slow, and the small yelps that she made when she pulled just a little too hard had Shownu peeking at her a few times through the doorway.

“Ow,” she groaned, the hairbrush legitimately getting stuck on the last large knot she had to conquer. “Stupid...hair…”

She could hear Shownu laughing, and she glanced in the mirror, realizing he had actually gotten up from the bed, and was now standing in the doorway, leaning casually against the frame. His arms were crossed in front of his chest as he smiled softly at her reflection, and she hoped he thought the red of her cheeks was just the steam still swirling around them.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking amused.

“I’m fine, I just-” Soyeon gave the brush a hard tug, jumping a little at the pain as she finally got it out of her hair and set it on the sink counter. “I’m tired of brushing to be honest with you. I hate my hair.”

“Do you want me to help?”

Her eyebrows raised as she locked eyes with him in the reflection.

“Can you…?” she asked curiously.

“My little cousin used to ask me to do it all the time,” he was walking into the bathroom now, dropping his arms to his sides as he did so. “We had pool at my old house and when they came and swam, her hair always got pretty bad.”

Shownu was already standing behind her, reaching around to pick up the brush. He was so close, and she felt like every nerve of her body was on high alert, swallowing hard as he locked eyes with her in the mirror.

“Can I?”

His voice was so smooth, like silk, and she nodded, unable to take her eyes from his handsome face.

Shownu’s hands were so gentle, fingers brushing lightly across the exposed skin of her back as he picked up her knotted strands of hair. She suppressed the shiver that ran up her spine as he took the brush and expertly picked at the knot. He held the hair so it didn’t pull on her scalp, and she watched him as his eyes stayed locked on her strands, patient and diligent as he worked at it.

“Does that hurt?”

His voice was soft and low as he glanced at her in the mirror.

“No.”

Soyeon’s response was so quiet she was surprised he had been able to hear her.

He tore his eyes away as he went back to what he was doing and the tension between them was much different than usual. She was used to the anger, the sadness, the non-communication, the frustration…

But this was something new, something like fire, a heat that was undeniable building so fast between them it felt like Soyeon had never turned off the shower. Every accidental touch of his fingers on her back had goosebumps rising on her skin, as if reaching out for more. She could feel the temperature of his body radiating off his perfect skin.

Soyeon had never thought this through, or maybe she had, she wasn’t even sure anymore. But Shownu was too close, and it was overwhelming, she could think of nothing but just two months ago, when they had masks on and had no inhibitions. When they didn’t know it was each other and rode on the undeniable attraction they had for one another. He knew just how to touch her, just how to kiss her, took control in an entirely different way than Jinyoung ever had-

The brush caught on a tight knot in the strands he was working through, yanking her head back a bit. She was forced to take a step back, and he reached out automatically, hand on her shoulder to steady her.

“I’m sorry,” he looked worried as he met her eyes in the reflection. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Soyeon almost choked on her words, because now she was even closer to Shownu’s body. and he wasn’t moving his hand from her shoulder as he worked the knot- the last one left from what she could feel- one-handed.

The touch was so small, so innocent, and yet the skin underneath his hand was tingling in a way that had her pressing her lips together as she stared down at the counter in front of her. The way he was gripping her gently, holding her straight as he started brushing through the hair again, all the knots mostly gone, was doing terrible things to her mind. She remembered the way his hands gripped her hips, the way he had held her so easily against the brick wall…

The brush was moving more smoothly through her hair now, and he was starting at her roots, brushing all the way down. The bristles pressing into her scalp felt good, like a massage, and she felt herself leaning back with his strokes before she could think about it.

She felt Shownu’s fingers gripping her shoulder curling just a little, the movement of the brush stuttering. He quickly recovered, moving the brush back, starting at another set of strands and moving slowly, deliberately down the hair. The pressure of the brush on her scalp, the heat coming from Shownu’s body, the hand that still hadn’t left the bare skin of her shoulder was just too much…

She was leaning back again, a soft sigh escaping her lips before she could stop it. Soyeon looked in the mirror, and Shownu was watching her, eyes darker than she had ever seen them as he swallowed hard. She watched his eyes wander down her body in front of him, knowing damn well she was looking, before he was taking the brush again, fingers sliding just slightly in their grip on her shoulder as he brushed down.

Soyeon let her body be guided by the brush, head tipped back a little as she felt Shownu’s hand stutter on her skin. He pulled the brush all the way through, slower than he had all night, and they were locking eyes in the reflection once more. His gaze didn’t leave hers as he un-curled his fingers from her shoulder, the palm of his hand dragging across the skin before he was sliding up her neck, touch feather-light.

Another sound, a more audible sigh came out on her exhale as she tried to steady her breathing. She was powerless, putty in his expert hands, and she felt his fingers falter a little at the sound before he was taking a step closer to her from behind. He was so close she could almost taste it, and she wanted him so bad it was like an ache in her chest.

He lifted the brush, putting it through her hair one last time, and she let her body fall with the movement. He was too close now, and her back was pressed against his front. She heard it, the sharp exhale that left his mouth as he dropped the brush to his side, and it landed with a soft sound on top of her towel on the floor.

Soyeon couldn’t pull herself away from him, their bodies so perfectly molded as she felt his hand leave her neck. She almost whined at the loss, the sound dying in her throat as she felt his hands move to her hips. He held them in place against him, like they were on the dance floor all over again, and she let her head fall back against his shoulder at the firm grip he had on her.

Shownu was turned on, she could feel it, and her insides curled in delicious pleasure, body craving, begging her to give in already. It seemed he felt the same, his nails digging into the skin of her hips above her shorts as he pulled her just a little closer to his body. She let her hips move against him, watching his head fall forward in the mirror, catching a glimpse of his bottom lip lodged between his teeth.

His forehead was just inches from her shoulder, and Soyeon gasped softly when he turned his head, pressing his lips softly against the skin of her neck, like a gentle caress. It was so good, so seductive, and she couldn’t help grinding her hips into his again.

Shownu moaned this time, soft and in her ear, and she repeated the movement, wanting more than anything else in this world for him to make that sound again.

The grip on her hips tightened, and before she knew what was happening, he was using that to turn her around roughly, making her spin completely around. She almost lost her balance, backing up a little to steady herself. Her eyes locked with his, and they were almost black as they looked down at her with so much emotion it made her heart pound in her chest.

He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers so hard she was taking another step back to keep her equilibrium. Her back hit the counter of the sink just as her hands hurriedly wrapped around his neck, body buzzing at the feeling of his lips on hers.

_Finally_

Shownu was moving his lips against hers in a way that was almost hungry, and Soyeon wasted no time letting go of him just long enough to jump on the sink counter. A soft groan slipped from his throat as his hands ran up her legs, pulling them around his waist. She submitted, locking her ankles right in the dip of his lower back as she threaded her fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

They turned their heads simultaneously, deepening the kiss as Shownu’s hands slid up her legs again, leaving fire in their wake as he made his way right past her ass, fingers pressing into the curve of her back. She followed his unspoken command, arching her back, his mouth pulling off of hers with an audible pop as he left opened-mouth kisses along her jawline. Their heavy breathing echoed on the tiled walls of the bathroom, Soyeon immediately tilting her head, begging him for more as she gripped the strands of his hair a little tighter.

His breath hitched right as he made it to her ear, tongue coming out to run along the cartilage as she bit her lip, a high-pitched “ah” coming from her mouth. Her fingers were curling now, scratching along his scalp as he started leaving more wet kisses along her neck. He growled deep in his throat, forehead pressing against her neck for a second as she practically massaged the skin.

They were both coming apart at the seams, the tension of all those weeks too much for either of them to handle. It was desperate, the way they were touching one another, caught up in the temptation that had been looming in the air since the moment they met.

His hands were moving from her back again, rough as they traveled along the curves of her body, stopping at the inside of her knees. he gripped her there, and she pulled him closer with her interlocked ankles behind him, his hips pressing right against hers. His mouth was back on her neck again, sucking on the skin there as he ground his hips into hers.

They both moaned together, her nails scratching down his neck and in between his shoulder blades at the pressure. He took his mouth from her neck, breathing labored as pulled back to look at her. They stared at one another for only a moment, one intense, charged moment, before his hands were sliding underneath her thighs, lifting her off the counter.

Shownu’s lips were pressing hard to hers just as she was wrapping her arms more securely around his neck. He was moving as if she was as light as air, and she trusted him blindly, eyes still closed as she moved her lips hungrily against his. He was turning around, just as she was biting his bottom lip, pulling gently as she listened to the loud sigh that came from him as she did so.

Her back was pressed against the door frame as she let go, running her tongue along the lip before she was met with his. They’re lips were back on one another’s, tongues battling for dominance as Soyeon tried to breathe through the pleasure of it all.

It was overwhelming and hot- so, _so_ hot- and she had never experienced anything like it.

Never experienced anything like Shownu.

He was moving again, and it was only a few steps to the bed. He leaned down slowly, lowering her gently onto the mattress before climbing on top of her. They both scooted back until they were completely on the bed, Shownu immediately lowering his hips onto hers. He was looking down at her again with that blazing look, like she was the sexiest girl he’d ever seen, and she preened as he moved her hair away from her face.

Their lips were back together, like two magnets again, drawn together by a force of nature that neither of them could understand. His hips were moving slowly against hers, carefully, as if savoring the moment, and Soyeon could hardly breathe it was so intoxicating.

Her fingers were running roughly through his hair, body rolling against his as she scraped down his scalp again. Shownu’s movements stuttered, mouth pulling from hers in a deep moan as he lowered his head. His hair was hanging just slightly in his face, and she was captivated by him as she let her nails dig into the skin of his back, his hips grinding harder and faster into her. She whined a little at the feeling, the pressure delicious as she moved up to meet his movements.

He was using one elbow on the mattress for leverage, the other dragging down her arm almost lovingly, despite the impatient rhythm of his hips. She arched her back as he dragged his fingers along the line of her hip bone, sneaking under the fabric of her tank top. His touch was perfect, the balance of pressure and sensation making her so glad she had skipped a bra as he skirted across her nipples. She couldn’t help the choked sound that caught in her throat as he kneaded one breast and then the other, the heat of it flushing her skin and reddening her cheeks.

Soyeon lifted her body slowly, sitting up and forcing him to do the same as he got up on his knees. Her hands were moving under the baggy black t-shirt he had on, lifting the fabric as she went. He looked down at her movements before staring back at her, grabbing the hem of his shirt. He never took his eyes from her as he pulled the fabric over his head, throwing it to the side.

Her eyes took in every beautiful angle of him; every dip in the definition of his stomach, every contour of the muscles in his arms, and every inch of his beautiful skin that was bronze and gorgeous in the dim lighting of the hotel room. Shownu was slipping his hand from her shirt as she ran her hands along his body, just wanting to touch. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to admire him like this or if she wanted to pull him flush against her, bringing him as close as possible.

Shownu was watching her as she ran her hands along every inch of skin she could reach, and she met his eyes. They were still dark, still burning with desire as he grabbed her tank top, pulling it up and off in one fluid motion as she raised her arms up obediently. Soyeon was dragging her hands down his stomach again, stopping at the line of his basketball shorts he was wearing.

She could see the bulge there, the obvious sign of his arousal, and she let her hands carefully move down until she was dragging gently across it. He hung his head again, watching her hand as she caressed him through the fabric, hissing before groaning deeply. Soyeon loved it, watching him come a little undone under her touch, another strained moan coming from him as she squeezed just a little.

She needed more, wanted more, quickly moving her hands to the top of the shorts. She hooked her fingers in the waistband, pulling them down in one swift movement. No boxers underneath and she was so glad, immediately wrapping her hand around his erection. Shownu held onto her shoulders, fingers digging into the skin as he watched her move her hand smoothly up and down the length of him. His bottom lip was in his teeth again, a moan dragging from his throat as his eyelids fluttered closed.

Soyeon was trying to keep her composure, this beautiful, adonis-like man turning into mush in her hands, begging her with his delicious sounds to keep going and she just wasn’t sure how she was handling it. She was moving quicker now, licking her lips as she watched him move his hips just slightly into her strokes.

“Soyeon,” it was the first time he had spoken, and she could’ve died at the sound of his voice; breathless and almost caught in his throat as he tried to speak. “Lay down…”

She let go of him somewhat reluctantly, watching as he lifted his head, taking a deep breath as he watched her sit back a little. With his grip still on her shoulders, Shownu pushed her down, and she fell back onto the mattress with a slight squeak. He smiled, the gesture looking more like a smirk as he climbed completely on top of her.

Soyeon couldn’t stop looking at him; he was breathtaking, like a statue come to life, and she felt the fire light up where his fingers grazed just above the top of her shorts. His fingers made a tantalizing, scratching pattern across the sensitive area, and she lifted her back off the mattress, moving more into his touch. He exhaled loudly at the movement, one hand moving to grip her hip, forcing her back down on the bed again.

It turned her on so much, the way he took control of her like that, and she sighed as she felt him mimic her movements from earlier, he too, gripped the waistband of her shorts. He pulled them down slower than she did though, with precision, eyes on her face as he did so. She couldn’t tear her gaze away, unable to break the intensity of the moment. He pulled the fabric down her legs, finally looking down so he could see before he was throwing the material on the floor.

Shownu was lowering his body on top of hers again, using one of his hands to brush some loose strands from her face. The pressure of his body on top of hers, both of them naked and slick with sweat, it was intimate but sexy, so sexy, and Soyeon was biting her lip as she locked eyes with him once more. There was another question in the smoulder of his gaze, a glimpse of the sweet Shownu that she loved, asking her if it was okay to keep going.

She leaned up, pressing a hard kiss to his lips as she gripped his shoulders, grinding her hips deliberately up against his. He broke their kiss as he hissed, eyelids fluttering as he moved against her again, no doubt entranced by the friction.

It was really all he needed, and she let her eyes wander across his skin, fingers scraping gently across the areas she could reach as he lined up at her entrance. She gasped just as he moved inside of her, moaning low in his throat before freezing for a moment. She was full, but it was good, something different about this time compared to anything she’d ever had before.

Shownu moved fluidly, his thrusts hard but slow as she dug her nails into the skin of his shoulders, a surprised, high-pitched moan coming from her throat. She couldn’t help it; it felt good, too good, and it caught her completely off-guard. She let her head turn to the side, watching the way he gripped the sheets hard, a desperate moan pulling from his throat and she knew he felt the same way she did.

Her hips were coming up to meet his, the heat of their bodies creating a sauna-like atmosphere in their bubble of pleasure they were locked in. She was gripping him hard, wanting him closer, needing him closer, and he sank onto his elbows, mouth on her shoulder as he moved in and out of her, picking up the pace.

“Oh my god,” Shownu breathed, pressing a quick, heated kiss to her skin. “ _Soyeon_ …”

She let her nails dig into his skin, moaning in response because, dammit, she could listen to him say her name like that until the day she died. He was sweating, the skin of his stomach sliding across hers as he moved and she had an idea, running her hands through his hair and yanking a little on the strands.

“ _Ah_ ,” Shownu’s mouth was open, and she tried to find her voice as he lifted up with her movement.

“Shownu,” she was breathless, his eyes locking dazedly with hers. “Let me ride you.”

He halted his movements, staring at her as if she had morphed into someone he’d never seen before. It only took a minute for him to recover, shaking his head a bit as he pressed a hard kiss to her lips, pulling out of her slowly. They both hissed before Shownu was rolling over, Soyeon wasting no time climbing on top.

Shownu’s hands were on her hips, helping guide her as she lowered back onto his dick. He dug the back of his head into the mattress at the feeling, groaning as his grip on her tightened. She watched in awe as his eyes slipped closed, trying to breath as she adjusted herself into a comfortable position.

Once she found good leverage, she was moving her hips into him, the position feeling somehow even better than before as she whined a little at the feeling. There was nothing but the sound of their heavy breathing, moans and sighs of pleasure echoing across the hotel room as they rode out every sensation that was building heavily between them.

It was so much more than sex, it was a connection, and the overwhelming intensity of it had Soyeon trembling as she leaned forward, finding her balance as she gripped his shoulders. He was watching her like she was a goddess as he moved all of her hair to one side, getting a better view of her face. He lifted up, capturing her mouth for a deep kiss, and it felt like he was sucking the air right out of Soyeon’s lungs.

Her grip tightened, hips moving faster as they kissed deeply, slow and purposeful, pouring their hearts into every movement. His hands were running across her entire body, seeming unable to decide where he wanted to stay, the heat in her lower stomach building at an alarming rate as she moaned again.

“ _Fuck_ , Soyeon, I-”

He had ripped his mouth from hers, head slamming into the mattress as he squeezed his eyes shut, meeting her thrusts halfway. The added impact of his movements had her whimpering at the intense feeling that was taking over her insides, a rubber band being stretched to its max potential.

“Sh-Shownu- shit, keep going-”

Soyeon couldn’t think straight, the pleasure mind-numbing, hanging her head as she desperately chased her release. She was rotating her hips now, finding the angle that had her seeing stars, looking up at the ceiling as she whined again.

“Ah, _yes_ -” Shownu hissed, hands back on her hips, gripping her hard enough to bruise as he moved a little more desperately against her. “That’s it, d-don’t stop-”

His words were music to her ears, the begging tone of his voice giving her the last push that she needed. Crying out louder than she meant, she finally came undone, the pressure releasing as she let her eyes slip closed, bright lights flashing across the inside of her eyelids. The sensation was unreal, the best orgasm she ever had as she bit hard on her lip, small whines tearing from her throat on their own accord.

“Oh my god, _Soyeon_ ,” Shownu was moving quickly, and she knew he wasn’t far behind. “You’re so _sexy_ , I-”

The rest of his words were lost in a low, guttural groan, rising in volume as he pushed his hips hard into her. She let him ride out his own orgasm, listening to the desperate moans that fell from his lips as he held her tight.

He slowed to a shaky stop, both of them trying to catch their breaths, slick with sweat, the room stuffy with the heat they had created. Soyeon slowly climbed off of him, both of them making sounds of slight displeasure at the loss of one another. Shownu was running a hand through his hair, before he sat up, looking a little dazed as he pulled the comforter out from underneath all the pillows.

He crawled quickly underneath it, and Soyeon didn’t even think about it as she crawled right next to him. Shownu adjusted his arm instantly, letting her lay on his chest as he pulled the blanket over both of them.

Soyeon had never felt so happy, so complete, in all her life, as she laid there on Shownu’s chest. He was running his fingers down the bare skin of her back, and she could feel her eyelids already getting heavy as she looked up to see his face. He had his free hand tucked behind his head, the corners of his mouth turned up into a contented smile, eyes closed.

She grinned, snuggling her cheek a little more completely into his chest, ear pressed against the skin. His fingers were gentle and rhythmic, allowing every muscle in her body to relax as she closed her eyes.

Soyeon let herself slip into a deep sleep, the steady beat of his heart the last thing she heard.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS!
> 
> Okay guys, usually I keep it brief, but I need to give you a head’s up...this has a heavy trigger warning. There is mention of pain and light description (emphasis on light, minus description of pain) of a miscarriage. I am very sensitive to this topic as well, so just know, I handled this with a lot of care when I wrote this. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please do not read this chapter. The emotional aspect of the experience is strong here (Jiahn has anxiety and I capitalize on this), and I know that it is a very hard topic for many people. I will leave an author’s note at the bottom with a synopsis of what happened that's important for the story for those of you sensitive to this subject.
> 
> Thank you so much! :)

 

** Jiahn: **

_**January 18, 2019, 6:30am** _

_Meow_

Jiahn stirred, groaning a little at the feeling of her large cat sitting on top of her stomach. He was damn near twenty pounds, and the weight of him was actually painful as she wiggled underneath him.

“Mr. Floofs,” she grumbled sleepily, the cat sinking his claws into the comforter to keep from falling off of her. “Get the fuck up, it hurts…”

He seemed determined to stay there, and she opened her eyes to see him staring back at her, pupils wide and dilated.

As if he was worried.

“I’m gonna feed you,” she rolled her eyes at his dramatics, pushing him off of her stomach by force. “Geez, it’s not like you don’t eat…”

He stumbled to the side of the mattress as she sat up, the pain in her lower stomach making her cringe.

“You can’t sleep on me like that anymore,” she told him, stretching her arms before standing up. “I don’t think it’s good for little dude.”

Mr. Floofs meowed excitedly as he led the way to the kitchen, and she lethargically reached for his food, waking up a little more as she poured it into his bowl. As she flicked on her pre-prepped coffee maker- unfortunately, decaf- she observed the way she felt a little bit more.

Something felt...off.

Jiahn couldn’t explain it, as if her body was trying to deliver a message she couldn’t read, but there was something weird going on that was making her heart race a little in her chest.

_It’s just anxiety, Jiahn. You’re stressed, this happens sometimes…_

She took some deep breaths, knowing she was probably right as she headed to the bathroom to pee and get ready. She stopped by her closet, grabbing a shirt before leaning down to pick out a new pair of pants. She groaned at the muscle pain, particularly in her stomach, wondering if it was going to be like this the whole pregnancy or if it would let up after a little bit.

_I should’ve asked that at the appointment_

Jiahn rolled her eyes at herself, placing her stuff on the counter before using the restroom. She was still tired, yawning loudly as she ran her free hand through her hair.

The bright red on her toilet paper had her choking on the yawn, heart skipping a beat as she stared at the material in her hands.

_Is that...blood?_

She got fresh paper, trying again and realizing that it was, just a spot or two. She immediately stood up, pulling up her pajama shorts as she ran a shaky hand through her hair.

 _Shit, is that..._ normal _?_

Running wasn’t really necessary, but she was scared, her anxiety constricting her throat like she couldn’t breathe and she shuffled through the paperwork on her kitchen table. It was the large packet of information from her first appointment, and she shakily sifted through until she found the “What to watch out for” section. Her eyes hurriedly scanned the page until she found the section on spotting.

While it is normal for a little bit of spotting to occur during the early stages of pregnancy, this is still something to be weary of. If you are experiencing any spotting, you’ll want to call your gynecologist so they can bring you in and take a look at the baby. If you are experiencing severe cramps or heavy bleeding, please call for medical assistance as soon as possible.

Jiahn took another deep breath, throwing the paperwork down and trying to calm down.

_It’s normal; nothing to worry about_

So why couldn’t she relax?

She stared at the coffee maker, listening to the scraping sounds that it emitted before glancing at the time on her microwave.

_6:50_

Dr. Jamee’s office opened at 7:00; she would call them, tell them what was going on, and they would help her.

_Little dude’s fine_

She looked down at her stomach, taking another deep breath before moving back into the bathroom.

Her morning routine was done in silence, no music playing on her phone or dancing around while she rocked out to a song that was keeping her from getting ready in a decent amount of time. There were no one-sided conversations with Mr. Floofs or accidental spills of coffee as she poured herself just a little too much in her to-go cup.

Jiahn couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Ironically, it seemed the less happy she was, the faster she got ready. She would’ve laughed at the dark joke, but she was too busy trying not to stare at her reflection too hard, knowing she was just going to freak herself out more.

Anxiety was a bitch when it came to these kinds of things, and she had to practice staying calm, not jumping to the worst possible conclusion as she turned the light off in her bathroom. She didn’t check to look in the mirror, just walked out, grabbing her phone off the charger.

_7:05_

She dialed Dr. Jamee’s number quickly, putting the phone to her ear, trying to ignore how badly her hands were shaking.

“Doctor Jamee’s office, this is Kaylee speaking, how may I help you?”

For some reason the sound of Kaylee’s voice, someone familiar, had Jiahn gripping the phone a little tighter before she spoke.

“H-Hi Kaylee, this is Jiahn, one of Dr. Jamee’s patients…”

“Oh yes!” she sounded thrilled, and Jiahn smiled despite her distress. “How can I help you? How’s that cutie of a boyfriend you have doing? All of us here at the office just adore him, you know, such a sweetheart-”

Jiahn actually laughed, rolling her eyes; Yugyeom was awfully charming, but they had barely spoken to him…

_He’s good looking too...and tall…and he did make a Grey’s-Anatomy-worthy entrance into the appointment a couple weeks ago..._

“He’s great,” she replied, smile fading on her face as she looked down at her stomach once more. “I, um, I honestly had a question…?”

“You alright, honey?” Kaylee was shifting the phone around, and for some reason this simple question had a lump forming in her throat.

“I, just, well I-I don’t know,” Jiahn swallowed hard, voice a little shaky. “I woke up this morning, and there were some...some spots of blood, and I-”

She cut herself off, hoping Kaylee got the idea as she tried to level out her breathing.

“Okay, dear, it’s alright,” the older woman’s voice was soothing, and she could hear some typing on the computer in the background. “Have you experienced any other symptoms? Any cramping or severe pain? You said the bleeding is light?”

“I- yes,” Jiahn nodded fervently, holding tight to the still-calm tone of Kaylee’s voice. “No cramping or pain-”

She hesitated; did muscle pain count?

_You’ve had muscle pain for a while now, that’s nothing new_

“-and no, it was just...just a few spots.”

“Okay let’s just pull you up, alright? I just need your last name and date of birth.”

Jiahn was pacing quickly, making her way into the kitchen and glancing at the microwave clock again.

_7:15_

She needed to leave in ten minutes or she was going to be late for work.

“Right, um, so it’s Jeon, Jeon Jiahn, birthday is November 6, 1992…”

She was quickly grabbing the creamer out of her fridge, pouring a generous amount into her travel mug already filled with steaming coffee as she balanced the phone on her shoulder. She twisted on the lid, her shaky hands making it difficult before she was moving to the living room, grabbing her purse off the couch.

“Okay, can you come in at 10:00am this morning?” Kaylee asked, and Jiahn paid attention to her tone, looking for any sort of worry in her words. “We’ll just take a look, make sure everything’s going good still.”

The older woman seemed cheery enough, and even under intense scrutiny, Jiahn couldn’t find any sort of edge to her voice. She forced herself to breathe.

_See? Everything’s alright. You’re just freaking out…_

“Yes, I’ll be there,” Jiahn was pulling her purse on her shoulder, slipping her shoes on her feet. “Thank you so much.”

“No worries, honey, and if you feel any cramping, make sure you call us back, okay?”

A flicker of panic shot through Jiahn’s chest, and she immediately felt like she could feel the pain of cramps in her lower stomach, doubling over a bit.

_Your mind is playing tricks on you...Stop it. Breathe._

The pain went away, and she was sighing in relief as she ran a hand through her hair. She said her goodbyes to Kaylee, thanking the woman again before hanging up the phone and throwing it in her purse. Mr. Floofs was right at her feet, almost tripping her as she made her way to the front door.

“You’re so clingy today,” Jiahn muttered lovingly, running her hands through his soft fur as he nuzzled her forearm. “I’ll be home tonight, okay?”

He meowed in response, and she gave him one more scratch under his chin, pressing her lips to the top of his fluffy head before making her way out the door.

She sped-walked towards the elevators, checking her phone again to see how much time she had to get to work.

_7:30_

She groaned, smacking the down button and impatiently bouncing on her feet, waiting for the doors to open. Once she was down to the lobby and out the door, she walked quickly, weaving in and out of the many people on the sidewalks as she sipped from her coffee.

Her lower stomach was still hurting, the muscle pain worse than usual, and she felt another shot of panic fly through her system at the thought.

_It’s muscle pain, they aren’t cramps, and you’re probably just hungry_

As if on cue, her stomach growled, and she rolled her eyes at herself, taking another sip of coffee to help deter the feeling for now. She had been too distracted to eat, and she cursed herself.

It wasn’t just about her anymore.

Even though her appointment was at 10:00am, she decided she would head to work anyway, since it was closer to the doctor’s office than her apartment. She could get some more editing done, and let Jackson know in person about her appointment since he was notorious for not answering his phone, despite being the boss-

Jiahn cringed, a halt in her walking as she felt a more intense pain in her lower stomach now.

Like cramps.

_Breathe, Jiahn, just breathe, it’s probably just the muscles cramping up_

She bit her lip, forcing herself to keep stepping forward, the office building in view now. She wasn’t sure if it was the hunger, or her anxiety, or something was actually wrong, but the telltale signs of an early panic attack were surrounding her like slow-moving smoke, the white wisps licking every surface of her skin as she began to shake.

Jiahn pushed the door open, fingers trembling, ignoring another cramp-like feeling that shot through her stomach as she focused on taking deep, even breaths.

_In. Out. In. Out._

Every step to the elevator felt heavy, like she was in a dream and the tile floors below her were made of quicksand. She was hitting the up button for the elevator, feeling the tight, gripping hand of anxiety wrapping slowly around her windpipe, choking her.

Another pain, and this was definitely a cramp now, just as the elevator doors were opening. She hurried inside, almost dropping her coffee as she dug around her purse for her phone, chest rising and falling rapidly with the racing of her heart.

“Jiahn, wait! Hold it for me!”

Her eyes widened, looking up to see Bam running at full speed for the elevator. Her brain hadn’t caught up with his request, and the doors started to close before he was gripping them, panting as he climbed inside with her.

“You didn’t hold it!” he didn’t sound mad at all, grinning at her as he ran a hand through his sweaty hair, standing up straight. “Thanks for the help!”

“Sorry,” Jiahn struggled to keep her voice normal, trying to smile convincingly at him as she continued to look for her phone. “I think I’m just tired…”

“Hey, don’t worry, me too.”

Bam reached forward, hitting her floor button for her; he always walked her to work if he ran into her, loving to talk. She loved the man, she did, he was like a little brother to her, but right now, she couldn’t deal with him. She couldn’t be calm and collected, as another sharp pain shot through her stomach right as she found her phone at the bottom of her purse.

“I’ve been up all night lately with Minha-”

He was leaning against the wall of the elevator, grinning like an idiot as he watched the elevator doors close in front of them.

“-n-not like that last night, but...”

Jiahn gripped tightly to her phone, knowing she needed to call Dr. Jamee’s office, but not sure if she wanted to do that in front of Bam.

“After I found out about Soyeon, you know…” Bam sounded sad, and she spared him a glance, watching the way he scowled for a moment before relaxing his face once more. “I think I told you I liked her, right? Ah, everyone told me it was obvious anyway…”

In another situation, Jiahn would’ve been more comforting as she looked at the man. She could’ve encouraged him, asked him questions about Minha to cheer him up, and told him not to worry so much about Soyeon; there were plenty of other women that would be lucky to have him.

But right now, she was trying to focus on keeping her composure, one of the biggest cramps so far clenching onto her insides with an iron fist, making her grip the railing behind her as subtly as she could.

“But Minha, you know, she’s just...she’s the greatest,” Bam sighed, running another hand through his hair as his head hit the elevator wall. “She makes me so happy, and every night we’ve just been staying up talking...we don’t even like, mess around! I mean, we have, you know, I’ve got needs and Minha is hot, but we also-”

Jiahn felt her coffee cup slip from her hand before she could stop it, the clang of metal echoing loudly in the small space as she leaned forward, a cramp so intense in her stomach that a small squeak of surprise slipped from her lips.

“Whoa, shit,” Bam jumped back with a laugh, the contents of the mug spilling everywhere. “You’re so clumsy, Jiahn, I sw- Hey! Hey, are you okay?”

She was in the corner of the elevator now both hands gripping the metal railing as her heart hammered in her chest. The cramps, they were strong, and the panic that had been brewing close to the surface was full-fledged now as she struggled to breathe.

There was a ding as the elevator doors opened, and Jiahn squeezed her eyes shut as another round of pain swept through her body.

“JAE! _Jae_ , I-” Bam sounded completely panicked, and Jiahn wanted to tell him it was okay, but she couldn’t find her voice. “Th-There’s something wrong with Jiahn…”

“What do you mean?”

She could hear Jaebum’s voice right outside the elevators, and she realized he must’ve been walking by, at the right place at the right time, and the familiarity of his calming voice forced her to look up. He put a hand in front of the elevator doors to keep them from closing, eyes darting to the coffee on the floor before he was looking at her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Jiahn? You okay?”

His voice was so much different than Bam’s, so much softer, and she clung to that as she pressed her lips together, shaking her head back and forth. She still hadn’t found her voice, feeling like she was choking on the air around her as she felt a skinny arm wrap around her body. Bam was attempting to help her walk, and she felt ridiculous for some reason, practically limping as they finally made it out of the elevators.

“Take her bags,” Jaebum told Bam, and the younger obeyed immediately, gently removing his arm from around her before he was pulling her purse and article bag off her shoulders.

Jiahn tried to breathe normally, the pain intense, like the worst cramps she’d ever had, gripping her stomach on impulse. She was doubled over now, her anxiety as bad as the pain as she struggled to think straight. Her heart was racing so fast that she worried it might explode, her throat so constricted she wasn’t sure air would be able to enter her lungs again, brain muddled with fear, pure unadulterated fear as she felt her body trembling.

“Jiahn, hey,” Jae’s hand was on her upper arm, the slight and sharp hint of worry in his tone now sending another jolt of panic to her chest. “What’s going on?”

“I-”

She couldn’t speak, her voice high-pitched and strained, stray tears falling down her cheeks. Jiahn hadn’t known she was going to cry, and the choked sob that escaped her lips came as a complete surprise as she shook her head back and forth.

“Are you in pain?” Jaebum was rubbing up and down her arm now, creating a heated friction on her skin. “Bam, what the hell happened?”

“I-I don’t know,” the younger sounded frightened, terrified, and Jiahn could hear him pacing. “I- we were talking about Minha, everything was fine, and then she dropped her coffee and she looked like she was hurting, but she didn’t s-say anything, I-”

“Is it your stomach?” Jaebum had turned back to her, and she forced herself to open her eyes, locking gazes with him as she swallowed hard.

“Jae-” she needed to tell him what was going on, she needed to stop panicking. “I think- I think it’s the b-baby, I-”

It was all she could manage, pressing her lips together and hanging her head as another cramp ran through her system, forcing her to double over once more. His eyes had widened at her words, and she saw the fear that mirrored her own before she had looked away.

“Bam, go get Jackson. Now.”

Jiahn felt him grip her arm a little tighter as the heavy sound of Bam’s footsteps echoed across the empty hallway. He was leading her to the wall, helping her lean on it as she tried to breathe. If something was wrong, she needed to get a grip, she needed to stop freaking out because that could hurt little dude, and if little dude was already struggling-

Another round of tears filled her eyes, and she let them fall down her cheeks as she felt Jae awkwardly patting her arm.

“It’s okay, Jiahn,” he told her soothingly, but she didn’t miss the catch in his voice. “We’ve just got to wait for Jackson, okay?”

As if on cue, Jiahn heard the slam of a door being thrown open, Bam’s voice echoing down the hallway.

“-coffee on the floor, I didn’t know what was going on, and Jae was there-”

“ _Jiahn_?”

The pure worry in Jackson’s voice had her looking up through her tears, eyes darting from Jaebum’s watchful eyes as she looked over the man’s shoulder, watching Jackson run towards her.

“Hey, hey,” he had stepped in just as Jae moved out of his way, brushing her hair out of the way as he searched the features of her face. “What’s going on, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“Jackson,” his name ripped from her throat in a panicked gasp, how sweet he was with her, like an older brother despite him being younger, pushing her over the edge. “Jackson, I think- I don’t-”

But she couldn’t say it, not out loud. She couldn’t voice her worst fears.

_Something’s wrong with little dude_

And just like that, her chest was aching, like a hand was squeezing at her pounding heart, and she pressed her lips together, shaking her head back and forth as she told herself to stay strong.

“She said-” Jae’s voice was shaky, and this only fueled her fear more; the man was normally so calm. “She said, it might be the baby.”

A second of silence and Jackson was squeezing both of her shoulders gently.

“It’s going to be okay, Jiahn,” he said softly, and she locked eyes with him before he was looking over his shoulder. “Jae, call the hospital. Bam, go see if-”

“Yugyeom,” Bam still sounded scared to death, cutting Jackson off. “I’ve gotta call Yugyeom, he- he needs to know-”

 _NO_ , Jiahn was screaming in her head, but she couldn’t get the words out. _It’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine, don’t call him, you’ll scare him…_

“Okay,” Jackson consented with a sigh. “Yeah, go ahead and call him.”

“-yes, she’s pregnant,” Jaebum was speaking in the background to an emergency operator. “She can walk, but barely, I- um, I’m sure we could do-”

“Yugyeom, hey-” Bam’s voice was overlapping with Jae’s now, and Jiahn’s eyes snapped open at the man’s name. “It’s Jiahn, we’re- something’s not right-”

_You’re going to scare him, Bam, please_

She was going to ask him to give her the phone, ask him to let her talk to the man and listen to his voice, because maybe he would tell her everything was going to be okay and she would believe him…

Just like she always did.

But she couldn’t get any words out, the darkness of her anxiety attack pulling her down like weighted chains, cutting off her vocal chords and pressing a suffocating pressure to her chest. Another round of pain in her abdomen had her cringing, catching a glimpse of Jackson’s sharp concern before she was squeezing her eyes shut again.

“-I don’t know, I-I really don’t know, Yugyeom, she’s just-”

“They’re on their way,” Jaebum was standing closer now, as if right next to Jackson. “The lady said see if we can get her back to the lobby, they’re sending an ambulance now.”

“-coming to get her now,” Bam was speaking urgently as Jackson helped Jiahn remove her arm from the wall. “Meet us at the hospital, we’ll be there soon.”

“Bam, hit the elevator button.”

Jackson’s voice was close to her ear holding her one arm while Jae held the other, and she was so embarrassed that she couldn’t walk.

 _I’m okay_ , she wanted to shout, because she _had_ to be okay, this couldn’t _actually_ be happening. _I can walk if you just let me, I promise-_

But then another wave of pain was enveloping the bottom half of her body and she was whimpering, Jackson and Jaebum simultaneously holding her tighter as they walked into the elevators. The smell of coffee was strong, the liquid slick underneath their feet as they all climbed in together.

Bam was desperately asking what he could do while Jackson told him to stay calm, Jae just tightening his grip on her. Jiahn couldn’t think straight anymore, everything seeming to happen both too fast and in complete slow motion, the slamming of her heart starting to affect her hearing.

They were walking out of the elevators, Jackson telling her it was alright as yet another whimper escaped her mouth at the pain in her stomach, the sharp yank on her chest, the ringing in her ears as she tried to help the best she could with her walking.

She looked up in time to see Bam opening the door for them, lip lodged between his teeth watching her with such concern that it made her heart ache for him.

_Hey, don’t be scared..._

He was her little brother, her bouncy, happy go-lucky, too-many-jokes and too-much-talking little buddy, and she couldn’t stand to see him like that.

There were sirens loud enough to pierce her ears, and she barely registered them enough to turn towards the source before the ambulance was right at the curb in front of them. A slam of doors as the EMT’s climbed out, her fight or flight kicking in as she realized that this was serious, this was really serious, and she had the bizarre urge to run.

“Which one of you is the gentleman we spoke with?”

The two women that had jumped from the ambulance were approaching, and Jiahn felt Jaebum adjust his grip on her a little.

“That was me.”

“Okay, sir, so what exactly happened-”

“She’s pregnant, and-”

“Hey, you okay?”

Jiahn felt someone’s soft but cold hands on her cheeks, running a hand across her forehead as she opened her eyes. The woman’s features were soft and round, like a mother, hair pulled into a tight ponytail.

“I think it’s my baby-” Jiahn’s voice was weak, knowing she needed to communicate or no one could help her, no one could help little dude-

Another sharp pain to her chest.

“It’s alright, everything’s going to be okay,” the woman told her soothingly, taking her hands from her face.

“Okay, and how far along is she?” The other technician was speaking to Jaebum, sounding much more rushed.

It freaked Jiahn out.

“Uh…” Jae began.

“Eight weeks,” Bam cut him off. “Yugyeom just told me she was six weeks at her appointment. That was two weeks ago, so it’s eight weeks.”

“Are you eight weeks along, sweetie?” The softer woman was speaking again, and Jiahn forced herself keep eye contact as she nodded slowly. “Okay, we’re going to get you on this stretcher here, we’ve got to bring you to the hospital, alright?”

She didn’t have time to respond, two more EMTs came up, rolling the stretcher and telling Jackson and Jaebum they would take care of it from here.

“I’ll go with her,” Jackson slipped his arm from hers carefully, and Jiahn hated the unfamiliar touch of the strangers as they lifted her into the stretcher. “You guys just head there now so you can meet us there-”

“No, I need to go with her!” Bam exclaimed, and Jiahn didn’t have a chance to look at him as her head landed on the pillow, stretcher moving towards the ambulance. “I’m not gonna-”

“Bam, you’re not going with her.”

Jackson’s tone was sharp, and Jiahn realized they were following closely behind the stretcher, and she turned her head to see Bam glaring at a serious-faced Jackson.

“I’m Yugyeom’s best friend and she’s like a sister to me!” Bam was almost screaming, angry and panicked at the same time as he got closer to Jackson. “I’m not staying behind, I won’t-”

I’m okay, Bam, it’s alright, calm down-

“You will, Bam, knock it off,” Jackson was furious, she could see it in his eyes, and she wanted to tell them to quit fucking fighting. “I’m her boss, I’m going, and you need to be there when Yugyeom gets there-”

Bam opened his mouth to argue, Jae reaching out no doubt to pull him along, but Jiahn couldn’t see anything else as she was lifted into the ambulance. There were medical devices everywhere, and the motherly woman from earlier was climbing in alongside her, clipboard in her hand as she shuffled around.

The pain was back, and Jiahn cringed, closing her eyes as the ambulance jostled underneath her stretcher.

“Okay, you ready?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Jackson had won the fight.

The ambulance sirens were loud, and Jiahn kept her eyes closed, the panic coming to her in waves. Someone was speaking to her, asking her questions, but she couldn’t focus on their words, the gravity of the situation seeming to hit her out of nowhere as she was struggling to breath all over again.

“-think she’s having an attack,” the motherly woman was speaking again. “Does she have anxiety? A panic disorder?”

“I-” she heard the hesitation in Jackson’s voice, the guilt. “I’m not sure…”

It’s okay, Jackson, she wanted to tell him, hating the way he sounded. I don’t tell people; I’d rather just deal with it. It’s not your fault…

Then another round of pain took away any complete thoughts she had once more.

The drive was short, Jiahn hardly feeling like she was in the vehicle before she was being rolled out, the shaking of the stretcher making the pain even worse as she reminded herself to breathe. There were so many people talking on all sides of her, speaking in medical terms she didn’t understand, putting flashlights in her eyes and asking her questions again.

No more questions, Jiahn was desperately crying in her head. Just help little dude...Please…

“Are you the father of the baby?”

Someone else was speaking, someone new as Jiahn cringed at the passing fluorescent lights above her.

“I- no, I’m her boss, I-”

“You’ll need to wait outside, sir.”

“What?” Jackson was angry again, and Jiahn felt more tears spring to her eyes.

_Don’t leave me Jackson, don’t leave me here all alone. They don’t know anything about me, I can’t talk right now. I need someone to talk for me, someone who knows me…_

“Soyeon.”

Jiahn’s voice sounded like a croak, and she tried to lift up from the mattress a bit, finding Jackson in the sea of scrubs and labcoats.

“Jackson, I need Soyeon. Where is she? She needs to be here...”

She knew where Soyeon was, knew that she wasn’t in town, but her mind wasn’t right, wasn’t straight as the world seemed to be spinning around her at a rate she couldn’t understand.

“I’ll call her,” Jackson assured her, nodding and stopping as they reached a set of double doors. “I can’t go back there, I’m sorry-”

It sounded like it killed him and she didn’t want him to feel that way.

_It’s not your fault_

“-but I’m going to call her okay? She’ll be here…”

She didn’t even have a chance to nod before they were whisking her down a new hall, double door closing with a sharp snap in his face.

Jiahn felt like she wasn’t in her own body, a ghost watching from above as she was poked with needles and prodded with machines, questioned but never finding her voice to answer, moved from one position to the next before she was relocated to a room.

“There’s more blood now…”

That’s all Jiahn could decipher before she was slipping slowly into the black hole of blissful ignorance in her mind; she didn’t want to listen anymore. There were more questions that she could only acknowledge as questions, but was unable to answer them.

None of them made sense.

She was asked the same things multiple times, but she couldn’t hear them, wouldn’t hear them because there was a lot of blood, and a lot of blood meant-

“Jiahn.”

She tore her widened eyes from the small picture of a giraffe that was hanging on the wall of her room, meeting the kind and sympathetic eyes of the doctor. It was quieter, much quieter than it had been, and she wondered when that had happened.

“Can you talk to me?”

They were alone; hadn’t there been nurses in there just a moment ago?

He was sitting on her bed, hands folded in his lap as he looked at her. She managed a small nod, unsure if she could actually speak.

“You have a friend out there, he insisted on waiting outside your door,” the doctor looked like he was trying not to smile. “He swears up and down that he’s your brother?”

_Bam_

She nodded, feeling like her mouth was filled with cement.

“Okay, I’ll let him stay,” the doctor looked relieved, and Jiahn wondered just how much of a commotion Bam had made out there. “Now, I know it’s hard…”

He trailed off, and Jiahn felt her throat constricting at his words.

 

“-it stoppe

“But you need to know...the fetus-”

_No, please, don’t-_

"- it stopped developing at seven weeks. You...you’re having a miscarriage, Jiahn.”

She took her eyes away from him, focusing on the giraffe picture once more. It’s neck was long, and it was smiling, mouth open for a bite of the leaves on the tree beside it.

“Due to you being more than six weeks along, you have the option to do something called a D and C procedure.”

The giraffe was picky it seemed, stretching its neck as high as it would go so it could reach the highest leaf on the tree.

“It’s a relatively painless and might make the process a little faster, if that’s something you’re interested in.”

Jiahn wondered why the giraffe was alone...didn’t they usually travel in herds? Were the other ones in it’s group struggling to catch up?

“Otherwise, we can send you home with some pain medication, and you can try to let it take its course,” the doctor sounded more and more unsure as he spoke. “Jiahn? Would that be alright?”

It was funny to her, she had never wondered about the speed of giraffes. She had seen them at the zoo, but had never even seen a documentary, not really knowing how fast they could travel. What if the one in the picture was the fastest one, and he was trying to get the leaf at the top because it tasted the best before the others showed up?

“I can see you need some time.”

Jiahn felt the bed shifting underneath her as the doctor stood up, her eyes still glazed over as she stared straight ahead.

“I’ll be back in a few.”

There were some footsteps and a squeak as the doctor kept the door cracked. He was speaking with Bam, Jiahn could hear the younger’s eager responses, but their words were all jumbled, like a bad phone reception. She couldn’t feel the pain anymore, not even the IV needle in her arm that had caused her so much discomfort when they had first slid it in. Her heart was beating slow and steady in her chest, the tingling sensations of panic gone from her veins as she stared blankly at her giraffe, his smiling face going in and out of focus.

Jiahn wasn’t sure how long she had sat there- time seemed different in that room- but she felt her body jolt a little on reflex when she heard a familiar voice outside her door.

“Bam, hey, I got out of there as fast I could, there was no one there to watch the kids for me to leave-” Yugyeom sounded out of breath, his voice loud and clear through the muddled water in Jiahn’s ears. “-is she in there?”

The door squeaked and Jiahn turned sharply to look at it, hearing a shuffling as it was only pushed open about a half an inch more.

“Wait- Yugyeom, just-”

Bam sounded more serious than she had ever heard him, and her stomach twisted, body able to feel again as she listened to the words she didn’t want to hear.

“What’s going-?”

“Gyeom, it’s the baby-” the older of the two was choking on his words, voice low. “I’m so sorry- the doctor, he just-”

“What do you mean?”

Yugyeom’s voice cracked on the final word, and Jiahn squeezed her eyes shut, his pain more than she could handle in that moment.

“They said that sometimes this happens,” Bam explained, and she heard some pacing footsteps. “That sometimes there’s no explanation-”

“No, it-”

It sounded like someone had kicked a chair, the back of it pounding into the wall.

“Do they know for sure?”

Jiahn didn’t want to listen anymore, praying her ears would shut off again, that she could just shut down again and think about nothing but the giraffe in the picture.

“Yes…” Bam was speaking barely above a whisper, but Jiahn could still hear him loud and clear.

“But we just-”

Yugyeom’s words caught in his throat, and Jiahn could feel her body coming alive in the worst of ways. Her heart was racing again, chest aching at the despair in Yugyeom’s voice, her stomach twisting so hard she couldn’t breathe as she played with her fingers.

“-the ultrasound. There was a heartbeat…”

“I know…” Bam sounded almost just as broken as Yugyeom was. “I’m sorry…”

There was a moment of silence as Jiahn looked down at her hands, her eyes burning as they filled with tears. It was the first time she realized she had subconsciously rested them on her stomach, as if there was something there.

But there wasn’t anymore.

“Is she okay?” Yugyeom’s voice was soft now, strained.

“She’s not talking,” Bam told him with a sigh. “The doctor said she might need some time, that she’s in shock…”

Another pause before Jiahn could hear the door squeaking again, and she looked up, immediately locking eyes with the younger.

“Yugyeom,” she whispered, cringing at how small her voice sounded as she watched him rush around the bed to see her.

“Jiahn,” he was sitting in the chair next to the right side of the bed, and she took in every feature of his face as her tears slipped from her eyes. “They said you weren’t talking…”

“I didn’t want to talk to them.”

Her heart ached at the sadness on his face as he searched her own features, his eyes a little red and glassy.

_Don’t cry, Yugyeom. Please don’t cry…_

“You have to talk to them,” he told her, choking a little on his words as he wiped the tears from her face. “They’re going to help you, okay? You’ve gotta-”

The corners of his lips were pulling down into a frown, and she felt his fingers trembling against her cheek as he looked down at where her hands were resting.

“I can’t,” she whispered, broken as she shook her head just slightly. “I don’t want this.”

“I don’t want it either,” Yugyeom was pushing her hair behind her ears now, and she watched the moisture fill his eyes. “I...I’m so sorry, Jiahn. I should’ve gotten here sooner, I-”

There was a knock on the open door, and Yugyeom sniffed, looking around her to see who was there. She couldn’t turn around, still staring at his face, hand reaching up to cover his hand on her cheek.

“Have we...made any decisions?”

The doctor’s voice was hesitant and unsure, and Jiahn squeezed her eyes shut, more tears rolling down her face as she laid her cheek in the palm of Yugyeom’s hand.

“Decisions?”

Jiahn’s opened up to see him watching her, looking worried before his eyes were darting up the doctor.

“Decisions for what?”

“They want to know if I want a procedure…”

Jiahn could talk to him, but not the doctor, hand squeezing Yugyeom’s fingers that were still resting on her face. He stared at the doctor for another moment, eyes growing a little bigger before he was turning back to her, searching her face again.

“Do you...want that?”

He sounded confused, yet so mature at the same time, solid, and she clung tighter to his hand as her mouth pulled into another frown.

“I-I don’t know…” she told him softly, biting her lip hard, her heart pounding in fear of the unknown.

“Um, okay, uh,” he looked a little panicked, the pad of his thumb caressing the skin of her face before he was looking up unsuredly at the doctor. “Does it...hurt?”

“She’ll be put under,” the doctor replied instantly, and Jiahn watch Yugyeom’s face as he listened intently. “It’s fairly quick...there might be some slight discomfort, but it is a...faster way…than the alternative...”

A tense silence fell amongst all of them as Yugyeom looked back at her.

“What do you wanna do, Jiahn?”

She stared back into his dark brown eyes, his face so familiar and comforting to her even in the short amount of time that she had known him. His presence kept the panic at bay, kept the world a little more grounded as she tried to think straight.

After a moment she gave him a small nod, so small the doctor could’ve easily missed it as she squeezed her eyes shut once more, feeling Yugyeom cup her cheek more completely in his hand.

“Are you sure?”

More tears were streaming down her cheeks, but she was nodding, unable to look him in the eyes as she answered.

_It’s easier this way_

“I think she’s going to do it,” Yugyeom was speaking to the doctor again. “What do we do from here?”

“I’ve got the nurses waiting right outside,” the doctor explained, and Jiahn’s eyes shot open as she heard the more footsteps behind her. “We’ll go ahead with the procedure right now.”

Suddenly Yugyeom’s hand was gone as he stood up, shuffling out of the way as three nurses wheeled in another stretcher, moving to the side Yugyeom was just sitting on.

“Okay let’s go ahead and just slip this out.”

One of them was pulling out the IV needle, and Jiahn felt herself jump even though it hadn’t hurt. She was growing nervous again, fidgety as everyone moved around her, lifting her from the bed before she had time to think about it and laying her on the stretcher.

“We’ll let you know when she’s done,” the doctor was explaining to Yugyeom, who was watching her with wide and scared eyes. “If you just want to wait with your friends in the waiting room, take her brother with you, I can come out-”

Jiahn locked eyes with him, watching the panic shoot across his eyes.

_It’s okay Yugyeom_

“C-Can’t I just walk with you guys to the operating room?” Yugyeom was upset, the slight high-pitch in his voice a dead giveaway. “I think she’s scared, she doesn’t want to be alone-”

 _I’m fine_ , Jiahn couldn’t find her voice again, because she wasn’t fine, she was terrified, but she couldn’t stand to see Yugyeom so upset. _Just go, I’ll be okay._

“I can’t let you do that, I’m sorry,” the doctor sounded sincere as the nurses began wheeling her stretcher back towards the door again.

Jiahn caught a glimpse of the doctor’s face, and his eyebrows were furrowed in worry as he looked at Yugyeom. She couldn’t see the younger anymore, the angle of her stretcher blocking him entirely from her view.

“But I-”

“Come on, Yugyeom.”

Bam was walking past her stretcher, giving her hand a small squeeze as they pushed her slowly, nodding at her before moving along.

“We’ll just wait with the rest of them…”

Jiahn didn’t get a chance to say goodbye- not that she was sure she could- before they were wheeling her down the hall, a sense of deja vu over taking her as the nurses started talking to the doctor, who was walking behind her bed.

A few sharp turns as Jiahn tried to level out her breathing, and she closed her eyes, trying to keep herself from screaming out in pure fear. Then the stretcher was stopping, and she was looking around once more as she was pushed into an operating room.

“Alright, honey, I’m just gonna put this on here.”

Before Jiahn could say anything, someone was putting a mask around her face, the plastic secure around her nose and mouth.

“Now we’re going to count down from 10…”

Jiahn could feel the clench of terror in her chest, not wanting to go to sleep, not wanting to do this anymore, but her body was growing heavy with every panicked breath that she took.

“It’s okay, deep breaths…”

The nurse sounded far away as she laid a gentle hand on Jiahn’s shoulder.

“8...7...6…5….”

Jiahn felt her eyes slip closed on their own accord, body finally giving in to the weight upon it.

“4...3…”

And then, it was black.

**_3:00pm_ **

Jiahn could feel a pressure on her arm, something soft and warm as she tried to open her heavy eyelids.

_Mr. Floofs_

It was the first thought she had, but something was off about that; the pressure wasn’t fluffy enough. She wasn’t lying down either, she was in more of a sitting position, she realized, as her brain became way more aware of her surroundings.

The smell was different, too sterile, less homey, and the sharp cold of the atmosphere was not the same as the too-warm temperature Jiahn always kept her apartment.

Jiahn was finally able to open her eyes, struggling as she listened to a steady beeping to her left. She was hooked up to a machine, a heart monitor it seemed, and sitting next to the screen was none other than her best friend. Soyeon’s hands were rested on Jiahn’s forearm, the source of the pressure, and she was scrolling through her phone.

She couldn’t move, all she could do was look, her eyes barely opened as she stared at the features of Soyeon’s familiar face. She was so pretty, even with red-rimmed eyes and bright pink cheeks. She had been crying and Jiahn didn’t want to see it; her best friend should never be sad.

_No wonder all the boys like you Soyeon...you’re gorgeous in any situation…_

Jiahn wanted to laugh at her joke, wanted to tell the girl what she was thinking so she could watch Soyeon laugh with her, telling her to shut up. But her body was gaining feeling slower than her mind was moving, and her lips just wouldn’t move no matter how much she wanted them to.

Regardless, Soyeon seemed to feel her staring, lifting her gaze from her phone screen, bloodshot eyes widening when she saw Jiahn was awake.

“Jiahn,” Soyeon’s voice was soft and sweet as she immediately locked her phone, putting it to the side. “Hi…”

“Soyeonie,” Jiahn could finally move her lips, voice more of a croak as she attempted to smile.

“Are you okay?” Soyeon’s hands were rubbing her forearm gently as she looked closely at Jiahn.

The question brought back Jiahn’s memories all at once; the overwhelming pain in her stomach, the ambulance, the doctor asking about the procedure, Yugyeom’s pained voice when he found out the news…

Jiahn nodded, eyes darting from Soyeon’s to stare at the movement of the older’s hands.

She didn’t want to think about it.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,” Soyeon choked on her own words, and Jiahn looked up again, shaking her head the best she could.

“It’s okay,” she couldn’t speak any louder than a whisper, but she could smile a little more now, and could even give Soyeon’s hand a quick squeeze. “I’m just...really glad you’re here.”

They stared at one another before Soyeon was leaning forward, wrapping her arms gently around Jiahn. Neither of them were huggers, not really, but in the situations that called for them, Jiahn appreciated Soyeon’s embrace more than most. As soon as she was able to, she lifted her heavy arms, hugging Soyeon back and letting her cheek rest on the older’s shoulder. The position was awkward but neither of them cared, holding each other for a moment.

Jiahn could sense that there was something else, something deeper than Soyeon not being there that had her best friend staining her hospital gown with more tears. After a minute, she pulled away, and Jiahn searched the features of her face, trying to read her. Soyeon seemed to sense this, eyes darting to her blanket as she absentmindedly tucked it more securely into Jiahn.

“You’re alright?” her eyes finally met the younger’s, and they stared at one another, knowing exactly what Soyeon meant.

“I…” Jiahn swallowed hard, biting her lip and looked away. “Guess so? I mean…”

She wasn’t sure what there was to say, and she knew Soyeon would get it.

Neither one of them liked to talk about their feelings too much.

“You need to hold on to Yugyeom,” Soyeon smoothly changed the subject, and Jiahn looked up with a smile at the man’s name. “He was...incredible. I finally met him. When I got here, he was asleep in this chair-”

She pointed to her seat, grinning a little at the memory.

“-I told him to get some food and drinks,” she continued. “He looked rough...he really cares about you…”

“He’s such a softie,” Jiahn joked, feeling the heat of a blush on her cheeks. “I don’t deserve him…”

Soyeon laughed with a shake of her head, fiddling with the strings of the blanket as they fell into a comfortable silence. The quiet wasn’t too comfortable however, because it allowed Jiahn’s mind to wander, and the last thing she wanted to do was think too hard about anything.

“So how did it go with your trip?” Jiahn asked, having a feeling this might be part of Soyeon’s closed off behavior. “Was the story as cool as Jae thought it would be?”

Her best friend looked up at that, grinning as she still pulled on the little threads in her fingers.

“Yeah, it was super interesting, no one knows what the creature was,” Soyeon answered. “It’ll make a great article…”

But then she stopped, heightening Jiahn’s suspicions as she raised an eyebrow.

“Was it okay…?” she hesitated, watching Soyeon closely. “You know...with Shownu?”

Her eyes darted up just a little too fast at the sound of his name, and her cheeks were betraying her, turning bright red as she laughed.

“I mean yeah, I think he got some great pictures,” Soyeon’s tone would’ve sounded nonchalant to anyone else but Jiahn, but she just knew her too well. “He wanted me to be in a few too.”

She added it as an afterthought before, once again, stopping.

“Soyeon…” Jiahn had a hint of teasing in her voice as she watched her best friend. “You know what I’m talking about…”

The older looked up, sighing in defeat as she smiled reluctantly.

“We made up,” she admitted, smile growing bigger as she spoke. “He apologized to me, I apologized back...after that we were able to talk normally, you know there wasn’t that awkwardness anymore-”

Jiahn nodded; the tension between the two had been leaking into the office, and she was wondering how long Shownu was going to avoid Soyeon like he was.

“-which was nice. Then we just you know, did the interviews and-”

Soyeon’s face was somehow even redder, and Jiahn’s eyes widened a little in surprise.

“-that’s...about it…”

“Soyeon,” Jiahn could’ve laughed; her best friend wasn’t normally this bad at lying. “I don’t believe you. Something else definitely happened…”

The girl looked around, as if reminding Jiahn that they were in a hospital and things were too serious for them to be laughing right now. But Jiahn didn’t want to be reminded of that, because thinking about the beeping heart monitor next to her meant thinking about why she was hooked up to one in the first place, and the clenching in her chest told her to stay far away from that topic.

“Come on, please?” Jiahn hoped Soyeon would see it, the desperation in her eyes as she pleaded. “I could really use a distraction right now…”

It seemed the older did see it, because after a moment’s hesitation, she sighed, running a hand through her hair as she got a little more comfortable in her chair.

“It’s bad, Jiahn.”

The smile on her face disappeared, and Jiahn watched her closely, heart skipping a beat in her chest.

“Jackson, he only got us one room,” Soyeon began, and she sounded like she was reasoning with herself, justifying whatever mystery event that had happened. “I don’t know why, but he did, and so we had to share…”

Jiahn cringed internally; she had a feeling she knew where this was going.

_Oh boy, Soyeon…_

“I was-” she seemed to be struggling with the words, playing with the ends of her hair as she continued. “-trying to brush my stupid knots out...you know how they get at the beach, and Sh-Shownu-”

There was an audible stutter on his name, and Jiahn watched Soyeon’s cheeks turn bright red almost instantly.

“-he offered to help-”

There was a squeak, Jiahn turning around quickly to see who was opening the door of the room. It was Yugyeom, a paper cup of coffee in his hands, eyes widening at the sight of Jiahn.

“Hey,” as he approached, Jiahn realized that Soyeon wasn’t kidding; he did look exhausted. “You’re awake.”

_But still so handsome_

“I’ll be back later,” Soyeon got up from her chair quickly, smiling warmly at Jiahn before turning to Yugyeom. “Let me know if you guys need anything, okay?”

“Thanks,” Yugyeom smiled back at her, and Jiahn wondered if they had gotten to talk at all; she always thought they would get along really well. “I will.”

Soyeon nodded, giving them both a friendly wave before walking out, adjusting her purse on her shoulder. Jiahn watched her go before turning back to Yugyeom, watching him settle in the chair Soyeon had just left.

They just stared at one another for a minute, Yugyeom gripping his coffee with both hands as he bit his lip nervously. Jiahn wondered how bad she must look, if she was as broken looking on the outside as she felt on the inside, as he looked at her like she was made of glass.

Don’t think about that right now

Getting a better look at his face, she could see the redness of his eyes. She could see the dark circles underneath and the way his eyebrows were raised, tense with worry. He seemed to be looking for something, searching the features of her face. He looked so young, so sad, and Jiahn felt an ache deep in her chest as she reached forward, brushing some loose strands of hair off his forehead.

“Are you okay?” she all but whispered, watching the way he closed his eyes at her touch, hanging his head.

He looked up at her slowly, a sad smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I should be asking you the same question.”

She can hear the strain in his voice as he set his coffee down on the table next to him, taking the hand she was using to brush his hair and interlocking their fingers.

“I don’t want you to be sad,” she told him quietly, meaning every word she spoke as she folded her fingers with his.

Jiahn couldn’t do it, couldn’t watch him crumble. Because if Yugyeom crumbled, than she was sure to, and she didn’t know what would happen if she did.

“How can I not be?”

His voice broke a little as he asked, and she watched his eyes get a little wet before he was looking down at their interlocked hands. He swallowed hard, and she could feel the tears welling in her own eyes, her heart shattering into a million pieces, like shards of glass in her chest.

How could she have done this to him? How could she have been so stupid, so irresponsible, when she was supposed to be the one who was older?

Yugyeom was young, he was doing well in his life, he didn’t need this, didn’t deserve this, and she felt the tears cascade down her cheeks at the fact that she was in charge of taking care of this baby, little dude was in her body, and yet, she hadn’t been able to make it work, hadn’t been able to help before it was too late-

I shouldn’t have panicked. I should have told Kaylee I was having muscles cramps, and maybe it would’ve been okay. I should’ve been more aware, maybe if I would’ve recognized signs sooner-

“Yugyeom, I’m sorry,” she choked out, hanging her head as she watched her tears drop in tiny wet dots onto her blanket. “I’m so sorry…”

“Jiahn,” she felt a hand on her face, forcing her to look up at him as he caressed her cheek. “This isn’t your fault.”

He wasn’t crying, but he looked like he going to, his eyes boring into hers as he seemed to be trying to convince her.

“I don’t like seeing you like this,” she admitted, using her free hand to swipe more of his hair off his forehead.

“Do you think I like seeing you like this?” he asked with another sad smile, thumb catching some of her fallen tears as he rubbed it gently against her skin.

Jiahn wasn’t sure what to say, dropping her hand slowly from his face as she looked at their held hands again.

_This isn’t going to change anything, Jiahn_

She knew she was right; there was no point in her dwelling on what happened. Jiahn knew that some people might want her to face what was in front of her, but this situation wouldn’t change in either direction. She knew blaming herself or blaming anything else also wouldn’t do anything to help her.

Jiahn couldn’t let herself have another anxiety attack about it, feeling the sharp pain in her chest along with her thoughts. She couldn’t stop breathing or have another mental breakdown, because once the panic was over, she would be right back where she was. It was better to just avoid the emotions at all cost, because only time would heal, and time was going to move whether she spent it being sad or spent it trying to move forward.

“Bam told me…” Yugyeom broke the silence, voice hesitant as he spoke to his lap, thumb moving along the back of her hand. “That the baby stopped developing at seven weeks...is that right?”

She nodded, trying to ignore the impact his words have on her stomach as it twists uncomfortably.

_Don’t think about it Jiahn_

“I guess that’s why we didn’t know.”

Yugyeom’s next words were heavy in the air, and Jiahn tried not to think about the fact that she still had that baby inside of her at seven weeks. She was walking around, blissfully unaware, and maybe if she could’ve been watching, would’ve paid better attention at her appointment-

_Don’t think about it Jiahn_

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, watching him look back up at her, the pain evident on every one of his features as she let her fingers trail down the side of his face. “You’re going to be okay...right?”

Jiahn needed him to be, she needed him to be okay so bad that it pained her to think of the alternative. She couldn’t think about a world where her smiling, happy, joking, playful, sexy, sweet, and amazing Yugyeom was broken.

Because if he was broken, then she was shattered, and who would be there to pick up the pieces?

“Yeah…”

His voice was sad as he nodded, tucking some hair behind her ear before looking down at their hands once more.

“It will be.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ok guys, as promised, here is a recap of what happened for those of you who had to skip this chapter:
> 
> Jiahn lost the baby and had an anxiety attack while it happened
> 
> Yugyeom showed up and was there for her as usual, and told her everything was going to be okay
> 
> Soyeon also was there and started to tell Jiahn what happened with her and Shownu, but ended up getting interrupted.
> 
> Jiahn is in denial about what happened, not wanting to face her reality.
> 
> Let me know if you guys have any questions or concerns, and thank you so much for reading! I hope this wasn’t too much...FYI, I bawled my eyes out writing this whole thing. It was not an easy task.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: WARNINGS!
> 
> Coping with Trauma, Anxiety Description, and Mentions of Cheating

 

** Soyeon: **

_**January 25, 2019, 5:15 pm** _

Soyeon stared at her chat on the computer, Jiahn’s “offline” status the same as it had been all week.

It had been a week since she had worked with her best friend, and she missed her so much in their stale-aired office right now. Even with Hyungwon and Heonie’s conversations travelling to her cubicle, Jiyoo and Jackson’s playful arguments she could hear as they walked by from the breakroom, or the rare chats from Jae asking if she was okay and if Jiahn was okay…

Soyeon still felt so alone.

It was the end of the day now, the end of a Friday, and she didn’t even have the presence of others to rely on anymore. It was silent, almost dead silent, as she was trapped with the only two people left in the office; Jackson and…

_Shownu_

Her heart clenched hard in her chest, and she gripped her mouse a little tighter as her eyes glazed over.

Soyeon had been avoiding Shownu like the plague.

They were back to where they were before, before the trip, exchanging emails and avoiding face to face conversation. But instead of Shownu being the culprit, it was Soyeon; because Soyeon didn’t want to face the truth, couldn’t face the truth.

She had been avoiding reality since the moment she had stepped out of the hotel room.

 

_The sun was shining through the windows of the hotel room, making Soyeon squint even through her closed eyes. They had forgotten to shut the curtains it seems, and even though she was sure the view was beautiful, she was annoyed she had been woken up._

_She was in a peaceful sleep, a deep sleep, one of the best sleeps she’d had in a while-_

_There was a loud scraping followed by what sounded like spitting liquid to Soyeon and she scowled, eyelids still closed against the morning light._

_“Crap…”_

_The voice was so soft, barely audible, and yet it rang in Soyeon’s ears like a wakeup call, forcing her to open her eyes._

_Shownu…_

_She spotted him immediately; he was standing over what looked to be an ancient coffee maker, pressing some buttons on it, biting on his bottom lip in concentration._

_He was beautiful, even first thing in the morning, with messy hair and tired eyes. He had pulled on his shorts, and Soyeon admired the way they hung lowly on his hips, his lack of shirt giving her the perfect view. His back was bronze, tan, and beautiful, shoulders broad, and Soyeon couldn’t help remembering when she had held onto those shoulders, seeing the still red marks from her nails in his skin from just the night before-_

_“You’re up.”_

_She hadn’t noticed his glance in her direction, and she immediately looked up, almost more blinded by Shownu’s gentle smile than the rays of sunlight surrounding him. His eyes were wandering across the features of her face, the disheveled strands of her hair, the sheets wrapped around her naked body…_

_“How long have you been awake?”_

_Soyeon’s voice was hoarse, and she giggled, clearing her throat._

_“About an hour…” he admitted, smiling growing bigger at her laughter as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I was trying to make coffee, but I don’t know if I did it right.”_

_The bashful look on his face made her heart melt, and she turned her attention to the coffee maker, a steady stream of dark brown liquid pouring into the glass pot below._

_“I think you did it right,” she told him with a reassuring grin, nodding her head towards it._

_He turned around, eyes widening a bit as if he was expecting the machine to be smoking when he looked at it; like he was surprised it had worked._

_How often does he make coffee? Soyeon thought with a giggle._

_“Okay, I’ll uh…” Shownu was looking at her again, stumbling on his own words just slightly as his eyes grazed across her body before he was slipping his shoes on at the door. “I’ll be right back. They had some food out in the lobby-”_

_“Shownu,” -his name on her lips had her heart fluttering pleasantly- “I don’t need anything, really, I’m not hungry-”_

_“You should eat something,” he replied, turning back to look at her with a worried expression._

_“I really don’t need it…” her voice was soft again; was it possible for him to be any more sweet to her?_

_“I-” he shook his head with a smile at her. “I’ll get something just in case.”_

_Before she could argue, he made his way out the door, the high-cheekboned smile on his face still visible to Soyeon before he closed the door behind him._

_The beat that followed his departure was relaxing, calming, and Soyeon laid back on the squishy pillows with a sigh. Her eyes were closed again, listening to the steady drips and hisses of the coffee maker as she replayed every moment of last night in her head. The fiery touches, the heated stares as their eyes locked, the love and desire in Shownu’s entire demeanor as he looked at her, dragged his fingers across her skin, praises pouring from his lips-_

_Soyeon could feel her cheeks burning._

_She had to pee and she hated it, not wanting to leave the comfort of the bed. But after a moment, her bladder was begging for relief, and with a sigh, she hobbled out of bed, beelining straight for the bathroom._

_She looked in the reflection of the mirror while she was washing her hands, remembering the way her and Shownu had looked at each other in that same mirror. She remembered the way she had lifted her body so easily, so hastily onto the sink counter, Shownu’s hands gripping her in a possessive way that was so different from Jinyoung…_

_Soyeon walked slowly from the bathroom, picking up her clothes off the floor and quickly pulling them on. The heat in the hotel didn’t quite work enough to keep the winter chill out, and her naked body was shivering. The tanktop and shorts did little to help, and she practically ran back into the bed, thankful that her spot was still warm as she bundled back under the covers._

_A few minutes later, the hotel room door was opening again, Shownu walking in with granola bars gripped in his hands._

_“I thought they had breakfast,” he smiled guiltily at her, lifting the food up with one hand. “But I guess it ended at 9…”_

_Flipping over the two coffee mugs next to coffee maker, he took a look at the machine, realizing it was finally done. He took the pot out, slowly pouring two steaming mugs before glancing over at her._

_“I like it black,” she replied, reading the question in his eyes._

_He nodded, biting his lip to suppress the smile on his face._

_He walked over with the two coffees, sitting next to her on the bed. The smile was no longer hidden as he released his lip, and the adoration in his eyes had Soyeon’s fading blush coming back full force as she returned the gesture. She took the coffee from him with a whispered “thank you” as she locked eyes with him once more._

_They sat in comfortable silence, the subtle sounds of their sipping the only thing heard in the room. Soyeon could feel her heart racing in her chest at the mere closeness of him, her body teetering between arousal and longing._

_But it wasn’t just his body, it was his mind too. His sweet gestures and caring looks. His ability to make her laugh and calming aura that it seemed he was the only one capable of bringing into her life. The hotel room was their bubble, their alternate reality, their sanctuary, and Soyeon reveled in that, muscles in her body relaxing that she never knew were tense._

_“Your phone’s dead,” Shownu told her as if suddenly remembering, reaching into his pocket. “I found it on the floor next to your bag. You can use my charger if you want.”_

_Phone._

_It was like she had forgotten it existed, taking the device slowly from his hand._

_“Thank you,” she whispered, clicking the button even though she knew the screen wouldn’t light up. “I completely forgot about it…”_

_This wasn’t atypical for Soyeon- she was not a phone person- but she felt a nervous twist in her stomach, wondering what sort of messages she would end up encountering._

_Soyeon leaned forward, unplugging Shownu’s phone and plugging in her own. She glanced at his screen on impulse, alarmed to see the entire screen filled with text and calls from Jackson._

_“Sorry,” her eyes widened as she handed over the device. “I didn’t mean to look but-”_

_Shownu looked at the worry on her face before taking the phone, his eyebrows raising in slight shock._

_“Whoa…” he breathed._

_She watched him unlock his phone, eyes scanning across the page as he suddenly stood up, placing his mug on the bedside table._

_“It’s Jiahn,” Shownu told her, voice sharp with concern as he immediately hit a button on his phone before bringing it to her ear. “Something’s going on…”_

_“What?” Soyeon almost dropped her coffee, her heart skipping a beat at the sound of her best friend’s name. “Jiahn? Is she o-?”_

_“Jackson, hey, I-”_

_Shownu was silent, and Soyeon couldn’t hear Jackson on the other end, which only scared her more; the only time you couldn’t hear Jackson is when he was serious, and if Jackson was serious-_

_“Is she hurt?” Soyeon couldn’t keep the panic out of her voice as she pushed the blanket off of her body, feet hitting the carpet as she looked up at Shownu. “Is she okay?”_

_“She’s not hurt,” Shownu answered her immediately, voice gentle but serious. “Yeah Jackson, she’s right h- no, her phone’s dead- I know, we were-”_

_He hesitated, swallowing hard and running a hand through his hair._

_“-we had a lot to work on last night.”_

_The implications of his words were not lost on Soyeon._

_She couldn’t think about that right now, not through the blind panic she had for Jiahn._

_Shownu was silent as he listened to Jackson talk, his face growing more and more worrisome as he ran another hand through his hair, eyes meeting Soyeon’s._

_“What?” she felt impatient and fidgety, scratching her skin a bit. “What’s going on?”_

_“Okay text me the address,” Shownu was replying to Jackson, looking at her with an expression that had her stomach sinking._

_He hung up, glancing down at her phone before his gaze was back on her face._

_“Shownu, please tell me what’s going on.”_

_Soyeon couldn’t handle the suspense, her hands beginning to tremble._

_“It’s Jiahn,” he began, biting his lip before continuing. “They think she might have lost the baby.”_

 

The rest of the morning had been a whirlwind, the two of them throwing things in their bags, dodging around one another as they changed into proper clothes before running out the door, their still-steaming mugs of coffee on the bedside table.

Shownu had driven her to the hospital, and as many times as he had offered to stay, Soyeon told him there was no point; they wouldn’t let him back there anyway. And so he had left, with a million questions mixed with the concern in his eyes, and a want to hug one another that lingered in the air, neither one of them giving in to temptation.

Soyeon had tears in her eyes by the time she was walking through the entrance of the hospital.

A click and a swoosh had Soyeon jumping a foot in the air, recognizing the squeak that only came from Shownu’s door opening.

_How sad that you know that_

Soyeon didn’t need to see to know he was looking in her direction like he had been doing all week, and she desperately searched for something that would make her too busy to talk to him. She settled on typing wildly on her keyboard, nothing that made sense, biting her lip in intense concentration as she pretended not to notice his lingering gaze in her peripheral vision.

There was an audible sigh that slipped from his lips, pulling on her heart strings before she heard the sound of his retreating footsteps. Soyeon perked her ears, listening to a knock on someone’s door, and Jackson’s boisterous greeting before the closing latch was heard, both men inside Jackson’s office.

Soyeon exhaled, shoulders slumping as her hands immediately slipped from the keyboard.

She had been doing this all week.

Leaving that hotel room, the bubble bursting around them with an unceremonious pop, had left her muddled and confused, guilty and sad, torn.

Her phone was charged on the drive to the hospital, and the many texts came pouring in as soon as her screen came to life.

_**When will you be home?** _

_**Soyeon, are you alright?** _

_**Why aren’t you answering me?** _

Ten missed calls.

Three voicemails she still hadn’t listened to.

All from Jinyoung.

She had texted him while she was sitting next to Jiahn’s bed, the girl still knocked out from the procedure Soyeon hadn’t been there for, tears in her eyes as she came up with an explanation that she knew wouldn’t be good enough for Jinyoung.

Soyeon had been staying with Jiahn, telling Jinyoung she needed to take care of the younger after everything that had happened. He had only been understanding for two of the nights, before the little patience he had wore thin all over again.

“ _Why isn’t that one guy with her?_ ” Jinyoung had asked in anger on her third night spent over at Jiahn’s. “ _It’s not just your responsibility to take care of her._ ”

“ _It’s not a job, Jinyoung, she’s my friend,_ ” Soyeon had been sickened by his heartlessness, shocked at the level of selfish he could be.

“ _Are you going to be home at all this week?_ ” the frustration in his voice had her blood boiling and she had told herself to breathe.

“ _I’ll let you know_.”

It wasn’t something Jinyoung was used to hearing.

Still, it must’ve clicked in his head not to bother her too much about it, and she found that highly suspicious- since when did Jinyoung give a shit about what she wanted? The whole thing had a heavy, guilty boulder sitting right in the pit of her stomach.

_What if he knows?_

It had been a question on her mind all week, haunting her thoughts and causing an uncomfortable itch to spread across her skin that no amount of scratching could relieve.

_Tea. I need tea._

The one advantage to staying with Jiahn, was that working late was no longer an issue. Her best friend could care less when she came home, and it reminded Soyeon of the days when they were both single, living as roommates.

When her life was much less complicated.

She headed to the breakroom, quickly glancing to her left to make sure Shownu and Jackson were still in his office. Her tea kettle was already on- when had it been turned on?- and she raised her eyebrows in surprise before quickly grabbing a mug from the cabinets up above. She hadn’t realized how bad her hands were shaking until she was trying to pour a steady stream of water. Small droplets splashed onto the counter, and after dropping a tea bag into the hot liquid with trembling fingers, she used a paper towel to clean up her mess.

Soyeon took a deep, therapeutic breath, the smell of her tea doing the best it could to soothe her nerves.

She felt dirty.

Soyeon felt wrong, felt sinful and she couldn’t shake it no matter how much she tried. She hadn’t had to face Jinyoung too much, not yet, but what would happen when she did? Would she tell him? Would she bury it with the first skeleton- her masquerade kiss- and lock the door, hoping no one ever found the key? Would she really be able to walk down the aisle, say her vows, and pretend for that long that nothing had happened?

“ _No,_ ” Jiahn had answered that question for her one of her first nights out of the hospital, the two of them sipping on hot chocolate, bundled up on her couch. “ _I don’t think you would be able to do that…_ ”

“ _I can’t just leave Jinyoung,”_ It wasn’t an emotion she felt often- vulnerability- but in that small apartment, with Mr. Floofs purring on her lap and a ratty college blanket wrapped around her feet, Soyeon couldn’t push it away. “ _We’re engaged..._ ”

It had been a feeble excuse really, but she couldn’t let go of it, knowing her engagement ring was still sitting in the zipper pocket of her purse.

“ _And Shownu is too…_ ” Jiahn understood Soyeon’s predicament instead of chastising it, and she felt just a little bit better.

“ _I don’t know what to do._ ”

Soyeon and Jiahn had sat in silence for a few moments, the younger finally looking up, chewing her bottom lip before speaking.

 _“Soyeon…_ ” her voice was hesitant as she stared down at her hot chocolate again, unable to keep eye contact. “ _If the roles were reversed and this was me...what would you tell_ me _to do?_ ”

She hadn’t been able to answer Jiahn.

The truth was, if the roles were reversed, there wouldn’t be any second guessing. Soyeon would’ve told her to drop Jinyoung a long time ago, the moment he went from sweet to possessive, and she would’ve told her to go to Shownu. That Shownu treated her better and that there was no competition and why were they even talking about this?

But this wasn’t Jiahn. This was Soyeon. And for some reason, that made it different.

Soyeon saw a movement in the doorway, her heart skipping a beat in her chest when she locked eyes with none other than Shownu, who didn’t looked nearly as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

Her fight or flight was kicking in again, and she pulled her eyes from his, gripping her mug of tea as she stepped away from the counter she was leaning on. She immediately walked towards the door, wanting to get out of there as quick as possible; she was already red in the face, her heart racing in her chest, she needed to get back to her desk, her box-

The door to the break room closed with a loud click, echoing in the small space as Shownu’s hand stayed lingering on the knob. She glanced at it before looking at him on reflex, just feet away from the door. He took a deep breath before looking up at her, searching the features of her face like he always did.

“Soyeon…”

Her name from his lips was careful, gentle, but the meaning in it was enough to weigh heavy in the tension between them. He took a small step towards her, eyebrows raising in slight concern.

“Shownu-”

She couldn’t do this, not now. Soyeon couldn’t look at him, couldn’t breathe, she just wanted to leave-

“We _have_ to talk about it…”

It was like he was reading her mind, knew that she would happily pass this conversation along to another day, another week, another month, instead of having to face it head on like he seemingly wanted to.

“I can’t...”

Soyeon’s voice was barely above a whisper as she stared down at her tea, unable to look at his handsome face any longer.

“Why not?”

Shownu was speaking softly as well, desperation laced into his words as he took yet another hesitant step forward. She was being pulled in two different directions- wanting to run out of the room and wanting to run into Shownu’s arms that she knew would hold her without hesitation.

“We shouldn’t have done it…”

Regardless of her feelings, she was speaking the undeniable truth out loud; that what they did was _wrong_. She really was whispering now, sounding broken and small, and the thought made tears come to her eyes as she realized that’s exactly what she was.

“I know…” Shownu sighed, and she looked up to see him running a frustrated hand through his hair, staring at his feet. “It was wrong, I know, but…”

His voice grew strained at the end, and he took his hand slowly from his hair as he looked at her.

“But I don’t regret it.”

He had taken another step, whispering the words, the sound of them like a shot to Soyeon’s heart as she felt an unexpected warmth spread through her body. There were tears in her eyes as she couldn’t look away, both of them staring at one another, in their bubble once more. And for that brief moment, it felt like they were in the hotel room again, their emotions open, exposed, real, and Soyeon was so, so scared.

“Shownu-”

She was saying his name again because it was all she could think to say, the high-pitch in her voice telling him the fear that was beating through her heart, pounding through her veins as she continued to look at him.

But she couldn’t hang onto his gaze, his beautiful eyes holding too much depth for her to carry, and so she stared at her shoes, her tears spilling over onto her bright red cheeks.

“Is it Jinyoung?”

The pain in Shownu’s voice was undeniable, and Soyeon felt a sharp pang in her chest as she squeezed her eyes shut.

She couldn’t bring herself to answer because of course it was Jinyoung, but she doesn’t want to say it, doesn’t want to admit it when the very words caused that much anguish in Shownu.

Caused that much anguish in her.

“You don’t want to be with him, Soyeon, I _know_ you don’t,” Shownu’s voice was louder again, desperate again, and she could feel her throat tightening as another round of tears filled her eyes.

It was like he didn’t care about anything else, like this was his top priority, and this just made Soyeon’s heart ache more. Of course Shownu cared more about her than he cared about himself.

His silence made her look up at him, and she immediately wished she hadn’t, the sight of him ripping a hole in her chest.

He was upset, more upset than she had ever seen him, and she knew she had caused every bit of it. Soyeon couldn’t handle the thought, taking a hurried step forward, not sure what she was going to do, just knowing she couldn’t stand there and do nothing while he looked at her like his body was breaking from the inside out.

When they made eye contact, she could see the frustration in his eyes, the want to argue with her, to convince her that what he said about Jinyoung was true. She grabbed his hand lightly, the only way she could think to beg him to stop. Tell him that she couldn’t do that right now, couldn’t handle the conversation she knew he so desperately wanted to have.

She wasn’t ready.

Shownu looked down at their hands, the frustration ebbing away, eyes softening as he turned to meet hers once more. There were more tears running down her cheeks, and with wide eyes and her lips pressed together, she asked him again with a slight shake of her head to let it go.

He read her thoughts, like he always could, squeezing her hand as he looked at her fingers.

“I know I sound selfish, and I know that it’s wrong,” his voice was low. “But it doesn’t feel wrong when we’re together, Soyeon, and I-”

He cut himself off, biting his lip before continuing.

“I’m selfish because I want you anyway...I- you’re worth it to me…”

Her heart swelled with emotion, and she swallowed hard, watching him with wide eyes as he finally turned to look at her. He was staring at her for a long moment, eyes moving to the tears falling slowly down her face. Soyeon was speechless, her mind not able to function well enough to come up with words to say.

He hesitated before reaching out, using a feather-light touch to wipe away her tears, one cheek at a time. She closed her eyes at the feeling of his hands on her skin, a tingling sensation where his fingertips touched, and she both loved and hated it so much. Soyeon opened up her eyes just in time to see Shownu curling in his fingers, almost like he was restraining himself, like he could feel the magnetizing pull between them too, and dropped his hand to his side.

“Even if you don’t want me back-”

Soyeon’s heart clenched at the words.

 _I do_ , she was screaming in her head, more pain in her chest. _I want you so bad Shownu…_

“-you’ve got to get away from Jinyoung.”

He paused, the intensity in his eyes unmistakable.

“I can’t stand the thought of you with him, Soyeon, it just...it _kills_ me-”

He looked away, gaining control of his voice before continuing.

“You are a free-spirited, beautiful, intelligent woman and you being caged up with him...it’s not right. I don’t want you hurt-”

He squeezed her hand again, and she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, as she knew everything he was saying was true; it wasn’t right.

“-and from what I can see...he hurts who you are...and you don’t deserve that.”

Soyeon can’t let go of his hand, feeling like she’s in a dream. Like this isn’t really her in her own body and someone would be shaking her awake soon to tell her it was time to get ready.

Time to get ready for another day in the office avoiding the man standing in front of her.

But deep down, she knew this wasn’t a dream, because the passion in Shownu’s eyes, the determination in his words, and the depth of his feelings could not be conjured up by her brain.

This was definitely real.

He looked away from her again, still holding onto her hand.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out, because she couldn’t think of anything else to say, didn’t know how to handle the emotions that were so overwhelming they were crippling.

“I broke off my engagement...with Sooah.”

Soyeon felt like someone had dumped ice-cold water over her head, eyes widening as she watched him scratch the back of his neck nervously.

“As soon as I dropped you off at the hospital, I...I ended it.”

A low chuckle slipped from his lips as he looked at their hands again, the smile on his face not quite meeting his eyes. He was rubbing his thumb gently across the top of her fingers, watching the movement.

“I can’t marry someone when I’m clearly in love with someone else.”

She watches him look up at her once more, the look in his eyes so intense she can’t look away. Her heart is pounding loudly in her ears, stomach fluttering as she tried to breath.

 _I love you too, Shownu_ , she wanted to say, but her mouth just wasn’t working. _I can’t imagine my life without you, can’t imagining being with anyone but you…_

“Shownu...I…”

It was like Jinyoung was there, his hand on her throat, telling her not to say something she would regret, but she wouldn’t regret it, she didn’t regret anything that had happened…

She felt suffocated all over again, the atmosphere too humid, too sticky for her to breathe properly and any words she had to stay were stuck like peanut butter in the roof of her mouth as she just stared back at Shownu.

And then her heart shattered into a million pieces at the look on his face. The pain in his eyes when he realized she still hadn’t responded to his confession, no matter how much she desperately wanted to.

“I know you’re going through a lot right now,” he began quietly, holding her hand a little tighter. “I just needed you to know...what I-”

He swallowed hard.

“How I feel.”

The were both silent, the tension of the moment almost too much for either one of them to handle.

“I know you need to decide for yourself…” Shownu spoke after another moment, exhaling at his own words. “I’ll support you no matter what, Soyeon...you deserve the world if you want it.”

He kissed the back of her hand like an afterthought, a natural habit, before he was taking his fingers from hers. She felt cold, so cold she wanted to shiver, as she watched Shownu give her another sad smile.

He hesitated again before reaching out with the same hand, tucking some hair behind her ear, his eyes following the movement before he was quickly pulling away. She felt a longing in her chest that was almost painful as it pulled at her in time with his retreating arm, and she couldn’t think again as she watched him take a few steps back.

He reached for the doorknob, moving quicker now, almost hastily as he pulled the door open. He looked over his shoulder at her for a brief moment before he was facing forward again, walking out of the room as the door softly snapped shut behind him.

And Soyeon could’ve sworn she saw tears in his eyes before he left.

  
  


** Jiahn: **

_**January 25, 2019, 6:00pm** _

To say that Jiahn wasn’t handling her current situation very well would be an understatement.

But she wasn’t in the mood to acknowledge it.

The truth was, she didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to act like it happened, didn’t want to acknowledge it.

She had shut down in the worst of ways.

And even though Jiahn knew that’s what was happening, knew she was crawling into her bulletproof shell that was used for special occasions such as this, she just…

Couldn’t deal with that.

So the night she came home from the hospital, when they had finally deemed her okay after the procedure, all she had wanted was to be alone.

 

“ _I don’t have a class to teach until 3pm,_ ” Yugyeom had come all the way home with her and Soyeon, gripping his fourth cup of coffee. “ _I’ll be here if you need it._ ”

And in a way, Jiahn did need it.

She wanted what they had had just a couple nights before, the pressure of his body on top of hers as she ran her hands through his silky hair and they fell asleep to the sound of each other’s heartbeats. She wanted to cry and ask him why this happened and Mr. Floofs to nuzzle his nose into her arm like he always did when he knew she was sad.

But doing all of that meant she had to come to terms with things.

And she just wasn’t in the mood.

“ _Yugyeom, you’re tired._ ”

It seemed his four cups of coffee hadn’t done a thing, with dark circles under his eyes and hair sticking up in odd directions. Normally she would’ve found it cute, even offered to fix it while giggling before giving him a quick kiss.

“ _I’m fine-_ ”

“ _I’m just going to be sleeping, that’s what the doctor told me I would be doing,_ ” Jiahn had been trying so hard to sound nonchalant. “ _You go home and get some sleep, too. I’ll see you tomorrow...okay?_ ”

She added his hurt expression to the list of things she was pretending didn’t happen.

“ _I’m not leaving,_ ” Soyeon had told her bluntly after Yugyeom had left and given her a lingering kiss on the top of her head that had almost broken her. “ _I’ll be sleeping on the couch._ ”

And Jiahn knew there was no use in arguing.

Soyeon had been staying with her the entire week, doing exactly as she had said and sleeping on the couch every night. Jiahn had overheard a few heated arguments with Jinyoung over the situation on the phone, touched by how defensive her best friend was getting, how protective she was. But the older girl knew Jiahn, knew she didn’t like to be suffocated, and so they had been flowing through the week like ocean waves on the sandy beaches, and Jiahn couldn’t be more grateful.

It was comforting.

But Yugyeom didn’t know her, couldn’t know her like that. Their relationship was too fresh, too new, the situation too serious for only knowing one another for such a short amount of time.

And Jiahn couldn’t explain how she coped, because then she had to explain why she was coping, and that meant coming to terms with things.

And she just wasn’t in the mood.

 

“ _Titanic, right?_ ” Yugyeom had smiled as he sat slowly next to her, like she was a delicate dandelion that might blow away in the wind if he wasn’t careful. “ _That’s your favorite…_ ”

And she had told him yes with the best smile she could manage with it being Tuesday, only three days since the procedure, but Yugyeom was doing it wrong.

He was sneaking glances at her that weren’t that sneaky, keeping his distance as if afraid to touch her, actually watching the movie while neither one of them said a word, and Jiahn couldn’t stand being treated like a charity case.

“ _Jiahn…_ ” He had looked worried, staring up at her as she climbed boldly into his lap, just like she had done a week before.

But he wasn’t looking at her the same, wasn’t giving her the one-sided, playful grin that she wanted. He was holding her legs gently, like he was afraid she couldn’t hold herself up, and the look in his eyes was too concerned, too...invasive for her to do anything but press her lips against his.

She was kissing him to forget, a little harder, a little more desperate, but he was forcing her to slow down, running a gentle hand through her hair, moving his lips slowly against hers, kissing her like he wanted to remember.

“ _Yugyeom…_ ” she had pulled away, unsatisfied with what he was giving her, wanting more, needing more to prove that she wasn’t as breakable as he thought she was.

“ _What are you doing?_ ” He had whispered to her, his hand still in the strands of her hair, trailing down, goosebumps rising at his soft touch.

He had pulled away to look at her, search the features of his face with his gaze; a bullet that managed to put a crack in her protective shell. And her throat had closed up, tears stinging her eyes that she had tried so hard to pretend weren’t brewing near the surface and she had taken the fabric of his shirt in her hands, gripping it gently.

“ _Yugyeom, please…_ ” she had repeated his name, not knowing if the desperate tone of her voice would be enough. “ _I don’t want to talk…_ ”

And there must’ve been something in her eyes, something about the way she looked, that had him running his hands up the length of her arms and tucking her hair behind her ears. He must’ve seen it, the need to forget, as he pressed his lips hard against hers, picking up the rhythm she had tried to initiate just minutes before.

But even though he had given in, he wouldn’t let her bring him to the bed. He just held her in his embrace, pressing soft kisses to her lips and neck, and she had given in because begging him to go farther with her meant telling him why she was so desperate for it.

Telling him why meant coming to terms with things.

And she just wasn’t in the mood.

 

“ _Jiahn, why are you here?_ ” Jackson had sounded angry, Jiahn not even having enough time to take her purse off her shoulder before he was in her cubicle, Jiyoo conveniently missing.

“ _Well, I_ work _here…_ ” Jiahn had meant it as a joke of course, but the tone of her voice was too deadpan, too void of emotion to come off...funny.

“ _It’s Thursday; it’s been five days,_ ” her boss was watching her closely, arms crossed in front of his chest. “ _You can come back on the 28th like we discussed-_ ”

“ _You and_ Soyeon _discussed that,_ ” Jiahn had been bitter; she was more than capable of working. “ _I’m fine-_ ”

“ _Yeah, well, Soyeon knows you’ll come back and try to work before you’re ready. You’re honestly lucky she’s on her lunch break right now,_ ” Jackson hadn’t had any interest in her attitude, leaning over to turn off her computer monitor as soon as she turned it on. “ _The doctor said you need a full week of rest. Go home, Jiahn._ ”

“ _Jackson,_ ” she was exasperated; couldn’t he understand that home wasn’t where she wanted to be right now? “ _I can grade some fucking papers, this is stupid-_ ”

“ _Let me walk you out._ ”

Jackson had grabbed her hand, giving her no choice but to be dragged out, and it wasn’t until they were in the elevators that she finally tore her hand away, annoyed with his manhandling.

“ _At least let me take the work laptop home!_ ” Jiahn had practically shouted at him, because she had been tired of being treated like she was; like she was fragile. “ _There’s no reason I can’t grade a few things while I’m on the couch!_ ”

Why hadn’t Jackson understood that the more time she had to think, to contemplate, to feel, the more her heart broke? Didn’t he realize she had already come out of her shell, the cold air outside slapping her so hard in the face that she had immediately started crying?

How could Jackson not have known that everytime she was alone, her mind had nothing to focus on but the dark pandora’s box she was desperately trying to keep a lid on?

The blame.

The loss.

The pain.

“ _Jiahn,_ ” Jackson had pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance after hitting the lobby button, the doors closing around them. “ _You need to...heal okay?_ ”

“ _I’M HEALED!_ ” Jiahn hadn’t meant to scream, hadn’t meant to throw her arms out so harshly that her purse slipped off her shoulder, crashing to the elevator floor. “ _I DON’T NEED ANY MORE REST!_ ”

Jackson had fallen silent at her outburst, watching her carefully. She had breathed heavily, the tears prickling in the corners of her eyes before she could stop them. He had seen them, shining in the fluorescent lighting of the elevator, and she could do nothing but scowl and look away, embarrassed that she had let her guard down.

She was slipping.

“ _Heal some more,_ ” Jackson had told her quietly, picking up the purse and handing it to her gently.

The elevator had dinged, announcing their arrival, and she had managed to keep the tears at bay.

“ _I’m okay, really-_ ”

“ _If you don’t leave right now, I’m gonna go get Bam and have him walk you home._ ”

Jiahn had stormed off the elevator, knowing there was no use in arguing with a man who was as stubborn as she was. Arguing with him, meant convincing him she was healed, and what she was healing from.

And talking about what she was healed _from_ meant coming to terms with things.

And she just wasn’t in the mood.

 

So now it was Friday, and she had told Yugyeom he could come over.

Jiahn had been texting him, since he had been over three days ago, and he was sweet as usual.

But something was missing.

There were no more playful jokes, winking faces, or flirty remarks. He was being nice, too nice, asking her how she was feeling and what she was up to, and she knew exactly why.

He was concerned.

And while his care for her clawed at her shell, begging to be let in like a dog left outside, she just crawled deeper, replying in the most convincing way she could because technology was such a beautiful thing.

The ultimate mask.

He had asked to see her, and she had reluctantly told him yes. But she wasn’t as reluctant to see him as much as she was reluctant for him to see her.

See that there were bags under her eyes from the endless sleepless nights, nightmares of stomach pains and a crying child waking her up in a cold sweat.

See the dryness of her skin from standing in the boiling hot water of her shower for too long, staring at her shampoo bottle as it blurred in and out of focus, wondering if she there was some kind of sign she could’ve seen, that could’ve helped.

See the puffiness in her eyes that had never gone down, from the endless bouts of tears that hit her at random, grabbing her out of her shell with a vice-like grip and yanking her into the cold.

See that he was right to treat her like cracked glass, and she hated him for it.

There was a knock on the door, startling her as she jumped up from the couch. She ran a hand through her hair, rubbing a licked finger under both eyes to at least look half decent before answering the door.

“Hey!” she greeted him with all the enthusiasm she could muster, watching Yugyeom grin tentatively back at her.

“Hey.”

He was gripping a bag of Chinese takeout in his hand, using the other to push her hair from her face, kissing the top of her forehead.

“You look nice.”

She laughed, while her insides squirmed.

_I don’t look nice, I know I don’t...you don’t have to be this nice to me, Yugyeom...I’m fine_

Jiahn only had to ask him about his day to get him talking, and she nodded and smiled at all the appropriate times as he set up their takeout. He was unwrapping her chopsticks, undoing the box, and handing her napkins, looking at her like she was five years old.

_I’m fine, Yugyeom_

He was getting up, asking her what movie she wanted to watch, smiling at her and speaking to her gently, and she felt her muscles tensing, telling him it was his turn to pick with the best reciprocated smile she could manage.

They had dug into their food quickly, Jiahn asking more follow-up questions to keep the man talking. When Yugyeom was talking about something not involving her, she got a glimpse of the man she had fallen hard and fast for. The enthusiastic, goofy, kind of loud, and playful Yugyeom, who wasn’t worried about her, who didn’t have the hint of sadness in his eyes that reflected her own as he looked at her.

But soon, as most stories do, Yugyeom’s ended, and Jiahn just couldn’t find the strength to fill the silence.

So they ate together, the movie not even something Jiahn was acknowledging as it played in the background. She was too busy flinching every time Yugyeom started glancing her way again, too busy trying to ignore the way she felt- exposed- as his uneasy gaze lingered on her face when he thought she was looking at the screen.

Jiahn wasn’t known for her patience, and about twenty minutes into the movie, Yugyeom giving her a particularly long, lingering look before turning back to the TV, she sighed loudly, sitting up a little straighter on the couch.

“Yugyeom…”

Her voice was even as she watched him turn to her with slightly widened eyes, and she hated that he was so far away from her on the couch; did he really think he couldn’t even sit next to her?

“If you’re bored, you don’t have to stay here...really. I’m fine.”

She had been saying it so much that week that she felt like a broken record, and she watched his eyebrows furrow at her statement, looking confused.

“What do you mean?” He grabbed the remote, pausing the movie before turning a little more towards her. “I’m not bored-”

“Then why do you keep...keep looking at me like that?”

Jiahn couldn’t stop the edge in her voice, the pressure of her suppressed emotions starting to push at her carefully tied balloon; the balloon she held tightly while she stayed locked in her shell.

He looked guilty, glancing down at his lap before he was staring at her once more.

“I just...want to make sure you’re okay.”

His voice was soft and sweet, and Jiahn cringed internally because she didn’t need it. She didn’t need him to be so nice to her like her shell wasn’t bulletproof, like her emotions were more than she’s trying to make them, like she wasn’t angry at him for being able to handle this like a normal human being.

She didn’t deserve for him to be sweet to her.

“I’m fine…”

She can feel it, the thin-needled holes that are poking delicately into her balloon, the emotions seeping out like air in a popped tire. The edge in her voice was sharper, and she was rolling her eyes before she could stop herself.

“It doesn’t seem like it, Jiahn…”

The concern in his voice- the same damn concern he’d had for her all week- was so evident that it made Jiahn press her lips together. He was getting too close, the stress on his face almost breaking her, and she didn’t want to go back in the cold, she couldn’t-

“I’m FINE, Yugyeom, _God_ , just-”

There were more holes, the emotions slipping out of her before she could stop them, the hissing of air loud in her ears as she clenched and unclenched her fists.

“You don’t know if I’m fine or not because you didn’t actually go through it, okay? So just...don’t tell me if I seem fine or not! If I say I’m fine, then I’m fine.”

The hissing was still loud in her ears, her breathing a little labored, and she knew that her outburst was unfair. She knew it was wrong and she was wrong to say those things and it only made her anger more intense, the guilt and hurt pride overwhelming her.

“I didn’t go through it?”

Yugyeom’s voice was quiet, but there was a catch, a dangerous lilt that had her heart skipping a beat.

“It wasn’t our kid, it was just _yours_?”

Jiahn had hurt him, just like the night she told him to go home after the hospital. She could see it in the dark brown of his eyes, the way he played with his fingers, the way he clenched his jaw just slightly.

And as much as she wanted to stop it, she was retreating farther into her shell, feeling defensive, feeling so, so angry.

“That’s not what I meant-”

She stood from the couch, no longer able to stand as she felt her body begin to tremble.

“Well what else does it mean?” He asked loudly, glaring up at her. “How else could I take that?”

Jiahn knew he was right, knew she should apologize and clarify, but she wasn’t thinking clearly when she could barely breathe, the walls of her shell suffocating her from the inside out.

“You’re just being sensitive-”

“I’m _not_ being sensitive! I just-” Yugyeom stood from the couch as well, throwing the pillow he was holding harshly onto the cushions before continuing. “-Dammit, Jiahn, at least I feel something instead of not giving a shit like you!”

Yugyeom had skipped the needles, grabbing the biggest knife he had and jabbing it right into her balloon. She was choking, the emotions overwhelming her as she let her mouth hang open.

Doesn’t care? DOESN’T CARE?! Did Yugyeom have any idea what she went through? What she’s still going through?

_No, Jiahn, he doesn’t, tell him_

But Jiahn didn’t have time for logic and reasoning right now.

“I _do_ give a shit, what the-” she took a step towards him, her glare menacing as she looked him right in the eyes. “How the fuck could you even say that?!”

“You just- You haven’t said anything! Haven’t _done_ anything, at _all_ , Jiahn!” Yugyeom ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head a bit as he stared at her, looking like he was trying to understand. “I mean aren’t you...aren’t you _sad_? You’re acting like nothing even happened!”

And Jiahn could see it, the insecurity in Yugyeom’s own eyes; that she wasn’t the only one broken by this, confused by this, feeling alone because of this. But she could also see the judgement she could swear was in his eyes, her own anxiety forcing its way front and center, trapped in her shell with her popped balloon and emotional turmoil.

“I’m not acting like nothing happened, I’m _not_ , I-”

She took a deep breath, willing herself not to cry.

“It’s easier for you, okay? Everything’s just easier for you-”

She felt every word she was saying, an anger at him she couldn’t explain rearing its ugly head as she watched him with pure envy.

He could feel his emotions, face them, handle them like a normal human being. He cried when he found out what happened to their baby, had been sad when he was supposed to, recognized what had happened and was even willing to talk about it with gentle caresses and lingering, soft looks, and that just wasn’t something Jiahn could do, no matter how much she wished she could.

Didn’t he realize how much she hated herself because she just couldn’t seem to feel? And when she did it was too intense for her to handle?

“Easier for me?”

Yugyeom’s voice was no longer just angry, it was hurt, straining as he looked at her.

“You think losing our...our kid was _easier_ for me?”

He choked on “kid”, pushing his tongue to his cheek and glaring at the sofa, seemingly unable to look at her in that moment.

“That’s not what I meant, _dammit_ , you keep t-twisting my words!”

Jiahn could feel the frustration building in her chest, Yugyeom’s hand in her shell now; she had unintentionally grabbed it, and he was pulling her out slowly-

_You think losing our kid was easier for me?_

_Losing our kid?_

The words were right there, and he was holding tight, making her face them for what they were.

“I just meant it wasn’t planned, the b-baby thing-”

The word caught in her word just as it had caught in Yugyeom’s as she tried to get away from his gentle pull, the light at the end of the shell growing closer.

“-it was a surprise, and- and now you can keep going with your career and your normal life-”

“And pretend like nothing happened? Like _you’re_ doing?”

But to her surprise, she didn’t see anger in his eyes, only gentle worry, apprehension as he looked at her with a gaze that was reading her far too well.

“I’m not-”

The light was getting closer, and her struggle against him was getting more feeble as she stared into his eyes.

“You are, Jiahn.”

He closed the distance between them, and she couldn’t breathe, the light at the end of the shell so close she could barely see the walls surrounding her. Yugyeom had his hands on her arms, gently holding them as he stared down at her, and dammit she was going to cry.

And she couldn’t cry.

She didn’t deserve to cry.

“You haven’t talked about it at all, Jiahn…” Yugyeom’s voice was gentle again, and she could feel the cold as he began pulling her a little more forcefully from the shell, his grip on her suddenly too tight, too constricting. “I don’t understand, that can’t be healthy-”

Jiahn couldn’t do it, couldn’t listen to his words, and before she knew it, she was sucking herself back in. She was at the back of her shell, breathing heavily, the light nothing but a small circle in the distance, and she curled up into a ball, holding her knees to her chest.

“What am I supposed to say, Yugyeom, huh?!”

She took two steps back, thrusting her arms so his hands were forced to let go while she glared up at him. Her heart was pounding, anger at him, at herself, at everything flooding her veins like molten lava.

“The baby isn’t here! It’s not coming back-”

She was furiously wiping tears from her face, grabbing her bricks and building a brand new wall; Yugyeom had gotten too close.

“Talking about it isn’t going to make it appear, make it come back, so just grow up, Yugyeom, and realize we can’t just hold hands and talk about our feelings because it doesn’t change a fucking thing.”

“Oh _I_ need to grow up?!”

Yugyeom was enraged, she could see it in his eyes, see the way he leaned forward as he spoke, scowling deeply as his voice was louder than it had been the whole night.

“Yeah, because you’re _so_ mature, Jiahn, building a nice, big wall around yourself so that _no one_ can get in!”

The lava was hardening into rock, and she could feel the weight of her emotions weighing heavy on her whole body as she watched him.

He was right, he was absolutely right and she hated it so much.

More tears filled her eyes, and seeing that, he looked away, scowling at the ground and exhaling with a frustrated huff.

“I’m not trying to bring it back...I just-” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair as he struggled to keep his voice level. “You said we had dating life and we had baby life, and I thought...I thought we would talk about it. I thought we would talk about what happened, at some point, or do something, but you’re just, you’re not-”

And seeing his frustration with her, his exasperation, the worry lines etched into his forehead because of her inability to face emotions properly, had her slipping into the danger zone. She was calmly placing more bricks on the wall, spreading mortar on each block with precision as she began shutting down entirely.

_He doesn’t deserve this_

“You don’t have to do _either_ life anymore,” her voice was quiet, a contradiction to what she had sounded like not two minutes ago. “I know I’m pissing you off, I know I’m making this more difficult than it needs to be, okay? I’m not sure what’s wrong with me-”

She pressed her lips together, taking a deep breath.

“So just...there’s nothing holding you to me anymore. You’re...You’re free-”

Jiahn cut herself off, because no amount of bricks in her wall or bulletproof shells could keep the pain of those words from shooting through her chest like a sharp knife.

“What?”

Yugyeom’s voice was soft, the disbelief evident as he stared at her with widened eyes, shoulders slumping.

“I wasn’t just staying with you for the baby, Jiahn...why would you even say that?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, glaring at her feet because she didn’t know.

Maybe that thought had always been haunting her in the back of her mind, insecurities rearing their ugly heads because she honestly didn’t think she deserved him?

Maybe it was hard to tell, really, if he would’ve stayed if it weren’t for the pregnancy?

Maybe he would’ve met someone else, or lost interest in her, if it weren’t for the ball and chain of a baby to hold him down?

_I lost the baby...who’s to say I won’t lose him too?_

“It was the right thing to do.”

She whispers the words, her thoughts making her weak, body numb as she speaks almost robotically.

“You don’t have to lie about it-”

“I’m not _lying_ , Jiahn,” Yugyeom insisted, taking a step closer to her. “Why would I agree to a baby life and a dating life if I didn’t want both?”

But Jiahn’s response was too quick, like the dark thoughts had been clawing at her from the inside and were finally making their way out.

“It’s easier...it would’ve been too complicated to do just the baby thing, since technically we were dating first.”

She was speaking like a person at a business meeting, her voice void of all emotion.

He was speechless, looking at her with a mixture of anger and confusion, but she ignored the pang in her chest.

“We were just a one night thing-” it seemed she didn’t have any control over what she was saying, her word-vomit coming at the best of times like it always did. “-You signed up for more because you _had_ to, and now you don’t anymore, okay?”

She swallowed hard.

“You’re free...It’s honestly a blessing in disguise really.”

Silence.

Jiahn realized what she had said, what she had implied, the impact like a nuclear bomb with no sound. The mushroom cloud of smoke was creating such a thick layer of tension between the two that Jiahn felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen in her living room.

She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, hadn’t meant what she said, and she couldn’t take it back and she was so angry, so hurt, and so, so sad.

But for some reason, her mouth had stopped working entirely, as if punishing her for saying the wrong things. She couldn’t tell Yugyeom she was sorry, or that she didn’t mean it. She was trapped inside her own body, her shell, behind her brick wall, and no amount of screaming on the inside was doing her any good.

Her body was betraying her again just like it had betrayed their baby.

“That was never the way I saw it Jiahn…”

Yugyeom’s voice was scarily low, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time as he took a step backward, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“But maybe I should rethink some things after all.”

Jiahn was frozen, paralyzed as her heart shattered into a million pieces. She was choking on the air around her as Yugyeom sent a missile through all her blockades, deteriorating all of them to bits while she was left with the painful impact.

_I take it back! Please Yugyeom, I take it back, I’m sorry_

But she couldn’t move.

He walked quickly towards her apartment door, and she could see the tension in his shoulders as he grabbed the door knob hurriedly. Jiahn could feel her stomach twisting tightly, sharply as tears sprang into her eyes.

_Don’t go...please, please don’t leave me alone again…_

But he didn’t look back.

Not even once.

He just ripped the door open, walking out without another word. She covered her face with her hands just in time to jump when the door slammed with a sharp bang behind him.

Only then did Jiahn begin to cry.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warnings!
> 
> Mentions of Mental Abuse, Cheating, and Sexual Activities

 

** Soyeon: **

_**January 25, 2019, 6:15pm** _

Soyeon stood at the door of Jinyoung’s apartment- no, their apartment- with her heart hammering in her ears so loud, she could barely hear the click as the door unlocked.

She had stood for a long time inside that break room after Shownu had left, her tears eventually drying up, mug of cold tea still sitting limply in her hand, and she knew that this had gone on long enough.

It took a forced encounter with Shownu, seeing the anguish in his face, the pain in his eyes, and hearing the sincerity in his words to know that there was no more time left. That she couldn’t run forever and no matter how low she dug into the ground, there wasn’t anyone to put the dirt over her head once she jumped in the hole.

She would never truly be able to hide.

So she had grabbed her purse, leaving her mug of tea on the table before walking out of the office, body trembling as she shut off the lights behind her.

It was time for her to see Jinyoung.

On a normal day home from work, Soyeon sometimes felt like the walk to her apartment took forever, but this time, it felt like she had snapped and she was there, riding in the glass elevator, walking by the wealthy neighbors and flashing them a smile before hiding her face, sure she looked like a complete mess.

Then she was fiddling with her keys, fingers shaking, and unlocking the door, not even bothering to text Jinyoung to let him know she was coming by.

Coming home.

“Soyeon?”

Jinyoung had heard the door, walking quickly from the living room, eyes widening just slightly at the sight of her. She placed her purse slowly on the side table by the front door, dropping the keys inside before turning to look at him.

It wasn’t often she caught Jinyoung by surprise, saw confusion on his face as he watched her closely, and she thought she saw a glimpse of the old him for just a moment. But then his hard mask was back, face expressionless, looking almost bored as his eyes dragged to her left hand. She gulped, realizing her engagement ring was still sitting in her purse, and watched as his gaze locked with hers once more.

“You’re not wearing your ring.”

He spoke quietly, calmly, but there was a hint of reprimanding in there, like she was a child being scolded, and she felt her stomach twist a little.

“I didn’t want to lose it on my walk,” Soyeon lied smoothly, her voice surprisingly level considering the amount of emotions she’d torn through that night. “It’s in my purse.”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung was nodding, as if he was agreeable, easy-going about the whole thing, but she could see the slight narrowing of his eyes as he glanced at her purse.

The silence was tense between them, cold, as Soyeon breathed in deeply. She wondered why, on her entire fifteen minute walk there, she hadn’t come up with one thing to say to him. She hadn’t planned out her words or even what her end-goal was once she walked into the door of the familiar apartment.

Instead, she just knew she needed to see him again, as if clarifying something for her mind, trying to solve a puzzle she didn’t have all the pieces for.

She stared at Jinyoung, watched the way he looked at her, so much different than how Shownu looked at her. He wasn’t looking at her like he loved her, he was looking at her like he was analyzing her, trying to calculate her next move so he could beat her to it.

Because Jinyoung wasn’t exposed, he wasn’t bright and he wasn’t warm like fire.

Like Shownu.

No he was closed off, a statue, a mask with a demeanor that wasn’t easily broken through.

Like ice.

“We need to talk.”

She spoke the words quickly before she lost her nerve, stomach flipping nervously as she watched the tiniest of smirks pull on his lips.

Like he was amused.

“Did you just get home from work?” he ignored her request entirely, taking a few steps forward as he un-crossed his arms from in front of his chest. “Why are there knots in your hair again?”

Soyeon reached up automatically, cringing when she felt that there were indeed, a few small knots on the back of her head. The feeling of them reminded her of Shownu, of how gently he had brushed through them for her, his fingers barely dusting the skin of her back as he made sure she wasn’t in pain.

“ _You always get knots in your hair._ ”

Soyeon could remember the teasing gleam in Shownu's eye, looking like he found it adorable, and not ridiculous like Jinyoung seemed to.

“Yes, I just left work,” she answered him, an edge to her tone as she felt her anger with him, her frustration with him at yet another subtle insult thrown her way. “And I haven’t had time to brush it, okay? It was windy. Did you hear what I said?”

She found it amazing that Jinyoung was so good at ignoring her, so good at pretending like her words didn’t matter as he was actually smirking now.

Soyeon wondered if it had always been like that, and she was just now fully paying attention.

“I heard you,” Jinyoung’s voice was light, looking unperturbed by the seriousness of her tone as he looked down at his hands for a moment. “What did you want to talk about?”

He was too relaxed, too nonchalant about this whole thing, and it was doing something to Soyeon’s insides, a pressure building in her throat and her chest as she stared at him. Jinyoung didn’t feel, didn’t care about the redness of her eyes or the pinks of her cheeks that she was sure were all still there. He made her feel like a small child, desperately trying to show her father something she cared about as he gave the minimum amount of interest he could muster while still seeming convincing.

But he wasn’t fooling her anymore.

“Do you even give a shit?”

There wasn’t time to think as she let the question slip from her lips, and she watched his eyebrows raise, looking surprised for the second time that night as he looked up from his hands.

“What?” he asked, sounding legitimately confused, but the smirk was still there. “Language, Soyeon, what are you so worked up about?”

Soyeon turned her head to the side, his words pushing her to the boiling point as she ran a frustrated hand through her hair.

“You, Jinyoung, you are just-” her face was on fire, voice louder in volume as she struggled to keep her words straight. “I am so tired of this!”

He pressed his lips together no longer smirking, but not moving either, and his lack of emotion just fueled her anger.

“I can’t do anything without you insulting me, or berating me, or telling me I’m doing it wrong because it’s not your way-”

“You do things all the time without me saying anything,” Jinyoung argued back calmly, the twinkle of amusement in his eye again, as if he was in on some private secret. “Don’t be dramatic-”

Soyeon watched him, jaw dropping for a moment in disbelief before she was pinching the bridge of her nose, taking a deep breath.

“I’ve been feeling so...so _guilty_ , for all the things I’ve done…”

She stared at the glossy white tile underneath her feet, heart pounding in her ears as she finally gathered the courage she needed to speak her mind.

“And yes, Jinyoung, I’ve done a lot of things wrong…” she looked back up at him, his expression completely unreadable as he watched her speak. “But that does not give you the right to act like a grade A asshole to me, _all the time_.”

“What bad things are you talking about?” Jinyoung asked, arms crossing in front of his chest again. “What have you done to me this time? Is it the lack of returning my calls or texts on your business trip? Or perhaps you’re talking about the fact that you haven’t been home all week because you’ve had to take ‘take care of Jiahn’...? I’m sure whatever it is, we can-”

“See, this is just it!” Soyeon was yelling now, hands balled into fists as she glared at him. “You’re always focusing on me and what I’m doing wrong! You never want to stop and look in the mirror, look at yourself for a change!”

“You’re the one who told me you did things wrong, Soyeon,” Jinyoung replied, unfolding his hand that was tucked under his elbow to point at her. “I’m just trying to help-”

“No, you say those things to keep me down, Jinyoung,” her voice was just a little quieter, but no less accusatory as she continued to scowl at him. “You want to keep me in check…”

Soyeon felt like she was seeing the man clearly for the first time, the reality hitting her so hard it felt like someone had smacked her in the face.

The impact was painful when she realized every word she was saying was true.

Jinyoung didn’t want her to shine, didn’t want her to succeed, because he got off being the only one in power. He needed the control, an iron-grip on Soyeon like he had on everything else in his life so that nothing was out of his influence.

It was how Jinyoung had become so successful at such a young age and why he was so incredibly good at it.

“I don’t want to keep you down,” he was laughing, actually laughing at her as he spoke. “You’re already down enough as is, if anything, I’m trying to make you better-”

“Make me better?” Soyeon repeated, hurt by his words as she felt the sharp cut of them in her chest. “Listen to you, Jinyoung! That isn’t right, you shouldn’t treat someone you love that way!”

“Oh, so you want to stay down?” the calm in his voice was slipping just slightly, and she watched him adjust his crossed arms. “You aren’t interested in success? I mean if that’s how you feel, Soyeon, then-”

“You’re not trying to help me succeed,” Soyeon could’ve almost joined in on his laughter, but she was too busy fighting back more tears as they sprang to her eyes quickly in her anger. “You want to control me-”

“Well obviously I’m not doing a very good job at it, if that’s the case,” he interrupted, raising his eyebrows.

She wanted to ask him what he meant by that, ask him why he looked like he was hiding something, but instead she just stared at him for a moment, the revelation of his actions still blinding her with their sudden, bright clarity.

“You control everything in your life,” she said slowly, voice much quieter now as she continued to look at him in a brand new light. “You keep me around to control me too, to change me…”

Jinyoung was laughing again, but it was sharper, arms unfolding as he ran a hand through his hair. He was shaking his head and rolling his eyes at her as if she was completely ridiculous, and she realized with a pang that it was a defense mechanism.

She was too close to pulling off his mask.

“You’re sick, Jinyoung,” she all but whispered, fueled by his sudden discomfort, a flicker of something she couldn’t read in his dark brown eyes. “That isn’t love, holding someone down, keeping them below you like that, and you’re wrong. You can’t control everything, and you’re not going to control me like this anymore, I won’t let you-”

She felt her chest swelling with emotion, something deep in her glowing for the first time in a while as she watched his eyebrows furrow, eyes widening just a fraction at her words.

But then he was scowling, the hardening of his features almost frightening as he took a step forward, his gaze never leaving hers.

“I’m the one who’s sick, Soyeon?” he asked, voice careful and dark, barely above a whisper and sending a shiver down her spine. “At least I’m not off sleeping with a my co-workers behind her fiance’s back like you are.”

All the air left Soyeon’s lungs as her eyes widened, heart hammering in her ears, filling the silence that sat between them as they stared at one another.

“I know your little business trip wasn’t with Haeun, or whatever the hell her name was,” Jinyoung continued, taking another step forward, eyes darkening with pure rage, but with hurt mixed in, something she was sure she wasn’t supposed to see. “I know it was that...that Shownu guy-”

She was frozen, her body still as a statue as she realized this was what Jinyoung had been hiding, why he’d been smirking, making backhanded comments.

Her suspicions had been correct.

_Jinyoung knew_

“Jinyoung-”

Despite her anger at him, she had never wanted him to find out, not like this, but she couldn’t find the words before he was speaking again.

“I’ve known for a while now. Ever since you left me to go to that masquerade party,” Jinyoung’s voice was more controlled now, as he brushed his hair from his face. “I sent Mark to keep an eye on you, and he called me, told me you’d been dancing all night with some guy in a blue jacket-”

Soyeon’s stomach plummeted, jaw dropping at his words as he smiled, an evilness to it that had her swallowing hard.

“-he spotted you going outside with him and decided to check it out, since apparently you guys had been dancing for hours,” Jinyoung continued, fixing the rolled up sleeves of his shirt. “Says when he got out there he saw you two making out on the side of the building…”

She could feel her whole body trembling, wondering where Mark was standing, Jinyoung’s best friend and practical pet, keeping tabs on her without her even noticing.

“Called me right away, and I told him to make sure it was you, but I knew…” he spoke as if Soyeon was truly that kind of person, like the behavior was completely expected from her. “So of course, when you walked to your car crying and Mark could see you were wearing the same dress as the girl he had just seen, well...the rest was pretty obvious…”

Soyeon was pulling on the collar of her shirt, taking her eyes from Jinyoung’s wicked grin as he started pacing.

“So I decided I’d talk to you about it, see if I could get you to confess, but you lied to me…” he went on. “And you continued to lie to me every day like the slut that you are.”

Her head snapped up at that, his words like a bullet to her chest as she gasped softly.

“You should feel lucky I even spent my time on you at all,” Jinyoung’s voice was getting louder now, his control slipping again as his anger took over. “You should feel honored that’d I’d ask you to marry me anyway, despite your lies, saved you from that piece of shit you were about to go running to-”

Soyeon found her voice, her constricted throat finally loosening at the sound of Shownu being insulted.

“He is _not_ a piece of shit,” Soyeon snapped, voice nearly as loud as Jinyoung’s as she spoke. “I was _wrong_ , you’re right, but you can’t-”

“I’m right about all of this, Soyeon, and you know it,” Jinyoung cut her off, pointing at her once again. “You would be nothing without me, and that’s why you said yes to me. As soon as we got married, I was going to move, get us out of this city and away from these disgusting, toxic people you spend all your time with-”

The wind was knocked out of her all over again, his master plan like a punch to the stomach.

Jinyoung wasn’t interested in anything else but keeping her, like a china doll on a shelf. He had known all along about Shownu, about her mistakes, and he hadn’t been hurt enough by them to do anything about it, to even confront her.

No, instead, Jinyoung saw it as leverage. Because everything was a game to him, everything was about control and if he had that sort of information, that meant power, blackmail that would keep her bound to him. She was his; like his property, his stocks, his company, just another thing to keep a firm grip on, and he would do anything necessary to hold her there, right by his side.

There was no love left in him.

“The only one toxic around here is you.”

Soyeon’s voice was shaking as she said it, tears spilling over the rims of her eyes, catching on her cheeks. She reached into her purse, pulling out her keys and slowly found the one to his apartment. Her vision was blurry, hands trembling so hard she could barely manage, but she was finally able to slide the key off the ring.

Jinyoung was oddly silent, and she turned to look at him after setting the key softly on the table next to her purse. He was staring at her, a flicker of panic mixed with the anger in his eyes as they darted to the key.

“Good _bye_ , Jinyoung.”

She grabbed her purse off the table, pulling it on her shoulder as she felt her chest begin to ache, watching him look back and forth between her and the key.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he finally asked, and there it was again, that fear of the unknown, as he threw his hands in the air. “What about all your stuff?”

“You can keep your stuff,” she told him, choking a little on her own words as she tried to stay strong. “I don't...I’m not interested in that stuff. I don’t need it.”

That reminded her, and she quickly opened up her purse, unzipping her small pocket on the inside and pulling out the ring with shaky fingers. He watched her set it down next to the key, eyebrows raising again, his facade cracking even more.

“What, you’re just going to go to Jiahn’s again?” he asked, malice in his voice as he said her name. “You know you _are_ the company you keep.”

Soyeon was angry all over again, the insult to her best friend the final straw as she pulled her purse straps tightly onto her shoulder once more.

“Yeah? Well then thank god I’m leaving _you_ then,” she snapped, the taken aback look on his face almost satisfying. “Jiahn is _ten_ times the person you are.”

She grabbed the doorknob before she could look at his face again. She wanted to get out of there before he could find a way to reel in his emotions, use his tricks to convince her to stay, make her weak again…

“You just keep telling yourself that,” Jinyoung spat back as she opened the door, and she looked back, watching him glare at her with so much anger it was almost frightening. “Good luck getting anywhere with her in your life.”

Soyeon shook her head, chuckling without humor as she watched her feet step out into the hallway before meeting his eyes again.

“I’ll be getting a lot farther with her than I ever would have with you.”

And before she could wait for his reply, or see the look in his eyes at her words, she had turned her back on him, walking quickly towards the elevators. She felt lighter, like someone had lifted an anchor from her core, and she breathed in shakily, exhaling slowly as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Soyeon rounded the corner, making sure she didn’t look back.

She was _finally_ strong enough.

 

** Jiahn: **

_**January 25, 2019, 7:00pm** _

“Soyeon.”

Jiahn held the door open to her apartment, eyes scanning the features of her best friend’s face as Soyeon stepped inside.

“Jiahn,” Soyeon was staring right back at her, shock written all over her face as she saw Jiahn’s puffy, red eyes and permanent frown. “Are you-?”

“It’s fine,” she shook her head quickly, not wanting to talk about it, worried about Soyeon and not sure she was strong enough to rehash what had happened. “Are you okay? What happened?”

All Jiahn knew was that Soyeon had called her, and she couldn’t understand a word the girl was saying at first. She knew she had gripped the phone tighter, dropping the sponge she had been using to scrub her kitchen counters, an activity to distract her from the fact that Yugyeom still hadn’t called.

Jiahn was worried, stomach plummeting at all the worst-case-scenarios that she could think of to push Soyeon to incomprehensible and gasping cries. She didn’t panic, she stayed strong, “It’s okay, Soyeon…”, “Hey, are you alright, do you need me to come get you?”, and “Soyeon, deep breaths…” slipped from her lips as gently as she could manage as her heart broke at the sound of Soyeon’s tears.

But then Jiahn had heard her taking a deep, shaky breath; a small pause before

“I just broke up with Jinyoung.”

“Something happened, I know it,” Soyeon was wiping some stray tears off her red cheeks, eyes darting around as she entered the living room. “Where’s Yugyeom?”

Jiahn couldn’t help it; she cringed at his name, swallowing hard as she ran a hand through her hair.

“Why does it smell like lemon Clorox in here?” Soyeon took a deep breath, looking around at the near spotless apartment. “Jiahn, you never clean like this unless something bad happened-”

“Please-”

_Damn her for knowing me so fucking well…_

It really did _reek_ of cleaner in there.

“-Soyeon, just tell me what happened with you. Are you alright? What happened?”

Soyeon looked around one more time before she was analyzing Jiahn’s face, reading her as the younger tried to keep her expression as “I’m okay” as possible. She seemed to catch onto Jiahn’s telepathic message that she didn’t want to talk in that moment, eyes softening.

Then, Soyeon was sighing, pulling on the collar of her shirt as she collapsed onto the couch.

“Well first, Shownu decided to talk to me in the break room after work…”

Jiahn sat on the other end of the couch, hugging a pillow to her chest as she listened to Soyeon tell her all about her conversation with the photographer. Her heart ached as more tears spilled down Soyeon’s cheeks, while her words caught in her throat and she looked at the ceiling, trying to keep her composure.

“He told you he loved you?”

Jiahn hadn’t meant to interrupt, but although she had always seen the love there in the man’s eyes, she never thought he would admit it.

Soyeon turned to her with sad eyes, trembling fingers coming to catch more tears as they fell.

“I didn’t say it back, Jiahn, I was just...I was frozen and he was so sweet to me, so nice-”

“It’s a lot to take in,” Jiahn told her gently; she knew all about being frozen in a time where you desperately needed to say something. “Shownu knows you...I promise he knows you had more to say.”

She nodded, sniffling a little before continuing.

“So then he left, and I just sort of...stood there. I knew I needed to talk to Jinyoung...I knew I had to stop hiding.”

Jiahn’s chest filled with pride for her best friend, and she managed a smile, the expression feeling almost foreign on her face. The worry for Soyeon was just strong enough to keep her own feelings and issues sitting on the back burner, lid on the top, steam rising in steady, calm wisps for now.

“When I got to Jinyoung, I honestly don’t know what I thought was going to happen,” Soyeon admitted, and Mr. Floofs jumped into her lap, getting as comfortable as he could on her criss-crossed legs. “But he said something about the knots in my hair, and I just sort of...blew up.”

Then she was telling Jiahn everything again, stumbling over more words, petting Mr. Floofs as he purred, seeming to try to comfort her. Soyeon told her all about Jinyoung’s eventual crack in his stony demeanor, making Jiahn stand up in anger, unable to control herself as she tossed her pillow to the couch.

“He knew about Shownu all along?”

Despite her actions, she wasn’t yelling, but her eyes were wide as she stared at Soyeon. The girl nodded sadly as Mr. Floofs jumped off her lap, startled by Jiahn’s sudden movements.

“And he didn’t- he wasn’t…?” she was a little lost for words, wondering what the hell was wrong with Jinyoung. “So instead of saying anything, like trying to talk to you about it or figure out how to fix it...He was just going to force you to move away to another city?”

“Yeah,” Soyeon whispered, pressing her lips together as she choked a little on her words. “I guess his plan was to get me away from it all, so that I’d only be with him-”

Jiahn bit back her nasty remarks, ran her shaking hands through her hair as she settled back into the sofa, grabbing her pillow once more. There were a lot of things she’d like to do, particularly marching all the way to Jinyoung’s house and giving him a piece of her mind. Asking him who the fuck he thought he was, calling her best friend a slut like that, and where did he get off thinking he was better than everyone else? She wanted to get in his face, making him twitch, say things that would hurt him as bad as he had hurt Soyeon, and maybe break a few things just for good measure. Maybe tell him she always thought he had a small dick, because he must be compensating for something.

But she knew that wasn’t what Soyeon needed right now, wasn’t the right thing to do, and who knows if she’d get Jinyoung to crack anyway? It might just be her raging into his apartment like a lunatic while he called the cops, telling her she was crazy and smirking at her with that stuck-up smile he always saved for her when Soyeon wasn’t looking. Then she’d be dragged out in handcuffs like some complete psycho, probably yelling nonsense at him while they pulled her out the door, putting her in an insane asylum or something.

_Still be worth it though_

“So then what happened?” Jiahn asked, pulling herself away from her ridiculous thoughts, keeping her voice calm.

“I…” Soyeon looked up from her lap, a sad smile on her face. “...left.”

“Like... _left_ , left?”

Jiahn knew the answer of course- Soyeon had already told her they had broken up- but there was something about hearing it in the order of the story that made it much more intense.

She nodded as more tears filled her eyes, laughing a little as they spilled down her cheeks.

“Soyeon…” Jiahn breathed, scooting closer to her. “I’m so-”

They locked eyes for a moment, and Jiahn couldn’t help but smile brightly at her.

“-proud of you.”

The older laughed again, wiping her cheeks quickly as she looked back down at her lap.

“You’re not going back?”

Jiahn had to make sure.

Soyeon grabbed her purse that was sitting on the coffee table, opening it and turning it at an angle so Jiahn could see inside. The younger watched as she unzipped the small pocket embedded in the fabric, and it was empty.

Her engagement ring was gone.

Jiahn’s eyes widened, looking back at Soyeon before she searched her features once more.

“Are you okay?”

She knew she was asking that question a lot, and normally the question itself annoyed the crap out of both of them. But she sincerely needed to know, because leaving a serious boyfriend of almost three years was a big deal, even if Jinyoung’s ass deserved to be dumped.

“I think so,” Soyeon replied softly, placing her purse back on the coffee table. “I think I knew...that this would happen. I don’t know how I knew, but…”

She took a deep breath, sighing heavily.

“I like Shownu too much.”

Jiahn knew.

She _knew_ how much her friend adored Shownu, how much she talked about him. She saw the way he looked at her and the way she looked at him, and how they flowed together so easily, like fast-running water in a stream, and Jiahn was pretty sure they were what soulmates actually looked like.

From the moment the two of them met, Jiahn could see the chemistry there, whether either of them were ever going to admit it or not.

“Alright well, I pretty much gave Jinyoung the proverbial middle finger,” Soyeon’s voice was a little brighter now despite her still-red cheeks as she raised her eyebrows at Jiahn. “So what happened with you?”

Jiahn felt her stomach flip all over again at the question, knowing the older could see the immediate change in her expression.

“I-” she struggled for words, looking down at her lap, swallowing heavily. “I...really fucked up.”

Jiahn told Soyeon everything.

She told her how much she was trying to convince herself she was fine, when all she wanted to do was cry. She told her how much she was bottling up, pushing away, hiding while Yugyeom was trying to do everything he could to talk to her. How he just kept looking at her, like she was a delicate wine glass on the edge of a table; like any sudden movement might send her falling and shattering to the ground.

How he was right about all of it and she felt so angry at him for that.

“So all the sudden tonight, I just…” Jiahn squeezed the pillow in her lap, biting her lip before continuing. “...cracked.”

Then Jiahn was telling her the worst parts of the story, how she had gone off on Yugyeom for basically caring and she knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t stop it. How she had said some terrible things to him, things she couldn’t take back, things that made her deserve him walking out. There were tears streaming down her cheeks now, and she sniffed, brushing her hair out of her face with both hands.

“I was so angry,” she said quietly, voice a little strained. “And now so is he, and he left and I-”

She stopped another round of tears from forming; just crying wasn’t going to solve anything.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Jiahn, you went through something really awful,” Soyeon told her gently, having been silent as Jiahn poured her heart out. “Everyone copes differently, and Yugyeom was just a little pushy...Don’t beat yourself up.”

Jiahn knew she should take her best friend’s advice, but all she could see was the pain on Yugyeom’s face before he had left. She had really hurt him, and until she fixed it, until he forgave her, she wasn’t really interested in forgiving herself.

“I just want to fix it,” Jiahn admitted softly. “I don’t want this to, you know...be over.”

Silence fell between them, Soyeon watching her for a moment before grabbing her purse, digging through its contents.

“If you want to fix it, you’ve got to talk to him,” Soyeon told her, finding her phone and pulling it out quickly before looking at Jiahn. “But first, we need to figure out where Yugyeom...is….”

She trailed off, her eyes going to the screen of her phone as she unlocked it, and from where Jiahn was sitting, she could see there were new message alerts.

“Is it Shownu?”

Jiahn already knew the answer, but seeing Soyeon’s glazed over eyes as she looked at her again was just confirmation.

“What did he say?”

“I told him about Jinyoung, I sent him a text telling him I was coming over here and he just asked if I was okay…” Soyeon smiled a little, making Jiahn giggle despite herself. “He asked me if I needed him...”

“Go to him,” Jiahn said immediately. “Don’t worry about me, and Yugyeom, and our soap opera baby drama. I’ll figure it out on my own, I-”

“No!” Soyeon cut her off, shaking her head hurriedly and pressing some buttons on her phone. “Let me at least text Jiyoo, see if she’s with Youngjae at his apartment. You text Bam, and if they both aren’t there-”

“Then that’s where Yugyeom will be.”

Jiahn grabbed her phone from her pocket, stomach sinking a little when she saw there were still no new notifications from Yugyeom. She would’ve heard them- her phone was on full volume- but still.

_**Hey Bam, what’s up? Hanging out with MMMiiiinnnhhhhaaa?** _

With Bam, it wasn’t odd for her to text him random teasing messages like this, and even though she literally hadn’t talked to him since the hospital, she knew that was all the more reason to expect an answer from him.

He was just too caring and too curious of a person.

“Wow, Jiyoo already-” Jiahn looked up just in time to see the look of horror on her face. “ _Ew_! I did _not_ need to know that!”

Soyeon flipped her phone screen down on the cushion in between them, staring at it like it was a bomb about to go off.

Jiahn burst into hysterics.

“Did she tell you about Youngjae’s hip move?” she asked between laughs. “Or how great he is at ‘vanilla sex’?!”

Despite her disgust, Soyeon was laughing too, shaking her head with widened eyes.

“No! She-” she grabbed her phone again, turning it over carefully. “She wrote, ‘Yes, Youngjae wanted to take me to a fancy hotel! There’s a jacuzzi and even underwater he knows what he’s doing’ and put a wink face.”

The two of them laughed so hard they almost didn’t hear Jiahn’s phone go off, their sad tears replaced with laughing ones as they held their stomachs.

“Shit, shit,” Jiahn almost dropped her phone in her hurry to unlock it, still smiling hard as she read the text back from Bam.

_**Jiahn! Are you okay? How are you? Yeah, I’m with Minha, her parents aren’t home this weekend...why?** _

Jiahn looked up, smile slowly fading as she stood up quickly, pillow falling onto her freshly-scrubbed floors.

“Is Bam home?” Soyeon asked, already knowing the answer as she looked up at Jiahn.

“No,” Jiahn ran a hand through her hair. “Should I- I mean, Yugyeom hasn’t answered any of my texts or calls- What if he doesn’t-”

“Go anyway,” Soyeon told her firmly, standing up as well as she walked closer. “You guys need to talk. You can’t solve the issue if you aren’t even speaking.”

Jiahn knew she was right, and despite the insecure questions running rampid in her head- “What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if that was us breaking up? What if he doesn’t want to be with me after all?!”- she knew she had to try.

So she nodded slowly, her heart suddenly in her throat as she stared at the front door of her apartment.

“What about you?” Jiahn asked, turning back to look at Soyeon.

“I’ll be fine,” she replied instantly, smiling gently at her. “Go.”

Jiahn smiled back despite the nervous flip of her stomach. She searched the features of Soyeon’s face for a moment before acting on impulse, breaking the distance between them and throwing her arms around her. Soyeon was surprised, squeaking a little before she was instantly hugging back.

“Thank you,” Jiahn’s voice was soft, overcome with love for her best friend in that moment. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

“You too,” Soyeon whispered, squeezing her a little tighter before pulling back to look at Jiahn. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Jiahn chuckled softly, taking a step back and letting her arms fall to her sides. Then she was moving to the door, body shaking a little as she stuffed her phone in her back pocket, grabbing her coat off the hook by the door and pulling it on. Slipping her shoes hurriedly on her feet, she turned back to look at her best friend.

“Soyeon.”

The older’s eyes widened, watching Jiahn as she threw her purse over her shoulder.

“If Shownu asks you if you want to talk…”

She smiled as Soyeon glanced at her phone for a split second.

“Go to him.”

 

** Soyeon: **

_**January 25, 2019 7:45pm** _

_“Go to him.”_

She stared at the door for a moment, watching Mr. Floofs run to it, as if Jiahn was going to turn right back around and come back in.

Shownu had asked her if she wanted to talk. He had asked if she was okay, if there was anything he could do, if she needed him…

And she realized that she did need him.

_I always do_

Soyeon grabbed her phone from the coffee table, quickly swiping away Jiyoo’s replies, finding the messages from Shownu once more.

_**Do you want to meet at the coffee shop by work?** _

The new message accompanied his two other ones, and she realized with sudden clarity that that’s all she wanted to do.

To see him. To talk to him. To be with him.

She just wanted Shownu.

**_Yes. Ten minutes?_ **

Soyeon didn’t wait for his answer, getting up from the couch and grabbing her purse.

She knew he would say yes.

As she was pulling on her boots, giving Mr. Floofs a scratch behind the ears as he meowed at her, her phone bleeped.

**_I’ll be there._ **

**_8:00pm_ **

Soyeon heard the tinkle of the bell announcing her arrival as she entered the deserted coffee shop.

“Hello!”

It was Eun Woo, smiling as he wiped off the counters. He seemed to recognize her, quickly moving his eyes back to the counter, lowering his waving hand immediately. Her eyes darted to the only other person in the whole place, who had turned around to look at her, reading her face carefully.

She smiled automatically because seeing him always made her happy, and he smiled right back, sending a stuttered skip to her heart as she walked over to him. He had gotten there early enough to order coffee and she smiled even wider when she realized he had ordered hers as well.

“You didn’t have to-” she began shyly as she sat across from him.

“I wanted to,” he told her simply, eyes locked with hers. “How are you?”

He looked at her lovingly, just as he had done in the break room during their conversation that felt so long ago. She could see confusion there too, worry in his brown orbs that had her swallowing hard, hugging the warm coffee mug in the palms of her hands.

“I’m fine, we…” she looked down at the contents of her cup. “I left him.”

She heard Shownu shift, saw his arms slide on the surface of the table, even with her eyes still focused on the coffee.

“You did?”

It was the softness in his voice, the surprise and the hint of wonder that Soyeon was sure only she could pick up, that had her looking up quickly.

He was staring at her, eyes wide, the question clear in his eyes.

_What happened? What does this mean?_

“I went to the apartment after we talked,” Soyeon began, pressing her lips together nervously. “I was just going to tell him about...about us, I think…”

Truthfully, Soyeon wasn’t sure what she had planned on telling Jinyoung.

She took a sip of coffee and couldn’t help smiling as she tasted it; a caramel macchiato.

She should’ve known Shownu would know her order.

“But turns out he already knew.”

“What?” the shock was clear in Shownu’s voice as he sat up a little straighter, eyebrows raised.

“He told me he’s known since the masquerade party,” she continued softly. “He’s got this best friend, Mark, and I guess he sent him to watch me-”

“Watch you?” Shownu scowled, a sharpness to his voice.

“Jinyoung likes control,” Soyeon told him with a humorless smirk. “Remember?”

He took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything more, and Soyeon’s heart fluttered at how much he cared.

“Mark followed us. He saw us outside the club and told Jinyoung and…well…”

“He didn’t say anything to you though,” it wasn’t a question as Shownu’s scowl deepened. “Because that’s-”

“Control,” Soyeon finished the sentence for him with a curt nod. “Right.”

She watched his fingers curl tighter over his own coffee, exhaling sharply.

“What the hell,” he muttered.

Another sip of her macchiato, the smooth liquid slipping down her throat before she was talking again.

“I told him I couldn’t take it anymore, the way he was treating me,” Soyeon watched an identical expression of pride that Jiahn had flash across Shownu’s face as he listened. “I told him I was done with it, and I didn’t deserve it.”

“You don’t,” he agreed quickly, nodding. “I’m proud of you, Soyeon.”

She had already heard those words from Jiahn, but the sincerity with which Shownu spoke them, leaning in a little bit as his brown eyes locked with hers left her temporarily speechless.

“Thank you,” she all but whispered, feeling her cheeks burn.

They smiled at one another for a moment, before she was shyly looking at her cup again, suppressing a giggle.

“So then what?” Shownu asked curiously. “If you want to tell me…”

“I do,” she told him quickly, taking another drink of coffee before continuing. “We got into a fight, and he said some...pretty nasty things…”

His smile was gone, a gleam of protectiveness in his eyes as he looked at her.

“What did he say?”

His voice was still level, but she could hear the darkness in his tone.

“He-” she hesitated; did she really want to tell him everything?

_It’s not important_

“-just said that if I go back to Jiahn, she’ll bring me down instead of helping me succeed.”

She didn’t think Shownu needed to know anything else.

“And he is?” Shownu asked frustratedly. “By controlling you like that? How is that you succeeding?”

He wasn’t loud, wasn’t yelling, but the anger was palpable on his features as he spoke.

“Don’t worry,” she placed her hand on top of his, giving it a small squeeze and watched his shoulders visibly relax. “I told him Jiahn was a lot better company than he was.”

Shownu chuckled somewhat reluctantly, looking down at their hands.

“Wow.”

He looked impressed.

“I was just tired of it all,” she admitted with a heavy sigh, hand still on top of Shownu’s; even though the touch was small, it was still incredibly comforting. “Everything just sort of...fell apart with both of us and I honestly needed to get out of there.”

Shownu wiggled his fingers until he was wrapping them around hers, thumb brushing the top of her hand.

“You gave me the strength to do that,” she whispered, staring at their fingers, the soothing movement of his thumb making her heart flutter. “You gave me the courage to respect myself and I just...I can’t thank you enough.”

“You did the same for me,” he was smiling almost shyly as they looked up at the same time, locking eyes. “With Sooah, I just…”

He sighed, ceasing his movements of his thumb for a moment.

“I was going to call off the engagement during that month long trip back in December,” Shownu spoke softly, and Soyeon’s eyes widened at this latest information. “I had been thinking about it a lot, about what you said...that I do have a choice, and brought it up to my mom one night...I made her cry…”

He looked like he felt terrible, rubbing the back of his neck as he bit his lip for a moment.

“But she told me I shouldn’t marry Sooah if there was someone else. I didn’t even tell her there was-” he smiled, glancing at Soyeon with reddened cheeks before he was looking back at his coffee. “-I guess she just knew.”

Soyeon felt her stomach fill with butterflies; what had he looked like, when he talked to his mom about it? Had he really been that obvious?

“So I was going to call it off, but then Sooah’s father called my father, said he found a venue for a good price on Jeju island and went ahead and booked it for the fall…” he ran his hand through his hair, scowling a little. “He told Sooah and I over dinner and she was happy, but my mom, she was just...looking at me…”

He gripped the strands at the roots for a minute before letting go, continuing his movement of his thumb on her hand once more.

“But I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to ruin anything.”

He sounded ashamed, and Soyeon put her other hand over his reassuringly.

“Then you got engaged to Jinyoung-” they both cringed a little at his words. “-and I thought...well I didn’t see any point in calling off the marriage. Not if there wasn’t even a chance...”

And as Soyeon’s heart skipped a beat in her chest, things became a little clearer for her. The way he had been when he got back, trying to hold her hand before Jackson dropped the news of her engagement. The agony on his face when he found out, and the way he avoided her. He wasn’t just angry with her.

He was hurt.

“But then-” he chuckled, a brightness in his eyes making Soyeon smile right back at him. “-you came and yelled at me, told me we had to forget about everything we did...but I could tell-”

Shownu paused, the smile on his face turning into the faintest of smirks.

“If you wanted to forget about it, you wouldn’t have said anything.”

Soyeon’s eyes widened in shock because he was right. Of course if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have come and talked to him. Sure she was upset about the meeting with Jackson, but they both knew; that’s not why she was in his office that day.

“So when Jackson sent us on our trip, I decided I wanted to make up, because I didn’t want to lose you as a friend,” he continued, squeezing her hand for a moment. “Having you back as my friend was better than not having anything at all.”

“I felt the same way,” Soyeon told him with a small laugh. “I just...I hated us acting like that.”

“Me too,” Shownu agreed with a nod. “But then we spent the whole day on the beach together…”

Both could feel the tension at his words, but the good tension, the kind that spreads like warm syrup smoothly through your veins.

“Right,” Soyeon giggled, watching as Shownu bit his lip.

“And the next day, I knew…” he paused, looking up from the table to stare at Soyeon through his lashes. “I couldn’t marry Sooah.”

Soyeon’s chest swelled with emotion, his eyes filled with such intensity that it almost took her breath away.

“So I called my mom,” Shownu broke the temporary silence. “She told me she would talk to my dad...He called me later that day and told me he understood…”

Shownu looked stressed again, smile fading from his face.

“What about the company?” Soyeon asked quietly. “What will happen?”

“Sooah threw the biggest fit out of everyone,” Shownu sounded surprised, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Her father was angry with mine but...at the end of the day, I guess it was his wife who stepped in; Sooah’s mom.”

“Her mom?” Soyeon repeated, making sure she heard right.

“Yeah Sooah’s mom. She stepped in, said there was another man that was her friend’s son...I guess he’s interested in Sooah?” Shownu shrugged, looking almost amused by the information. “So Sooah’s still getting her husband, and my dad’s out of the deal.”

Soyeon couldn’t help it; she started giggling.

Shownu watched her for a moment, his soft chuckles turning into laughter that mixed with hers as they both let the tension roll off of them in waves.

How silly this whole thing was, looking at it when they were already at the end. If only Shownu would’ve known that he just needed to talk to his parents. If only Soyeon would’ve known she had the courage to stand up to Jinyoung all along.

If only they would’ve admitted their feelings earlier.

They would’ve gotten to skip all the drama.

“I’m glad we can be like this,” Shownu was still smiling, both coming down from their laughter. “We can just be together and we don’t have to feel so…”

“Guilty?” Soyeon finished helpfully, a coy smile on her face. “Worried?”

“Yeah,” Shownu laughed softly, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, both of those.”

They both just looked at one another for a moment, Shownu’s thumb moving across the back of her hand once more. His touch was so light, so comforting that she wondered how she had, at one point in her life, never experienced it.

Never known him.

Because a life without Shownu was like a life without color. She felt like her entire world had been in black and white, like an old movie where she lived blissfully unaware of what more there was to offer. But then the brightness that was Shownu entered her life with such a bang she was almost startled by it. Soyeon was seeing everything differently, happier somehow, and she hadn’t even been with him.

Just worked with him.

She could only imagine what was to come.

“H-Hey guys.”

They both looked up at the same time, fingers still intertwined as a nervous-looking Eun Woo stood at their table.

“Hi,” Soyeon tried to smile comfortingly at him, but her direct eye contact seemed to make the pink in his cheeks spread to his ears.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bother you, but-” his eyes darted to their hands and he was smiling; it was adorable. “-we actually closed at 8:30…”

“Oh,” Shownu’s eyes widened as he looked down at his watch. “I’m sorry.”

Soyeon was taking her hand quickly from his, a little sad at the loss of warmth as they both stood from the table.

“We’ll leave right now,” Soyeon told him, and he bowed to her, smiling bashfully as he backed out of their way.

She hesitated as Shownu grabbed their coffees, holding hers out for her.

“Eun Woo.”

The man was digging his towel out of his apron, about to wipe down the table, and both he and Shownu looked at her with widened, confused eyes.

“About Jiahn, the girl I brought with me a few weeks ago…”

The pink on Eun Woo’s cheeks turned bright red, and he smiled again, a nervous laugh slipping from his lips as he looked down at his towel.

“She has a boyfriend,” she told him gently, a giggle slipping from her own lips as she watched him. “So just...don’t worry about it. I’m sure she would’ve called you otherwise.”

He looked up at her, nodding and scratching the back of his head. Then he was looking back down at his towel and Soyeon was taking her coffee, walking out the door with a wave in the younger man’s direction as he shyly waved back.

Shownu followed her, looking curious as they stepped out into the cold.

They immediately shivered, holding their coffees with both hands.

“Where are you going to go?” Shownu asked, breath visible in the frosty air.

“I…” Soyeon hesitated, looking over her shoulder before turning back to him. “I’m not sure…”

Jiahn’s place was always open of course, but she wasn’t sure what was happening with her and Yugyeom. What if they came back? What if they wanted to be alone?

She knew what those two were up to when they were alone.

 _Scorpios_ , she thought with a roll of her eyes.

Like her and Shownu were any better.

“Well if you want…” Shownu looked nervous, shoving a hand in his pocket while the other gripped his coffee tightly. “We could go to my place? Just for somewhere warm?”

Soyeon looked at him, heart skipping a beat as her stomach twisted excitedly.

_Shownu’s apartment_

She swallowed hard, the possibility of being alone with him in a private setting again enough to almost take away the winter chill on her skin.

“Okay,” she nodded slowly, giggling as she watched a smile spread across Shownu’s face. “To stay warm.”

**_8:45pm_ **

“-and she’s talking about how much pregnancy sucks-”

Soyeon was giggling as she told the story of Eun Woo and why she had talked to him in the first place. Shownu had asked, and she watched him laugh softly, putting his key into his apartment lock.

“-you know, because she’s _Jiahn_.”

“Right,” Shownu agreed quickly.

Everyone in the office knew how loud and... _theatrical_ Jiahn could be.

“So yeah, I don’t think Eun Woo heard it but...anyway…”

He was turning the knob, pushing the door open before turning back to let her know he was still listening.

“He gave Jiahn his number on her cup, but she didn’t call him because she’s already with Yugyeom-”

“So I guess that’s why he kept turning red every time he saw you,” Shownu was walking inside and kicking off his shoes, Soyeon immediately following his lead. “I thought he liked you or something.”

“No,” she giggled at the thought. “No it was Jiahn. I think he was embarrassed that she never called, so I just wanted to, you know...put him at ease.”

“That was nice of you.”

Before Soyeon could come up with a snarky reply, he was flipping on the lights, and she was looking around with widened eyes.

Soyeon wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she walked into his apartment, but what she saw fit him so perfectly that it wouldn’t make sense for it took look like anything else.

The apartment was small, about the same size as Jiahn’s, and Shownu lead the way into his sparsely-furnished living room. There was a black leather couch, and a small kitchen to their left with white cabinets that was surprisingly spotless from what she could see. There were three mismatched bar stools at the breakfast bar, one of them with a shirt thrown over the back of it.

Behind the couch, there was some space before there was a wall, with two doors sitting open; his bedroom and bathroom. She could see the messed up sheets on his bed in the dark, finding comfort in the disarray as she continued to look around.

“Sorry for the mess,” Shownu told her, smiling guiltily as he ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t really know I’d be having anyone over.”

“It’s fine.”

She was walking past the desk next to his low TV stand, a small stack of DVDs sitting next to the flat screen. As she passed, she noticed there were a few picture frames sitting next to his closed laptop, and on closer inspection, the girl in the photo looked very familiar.

“Shownu…” she was already giggling, turning around to point at the frame. “Is this...me?”

He was just putting his coat on the back of the couch, looking up with wide eyes before he stared at the picture.

“Oh, uh-” he was immediately looking at his shoes, fixing the sleeve of his coat as he chuckled. “That was just- I really liked the sunset in that one…”

Even though Soyeon knew there was probably some truth to that- the man was always using the sun as a backdrop in his photography and as she looked around, she could see the few art pieces he did have hanging up were also sunlight focused- she couldn’t help but tease him, grinning at his embarrassment.

“Sure,” she teased, giggling as he scratched the back of his head. “Or you just wanted a picture of me in here.”

It was easy to forget that her and Shownu had only broken the “I have feelings for you” barrier just a few hours ago. Because the two of them were friends, best friends, and teasing, laughing, and talking was something they had been doing long before any confessions.

So while Shownu’s cheeks turned a little pink and his smile back at her was more flirty than she was used to, there was nothing but comfort, ease between them as he made his way into the kitchen.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

Soyeon sat down on his couch, the cushions worn in and extra comfy, and turned to look at him. He was standing at his fridge, eyebrows raised and she was randomly reminded of how handsome she truly found him.

“Tea?” she asked hopefully.

He laughed, grabbing a box from his cabinet.

“I figured.”

She sat back in the cushions, listening to him move around in the kitchen as she got acquainted with the small space. It smelled woodsy and had a dark but comforting aura to it, almost like they were in a tree house. The small amount of furniture he had was made of mahogany wood, and the tiny fireplace on the other side of the TV stand was built with dark brick.

There were books and papers scattered across his coffee table and the lamps on the end tables on either side of his couch weren’t matching. His pillows were squishy and worn out, and the blankets in a basket by his coffee table all looked handmade.

Soyeon absolutely loved it.

“Okay,” Shownu walked in, two large, steaming mugs in his hand as he handed her one of them, grinning. “I thought you might like this one…”

Soyeon gasped, taking the mug from him with widened eye before smiling brightly at him.

“Is this Chip?” she asked, as if it wasn’t obvious. “From Beauty and the Beast?”

“Yeah,” Shownu laughed at her reaction, taking a tentative sip of tea. “My little cousin again...she bought it for me for Christmas.”

Soyeon smiled again at it- it was an exact replica of the character from the Disney movie- handling it with care before taking a long sip. It was delicious, and she was surprised again as she stared at him once more.

“You got Earl Grey…” she breathed, watching him smile again as he took another drink. “You remembered…”

It had been forever ago, one of the first times they had worked together. She had needed a refill on her tea, knee-deep in an article right when Shownu was coming by to show her some of his prints. She remembered how struck she was, how handsome she always thought he was, her heart skipping a beat when he would come by her cubicle unexpected. That time was no different, and when he saw her empty cup, he offered to refill it since he was going to the break room anyway.

“ _Earl Grey,_ ” she had told him with a grateful smile. “ _The box is in the right side cabinet...it’s my favorite._ ”

Shownu had taken the mug, grinning shyly at her before nodding.

“ _Good to know._ ”

She had been charmed then, and she was charmed all over again, sipping the hot tea as she looked at him.

That had been over a year ago, and yet he remembered.

Soyeon wondered what else he had paid attention to.

They sat in comfortable silence, sipping their tea as Soyeon continued to look around, spotting Shownu watching her out of the corner of her eye.

“So right before I talked to you tonight…” Shownu began carefully, grinning as he stared at the contents of his cup. “I was talking with Jackson and he, uh...said something interesting…”

Soyeon’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, a curious smile pulling on her lips as she watched him chuckle.

“What did he say?” she asked immediately, adjusting herself on the cushions so she was sitting cross-legged, facing Shownu.

“He asked how our trip went, and I told him everything was...fine,” Shownu’s cheeks were pink again while Soyeon felt her stomach flip; would the two of them ever be able to talk about it without blushing like fools? “And then he was asking about the room…”

“He knew he only got us one room?” Soyeon asked, eyes widening as a laugh slipped from her lips.

“Yeah he-” Shownu shook his head as he finally looked up at her. “He asked me if we made it work with one room, and I told him we did and asked him if he knew.”

He hesitated, pressing his lips together to suppress his embarrassed smile.

“He told me he did, and it was all they had so he figured we’d work it out.”

Soyeon felt her mouth drop open.

“What?” she asked, giggling in disbelief. “And he didn’t think to tell us?”

“I thought the same thing, but-” Shownu grinned. “-I honestly think he did it on purpose.”

There was a beat of silence.

“What?” Soyeon asked again. “Why?”

“Well, I-”

He was embarrassed all over again, setting down his tea on the table as she did the same before placing both hands in his lap.

“-I ran into him, at the masquerade party. You know after…” he hesitated. “... _everything_.”

Soyeon stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue.

“He could tell something was wrong, asked me if I wanted a drink,” Shownu smiled at the memory. “Apparently him and the bartender- I think he said his name was Wonho- are really good friends and I got it for free…”

Soyeon remembered the gorgeous man behind the bar that Jiahn had drooled over and snorted internally; of course Jackson was friends with the bartender.

“Anyway,” Shownu was rubbing the back of his neck, glancing up at her with such a cute but guilty smile that butterflies were fluttering in her stomach. “I was already drunk, but after that it was worse and when he asked me again what was wrong, I sort of…”

Soyeon thought she knew where this might be going…

“I told him I liked you.”

Her suspicions were correct, but she still felt her heart skip a beat in her chest at the news.

“Wait so…” she spoke slowly, unsure whether she wanted to laugh or hide her face. “So Jackson’s known this whole time?!”

“Yeah,” Shownu chuckled at her surprise, looking relieved, as if he thought she might be angry. “Yeah he’s known all this time…”

“So the room...” Soyeon was laughing now, shaking her head a bit at this newest revelation. “He did it on purpose…”

“I-” Shownu was nodding, running a hand through his hair. “I think so…”

They both picked up their teas, sipping them silently before simultaneously putting them back on the table.

Soyeon was amazed; they were always so in sync.

“Do you regret it?”

Shownu’s tentative question broke the silence again, and she turned from his bookshelf she was inspecting, trying to figure out what books he owned. He was searching the features of her face, looking not only worried, but a little vulnerable, and she realized she hadn’t really told him much, other than what happened with Jinyoung.

He had confessed his feelings to her after all.

“Regret what?”

Soyeon had a feeling she knew what he meant, but she wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

She wanted him to know there was no way she would have any regrets when it came to him.

Shownu reached forward slowly, taking her hand that was resting on her leg and intertwining his fingers with hers. The warmth was back again, spreading from her hand to the rest of her body, filling her with a subtle glow as she smiled up at him.

He leaned forward, face closer to hers as he returned her smile shyly.

“Regret calling off the engagement.”

He sounded more sure of himself now, like he knew the answer, but his eyes were still boring into hers, as if needing confirmation. She looked down at their hands for a moment before glancing up at him through her lashes, a one-sided smile on her face as she leaned just a little closer.

“I can’t marry someone when I’m clearly in love with someone else.”

She had used his own line on him, and Soyeon watched his eyes widen before he was grinning from ear to ear, his happiness making her heart race in her chest. Then Shownu was leaning in quickly, closing the small distance between them as he pressed his lips firmly to hers.

And Soyeon was melting into it immediately, like she hadn’t know her body was tense until all of her muscles were uncoiling slowly, Shownu’s free hand roaming up her arm gently. Their kiss was slow and intimate, the feeling Shownu was putting into it as he turned his head just slightly making the air catch in her throat.

Her heart was hammering excitedly in her ears, his touch electrifying, even when it was subtle, fingers ghosting across the skin of her neck as he pushed her hair to the side. Soyeon was moving her lips against his, letting him take the lead because she wanted him to, and she had never felt anything like it in her life.

It was the stuff she was read about in her books, watched in the movies, fantasized about during her single years. She felt like she was floating, like her and Shownu were in some sort of enclosed bubble where the rest of the world was hazy and they were sitting in the clouds, the warmth seeping into their skin like the sun and she didn’t think she had ever been happier in her life.

They broke for air, both of them breathing heavily as they locked eyes, Shownu letting out a breathy laugh as he let his forehead fall against hers.

“Just so you know…”

He pressed his lips against hers before pulling back to speak against them.

“I don’t regret anything either.”

 

** Jiahn: **

_**January 25, 2019, 8:00pm** _

Jiahn could hear nothing but her heavy breathing, as she walked down the empty sidewalks.

They were empty because no one wanted to walk in this cold, the kind of cold that bites at your skin and makes your eyes water. No one would want to trek the three mile walk that Jiahn was attempting at that moment, hands stuffed in her pockets, hood pulled over her head so she could barely see, shivering as she told herself to just keep walking.

Because she had fucked up, and she was the only one who could fix it.

“You don’t know if I’m fine or not because you didn’t actually go through it, okay? So just...don’t tell me if I seem fine or not! If I say I’m fine, then I’m fine.”

“I didn’t go through it?”

Yugyeom’s voice was quiet, but there was a catch, a dangerous lilt that had her heart skipping a beat.

“It wasn’t our kid, it was just yours?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, picking up the pace, sighing loudly in relief when she spotted the familiar brick of Yugyeom’s apartment building.

Jiahn was angry, so angry with herself for what she had said and how much she had shoved Yugyeom away. She was frustrated that even though she knew the right words to say, she had opted not to, deciding instead to lash out and push and block until Yugyeom had rightfully gotten fed up with her.

And she was scared.

She was scared because, no matter how corny it sounded, she’d never felt like she had with Yugyeom with anyone else. For such a small amount of time together, she felt connected, like there was something more with him than the others, and the thought of losing him felt like someone had punched a hole in her chest.

Jiahn was scared she might have pushed him a little too out of reach.

She was finally standing outside his door, and with shaking hands, she pushed her hood back before knocking three times on the hard surface. She waited, watching the white puffs leaving her mouth after every sharp exhale.

Thirty seconds and still no answer.

She could feel the tears burning in the corner of her eyes as she pulled out her cell phone. She clicked on Yugyeom’s name, staring at the three text messages sitting there unanswered by him, her stomach twisting as she looked at them once more.

**_I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m sorry._ **

 

_**Yugyeom, I’m coming to see you. Let’s talk, please.** _

 

_**Please don’t be angry with me.** _

 

The last one had been sent several minutes after the first two. She could see that he had read them, the read receipt like a slap in the face.

He was ignoring her.

The rational side of her brain was trying to tell her that maybe he needed space. Maybe he needed to breathe and reorganize and get over it for a minute before he answered her back and immediately forgave her.

But Jiahn had never been good at being rational, and so she clicked his name, listening to the phone ring, a pain in her chest when it rolled to voicemail. She had listened gotten the same response on her walk there when she had attempted to call him, and she hung up, stuffing the phone back in her pocket.

“Yugyeom.”

Her voice was honestly too soft to hear through the door, but she said it anyway, knocking on the door once again. She knew he was in there- where else would he be?- and the locked door was like a reminder of the wall that she had been so hastily trying to build between them just an hour ago.

_This is what you were trying to do, Jiahn. Are you happy?_

She swallowed heavily, a single tear slipping down each cheek as she inhaled deeply.

“I know you’re in there…”

Her voice was louder now, clear enough that she knew he could hear her. Another couple knocks on the door, and she felt a little desperate now, a little pathetic as she shoved her freezing hands back in her coat pockets.

There was a dull thud on the other side of the door, so soft she wasn’t sure if she would’ve heard it if her ears weren’t perked for any sort of noise on the other end. She waited with baited breath, listening for a turn of the lock, eyes focused on the knob.

She was met with silence.

A small whimper slipped from her throat, like some ridiculous begging puppy, and it embarrassed Jiahn despite her being the only one who could hear it. More tears slipped from her eyes as she leaned forward, forehead hitting the wood with a sound similar to what she had just heard moments ago.

 

_“It’s easier for you, okay? Everything’s just easier for you-”_

_She felt every word she was saying, an anger at him she couldn’t explain rearing its ugly head as she watched him with pure envy._

_“Easier for me?”_

_Yugyeom’s voice was no longer just angry, it was hurt, straining as he looked at her._

_“You think losing our...our kid was easier for me?”_

 

“Yugyeom, _please_...it’s cold.”

It was more than the air outside or the skin beneath her coat, it was her insides; the kind of foreboding that only came when you knew you made a mistake and you weren’t quite sure if it was fixable.

_God, Jiahn, you’re such a poet when you’re sad_

Her eyes were closed again, and she almost laughed at her own self-deprecating humor, but she was startled when she heard the distinct sound of metal scraping metal.

She jumped back as the lock clicked, unhinging, and then the knob was turning slowly. Jiahn watched as the door was slowly pulled open, Yugyeom on the other side, hanging his head slightly as he looked at her.

“Hey.”

His voice was quiet and a little raspy. He looked sad, eyes searching her face for a moment, stopping at the tear streaks on her cheeks before he was staring at her shoes.

“Hey…”

She didn’t look away, couldn’t, surprised that he had opened up at all.

Yugyeom looked up again, looking at her hands that were shoved deep in her pockets, shoulders raised and stiff against the cold.

He sighed, pulling the door open a little more.

“Come in,” he told her softly. “It’s freezing out here.”

She followed him into the living room. She’d only been to his house one time before, when they’d had the party Bam had been hyping up for weeks. Jiahn heard Yugyeom shutting the door behind her, staring at the couch she had been sitting on that night, the only sober one at the party. It seemed like ages ago, when she had been holding onto her dreaded secret, surrounding by drinks and laughter, Yugyeom smiling warmly at her…

Now she was turning around, both of them staring at one another, a tense and awkward air sitting between them as they stood in the living room. They had been through so much in such a short amount of time, and there was wear on their relationship that hadn’t been there before.

 

_“You haven’t talked about it at all, Jiahn…” Yugyeom’s voice was gentle again, and she could feel the cold as he began pulling her a little more forcefully from her shell, his grip on her suddenly too tight, too constricting. “I don’t understand, that can’t be healthy-”_

_“What am I supposed to say, Yugyeom, huh?!”_

_She took two steps back, thrusting her arms so his hands were forced to let go while she glared up at him. Her heart was pounding, anger at him, at herself, at everything flooding her veins like molten lava._

_“The baby isn’t here! It’s not coming back-”_

_She was furiously wiping tears from her face, grabbing her bricks and building a brand new wall; Yugyeom had gotten too close._

_“Talking about it isn’t going to make it appear, make it come back, so just grow up, Yugyeom, and realize we can’t just hold hands and talk about our feelings because it doesn’t change a fucking thing.”_

 

“I’m sorry.”

She whispered the words, but they seemed loud in the otherwise silent apartment. There was a flicker of something Jiahn couldn’t read on his features, a crack in his sad exterior as his eyes darted from hers.

But he didn’t say anything, opting to shove his hands in his pockets as his adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

“I shouldn’t have-”

She tripped a little on her words, upset that he wasn’t saying anything, that he still looked hurt, that she had caused that.

“I’m a complete idiot-”

“You’re not an idiot, Jiahn.”

She really felt like she was, she wasn’t looking for reassurance or argument, but his words still pulled at her heart strings. It was pathetic and stupid, but she found comfort in it anyway, as he locked eyes with her once more.

“Thank you,” she muttered softly, giving a him a small smile. “But I am.”

She took a deep breath before continuing.

“I don’t know why, but for some reason, the way that I cope is just pretending like nothing’s happening,” she explained, immediately fiddling with her fingers. “I...guess I just feel like there’s no use in me thinking about it, because there’s no changing it, and I can either cry about it or just...push it away.”

She felt nervous, vulnerable putting all these things out in the open, and couldn’t look at Yugyeom, preferring to stare at her beat up chucks as she continued.

“So obviously that’s not healthy-”

Both her and Yugyeom laughed softly- though his sounded a little reluctant- and she was glad she wasn’t alone in her dark humor.

“-and it doesn’t work. At all.”

The smile faded from her face, and she ran a shaky hand through her hair.

“I was- am so…”

She struggled with the word, shifting back and forth.

“Angry.”

The silence that sat between them was heavy, and she felt more tears springing to her eyes, and she pressed her tongue in her cheek before continuing.

“I know that it’s stupid, and I know the doctor’s told me over and over again that it’s not my fault but I-”

Jiahn felt her throat closing up, but didn’t want it to stop her from talking; Yugyeom deserved to know how she felt.

“-I can’t help thinking that it is. I was carrying him...or her...we don’t even know, for a week before…”

A lump was sitting on top of her vocal chords now, and she swallowed, trying to get it to go down.

“It’s not your fault,” Yugyeom took advantage of her pause, taking a step closer to her, and she finally looked up. “You have to believe that. There’s no way you could’ve known…”

He trailed off, his dark eyes boring into hers, the concern in his eyes there once again as he looked at her.

“I know, I know I just-” Jiahn’s tears spilled over before she could stop them, and Yugyeom watched them fall, eyebrows raised in worry. “-I shouldn’t have panicked, I should’ve told the lady on the phone I had muscle pain when I called that morning. I didn’t want to believe that it was serious because I was pushing everything away again and maybe if I would’ve just paid attention, I could’ve-”

But Jiahn knew she was wrong.

She knew there was nothing that could be done, no signs or ways she could’ve prevented it.

That knowledge did nothing to alleviate the pain.

“Jiahn…”

She had closed her eyes at some point, she wasn’t sure when, but she felt Yugyeom’s fingers gently wiping the tears from her cheeks before he was running them through her hair. The touch was too much, too soothing and a choked sob broke from Jiahn’s throat before she could stop it.

She closed the distance between them, forehead hitting his shoulder as she let the tears fall down her cheeks, Yugyeom immediately wrapping his arms around her. He smelled like he always did- laundry detergent and lemon- and he was warm compared to her body that was still so cold from her walk.

She bit her lip hard as the tears continued to fall, steady and fast, trying to hold in the embarrassing whimpers that only came when she was really upset, really hurt.

Because she was; she was facing it all right then in that moment, and it was overwhelming.

For a week, she had pretended she hadn’t lost her baby, her little dude, her child that she hadn’t planned that was “the size of a blueberry”. She had shut down since the moment she got the news in the hospital and when the feelings slipped out and she cried, she didn’t acknowledge them again, and she didn’t dare a speak a word of her dark thoughts out loud to anyone.

But now that she had said them, and despite the tears that streamed down her face and the shaking of her shoulders from silent sobs that wracked through her body, she felt lighter. She felt like a thousand pound weight had lifted off her chest, and the feeling made her bury her nose into the fabric of Yugyeom’s shirt, wanting more of his warmth.

He made her feel better, whole.

“I _do_ this,” she told him shakily, voice slightly muffled by his shoulder. “I just- I can’t talk about it for some reason and I’m sorry, Yugyeom, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, I didn’t mean any of it…”

Jiahn was shaking her head back and forth, and she vaguely wondered if the man would even find her attractive anymore, the way she was rubbing her tears all over his white t-shirt, mascara smearing, nose running…

“I didn’t know,” Yugyeom’s voice was so calm compared to hers, and she found comfort in it as he spoke lowly. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Jiahn said, chuckling through her tears because the fact that he was saying sorry was ridiculous. “You did nothing wrong, it was me-”

“I shouldn’t have said I was thinking about us not being together,” he muttered, arms tightening a little around her. “I didn’t mean that…”

 

_“I’m not lying, Jiahn,” Yugyeom insisted, taking a step closer to her. “Why would I agree to a baby life and a dating life if I didn’t want both?”_

_“It’s easier...it would’ve been too complicated to do just the baby thing, since technically we were dating first.”_

_She was speaking like a person at a business meeting, her voice void of all emotion._

_“We were just a one night thing-” it seemed she didn’t have any control over what she was saying, her word-vomit coming at the best of times like it always did. “-You signed up for more because you had to, and now you don’t anymore, okay?”_

_She swallowed hard._

_“You’re free...It’s honestly a blessing in disguise really.”_

_She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, hadn’t meant what she said, and she couldn’t take it back and she was so angry, so hurt, and so, so sad._

_“That was never the way I saw it Jiahn…”_

_Yugyeom’s voice was scarily low, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time as he took a step backward, shoving his hands in his pockets._

_“But maybe I should rethink some things after all.”_

 

“You didn’t?”

Jiahn had meant to say she didn’t mean anything she said either. She had meant to tell him that they both said some stupid things and that he was an angel compared to her devil-may-care mouth.

But instead she had asked the question that had been beating at the back of her mind since he had left, voice broken, barely recognizable.

“No,” he turned his head so his cheek was nudging the top of her forehead, and she felt unexpected butterflies fluttering in her stomach. “I didn’t.”

They were quiet for a moment as Jiahn took some deep, even breaths, trying to keep the rest of her tears at bay. She had needed to cry, cry because she was facing her feelings, not burying them, and the release was so therapeutic, she could’ve punched herself for not doing it sooner.

“I...should probably tell you…”

Jiahn felt suddenly brave, finally tearing her eyes from Yugyeom’s shirt to look up at him. He was staring down at her, immediately reaching up to wipe some stray tears. She was sure she looked ridiculous and less than beautiful, but he was still smiling tentatively, the care in his eyes undeniable, and it gave her the courage to keep talking.

“I have this uh... _anxiety_ problem,” Jiahn laughed because she always did when she was nervous, absentmindedly fixing the fabric of his shirt resting on his shoulders. “And you know-”

She shrugged, smiling up at him despite her heart hammering in her chest.

“-it makes me freak out a little.”

He looked confused, as if he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh or be concerned, and she found it adorable.

“Don’t worry about it,” she told him quickly. “It’s not serious, it’s mild, but I just...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted that way and I shouldn’t have said what I said. I didn’t mean any of it…”

She was turning into a broken record now, repeating the same things, but she just wanted to make sure he understood.

“It’s okay,” he told her, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. “Thanks for telling me.”

“I must like you,” Jiahn joked, because humor was always her go to. “I don’t tell people stuff like that.”

“I like you too,” Yugyeom chuckled under his breath. “You should know that.”

She was making eye contact with him again, and her stomach flipped at the intensity in his eyes. It was frightening really, the amount of feelings she had for him, and she found herself biting her lip, giggling and she would’ve been embarrassed if she wasn’t too busy trying to breathe properly.

“I actually like you _way_ too much-”

_Word vomit, word vomit, WORD VOMIT_

Jiahn almost slapped her hand to her forehead, her honest words slipping out before she could stop them.

“-f-for such a short amount of time…” she trailed off, feeling her face burn because it was too late, she had already said it.

_Sure, Jiahn, we’re admitting our feelings, but that might have been going too f-_

“I know what you mean.”

Yugyeom was laughing under his breath, fingers playing with the ends of her hair, eyes darting to the movement.

He looked...nervous.

Then he was staring back at her; there was something in his eyes, and she watched him swallow hard, like he was going to say something else, but he couldn’t get the words out.

And it was in that weird moment, looking up at him as his fingers twisted in the ends of her hair, that Jiahn realized she loved it; all of it.

She loved how pretty his eyes were, how amazing his hair was, how tall he was and how he couldn’t ever seem to stop laughing and smiling. She loved how his fingers felt in her hair and the feelings that kissing him brought about. She loved talking to him about anything that randomly popped into her head and that he could make her laugh just as much as she made him laugh.

Jiahn wasn’t sure what he was going to say or if he was going to say anything at all, but she leaned in, closing the distance between them, pressing her lips gently to his. He hummed softly in surprise as she wrapped her arms around his neck. One of his hands ran down the length of her arm, sending goosebumps across her skin as she kissed him a little harder.

Then she was breaking away for air, pressing her forehead to his, laughing because she was too happy not to. She hadn’t known how it would go, when she got to his apartment. Jiahn hadn’t known if he would even answer the door, let alone let her in and let her cry on his shoulder, literally, and tell her he liked her anyway.

“Yugyeom,” she found herself whispering, trapped in some sort of courageous, euphoric bubble as she rubbed her nose against his gently. “Be my boyfriend?”

He laughed out loud, pulling back a little to look down at her.

“Really?” he asked, trying to sound angry, but his smile deceived him entirely. “You weren’t going to let me ask?”

She realized with a jolt that maybe that’s what he was going to say before she had spontaneously kissed him. If she wouldn’t have been her full-speed-ahead self like always, she might’ve given him the chance.

_Such a charmer, Jiahn, honestly. I don’t know if Yugyeom deserves a girl with your level of tact_

She didn’t appreciate her mind’s snarky sarcasm.

“You took too long,” she teased, tightening her arms around him just slightly. “I told you I liked you too much…”

Jiahn wasn’t sure if he’d be irritated- wasn’t that a bit of a pride thing with guys?- but to her surprise, he just laughed like he always did, hugging her a little tighter to him.

“Yeah,” he said it with a sigh, playfully annoyed as he leaned closer to her. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”

His words were soft, and she giggled.

“Thanks,” she whispered just as her eyes were slipping closed. “This would’ve been pretty awkward if you’d have said no.”

She felt him shake his head with a scoff before kissing her deeply, lips pressed softly against hers. Jiahn melted a little into the kiss, fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck as she turned her head. Her heart was racing again, like she had run a marathon, stomach flipping because Yugyeom was her boyfriend and he wasn’t even mad that she had asked before he could.

His hands were wandering again, up her back before tickling the exposed skin of her shoulders underneath her coat, and the electricity was back like it always was with him.

Only him.

“Hey,” Jiahn pulled her mouth from his, surprised by how out of breath she sounded as she spoke. “Do you really have this whole place to yourself for the night?”

Yugyeom chuckled, looking down at her with his eyebrows raised.

“Yeah,” he answered her quietly. “Why?”

But by the look on his face, she knew that he _knew_ why. So she just grinned at him, threading her fingers a little higher into his hair before leaning closer again.

“Perfect.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: WHOO!
> 
> Guys, if you’re still with me, thank you so SO much for reading. This is the final chapter other than the epilogue, and I really hope you’ve enjoyed it so far!


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Warnings!
> 
> Scenes of a sexual nature ;)

 

** Soyeon: **

_**June 28, 2019, 5:00pm** _

Soyeon was typing up the last of her article, lip lodged between her teeth as she concentrated. Just as she was typing the ending sentence, there was a bleep, notifying her that she had an email.

An email from Shownu.

She smiled automatically, finishing the sentence quickly, saving the work, and clicking on the notification.

_**Soyeon,** _

_**I’m hoping these pictures will be alright? It was hard to get Mr. Lee to cooperate with me, but I think I got some decent angles that will do well. Do you want to see more or do you like what we’ve got?** _

_**-Shownu** _

_**P.S. Dinner at our favorite tonight?** _

Soyeon giggled at the P.S. note; he’d never left them out since the day she left Jinyoung.

Taking a look at the photos, she could tell the stern and stoic Mr. Lee that she had been required to interview for her latest article was indeed difficult to photograph. Most of the pictures he was scowling, but there was one photograph where Shownu had caught him off-guard, and got a side-profile of the man looking at something in the distance.

It was a shame he didn’t smile more; Lee Minhyuk was actually rather handsome.

She copied the picture, pasting it in a new window and quickly wrote back.

_**Shownu,** _

_**I think this one will do along with a couple landscaping ones. It’s supposed to be a small article anyway, so I doubt Jackson will say anything.** _

_**-Soyeon** _

_**P.S. Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Sohn?** _

She laughed again at her ridiculous response, clicking send right as there was a tentative knock on her cubicle wall. She turned quickly to see a MiYoung, Jiahn’s newest co-copywriter, standing in the entrance of her cubicle, smiling with a stack of papers in her hand.

They had finally let Haeun go after she had yelled at Jackson about one of her articles being rejected, and it had been quite a scene. According to Shownu, who was always closest to Jackson, the man had been looking for an opening to let her go for months. Once she was off the payroll, Jiahn had begged Jackson for someone to help her with all the editing, and he had given in like he always did for her and Soyeon.

“Hey!” Soyeon smiled back at the young girl, motioning for her to come in. “Did you guys finish editing?”

“We did,” MiYoung nodded enthusiastically, taking a few steps closer and laying the papers on Soyeon’s desk. “Jiahn wanted me to tell you there weren’t many mistakes and that she’s proud of you. She said-”

MiYoung hesitated with a giggle.

“I’m sure it’s ridiculous,” Soyeon rolled her eyes with a grin. “What else did she say?”

“She said if you alway turned in papers like that, her job would be a lot easier.”

Soyeon laughed out loud, stacking the papers up and putting them to the side.

There was another knock on her cubicle wall before she could come up with a response, and both women turned to see Jaebum standing in the entrance, giving one awkward wave.

“Hey Soyeon,” his eyes darted from hers, lingering on the younger woman’s. “Hey...MiYoung.”

“Hey Jae…” Soyeon tried not to smile, watching the man scratch the back of his head as he looked away. “What’s up?”

“Well, I was just going to see…” he trailed off, glancing up at MiYoung guiltily with his most charming smile. “You know, if you and Jiahn had finished my article yet?”

Soyeon stifled a laugh; Jaebum was never this nervous with anyone.

Well, except for Jiahn sometimes.

“Soyeon’s came to us first,” MiYoung was not impolite, in fact, her voice was rather sweet, but there was a finality to it that impressed Soyeon. “I’m sorry Jaebum, but we will edit them in the order they are received. There’s no need to check in; when we finish the article, we will let you know right away.”

He stared at her for a moment, smile fading as he visibly swallowed, dropping his hand back to his side.

“Okay,” he nodded, eyes never leaving her face as he stared at her. “I’m sorry, you’re right.”

Soyeon almost fell out of her chair.

 _Did Jaebum just..._ apologize _?!_

“It’s fine,” MiYoung nodded at him, already turning back to Soyeon. “Jiahn and I will let you know.”

Jae stared at the back of her head for another moment before slowly walking back towards his desk, looking over his shoulder at her a few times in wonder. MiYoung couldn’t see with her back to him, but Soyeon could, and she cleared her throat to suppress a giggle as she looked back down at the article MiYoung had given her.

Once the man was out of earshot, Soyeon smiled playfully at MiYoung.

“So...Jiahn’s been teaching you how to handle Jaebum?”

The younger laughed, looking a little embarrassed as she tucked her hair behind her ear. She was a beautiful girl- of course, because Soyeon swore Jackson only hired attractive people- and it was no wonder she had Jae so smitten.

“Well, she just told me-”

“GUYS GUYS GUYS! COME QUICK I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!”

Soyeon and MiYoung both jumped, eyes growing wide before they were looking in the direction of Jiyoo’s loud voice. They both walked quickly down the small hallway, to see Heonie bouncing on the balls of his feet and Hyungwon simply turning in his desk chair, staring at Jiyoo.

The girl was out of breath, hands on her knees with pink cheeks as she beamed at all of them. Jaebum had come from his desk as well, and Soyeon watched Jiahn take her headphones out her ears, eyebrows raised in surprise as she walked to the entrance of her cubicle to see what was going on.

“Ah, I’m so excited, guys, I-”

“Wait, Jiyoo, you told me I could tell!”

Bam was running in the door as well, laughing as he caught up with her, putting his hands on her shoulders from behind.

“I changed my mind!” she exclaimed with a laugh, turning around to look at him before shoving him lightly. “I’m too excited!”

The man continued to laugh as he stumbled from her shoving, and she turned back around, eyes shining as she held out her hand.

“YOUNGJAE PROPOSED!”

She squealed after her announcement, jumping in the air as Bam whooped behind her in equal excitement. Jiahn gasped with a laugh while Soyeon grinned, walking closer.

“Jiyoo!” she exclaimed, eyes on the beautiful ring on the girl’s dainty fingers. “That’s amazing! Congratulations!”

“I helped get everything set up!” Bam was telling them as Jiahn leaned against the front of the cubicle, still smiling and listening in. “We moved all the couches and stuff to the back of the living room and put the kitchen table in the middle. Then we did like, this candlelit dinner, and I even found out her favorite food-”

“I was wondering why you asked me that! I-”

“What’s going on?”

Everyone turned to look at Jackson, who had come out of his office with his eyebrows furrowed, eyeing them all with confusion.

“Jackson!” Jiyoo exclaimed, smiling bright as she made a beeline straight for him. “Look!”

She held out her hand, her engagement ring sparkling in the fluorescent lights of the office as she turned her wrist a bit.

“Is that…?”

He didn’t seem to be able to finish the sentence, eyes widening as he looked from the ring to her smiling face.

“Yes!” she answered, seeming to mistake his clear disappointment for pleasant shock. “Youngjae proposed!”

Soyeon and Jiahn exchanged looks, both knowing how Jackson felt about Jiyoo. Hyungwon turned back in his desk chair, facing his computer once more, while Heonie watched with widened eyes. Bam was oddly silent as well, smile fading a bit as he watched Jackson closely. Jae sighed quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked between the two while MiYoung did the same, looking mildly confused.

“I…” Jackson was finally able to speak, searching the features of her face before he glanced at the ring again. “But you guys...you just met…”

Jiyoo was too oblivious for her own good, scoffing at Jackson’s statement as if it was ridiculous, waving it off.

“Yeah, but we’re true soulmates...you know that!” Soyeon saw Jiahn visibly cringe behind Jiyoo. “We were actually wondering...would you want to be the officiant?”

The office was silent, the tension once again lost on Jiyoo as she twisted the ring on her finger, looking up at the man through her lashes.

“My license is expired,” Jackson swallowed hard after answering her, trying to keep his voice nonchalant.

“Come on, Jackson, please?” Jiyoo put her hands together with a small pout. “Youngjae already looked it up for you; it doesn’t expire for ten years and you just got it! Remember when I picked out the frame?”

“Well, I’m pretty busy this year...” Jackson was grasping at straws now with his excuses, not seeming to be able to keep eye contact with the girl.

Heonie was sitting back in his seat and Jae was rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Jiahn smacked a hand to her forehead, shaking her head and Soyeon turned to MiYoung, who seemed to be slowly figuring out what was going on. Bam took a tentative step forward, offering Jackson a small smile as his boss made eye contact with him.

“Jackson, uh,” Bam seemed a little uncomfortable, laughing as he walked a little closer. “Youngjae seemed pretty pumped about you being the officiant. He, uh, he said you’re one of the coolest dudes he knows and it would be super awesome if you were at the wedding.”

Jackson looked surprised by this, a reluctant smile on his face as he finally turned to Jiyoo’s still-pleading face. He sighed, groaning a little on the exhale as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Alright I’ll do it,” he conceded.

Jiyoo squealed, immediately throwing her arms around him. He seemed startled, smile turning gentle as he hugged her back. He stared at the side of her face for a moment before looking around at everyone.

“Why don’t we celebrate, huh? Drinks on me?”

Jiahn raised her eyebrows, letting out a laugh of surprise just as Soyeon did the same. MiYoung turned to her with wide eyes.

“Like he’s paying?” she asked Soyeon to confirm, making the elder laugh and nod enthusiastically.

“He does that from time to time,” she explained.

Jiyoo looked thrilled, pulling out of the hug to grin at him once more. Jae’s eyes were darting to MiYoung, and Soyeon wondered if he was trying to figure out if she was going. Heonie was walking out of his cubicle, barging into Hyungwon’s and asking the man if he was going to go.

“I’ll call Youngjae!” Jiyoo announced, already pulling her cell phone out of her back pocket. “He’ll want to see you all!”

“Wait, can I bring Minha?” Bam looked pumped up by the idea, turning to Jackson. “That would be so awesome, dude, I’ve been wanting you guys to meet her!”

There was a lot of commotion as Jackson led the way out the door, talking about how much he needed a drink, with almost the whole rest of the office following behind. Hyungwon was walking lazily with a babbling Heonie, Jiyoo and Bam were walking side by side, on the phones with their significant others and talking enthusiastically, and MiYoung grinned at Soyeon, telling her she was going to; she couldn’t pass up free drinks.

It was a lot quieter once the door closed behind them all, and Soyeon watched Jaebum stare at the door for a moment before turning back towards his desk, eyebrows furrowed just slightly. Soyeon walked to Jiahn’s cubicle, watching the girl pack up her stuff, still smiling at what had just happened. Just as she walked inside, she saw movement out of the corner of her eye, Jaebum looking hesitant as he stood in front of the door, as if trying to make a decision.

“You gonna go?”

It was Jiahn who asked, making the man turn to look at her, taking his hands out of his pockets.

“Well, you know...it’s free drinks, so I thought I might…”

Soyeon wasn’t fooled by his nonchalant tone and neither was Jiahn; they both knew the man was notorious for passing on after-work functions. But now he was going, and Soyeon couldn’t help but think that it might be because a certain new co-copywriter was going to be there.

“Hm, sure, yeah…” Jiahn teased, her mind seeming to be in the same place as Soyeon’s.

Jae’s eyes widened before he was laughing, looking down at his feet as if slightly embarrassed.

“Go have fun,” Soyeon told him sweetly, nodding towards the door.

“Yeah and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Jiahn added with a wink, making the man laugh out loud.

“Alright,” he consented. “I’ll see you guys around.”

He gave them a short wave before he was walking out the office door quickly to catch up with the others.

They both watched him leave, Soyeon turning to Jiahn as soon as the door closed behind him.

“What have you been training MiYoung to say to Jaebum?” Soyeon asked with a giggle, making Jiahn laugh loudly as she adjusted her purse on her shoulder.

“Look, if I’m going to have a copywriter under my supervision, I need her to be as fierce as I am,” Jiahn replied, trying and failing to sound serious. “I just told her to be firm with him and be very forward when he asks about due dates. I don’t want her to go through what I did, where I constantly felt guilty because he was riding my ass all the time.”

Soyeon shook her head with a smile; what Jiahn said was true. When she had first gotten the younger the job, Jae was always asking her when his stuff would be completed, and she would always bow and apologize, telling him she was working hard. One day though, she had snapped at him, telling him his articles weren’t the only ones in the office and she’d always hand delivered his articles, so why does he feel the need to ask? He had changed immediately, that outburst seeming to weirdly warm him up to her, and Jiahn had discovered that the way to handle Jae was harshness.

And apparently she was passing along the knowledge.

“So…” Jiahn trailed off, biting her lip for before continuing. “Have you gotten any more contact from Jinyoung?”

Soyeon stiffened at the question, running a hand through her hair slowly.

The day after her and Jinyoung had broken up, she had gotten one nasty text from the man, asking her to reconsider and to “Think about what she’s losing and stop being so dramatic”. She had ignored it, and a few days later, had gotten another text and an email, telling her how ridiculous she was being.

A month passed before she got another email, telling her all the things that he had done for her, and all the things that she had taken from him, accusing her of using him. She had teared up a little at that one, the guilt turning her stomach harshly, and Shownu and Jiahn had had to work as a team to convince her that this was all a part of Jinyoung’s mind games.

Then a couple months after that, about mid-May, she had received a phone call from the man that was entirely different from anything she had heard from him before. It had been a Saturday night, about 1am, when the call had come in. She hadn’t seen it until the morning, and the voicemail that was left had her pressing her lips together, choking on a lump in her throat as she listened to the broken voice that she had never heard come from Jinyoung before.

“ _Soyeon, please, we both fucked up alright?_ ” he had sounded absolutely hammered, his voice so slurred she could barely understand him. “ _You can’t really be living without me…_ ”

She had gripped the phone a little tighter as she could’ve sworn she heard a small sob escape his lips.

“ _I...I don’t want you to be gone…_ ” his voice had gotten so quiet she could hardly hear him. “Please _, Soyeon...I’m sorry…_ ”

His apology had done her in, and she had cried hard, cradling the phone in her hand as she imagined the man she had once loved, alone in his immaculate apartment, with a bottle of his expensive liquor, speaking into his up-to-date iPhone with tears streaming down his face. It was hard to imagine, too painful for her to see when the man was always so composed, and it had taken Shownu holding her and telling her it wasn’t her job to fix him that had finally calmed her down.

She hadn’t heard from him since.

“No,” Soyeon answered Jiahn softly, giving her a small smile. “I know he’s alright though; his company just skyrocketed in the stock market...it was all over the news the other day.”

Jiahn grinned, shaking her head; Jinyoung would always be successful in money at least.

“You going on a date with Yugyeom tonight?”

Soyeon noticed her best friend was a little more dressed up than usual, actually wearing a _dress_ to the office, with her makeup done and purple-streaked hair a little less frizzy than it normally was.

“Staying _in_ actually,” Jiahn answered, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “I’m gonna make him some bulgogi; his interview with JYP started ten minutes ago.”

She watched as Jiahn glanced at her desk, reaching for her abandoned pen and sticking it in it’s designated cup before turning back to Soyeon with a grin.

“Big plans tonight?” the younger asked as the two of them walked together out of her cubicle.

Soyeon glanced at Shownu’s office, door still shut, light still on, and smiled back at her best friend.

“Just dinner,” she replied with a shrug. “Let me know how Yugyeom’s interview went, okay? I’m sure he did great; I’ve seen him dance.”

Jiahn nodded quickly, beaming as she pulled the door open.

“Alright, I will,” she was smirking again, eyes darting from Soyeon to Shownu’s door. “Like I told Jae...have fun tonight and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

She had backed out of the doorway, Soyeon taking the door from her as she giggled.

“That’s not saying much, Jiahn,” she said with a roll of her eyes, making the younger giggle. “I’ll text you later!”

Jiahn was still grinning as she waved and winked before turning around, making a beeline straight for the elevators.

Soyeon let the door close with a quiet click before turning around, walking right to Shownu’s office. She opened the door without knocking- they were way past that at this point- and she realized why he had never come out to investigate the commotion from Jiyoo’s engagement announcement.

He had both hands resting on the edges of his desk, thick-rimmed glasses on as his eyebrows came down in a slight V, clearly concentrated on what he was doing. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, tie loosened around his neck in a way that made Soyeon’s mouth go a little dry. The soft glow of his desk lamp made him look almost ethereal with his bronze skin, and she could hear the faint sound of music coming from the headphones he had stuck in his ears.

“Soyeon,” he breathed, taking the headphones out as he looked up at her, his concentrated expression softening. “Hi. Is it five already?”

She giggled, closing the door and locking it subtly behind her before walking towards his desk.

“It’s 5:20 babe,” she answered him, watching his eyes roam up and down her body as she walked. “I think you lost track of time.”

He laughed a little under his breath, watching her come around the desk so she could see what he was looking at. There were printed pictures scattered all over its surface, and he was clearly trying to arrange them in a good order, Jaebum’s article sitting right in the middle of all of it.

“You missed all the craziness outside,” she told him with a smile, eyes meeting his once more. “Looks like Youngjae proposed to Jiyoo.”

Shownu’s eyes widened at the news, another chuckled slipping from his throat as he shook his head.

“I’m sure Jackson was happy…”

“Apparently, he’s going to be their officiant,” Soyeon told him with a giggle, watching his mouth fall open. “She and Bam convinced him…”

“I’m sorry I missed it,” Shownu ran a hand through his hair as Soyeon moved a little closer, her eyes roaming along his exposed forearms from his rolled-up sleeves.

“Did you still want to go to dinner?”

Her question was innocent enough, but the heat of his gaze at her words had her biting her lip as she took another slow step forward.

Soyeon knew she looked good tonight- she had specifically worn Shownu’s favorite dress- but she thought they would do the “fun stuff” later. They had been talking about going on a date that Friday all week, and she had been looking forward to it, tired of hanging out so much at his- their- cramped apartment.

But the way he looked in that moment was almost sinful, the way he licked his bottom lip subconsciously as she reached for the tie around his neck without a second thought, sexy. She was just messing with the end of it, fingering the fabric, but the way Shownu’s adam’s apple bobbed up and down told her he was turned on by her close vicinity.

“Are you…” he hesitated, voice lower than normal as he looked down at her. “...hungry, still?”

She smirked at the question, not sure if Shownu meant to make a pun or not. He was smiling at her, eyebrow raised as he brushed some hair behind her ears, his fingers like fire against her skin. Even after all this time, his touch was enough to drive her crazy, eyes fluttering a little as he leaned closer.

“You look really nice,” he all but whispered, lips just inches from hers by then. “Sexy, actually…”

“Hmm…” Soyeon mumbled, her heart racing in her chest as her eyes darted to his tie in her hand. “So do you…”

She yanked on the fabric just slightly, closing the distance between them, their lips colliding together in a hard kiss. Shownu hummed lowly against her mouth, hands moving from her hair to her neck, traveling over her shoulders before he was following the curve of her sides.

They were always like this, insatiable with one another, kissing like they hadn’t in months, breathing each other in like it was their only source of oxygen. She was already turning her head to deepen the kiss while his hands gripped her waist more securely, turning her until her back was hitting his desk.

She squeaked in surprise, breaking away from his lips as Shownu immediately started trailing open-mouthed kisses down her jawline. Her breathing was shallow as her eyes stayed closed, head tilted to the side as she felt his hands slide down to her hips. Without warning, he gripped her hard, lifting her onto the desk with a soft thud. She wrapped her arms around his neck for balance, body arching into him on it’s own accord.

“Shownu,” she tried to speak, breathless as she felt the glossy paper under her thighs. “Your pictures…”

“I’ll print new ones,” he whispered against the cartilage of her ear, sending delicious shivers down her spine as he placed a soft kiss to the spot.

His hands were sliding up her skirt, the warmth of his calloused palms pleasurable against the bare skin as he pressed his lips to hers once more. Soyeon kept up with the desperate rhythm of the kiss, hands undoing the tie around his neck completely before fiddling with the rest of the buttons on his shirt. She was quick, having done this so many times before, moaning a little when Shownu pulled her hips flush against his.

Shownu groaned at the sound, breaking their kiss as she continued unbuttoning his shirt, hands trailing along the curves of her body in their current position.

“ _God_ , you’re hot, Soyeon,” Shownu whispered as she pushed the two sides of his shirt back, exposing the soft abs underneath. “This dress…”

“You like it?” she asked, as if the answer wasn’t obvious as she let her hands wander along the smooth skin of his beautiful torso. “I wore it on purpose.”

Something between a laugh and a moan escaped his lips as she moved to his neck, sucking a little on the skin.

“Of course you did,” he said breathlessly, squeezing her waist a little harder. “Ah- babe-”

She had bit down on the spot she was working on, letting her tongue run along the area, grinning at his reaction. Shownu was rolling his hips steadily against hers, the friction enough to have her wrapping her legs around his hips a lighter, pushing herself completely against him. He growled a little as she moved to the spot where his neck met his shoulder, sucking again on the slightly salty skin.

Her eyes caught sight of the rolling chair behind him, an idea coming to her head as she abruptly pulled away from him.

“Shownu,” she was pushing on his shoulders just slightly, eyes still squeezed shut at his steady moves against her. “Let’s- go sit in your chair-”

She was having trouble speaking when his labored breathing was in her ear, strong hands gripping her possessively, but she wanted this just as much, so she used all her willpower to scoot back just slightly from him.

“What?” his eyes were clouded with lust as he looked down at her, hands loosening a little on her hips. “Why?”

She smiled coyly at him, and his eyes widened as he realized what she was wanting to do. He let go of her, letting his fingers slide across the skin before taking a couple steps back. Soyeon watched him, waiting until he was sitting in the chair completely, eyes never leaving his, before she was sliding off the desk, giving him another playful grin before she was dropping to her knees.

His eyes were so dark they were almost black, watching her closely as she ran her hands up his thighs through his pants.

“Geez, Soyeon,” he muttered, groaning as her hand ghosted across the bulge under his zipper. “You look so good right now…”

She swallowed, his butter-like voice sexy as hell to her as she undid his pants slowly. A sharp hiss left his mouth as she cupped him through his boxers, and she grinned, not interested in wasting any more time as she moved the material out of the way.

Shownu ran one of his hands through his hair as she wrapped her fingers around his erection, moving slowly up and down as he moaned lowly. Soyeon knew it would be hot, Shownu in his chair while he became putty in her hands, but she wasn’t sure she was quite prepared for the view.

He had taken his glasses off at the some point, eyes squeezed shut with his head thrown back. His hand was gripping the hair on his head as his shirt fell open, his beautiful skin glistening with a sheen of sweat, while his pants hugged his legs beautifully.

Soyeon was ready, licking up the underside of his dick quickly, listening to the strangled sigh that tore from Shownu’s throat. He slid a little further down in his chair as she took his dick into her mouth, letting her tongue run circles around the head in a slow rhythm.

He was groaning again, louder this time as she took more of him into her mouth, lowering steadily until she couldn’t go any farther. His hands threaded through her hair as she began slowly moving up and down, knowing just the way he liked it.

“Soyeon…” he breathed, fingers tightening in the strands of her hair as she licked along his slit on an upward movement. “ _Shit_ , you are... _yes_ …”

Shownu was never too coherent when she was giving him a blowjob, and she loved every single second of it, listening to him melt under her touches, making her feel powerful. She adjusted her position, nails digging into the thickness of his thighs, listening to him gasp as she lowered her head the farthest she could handle. She stayed there for a moment, listening to Shownu’s heavy breathing, his fingers twitching against her scalp.

Then she was moving again, a steady rhythm that had his thighs tensing under her hands, no doubt trying to keep from thrusting upwards.

“You are so- _ah_ \- _good_ at this babe,” Shownu praised, and she smiled the best she could before she was moving a little faster.

He was a groaning louder now, sliding even further in the chair as his hips twitched just slightly to meet her movements. Soyeon was so turned on, listening to the pleasurable hums in his throat, the yeah’s and that’s it’s falling breathlessly from his lips as she moved a little faster.

Shownu’s hip movements were becoming more sporadic, and she knew he was close.

“No, Soyeon, you gotta-” Shownu cut off, another guttural moan coming from his throat as she let her tongue run along the rim of his head again, his hips jolting upwards. “Babe, I want to-”

She reluctantly pulled away, making sure to move as slowly as possible up his dick before coming off with a pop. His fingers slipped from her hair as he sat up a little straighter, looking down at her like she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

“ _Fuck_ …” he whispered, leaning forward and taking his hands from his thighs. “Come here.”

Soyoen was following his orders, standing up as he did, letting him slowly push her, forcing her to take a couple steps back before she was colliding with the desk once more. Shownu ran his hands up her skirt again, grabbing her under her thighs and lifting her up in one swift movement. She landed smoothly on the surface of his desk, and he wasted no time grabbing her by the hips, pulling her flush against him once more.

She moaned at the feeling of his erection against her, and he exhaled sharply at the feeling, moving a hand up her thigh and feeling in between her legs.

“No underwear?” he whispered, moving his fingers against her as she arched her back, a soft whine slipping from her throat. “All day?”

“No,” she answered, grinning at the growl that reverberated in his throat. “I skipped it.”

He took a step back, hands back on her hips as he pulled her closer to the edge of the desk. She was holding onto his shoulders as he lined himself up at her entrance, pushing in without any preamble. They both moaned at the feeling, Shownu immediately beginning to move slowly into her.

Soyeon relished in the full feeling, holding him a little closer to her as she met the rhythm of his hips with her own thrusts. Shownu was groaning, hands sliding up her sides before coming back down again, moving desperately against her.

“So sexy,” he muttered against the skin of her shoulder, the heat of his breath almost stifling.

“You too,” she whispered, because _god_ it was true, and she could barely breathe he was so intoxicating.

It didn’t take long for Shownu to start thrusting harder, going deeper and making her toes curl and she let her nails scrape along the skin of his back over his shirt.

“Oh god,” Shownu arched his back into her touch, rhythm stuttering a little as he squeezed his eyes shut. “That’s good, babe, I’m c-close-”

Soyeon wasn’t far behind, her lower abdomen twisting deliciously at the pleasure in his voice and the steady friction between them. She let her nails make new lines along his back as she started meeting his thrusts halfway, noticing how much quicker he was moving against her.

“Y-Yeah, oh my god, Soyeon-”

It was the last thing he said before he was coming undone, moving frantically against her. The groans slipping from his lips and the way he was thrusting into her was too much, sending her toppling over the edge with a loud cry, white flashing behind her eyelids as she squeezed them shut.

The waves of pleasure were intense like they always were Shownu, and she listened to his heavy breathing meshing with hers as they both rode out their orgasms. Then his forehead was resting on her shoulder, exhales warm against her skin as he let out a breathy laugh.

“Wow,” he spoke softly, hands loosening on her hips.

“Yeah,” Soyeon was finally able to speak, letting her cheek rest against his head. “I can’t believe we just had sex on your desk.”

He pulled out of her, both of them cringing a little before he was fixing his pants while she took another deep breath, attempting to flatten her hair.

“I’ve actually been wanting to do that for a while,” he admitted with a small smile as he came back to where she was sitting on his desk.

Soyeon laughed at that, wrapping her arms back around him as he smiled down at her. He pressed another kiss to her lips, long and lingering, nothing but love in the gesture as he slowly pulled away from her.

“Happy six month anniversary, Soyeon,” he whispered, pulling back just enough to look down at her, pushing some hair behind her ears. “I love you…”

She felt her chest swell with emotion, giggling a little as she ran both hands along the sides of his face. He was returning her smile before resting his forehead against hers, both of them closing their eyes.

“Happy anniversary,” she spoke softly into the quiet of the office. “I love you too, Shownu. _Always_.”

 

** Jiahn: **

_**June 28, 2019, 6:15pm** _

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

“Shit!”

Jiahn was frantically running around the apartment, lifting the windows open and cringing at the smoke alarms.

“SHIT! Where’s my broom?!”

She almost tripped over Mr. Floofs after getting all the windows open, grabbing the broom in the back of the kitchen and hurriedly running to the detector. She stood on her tiptoes, using the handle of the broom to hit the button, finally silencing the ear-piercing alert.

Jiahn sighed, running a hand through her hair as she threw the broom on the floor of her living room. She glanced at the skillet sitting on the stove, thick wisps of gray smoke still curling out from underneath the lid. She groaned, running a hand through her hair as she moved to the cookware, taking the lid off and cringing as she was hit hard with a burnt meat smell.

She had been touching up her makeup- attempting to do winged eyeliner and failing miserably- when she heard the alarms go off. She had opened her bathroom door to a thin layer of smoke, Mr. Floofs running to the bedroom window as if knowing she needed to open it.

Jiahn stared at the thin strips of meat, picking up the spatula and tentatively poking at them.

They were completely stuck to the bottom.

“Dammit,” she growled, throwing the spatula onto the counter and hastily picking up the paper with her recipe.

She read them over, stomach sinking when she realized what her mistake was.

Jiahn wasn’t much of a cook- instant ramen and microwave meals were her best friend- but when she _did_ cook, she relied on timers and detailed recipes along with prayers for her success.

It worked about 80% of the time.

The other 20% were times like these, when she was re-reading her recipe, angrily trying to figure out what she had done to mess it up, only to realize there was some obvious thing she had read wrong.

This time was no exception, and she cringed when she read the instructions, realizing her error when cooking the meat.

“Ah, Mr. Floofs…” she exhaled loudly, watching her cat jump onto the kitchen table, licking his paw and looking at her judgmentally. “It says here I needed to let it simmer for ten minutes, but I had to stir it frequently to prevent-”

She threw the paper on the counter, rolling her eyes.

“-burning of the meat.”

She picked up the skillet from the stove she had turned off earlier, tilting it on it’s side and watching as the meat didn’t move an inch.

_So much for a celebratory dinner_

She was eyeing one of the many magnets on her fridge, wondering how long it would take a pizza to be delivered before she heard the front door opening.

“Jiahn? Why does it smell like something’s burning in here? Why’s the broom on the floor?”

She looked sadly at her failed dinner as Yugyeom entered the kitchen, glancing around at all the open windows.

“Were you... _cooking_?”

Jiahn couldn’t blame the man for being too surprised; she was definitely not the meal preparer in their relationship, but she still pouted as she lifted up the skillet, looking up at him with sad eyes.

“I was trying to make you bulgogi,” she said pathetically, as she flipped the skillet upside down. “But I burnt it.”

One lone strip of meat fell from the skillet, plopping onto the linoleum floors as Mr. Floofs eyed it with interest.

“Jiahn...” Yugyeom looked like he was trying not to laugh, eyes darting from the meat to her pouty face. “I didn’t know...I got chinese.”

It was the first time she had noticed the bag he was carrying in his right hand, the familiar smell of her favorite General Tso’s chicken wafting past the burnt bulgogi smell. Mr. Floofs jumped from the table with a light thud, walking right towards the meat and eating it quickly.

She watched for a moment before laughing, placing the skillet on the stove and walking around the cat.

“Well thank god,” she said, watching him grin as she made her way to the table. “Otherwise we were ordering pizza.”

They set up their flimsy boxes and chopsticks, Yugyeom not saying much as he sat down in the chair, worrying Jiahn a bit. After they both took their first few bites, she sat on her knees in the chair, leaning forward and analyzing him closely.

“So…?” she finally asked when he seemed too occupied with his food to notice. “How did the interview go?”

“It was, uh...pretty nerve-wracking,” he admitted with a laugh, quickly taking a bite of his half-empty rice before continuing. “They talked to me forever...Kept asking me stuff about whether I thought I was prepared to work with adults, since I’ve only ever worked with kids except for volunteer work.”

Jiahn nodded, eating and listening, wondering why her boyfriend was so randomly good at having a poker face in this moment.

“Then they had me do a bunch of demonstrations,” he went on, grabbing the last piece of chicken from his box and throwing it in the paper bag on the floor. “And had me show off the choreography I’ve been working on.”

She knew the exact choreography he was talking about; they had spent the past couple of months going to his studio, her sitting in a chair and watching him dance for her.

Okay, he wasn’t dancing for _her_ necessarily- Yugyeom was looking for her honest opinion of the fluidity and visual appeal of the routine- but by the way they always ended up practicing entirely _different_ moves up against the mirror and on the plastic gym mats on the floor, Jiahn thought it was safe to say that she _definitely_ found his dancing visually appealing.

She was grabbing her final bite of rice out of the box, putting it into her mouth without taking her eyes off the man, impatiently waiting.

“They seemed to like it,” Yugyeom told her, cheeks turning slightly pink as he busied himself with wiping spare grains of rice off the table and throwing them in the paper bag. “Which was nice.”

Jiahn attempted to throw her box over the table and into the bag next to the man, missing entirely before turning to look at him.

“So?” she widened her eyes, laughing a little as she slammed her hands on the counter. “What happened next? Did you get the job?”

Yugyeom paused for a moment, pressing his lips together before he looked up at her, smile pulling hard at the corners of his mouth.

“I got the job.”

“OH MY GOSH!”

She jumped out of her chair, her chopsticks clattering to the floor from where they’d been resting on the table.

“You got it?” she asked, needing the confirmation. “You got the job?!”

He laughed, beaming at her as he nodded enthusiastically and she walked around the table quickly. Jiahn wrapped her arms around his neck at the awkward angle, and he turned his chair with another chuckle, reaching up to hug her back the best he could.

“Yugyeom,” she breathed, pulling back to stare down at him with a bright smile. “I’m so proud of you! I knew you could do it…”

She meant every word she said; despite the man only being 21, he was incredibly determined, talented too, and when he got the interview to be a dance instructor for JYP- his dream job- she had crossed her fingers under the table every day, praying that he would get it.

Because if anyone deserved it, it was Yugyeom.

Jiahn shuffled until she was sitting on his lap, and he smiled up at her as she moved some of his hair off his forehead lovingly.

“Thanks,” he told her, voice a little soft at the close proximity of their faces. “I was really nervous.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Jiahn told him, letting her fingers trail down his cheek. “You’re too handsome for them to say no...you could be an idol. Did they say anything about that?”

Yugyeom bit his lip, looking away from her as he smiled bashfully.

“Uh…”

“They did!” Jiahn exclaimed, laughing a little as she watched his cheeks turn red. “Did they ask you to audition for the company?”

“They told me I could if I wanted,” Yugyeom admitted, seeming embarrassed. “I told them I didn’t want the fame...I just liked dancing.”

Jiahn was looking down at him, imagining if he was famous.

_Well that would be a pain in the ass_

Her hands were on his broad shoulders, and she got a better look at him underneath her.

Yugyeom was wearing black pants and a navy blue button-up shirt, a black tie hanging loosely around his neck. She let her fingers trail to the fabric around his neck, trailing down to the knot resting on his upper chest.

“I’m not surprised,” she muttered, eyes on the silky fabric as she touched it. “You look hot as hell in this tie.”

He was watching her movements, but his eyes flicked up at her words, a slow smirk forming on his lips.

“You like it?”

Jiahn laughed a little at the confident question, knowing by the look on his face that he knew the answer. She leaned closer, pulling on the tie as she let her lips brush against his with her answer.

“Yeah, I do,” she told him, turning her head a little as she felt him breathe against her lips. “And we should celebrate.”

Before he could answer, she was pressing her lips hard against his, messing with the tie until she was clumsily undoing the knot. Meanwhile he was leading the rhythm, their kiss hot and fast-paced as his hands dragged to the small of her back, pulling her towards him.

“Celebrate?” he broke the kiss for a moment as they both inhaled sharply, Jiahn immediately leaning forward to taste the skin of his jawline. “How are we-”

His words caught in his throat as she bit at his earlobe gently, soothing it with a swipe of her tongue.

“-gonna do that?”

Jiahn had moved to the side of his neck, smiling as he automatically moved his head to the side, giving her access to the pale expanse of skin. She took some of it into her mouth, sucking softly as Yugyeom sighed loudly in the quiet air of the kitchen. The fabric of the tie still in her grip, she pulled with one hand, letting the silk slide until it was dangling in her grasp, falling off his neck. She bit gently on the spot she was working on, listening to him hiss before pulling back, holding up the tie.

“I have a few things in mind.”

Yugyeom and Jiahn had known since day one that they were both just a little...kinky.

They had already discovered a few things, but once the man had moved in, they had much more time to explore and play. They had taken his biting fetish to its limits, Jiahn wondering how much he could handle (which was, luckily, more than she expected). He had blindfolded her, teasing her until she was practically begging him to touch her, and begging was not something Jiahn did. She had then blindfolded him, taking pleasure in the way he came undone under her touches. They had tried ice play and whipped cream games, and Jiahn had finally been handcuffed to the bed, something she had been asking Yugyeom to do for months.

But now, as she climbed off his lap, standing up and watching him do the same, silky tie still in her grasp, she knew exactly what she wanted to try.

“Aish, stupid cat!” Jiahn was exasperated, tripping over Mr. Floofs as she pulled Yugyeom hurriedly into the bedroom.

“Sorry, Floofs!” Yugyeom called over his shoulder before Jiahn was yanking him through the doorway, both of them laughing as they practically fell on the bed together.

He rolled over on his back, smiling as she crawled towards him, climbing on top and lowering her body onto his. His hands were instantly on her hips before she was leaning forward, pressing a long and deep kiss against his lips.

“What do you think?” she asked him softly, pulling back and holding up the tie. “Want to be tied up?”

His eyes widened at her question, looking at the silky black material before turning back to her.

“Me?” he asked, licking his bottom lip as he swallowed hard. “Not you?”

Jiahn smirked, leaning forward and kissing him quickly before moving to his ear.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, feeling him shiver as her breath hit the sensitive skin. “I thought you wanted to try it.”

The thing about breaking the barrier of kinks is, you start talking about all the other things you’d like to try. You talk about your likes and dislikes, google different possibilities and giggle with one another as you find things you wish you’d never seen on the internet.

Or maybe that was just them.

Either way, Yugyeom had told her on a few occasions that he wouldn’t mind it, wanted to try it even, and judging by the hardness underneath her, Jiahn was pretty sure he still felt that was as she lifted up to look at him once more.

“I do,” he answered her, sounding a little breathless as she grinned. “Do you?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, grabbing him by the wrists, prying his hands from her hips and moving them above his head.

“Yes,” she answered him with a smirk, watching his eyes roam over her body as she reached above him. “Trust me. I’ve wanted this for a while.”

So Jiahn had a thing for domination; sue her.

She put the tie in between her teeth, pulling his wrists up enough so that they were right above her rod-iron headboard. Then she was taking the tie, experimenting a bit until she had both of his hands tied up, caught around two of the rods, sitting back and smiling at her work.

“Stuck?” she asked, watching him pull on the restraints, successfully trapped.

“Yeah,” he gave her a one-sided grin, watching her slide lower on his body.

“Good.”

Jiahn didn’t waste any time, unbuttoning his shirt quickly and pushing the fabric off the upper half of his body. She admired his swimmer-like body, fingers scratching lightly on the skin, watching the goosebumps rise on his skin. She did the same thing again, nails digging a little deeper this time, Yugyeom exhaling hard as he arched his back a little into her touch.

She dragged her body down until she was straddling his legs at the knees, fingers dipping underneath the beltline of his pants, tickling the skin underneath as he hissed a little. The tent in his pants was obvious, and she actively avoided it, fingers trailing dangerously close as she felt the firmness of his thighs through his pants.

“Jiahn,” Yugyeom was hottest when he was like this, impatient as she left his erection untouched for the third time, hands running along the contours of his hips and upper legs. “Don’t tease…”

He was always telling her that; to get to it and quit messing with him, but he didn’t really mean it. Yugyeom liked to beg, whether he wanted to admit it or not, and she was very good at making him do it.

“Ah Ah Ah,” Jiahn chided, suppressing a smile as she let her hands ghost across the bulge, listening to the sharp moan that slipped from his lips. “You’re the one tied up, remember? I get to pick what I do.”

He growled in frustration, and she gave in because she liked his dick too much, and she was a little impatient herself.

“Fine,” she sighed as if doing him a favor, even though she was shaking in anticipation. “I guess I’ll be nice.”

She heard him laugh, choking on the sound as she unzipped his pants and pulled him free from his underwear rather quickly, swiping at his precum with her thumb and using it to lubricate her up and down movements with her hand.

Jiahn had come a long way since she had met him on that fateful night so long ago, knowing exactly what the man underneath her liked. She was twisting her wrist, moving slowly, thumb pressing on his slit at random and making him twitch, a hiccuped groan falling from his lips as he pulled at the tie.

“What do you want, Yugyeom?” she really wasn’t sure why she was asking like she didn’t know, but she smiled anyway, letting her tongue drag up the underside of his dick slowly before speaking again. “Do you want this?”

She did the same movement, watching the way his back arched off the bed, head digging into the mattress.

“Yeah baby,” he told her breathlessly, the words almost stuck in his throat. “That’s good, keep going-”

He wasn’t supposed to be directing her, not really, but Jiahn was a sucker to his demands, and so she was licking up his erection for the third time, taking him into her mouth in one swift movement. A low whine slipped from his lips as she let her tongue swipe across the rim of his head before moving down, tasting anything she could reach with fluid movements as she bobbed her head up and down.

Jiahn wasn’t scared at all of giving blowjobs anymore, Yugyeom’s “willingness” to help her practice being enough for her to grasp her own style on the matter. Her hand wrapped around what she couldn’t reach with her mouth, moving rhythmically as she sucked gently, listening to Yugyeom’s moans.

“ _Ah_ , Jiahn-” she glanced up to see him pulling on his restraints again, eyes squeezed shut. “That’s- you-”

She really enjoyed how responsive he was, loving every strangled moan and mewl that ripped from his throat as he told her just how he liked it. It was a useful skill in the bedroom, letting her discover new things that he liked when she wanted to experiment.

Jiahn took a deep breath, letting her lips slip from off her teeth. Very carefully, she let them slide across the length of him, barely touching, but it was enough to have him lifting his hips rather sharply off the bed.

“Y-yeah, _yes_ , Jiahn-”

When Yugyeom had given her the all clear to experiment with his biting fixation, she had gotten a little too bold when giving him a blow job one night, and had thought she had fucked up big time when her teeth had touched the sensitive skin of his dick. To both of their surprise, he had cried out rather loudly, eyes wide as he looked at her.

“Do it again,” he had told her, eyes dark as she grinned up at him.

And so she had found yet another kink of Yugyeom’s.

She took her mouth from him for just a moment, watching him catch his breath as she let her hand pump him lazily for a moment. Jiahn only needed a few seconds before she was moving back to him, mouth taking in as much of his erection as she could handle, palm squeezing him a little at the base as she picked up her pace.

He groaned loudly, lifting his hips again, forcing her to hold him down into the mattress. She let her teeth slip out at random intervals, feeling him shiver every time the grazed against the length of him.

“J-Jiahn, I can’t-” he was fighting against her hold on his hips, voice a little high-pitched as he tried to talk. “Baby, I’m gonna- _ah_ -”

Yugyeom arched his back again as she sucked hard, letting her tongue drag across his length on an upward movement. He was a moaning, whining mess, and Jiahn didn’t know if she’d ever been so excited in her life.

Still, she knew he was trying to warn her, and as much as she would love to see him come undone right then and there, she knew what they both wanted, and that wasn’t it.

Jiahn reluctantly pulled her mouth from him with a pop, listening to him sigh loudly as he let his body fall onto the bed. She grinned before standing on the side of the bed, pulling her underwear off in one swift movement from underneath her skirt and throwing them on the floor. He was watching her every move, eyes dark as she crawled back onto the bed, throwing her leg over him and resting her hips on top of his.

He hissed as she exhaled loudly, the intimacy almost too hot for her to handle as she leaned forward, giving him a hard kiss on the lips.

“Want me to ride you?” she asked him quietly, grinding against him as they both moaned in unison.

“Yes,” Yugyeom was almost laughing, a hint of desperation in his tone as he answered her. “Just- yeah, Jiahn, do it.”

He was far too bossy to be the one tied up, but he was still under her mercy, so she couldn’t say she was disappointed.

It wasn’t her fault they both wanted the same things.

She got into position, using his shoulders for leverage as she lowered onto him, closing her eyes at the feeling. He was groaning quietly underneath her, tense under her grip as she adjusted until she could actually move.

Once she was comfortable, she lifted her hips, rolling them slowly as she reveled in the feeling of it. Yugyeom was fighting against the tie again, no doubt wanting to hold her hips like he usually did, and she found she loved the sight as she moved against him again.

It was nice this way, Jiahn had discovered the first time they had tried it, the angle good for both of them as she bit her lip, head hanging forward as a light moan slipped from her throat. He was moving his hips subtly up to meet hers, and she loved the feeling of it, gripping his shoulders a little harder, sighing loudly at the build-up in her lower stomach.

“That’s good, you-” she was moving her hips in a small circle, and he was biting hard on his bottom lip as his head dug into the mattress again. “-you got it, Jiahn, just keep doing that-”

“Keep doing what?” she found herself asking, barely able to breathe as she rotated her hips once more. “This?”

She moved in a circle before pulling up just to thrust forward again, the angle making her moan unexpectedly as he whined.

“That,” he told her, pulling on his restraints. “-just like you did, god, _please_ -”

He was begging again, and she couldn’t resist, too far gone to tease any longer. So she did as he asked, just like always, rolling her hips against his in an intoxicating rhythm, both of them seeming to gasp for air as he moved against her the best he could.

“ _Ah_ , Jiahn,” Yugyeom’s voice was getting a little high-pitched again, and that’s how she knew he was close, a choked moan catching in his throat. “I’m not gonna last- keep going- I’m so close-”

Jiahn was nearly blinded by the pleasure she felt at his desperation, squeezing her eyes shut as the build-up in her stomach tripled, breaths coming out labored as she chased her own release along with his. She leaned forward, nose buried into his skin while she bit down on the spot where his neck met his shoulder, the pressure in her abdomen so close to releasing.

“Do it again,” Yugyeom demanded, barely able to breathe as he arched his back. “ _Please_ baby.”

She realized that she was just about the worst dom ever- had she done anything else but follow his instructions?- but the way he begged her was her kryptonite and so she consented without hesitation, sinking her teeth into the pale skin beneath her lips, listening to his low cry as he finally came undone, grinding his hips up to meet her movements.

The moans slipping from his lips so close to her ear combined with the way he was moving against her had Jiahn getting off as well, seeing stars as she whined into his collarbone, gripping his shoulders hard as she collapsed under the weight of her release.

They finally stopped moving, both of them frozen as they tried to catch their breath. There was nothing but the sound of their heavy breathing in the room, Jiahn moving off of him while they both hissed at the over-stimulation before she was moving to get comfy on top of him once more.

“Jiahn,” Yugyeom mumbled, voice thick and low with exhaustion. “You’ve got to untie me.”

She groaned, rubbing her forehead on his shoulder and ticking him with her hair, making him laugh softly before she was lifting up, lazily untying his hands. As soon as he was free, he was lowering his arms, holding her against him as she got comfortable once more.

Jiahn sighed in contentment, rubbing her nose into his neck as she pressed a small kiss to the skin. His hands were running up and down her back lethargically, causing her eyes to flutter closed.

“I like you tied up,” she told him softly, listening to his low chuckle.

“Why am I not surprised?” he teased, turning his head so his cheek hit her forehead. “ _You_? Liking _control_?”

She scoffed, lifting her hand to blindly hit his arm.

“Shut up,” she replied playfully. “You’re the one who had the real control.”

He didn’t argue because they both knew it was true; Jiahn was a sucker for him in bed.

They laid in comfortable silence for a moment, and she hugged him a little tighter, relishing in the special warmth that only he seemed to bring, like the first sip of hot chocolate on a cold winter day.

“I love you,” she whispered into the darkness, eyes slipping closed at her words.

“I love you too,” he told her softly, brushing her hair from her face, fingers dusting across her cheek and sending butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

“Let’s stay together forever, okay?”

She hadn’t meant to speak her thoughts out loud, the weight of sleep putting a hole on her filter as she squeezed him tight. The movements of his hands on her back had stopped, before she felt his warm palms on her back, holding her closer to him.

_Meow_

They both turned to the source of the noise, Mr. Floofs sitting next to them, staring with wide eyes. He made eye contact with both of them before curling into a ball, tail swishing against Jiahn’s arm, his purrs loud in the silent bedroom.

“Okay.”

Yugyeom laughed softly, reaching out to pet the cat before letting his hands run through her hair as she turned back towards him, getting comfortable once more.

He sighed, voice low as he spoke sleepily.

“Forever sounds good to me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, that is IT guys, this story is officially over! Thank you again to everyone that read this, I know it dealt with a lot of heavy material, and I appreciate you taking the time to read it anyway! PLEASE feel free to let me know in the comments how you felt, reviews mean everything to me and I love seeing your thoughts and opinions!
> 
> It’s been a long and wild ride with Soyeon and Jiahn, and I hoped you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Thanks again! UNTIL NEXT TIME :)!


	15. Other Stories

**Hey Guys!!**

Thank you so so much for reading! 

If you liked this story, I just added some new material to my page! Feel free to check it out! 

 

** One-Shots: **

**-Bottoms Up (A Halloween Special) (M):**   ** _Jimin/OC_**

A bartender with a crappy boyfriend is working the costume party on Halloween night at the club. She runs into a sexy man with a sideways smile who just might be the distraction she's looking for.

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/18026804>

**-Sweet Talk To Me (M): _Jinyoung/OC Jaebum/OC_**

Two college besties are headed to a grad party to let loose for Fall break. Were Jinyoung's smooth moves on Arin or Jaebum's sweet words to Eunmi a part of the plan? Absolutely not. 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/19911112/chapters/47163310>

**-Makeup Chairs and Closet Doors (M): _Taehyung/OC Jungkook/OC_**

Two sisters who work with BTS have a little too much fun with the boys after a long day of work. 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689400/chapters/41725754>

 

 

** Stories: **

**-Thank You For Everything: _Yoongi/OC Jin/OC Jimin/OC_**

A girl who has a past she'd rather forget moves far away from home to start a new life at college. Everything is going great...that is, until she meets  _Yoongi_. 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/18026867/chapters/42594362>

**-The Perfect Match (M)** :  ** _Jin/OC Jimin/OC Taehyung/OC Yoongi/OC Jungkook/OC Namjoon/OC Hoseok/OC_**

A Reality TV show AU where girls from all over the world take soulmate quizzes to find their perfect match in a BTS member. Seven of those girls are chosen to live in a mansion with the Bangtan Boys on a TV show. Lots of angst, romance, and sexy times! 

 <https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689079/chapters/41724953>

 

 


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